Re: FW: The Happiness Trap Newsletter, with Free Resources, February 2010

[Guest guest]

Hi Louise,

I have decided that it is a requirement of the committee to receive this

newsletter also. I will also be quizing them on the content, and anyone who

gets 1 question wrong will be kicked of my committee!!!

Hey if they can make up non achieveable goals for me, maybe I can do the same

for them!! LOL

Cheers

Deb

>

>

>

> Subject: FW: The Happiness Trap Newsletter, with Free

Resources, February 2010

> To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >

> Date: Saturday, 6 February, 2010, 14:58

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> I've taken the liberty of forwarding this as I found it very helpful in living

with my inner critic. You can sign up for the quarterly newsletter by going to

http://www.thehappi nesstrap. com/

>

> No, Russ did not put me up to this!

>

> Bill

>

>

>

> Subject: The Happiness Trap Newsletter, with Free Resources, February 2010

> From: adminactmindfully (DOT) com.au

> Date: Thu, 4 Feb 2010 19:17:00 +1100

> To: wcameromsn (DOT) com

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> The Happiness Trap Newsletter, February 2010

> Visit our website at www.thehappinesstra p.com

>

> Table of Contents:

> One-Minute Summary

> Welcome Notes

> Main Article: The Inner Critic

> All-new Workshops: Skill-building and Relationships

> ACT Made Simple

> Free Resources

> Practical Tips

> Parting Words

>

> 1. One Minute Summary Of The Main Article

> The more we practice noticing, naming and neutralizing the inner critic, the

more we will remove the power from its words. We can’t silence it, but we can

learn to live with it more effectively; to reduce its influence; to take away

its power. We can transform it into background noise, like the ever-present

sounds of traffic or weather outside our house. It will always be with us, but

mindfulness enables us to live alongside it peacefully, so we can invest our

time and energy in  activities somewhat more life-enhancing than fighting with

our thoughts.

>

> 2. Welcome Notes

> Hi Everyone, and a Happy New Year. I slacked off a bit with the newsletters

last year because I got bogged down with too many competing demands, not least

of which was the publication of three new books †" ACT With Love, ACT Made

Simple, and my first novel, Stand Up Strummer (which is a raunchy romantic

comedy about love, infidelity and very embarrassing sexual problems, which has

absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with ACT; it was described by The Herald Sun

as ‘Bridget for blokes’.)

> In 2009, ACT continued to spread like wildfire through the Australian therapy

& coaching communities, and the Australia-New Zealand ACT conference (ANZACT) in

November was a HUGE success; with a wealth of fabulous workshops from local

talents and overseas gurus, all 400 places sold out a month in advance! This

year’s ANZACT conference will be in Adelaide, October 1st-3rd .

>

> 3. Main Article: The 'Inner Critic'

> The 'inner critic' is a popular term for that voice in our head that just

loves to criticize us. (I once asked a client, ‘Have you ever heard of “the

inner critic�’ ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I’ve got an inner committee!’)

You’re undoubtedly familiar with this voice. What does your mind say to you

when you catch sight of yourself naked in the mirror, or you yell at your kids,

or you say something embarrassing at a dinner party, or you screw up at work in

front of all your colleagues, or you relapse into that old habit you thought

you’d broken, or you get rejected or ignored? Does it judge you as fat/

stupid/ incompetent/ lazy/ old/ boring/ unlikable, or something similar? Does it

compare you harshly to others? Does it start telling you the ‘I’m not good

enough’ story, or the ‘I can’t do it’ story or the ‘I don’t try hard

enough’ story?

> If we’re screwing up or making mistakes or living inconsistently with our

values, then harsh self-criticism is unlikely to help us change. Usually, it

just makes us feel bad about ourselves.  For effective change, what we need is

compassionate, non-judgmental reflection on what we are doing, what the

consequences are, and how we might do it better (if that is possible).

Unfortunately our inner critic doesn’t realize this. Its strategy is always

the same: pull out the whip and give us a good lashing. But if betaing yourself

up was a good way to change behaviour, wouldn’t you be perfect by now?

> While I frequently come across articles claiming to teach us how we can

‘silence the inner critic’, I have never heard of a human being that has

actually managed to do this. Such articles usually rehash the conventional

wisdom: think positively, tell yourself positive self-affirmations, and

challenge, dispute or push away negative thoughts.

> Unfortunately, these popular strategies do not work; no matter how much you

try them, they will not silence the inner critic. (At least, not for long).

