Re: Has anyone else seen the movie Francis?

[Guest guest]

Lynn, you said:

Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me for

> a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can take care

> of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY nice to

> me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

I don't know all your situation, of course, but continuing NC doesn't

sound like a bad idea. My best guess would be that nada figures you'll

feel more emotionally vulnerable right now due to the anniversary, and

is trying to use those emotions to seduce you back to her. Since when

is her being " nice " ever real, or more than temporary? SHE might not

want you to learn from experience, but that doesn't meen you're not

allowed to. Leopards don't change their spots, especially not the

daughter-eating breed.

As for movies--I am pretty much categorically unable to watch movies

or TV shows where people are abused in any way by their parents. I

mean, I can't even watch " " , that's too high a level of

emotional strife for me to witness. Button much?? I cannot take

watching things like that, or being in the company of those who are

detached enough to view it as entertainment. I think it triggers the

indifference outsiders showed to what I was going through with my nada

growing up.

I wonder if I am just oversensitive. How do y'all deal with watching

things like that? I simply can't. Let alone things like " The Ring " . Gaaah!

Love,

Vi

[Guest guest]

I do watch " " and I do enjoy it, but there are often scenes

with Marie that make my blood boil.

-Deanna

>

> Lynn, you said:

>

> Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me for

> > a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can take

care

> > of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY

nice to

> > me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

>

> I don't know all your situation, of course, but continuing NC doesn't

> sound like a bad idea. My best guess would be that nada figures you'll

> feel more emotionally vulnerable right now due to the anniversary, and

> is trying to use those emotions to seduce you back to her. Since when

> is her being " nice " ever real, or more than temporary? SHE might not

> want you to learn from experience, but that doesn't meen you're not

> allowed to. Leopards don't change their spots, especially not the

> daughter-eating breed.

>

> As for movies--I am pretty much categorically unable to watch movies

> or TV shows where people are abused in any way by their parents. I

> mean, I can't even watch " " , that's too high a level of

> emotional strife for me to witness. Button much?? I cannot take

> watching things like that, or being in the company of those who are

> detached enough to view it as entertainment. I think it triggers the

> indifference outsiders showed to what I was going through with my nada

> growing up.

>

> I wonder if I am just oversensitive. How do y'all deal with watching

> things like that? I simply can't. Let alone things like " The Ring " .

Gaaah!

>

> Love,

> Vi

>

[Guest guest]

Is " " a movie or TV? Lynn

> >

> > Lynn, you said:

> >

> > Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me for

> > > a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can

take

> care

> > > of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY

> nice to

> > > me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

> >

> > I don't know all your situation, of course, but continuing NC

doesn't

> > sound like a bad idea. My best guess would be that nada figures

you'll

> > feel more emotionally vulnerable right now due to the

anniversary, and

> > is trying to use those emotions to seduce you back to her. Since

when

> > is her being " nice " ever real, or more than temporary? SHE might

not

> > want you to learn from experience, but that doesn't meen you're

not

> > allowed to. Leopards don't change their spots, especially not the

> > daughter-eating breed.

> >

> > As for movies--I am pretty much categorically unable to watch

movies

> > or TV shows where people are abused in any way by their parents. I

> > mean, I can't even watch " " , that's too high a level of

> > emotional strife for me to witness. Button much?? I cannot take

> > watching things like that, or being in the company of those who

are

> > detached enough to view it as entertainment. I think it triggers

the

> > indifference outsiders showed to what I was going through with my

nada

> > growing up.

> >

> > I wonder if I am just oversensitive. How do y'all deal with

watching

> > things like that? I simply can't. Let alone things like " The

Ring " .

> Gaaah!

> >

> > Love,

> > Vi

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" Everybody Loves " TV show. It's on about 4 times a day where

I live! Mom is BPD but more of a sulker than a rager. She pits her

sons against each other and clearly favors one over the other.

Insults the DIL constantly, lives next door and comes over whenever

she wants without calling or even knocking. It's a sitcom, but

sometimes it is so real it makes me cringe instead of laugh.

> > >

> > > Lynn, you said:

> > >

> > > Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me for

> > > > a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can

> take

> > care

> > > > of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY

> > nice to

> > > > me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

> > >

> > > I don't know all your situation, of course, but continuing NC

> doesn't

> > > sound like a bad idea. My best guess would be that nada figures

> you'll

> > > feel more emotionally vulnerable right now due to the

> anniversary, and

> > > is trying to use those emotions to seduce you back to her. Since

> when

> > > is her being " nice " ever real, or more than temporary? SHE might

> not

> > > want you to learn from experience, but that doesn't meen you're

> not

> > > allowed to. Leopards don't change their spots, especially not the

> > > daughter-eating breed.

