Re: Hi, I'm new here.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome, and thank you for sharing. I can relate to your situation a bit,

because I have children too.

I have only recently discovered my BP mothers illness, and am still in

acceptance/shock mode of that. I've had no contact with her for a week now.

And, had been limiting contact prior to that, and had been limiting contact

with her prior to that, for both me and my children's sake, and had made

much progress in learning to make healthy boundaries with her. The problem

is she seems to react very negatively to attempts at healthy boundary

setting and independence, and her latest response was completely over the

board as she lashed out in a verbal attack upon my 12 year old daughter of

emotional abuse, which was familiar to me, being that I was placed in the

bad child (scapegoate role) as a girl from the age of 10 up to the age of 22

or so.

I am in shock that my BP mother said the things she said to my daughter, and

now has not even tried to contact her to apologize or anything. But, her

actions have caused me to see reality, and shove me into accepting the BP

diagnosis. She has never seen a professional. She is very good at fooling

everyone into thinking she is well. If fact, she is well and I am not

(including me).

So, I really understand the light bulbs popping thing. All week long, I

have been inundated with memories from my past, and Ah-ah's, that wasn't

right, was it? Normal people don't treat there kids that way do they?

Things I think are kind of subtle.

Now my primary concern is to protect my children from her illness and any

further abuse, because up until now I unknowingly allowed her to control my

life, and affect the lives of my children to a great degree. Her abuse is

unnacceptable to me now that I see it for exactly what it is. I am very

angry too. I have a lot of grief, sadness. I've cried a lot this week.

And, fear.

May I ask, how did you deal with the logistics of cutting off all contact?

I am in a place right now, where I want no contact with my BP mother, for me

and my 3 children (ages 14,12, and 2). She seems to have my 14 yr.old son

in the good child place, blames my 12 yr.old for everything " bad " , and

absolutely adores my 2 yr.old (overindulges, and tries to be her Mommy). I

feel all interaction with her is so unhealthy at this point, that the only

thing I can do is take a break for a few months in order to heal, and figure

out what I can do to take care of myself, give my kids a break from her

chaos, and insanity, and figure out how to set strong boundaries with her

which I can enforce. Something I have not been able to do at all.

Any suggestions from anyone?

I know she is getting angrier and more upset each day.

Hi, I'm new here.

> Hi, I'm a non-BP (I hope) new to this community after discovering

> that I was raised by an almost-certainly BP mother.

>

> I was always the " good daughter; " my very vulnerable learning-

> disabled sister was the " bad daughter. " So I spent many many years

> trying to convince myself that I wasn't seeing the meanness and

> manipulation that I was really seeing. Until last spring when my

> mother verbally attacked my (also learning disabled) 11-year-old-son.

> Light bulbs started popping all over the place.

>

> My mother's best friend, a family therapist herself, suggested I

> read " Stop Walking on Eggshells. " It was eye-opening and scary and

> sad. I need this cycle to stop, and I need to protect myself and my

> children. In the immediate term, this has effectively meant no

> contact whatsoever with my Mom. Now my sister is the " good one " and I

> am the " bad one. " My dad has been totally unwilling/unable to

> challenge my Mom, even though this has meant that he missed

> Confirmations and graduations for grandsons he really loves.

>

> Where is God in this? I've spent a lot of time both praying and also

> angrily avoiding prayer. Every now and then, I get a glimmer of a

> life of integrity that is completely free of concern about my

> mother's anger and judgement, and that looks like freedom indeed. But

> I'm not there yet, and I grieve for what was/is not.

>

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> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

> 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

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