> Let’s face it: one of the favourite past-times of a normal human mind is to

judge and compare. And our mind never runs out of material to work with. There

is a near-infinite number of jobs, houses, incomes, bodies, faces,

relationships, or lifestyles that our mind can compare to and judge as better

than our own -- and then go on to beat us up for not being better or achieving

more. What does your mind say when you read about that geeky guy who was in your

class at high school and is now a billionaire, or a movie star, or a famous

artist? (And for therapists and coaches: what does your mind say about your

abilities after a session where nothing you did seemed to help?)

> Trying to silence the critic usually just pulls us out of our life and into

our mind; we get so caught up in challenging our thoughts, or reciting positive

affirmations, we lose touch with the world around us. And even if for a while

the critic goes quiet, it’s not very long before it starts up again.

> So if we don’t try to silence the critic, what’s the alternative? We learn

to live with it; and take away its power through the use of defusion. There are

three basic steps to defusing the inner critic:

> 1. Notice it

> 2. Name it

> 3. Neutralise it

> Let’s look at these one by one.

> 1. Notice it: The critic churns out its judgments, and if we are operating on

automatic-pilot, we swallow them, hook, line and sinker. However in mindfulness

mode, we are able to step back and notice our thoughts; to see that they are

words or sounds in our heads. This immediately gives us a little bit of

separation from those thoughts.

> 2. Name it: We can increase defusion from the critic by naming it. We might

say to ourselves:  ‘Aha! The inner critic is at it again’, or ‘Aha!

There’s the Not Good Enough story’. Or we might silently label these thought

processes with a single word, such as ‘Judging’, ‘Criticising’, or

‘Comparing’.  We can even give it a nickname: ‘There goes Black Bob

again’, or ‘aha! Here’s Captain Critical’.

> 3. Neutralise it: We can increase the degree of defusion still further by

taking those critical thoughts and putting them into a new context where they

are ‘neutral’†" nothing more or less than words and sounds, rather than

messages loaded with personal relevance. For example, we might sing them to a

popular tune, say them in a silly voice, draw them in a cartoon thought bubble,

imagine them written in icing on a cake, paint them on a canvas, ‘hear’ them

as a broadcast from a radio, or imagine them as words on a computer screen while

playing around with the font, format and colour of the text.

> The more we practice noticing, naming and neutralizing the inner critic, the

more we will remove the power from its words. We can’t silence it, but we can

learn to live with it more effectively; to reduce its influence; to take away

its power. We can transform it into background noise, like the ever-present

sounds of traffic or weather outside our house. It will always be with us, but

mindfulness enables us to live alongside it peacefully, so we can invest our

time and energy in  activities somewhat more life-enhancing than fighting with

our thoughts.

>

> 4.  ACT Made Simple

> In November last year, my textbook ‘ACT Made Simple’ was released. For me,

this was truly a labour of love: I wrote the book that I would have loved to

have handy when I was first learning ACT. There’s plenty in there for total

newcomers and experienced therapists alike. To download the first two chapters

free, click here

> If you want a copy, in Australia you can get it via my ‘ACT mindfully’

website:

> www.actmindfully. com.au/cds_ and_books

> Outside Australia, you can order it via Amazon or any big online bookstore.

>

> 5. Free Resources

> There is an ever-growing list of free downloadable resources on my

‘happiness trap’ website: www.thehappinesstra p.com/free_ resources. 

Recent additions include two MP3 recordings of new mindfulness exercises: the

hexaflexercise, and mindfulness of the hand 

>  

> 6. NEW: Skill-building & Relationship Workshops

> Want to get more confident with ACT; to move from ‘clunky and chunky’ to

‘fluid and  flexible? If so, come along to my skill-building workshops  --

only for people who have already completed an ADVANCED workshop -- in Melbourne,

Sydney, Perth and Brisbane. These are very practical hands-on workshops: lots of

role play, work in pairs, live demos, and experiential exercises that I’ve

stolen from great ‘ACT gurus’ like and Kirk Strosahl. Click

here for more info: www.actmindfully. com.au/skills- building_ workshops

> Alternatively, for something a bit different, come along to a workshop on ACT

with common relationship issues. I have to say, when I started doing these last

year, it was an absolute hoot; I didn’t know workshops could be so much fun.

So I’ll be running these again in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney in the second

half of 2010: more details in the next newsletter.