> > >

> > > As for movies--I am pretty much categorically unable to watch

> movies

> > > or TV shows where people are abused in any way by their parents. I

> > > mean, I can't even watch " " , that's too high a level of

> > > emotional strife for me to witness. Button much?? I cannot take

> > > watching things like that, or being in the company of those who

> are

> > > detached enough to view it as entertainment. I think it triggers

> the

> > > indifference outsiders showed to what I was going through with my

> nada

> > > growing up.

> > >

> > > I wonder if I am just oversensitive. How do y'all deal with

> watching

> > > things like that? I simply can't. Let alone things like " The

> Ring " .

> > Gaaah!

> > >

> > > Love,

> > > Vi

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This is a riot! My mother LOVES the show . I think she uses

it as a " how to " video!

k8

> > > >

> > > > Lynn, you said:

> > > >

> > > > Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me for

> > > > > a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can

> > take

> > > care

> > > > > of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY

> > > nice to

> > > > > me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

> > > >

> > > > I don't know all your situation, of course, but continuing NC

> > doesn't

> > > > sound like a bad idea. My best guess would be that nada figures

> > you'll

> > > > feel more emotionally vulnerable right now due to the

> > anniversary, and

> > > > is trying to use those emotions to seduce you back to her. Since

> > when

> > > > is her being " nice " ever real, or more than temporary? SHE might

> > not

> > > > want you to learn from experience, but that doesn't meen you're

> > not

> > > > allowed to. Leopards don't change their spots, especially not the

> > > > daughter-eating breed.

> > > >

> > > > As for movies--I am pretty much categorically unable to watch

> > movies

> > > > or TV shows where people are abused in any way by their parents. I

> > > > mean, I can't even watch " " , that's too high a level of

> > > > emotional strife for me to witness. Button much?? I cannot take

> > > > watching things like that, or being in the company of those who

> > are

> > > > detached enough to view it as entertainment. I think it triggers

> > the

> > > > indifference outsiders showed to what I was going through with my

> > nada

> > > > growing up.

> > > >

> > > > I wonder if I am just oversensitive. How do y'all deal with

> > watching

> > > > things like that? I simply can't. Let alone things like " The

> > Ring " .

> > > Gaaah!

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > > Vi

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

k8, she is probably like one of those people who thought Archie Bunker

was the " good guy " on All in The Family, when the creators intended

him to be the dunce.

> > > > >

> > > > > Lynn, you said:

> > > > >

> > > > > Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me for

> > > > > > a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can

> > > take

> > > > care

> > > > > > of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY

> > > > nice to

> > > > > > me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't know all your situation, of course, but continuing NC

> > > doesn't

> > > > > sound like a bad idea. My best guess would be that nada figures

> > > you'll

> > > > > feel more emotionally vulnerable right now due to the

> > > anniversary, and

> > > > > is trying to use those emotions to seduce you back to her.

Since

> > > when

> > > > > is her being " nice " ever real, or more than temporary? SHE

might

> > > not

> > > > > want you to learn from experience, but that doesn't meen you're

> > > not

> > > > > allowed to. Leopards don't change their spots, especially

not the

> > > > > daughter-eating breed.

> > > > >

> > > > > As for movies--I am pretty much categorically unable to watch

> > > movies

> > > > > or TV shows where people are abused in any way by their

parents. I

> > > > > mean, I can't even watch " " , that's too high a level of

> > > > > emotional strife for me to witness. Button much?? I cannot take

> > > > > watching things like that, or being in the company of those who

> > > are

> > > > > detached enough to view it as entertainment. I think it

triggers

> > > the

> > > > > indifference outsiders showed to what I was going through

with my

> > > nada

> > > > > growing up.

> > > > >

> > > > > I wonder if I am just oversensitive. How do y'all deal with

> > > watching

> > > > > things like that? I simply can't. Let alone things like " The

> > > Ring " .

> > > > Gaaah!

> > > > >

> > > > > Love,

> > > > > Vi

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Lynn

I just saw a different film last night that triggered me as well -

" Running with Scissors. " While I believe the mother was mostly NPD,

I also felt she had strong BPD tendencies as well. Dad definitely

NPD alcholic that ran. Very sad. My husband could hardly watch it

but I lived it.

I also struggle with my all bad role and trying to keep it with my

nada where it belongs. My brother is awesome but is currently the

very all good child since I went NC. He just received $5000 toward

their new roof - I was never that " good " even when I was being good!

It is hard not to be jealous. We could really use $5000.

