The Loneliness and Isolation/Catch 22

[Guest guest]



So at what point is it ok for me to want more for myself and not be considered selfish because I want just one of my needs met once in awhile. It can be exhausting making sure each and everyone of his needs are met especially knowing that even when I ask mine are unlikely to be met.

Some thing I learned over the years? The only one stopping me was "me". I have the power to say "who" and who "not" is in my life and what behaviors are acceptable to me so I can lead a healthy life. It is a question that only "you" can answer when you are ready to reach this point.

Meyer (AS) used to ask spouses all the time on this list when he was a member, "can you see yourself growing old with this person?" Many will say there is no fix or cure but there is strategies and treatment that can make it manageable for the person "with" AS, but only "they" have to want it and do the work.

I am guessing it is just as hard for someone with AS to live in an NT world as it is for family members to live in the AS world and Tony Attwood has talked about this in the past. Don't become a closed family. Parents play a different role than partner's do. The world will never become AS as they are not the dominate group. I am from a multi cultural family and none of "us" will every be in the dominate group, it is just the way it is.

Spend some time figuring out what "you" want or "need" and then make a plan on how to achieve it. Give yourself permission to think about "you" and not as a care giver unless that is the role you see yourself in and want in a relationship that fulfills your needs?

Sometimes we become so enmeshed in the relationship or are "fixers" that we no longer see the trees through the forest. Take some "me" time and figure out what "you" want and need and it is not being selfish. He is a big boy and has the same opportunities. Maybe what you had in the beginning of the relationship is no longer filling either of your needs? Life changes and people grow apart regardless of labels. It is called life.

Just me.