> For newly-listed introductory and advanced ACT workshops around Australia,

click here:

> www.actmindfully. com.au/workshop_ registrations

>

> 7. Practical Tips

> I now have an ‘ACT Made Simple’ Blog on the New Harbinger Website. I post

a useful tip there, for coaches or therapist, once or twice a month. The most

recent one is about so-called ‘destructive values’. Check it out at:

www.newharbinger. com/BlogACTMadeS imple/tabid/ 313/Default. aspx

> 8. Parting Words

> As usual, I'll finish with a few quotes to reflect on:

> Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.   - Anais Nin

> Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.   - Wilde

> I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26

times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed

over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.   -

Jordan

> All the best,

> Cheers, Russ

>

> To subscribe to this newsletter, go to the main menu on www.thehappinesstra

p.com

> To unsubscribe, click on the link below right.

>

>

>

>

> Visit our Website

>

> Unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

This reminds me that I'm not getting the newsletter anymore...BruceI've taken the liberty of forwarding this as I found it very helpful in living with my inner critic. You can sign up for the quarterly newsletter by going to http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/No, Russ did not put me up to this!BillSubject: The Happiness Trap Newsletter, with Free Resources, February 2010From: adminactmindfully.auDate: Thu, 4 Feb 2010 19:17:00 +1100To: wcameromsnThe Happiness Trap Newsletter, February 2010Visit our website at www.thehappinesstrap.com Table of Contents:One-Minute Summary Welcome Notes Main Article: The Inner Critic All-new Workshops: Skill-building and Relationships ACT Made Simple Free Resources Practical Tips Parting Words1. One Minute Summary Of The Main Article The more we practice noticing, naming and neutralizing the inner critic, the more we will remove the power from its words. We can’t silence it, but we can learn to live with it more effectively; to reduce its influence; to take away its power. We can transform it into background noise, like the ever-present sounds of traffic or weather outside our house. It will always be with us, but mindfulness enables us to live alongside it peacefully, so we can invest our time and energy in activities somewhat more life-enhancing than fighting with our thoughts. 2. Welcome Notes Hi Everyone, and a Happy New Year. I slacked off a bit with the newsletters last year because I got bogged down with too many competing demands, not least of which was the publication of three new books – ACT With Love, ACT Made Simple, and my first novel, Stand Up Strummer (which is a raunchy romantic comedy about love, infidelity and very embarrassing sexual problems, which has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with ACT; it was described by The Herald Sun as ‘Bridget for blokes’.) In 2009, ACT continued to spread like wildfire through the Australian therapy & coaching communities, and the Australia-New Zealand ACT conference (ANZACT) in November was a HUGE success; with a wealth of fabulous workshops from local talents and overseas gurus, all 400 places sold out a month in advance! This year’s ANZACT conference will be in Adelaide, October 1st-3rd . 3. Main Article: The 'Inner Critic'The 'inner critic' is a popular term for that voice in our head that just loves to criticize us. (I once asked a client, ‘Have you ever heard of “the inner critic”?’ ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I’ve got an inner committee!’) You’re undoubtedly familiar with this voice. What does your mind say to you when you catch sight of yourself naked in the mirror, or you yell at your kids, or you say something embarrassing at a dinner party, or you screw up at work in front of all your colleagues, or you relapse into that old habit you thought you’d broken, or you get rejected or ignored? Does it judge you as fat/ stupid/ incompetent/ lazy/ old/ boring/ unlikable, or something similar? Does it compare you harshly to others? Does it start telling you the ‘I’m not good enough’ story, or the ‘I can’t do it’ story or the ‘I don’t try hard enough’ story? If we’re screwing up or making mistakes or living inconsistently with our values, then harsh self-criticism is unlikely to help us change. Usually, it just makes us feel bad about ourselves. For effective change, what we need is compassionate, non-judgmental reflection on what we are doing, what the consequences are, and how we might do it better (if that is possible). Unfortunately our inner critic doesn’t realize this. Its strategy is always the same: pull out the whip and give us a good lashing. But if betaing yourself up was a good way to change behaviour, wouldn’t you be perfect by now? While I frequently come across articles claiming to teach us how we can ‘silence the inner critic’, I have never heard of a human being that has actually managed to do this. Such articles usually rehash the conventional wisdom: think positively, tell yourself positive self-affirmations, and challenge, dispute or push away negative thoughts. Unfortunately, these popular strategies do not work; no matter how much you try them, they will not silence the inner critic. (At least, not for long). Let’s face it: one of the favourite past-times of a normal human mind is to judge and compare. And our mind never runs out of material to work with. There is a near-infinite number of