Re: Re: AS or jerky behaviour? ()

[Guest guest]

lisamc8898 wrote:

<< This what hurts deeply in what you said. That I should be happy that

he is at basicaly kind and pleasant that this is a treasure. Hmmm, its

hard to survive on " Basiclly " . And to throw in the that " millions of

women would be happy to have a partner who's employed and breathing " is

to me, a total slap in the face. It really feels like I should just suck

it up cause " other people " would be so happy to have this life I live.

What? Are you kidding me? If that is all they want and would be happy,

then why do people want to get married in the first place? Is it JUST

for those two things or is emotional connection, worth, comfort in a

mutal situation. It goes way beyond just the basics and to say that I

should be happy with just that is not realistic and totally unvalidating

to me and others. It is not that simple at all! >>

, I completely agree with you. I too recoiled at the " millions of

women would be happy to have a partner who's employed and breathing "

comment. As if that was enough to make for a good relationship.

I don't know how many Aspergers groups you've explored so far. However,

I will say that this sort of post is very common in the Aspie community.

It's a theory of mind issue, where the writer may feel that they are

contributing to the relationship (by breathing and employment) and

cannot understand the suffering partner's perspective. As in, " I'm

alive and bringing in a paycheck -- what more do you want? "

These comments may also reflect the writer's own desire to be accepted,

so naturally they are likely to encourage you to accept another person

with flaws similar to their own.

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

> , I completely agree with you. I too recoiled at the " millions of

> women would be happy to have a partner who's employed and breathing "

> comment. As if that was enough to make for a good relationship.

I was not happy at the comment, but I considered the source.

Bob is the father of a 53 year old ... he grew up in a different era than many

of us, when a comment like this may not have been in the best of taste, but

wasn't considered offensive. I assume he's about the same age as my parents

would have been (were they still alive), since I'm 53 myself, and give Bob the

respect I was taught to give to any senior citizen.

Also, he's talking about his son ... only a very poor father would not think his

son is a " poor catch " . I'm sure his son has many good qualities besides being

employed and breathing, and Bob sees them though he didn't write about them.

So, even though his comment stung, I was willing to let it slide. Especially

since Bob is trying to help his AS son -- after all, that's what we're here for.

--Liz

------------

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[Guest guest]

Folks shouldn't be judged for the insight they give. Forums like this are to be taken for what they are - an outlet for us all to grow from each other. None of us have all of the answers or we wouldn't be here. I apologize if this has been remedied in a later post, but I think some of the criticisms of what another poster THINKS are harsh.<< This what hurts deeply in what you said. That I should be happy that he is at basicaly kind and pleasant that this is a treasure. Hmmm, its hard to survive on "Basiclly". And to throw in the that "millions of women would be happy to have a partner who's employed and breathing" is to me, a total slap in the face. It really feels like I should just suck it up cause "other people" would be so happy to have this life I live. What? Are you kidding me? If that is all they want and would be happy, then why do people want to get married in the first place? Is it JUST for those two things or is emotional connection, worth, comfort in a mutal situation. It goes way beyond just the basics and to say that I should be happy with just that is not realistic and totally unvalidating to me and others. It is not that simple at all! >>, I completely agree with you. I too

recoiled at the "millions of women would be happy to have a partner who's employed and breathing" comment. As if that was enough to make for a good relationship.I don't know how many Aspergers groups you've explored so far. However, I will say that this sort of post is very common in the Aspie community.It's a theory of mind issue, where the writer may feel that they are contributing to the relationship (by breathing and employment) and cannot understand the suffering partner's perspective. As in, "I'm alive and bringing in a paycheck -- what more do you want?"These comments may also reflect the writer's own desire to be accepted, so naturally they are likely to encourage you to accept another person with flaws similar to their own.Best,~CJ