jobs, houses, incomes, bodies, faces, relationships, or lifestyles that our mind can compare to and judge as better than our own -- and then go on to beat us up for not being better or achieving more. What does your mind say when you read about that geeky guy who was in your class at high school and is now a billionaire, or a movie star, or a famous artist? (And for therapists and coaches: what does your mind say about your abilities after a session where nothing you did seemed to help?) Trying to silence the critic usually just pulls us out of our life and into our mind; we get so caught up in challenging our thoughts, or reciting positive affirmations, we lose touch with the world around us. And even if for a while the critic goes quiet, it’s not very long before it starts up again. So if we don’t try to silence the critic, what’s the alternative? We learn to live with it; and take away its power through the use of defusion. There are three basic steps to defusing the inner critic:1. Notice it 2. Name it 3. Neutralise it Let’s look at these one by one.1. Notice it: The critic churns out its judgments, and if we are operating on automatic-pilot, we swallow them, hook, line and sinker. However in mindfulness mode, we are able to step back and notice our thoughts; to see that they are words or sounds in our heads. This immediately gives us a little bit of separation from those thoughts. 2. Name it: We can increase defusion from the critic by naming it. We might say to ourselves: ‘Aha! The inner critic is at it again’, or ‘Aha! There’s the Not Good Enough story’. Or we might silently label these thought processes with a single word, such as ‘Judging’, ‘Criticising’, or ‘Comparing’. We can even give it a nickname: ‘There goes Black Bob again’, or ‘aha! Here’s Captain Critical’.3. Neutralise it: We can increase the degree of defusion still further by taking those critical thoughts and putting them into a new context where they are ‘neutral’—nothing more or less than words and sounds, rather than messages loaded with personal relevance. For example, we might sing them to a popular tune, say them in a silly voice, draw them in a cartoon thought bubble, imagine them written in icing on a cake, paint them on a canvas, ‘hear’ them as a broadcast from a radio, or imagine them as words on a computer screen while playing around with the font, format and colour of the text.The more we practice noticing, naming and neutralizing the inner critic, the more we will remove the power from its words. We can’t silence it, but we can learn to live with it more effectively; to reduce its influence; to take away its power. We can transform it into background noise, like the ever-present sounds of traffic or weather outside our house. It will always be with us, but mindfulness enables us to live alongside it peacefully, so we can invest our time and energy in activities somewhat more life-enhancing than fighting with our thoughts. 4. ACT Made Simple In November last year, my textbook ‘ACT Made Simple’ was released. For me, this was truly a labour of love: I wrote the book that I would have loved to have handy when I was first learning ACT. There’s plenty in there for total newcomers and experienced therapists alike. To download the first two chapters free, click here If you want a copy, in Australia you can get it via my ‘ACT mindfully’ website: www.actmindfully.com.au/cds_and_books Outside Australia, you can order it via Amazon or any big online bookstore. 5. Free Resources There is an ever-growing list of free downloadable resources on my ‘happiness trap’ website: www.thehappinesstrap.com/free_resources. Recent additions include two MP3 recordings of new mindfulness exercises: the hexaflexercise, and mindfulness of the hand 6. NEW: Skill-building & Relationship Workshops Want to get more confident with ACT; to move from ‘clunky and chunky’ to ‘fluid and flexible? If so, come along to my skill-building workshops -- only for people who have already completed an ADVANCED workshop -- in Melbourne, Sydney, Perth and Brisbane. These are very practical hands-on workshops: lots of role play, work in pairs, live demos, and experiential exercises that I’ve stolen from great ‘ACT gurus’ like and Kirk Strosahl. Click here for more info: www.actmindfully.com.au/skills-building_workshops Alternatively, for something a bit different, come along to a workshop on ACT with common relationship issues. I have to say, when I started doing these last year, it was an absolute hoot; I didn’t know workshops could be so much fun. So I’ll be running these again in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney in the second half of 2010: more details in the next newsletter. For newly-listed introductory and advanced ACT workshops around Australia, click here: www.actmindfully.com.au/workshop_registrations 7. Practical Tips I now have an ‘ACT Made Simple’ Blog on the New Harbinger Website. I post a useful tip there, for coaches or therapist, once or twice a month. The most recent one is about so-called ‘destructive values’. Check it out at: www.newharbinger.com/BlogACTMadeSimple/tabid/313/Default.aspx8. Parting Words As usual, I'll finish with a few quotes to reflect on:Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais NinExperience is one thing you can't get for nothing. - WildeI've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Jordan All the best, Cheers, Russ To subscribe to this newsletter, go to the main menu on www.thehappinesstrap.com To unsubscribe, click on the link below right. Visit our WebsiteUnsubscribe