I definitely relate to your story about the cruel things your nada

said at the time of your father's death. I went NC shortly after my

oldest brother died by suicide almost 3 years ago. What is it with

nadas adding salt to the wound of grief for us! It is as if they

have the ultimate opportunity to kick us when we are down and they

are basically incapable of acknowledging that you might also be in

just as much pain. It is like they use the death as their trump card

to do or say whatever they need to in order to make themselves feel

better. I think for my nada, it was also a need to make emergency

adjustments to everyone's dysfunctional roles in order to keep her

land of oz up and running.

Good luck with the anniversary of your father's death. My thoughts

are with you.

patinage

>

> I saw the film " Francis " the other night, and was wishing you all

> could've been there with me watching it. When I saw it before, I

was

> unaware and detached from the reality that my mother is BPD, and

the

> affect of long-term emotional/psychological abuse.

>

> The movie is about the movie star, Francis Farmer, from Seattle,

WA.

> To me, in the movie, Francis's mother was BPD and destroyed her

life.

> She reminded me in many ways of my own mother. And, her passive

but

> loving father, reminded me of my stepfather.

>

> My own father is an abandoning alcoholic with NPD, and I believe

was

> raised by a BPD nada himself (he was painted black as a child). He

has

> always been physically and emotionally unavailable to me. I grew

up

> with this longing for love and attention and approval in regards to

my

> father, who was incapable of giving me what I needed as a child,

and is

> barely capable of carrying on a relationship with me now, as an

adult.

> He is in a relationship w/a woman I believe is most likely BPD,

like my

> Mom (who he was married to for 10 years). I do not trust her, it

is a

> gut feeling, and I can't explain exactly why. My fada seems to

allow

> her to control him/take care of him. He is not trying to have a

> relatinoship with me and it hurts. My attempts to have a

relationship

> with him always end in emotional pain and feelings of abandonment.

>

> Nada has used his alcoholism as an excuse for all kinds of absurd

> behavior when I was growing up, particularly once she decided to

> divorce fada. In the long run, I now think her emotional abuse was

> more devastating to me than was his absence from my life. This

reality

> was shocking to me when I first discovered it at almost 30. It

still

> feels sometime as if I was severely brainwashed much of my life.

>

> Nada married my stepfather when I was 14. He was the most

consistent

> and loving parent I had, just by absence of overt emotional abuse

and

> his stability (always there). But, he was extremely codependent

> (raised in an alcoholic family), and although I am sure his

intentions

> were good, his inability to stand up for his stepdaughter (me)

against

> my mother's rath as a teenager (and an adult), had to have had some

> effect upon me. As I've mentioned before, his presence was a

buffer.

> Now that he is gone, I am very fearful of nada, and have gone to LC.

>

> Anyway, I am still grieving the loss of my stepdad. He became

> terminally ill just over a year ago (I remained hopeful he would

not

> die yet, until the last 3 days of his life - I was largely kept in

the

> dark by nada about the facts of his treatment and illness; until

after

> he died). I think she somehow liked all the attention she got

through

> his dying. I feel guilty even saying this. But, I gave her daily

> attention, always trying to be there for her in her grief, as a

good

> daughter is expected (although she was not their for me). I also

had

> my 3 children to be concerned for (3, 13, 15 a year ago), who were

each

> very close to their Grandpa.

>

> I had gone NC w/Nada 2 years ago, when she became abusive towards

my

> then 12 year old daughter (the most obvious of her abusive behavior

> towards me came at the same age, ages 10-13 especially; hitting

> puberty). And, within an hour of my stepdad's passing, she brought

up

> this fact, and how hurt HE was by my actions (is this what you all

call

> FOG?)!!!!! I feel her words in the hours after his passing were

very

> vindictive and hurtful and innappropriate. I tried to excuse it bc

she

> was grieving, but I can't forget it. Especially with everything

that

> has happened since then. I have once again become her scapegoat,

she

> paints me black, I am the blame for all that is wrong, and this is

why

> I went to LC and NC with her recently, she is SOOO irrational

towards

> me, incapable of treating me like an adult, and becomes emotionally

> abusive in response to my setting boundaries or taking care of

myself,

> etc .,

>

> He died July 17, 2006. Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me

for

> a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can take

care

> of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY nice

to

> me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

>

> I think this film triggered me or jolted me or whatever. But, I

was

> wondering if any of you have seen it or had a similar response to

such

> movies?

>

> Lynn

>

[Guest guest]

Hi patinage, is that movie really a comedy?

My brother has always been nadas favorite as well (and she uses money

and material " gifts " to show this), although I wore the hero child

(typical for oldest) to scapegoat/rebel role when I was 10. I am 22

months older than my brother. I always wondered if it was bc he was

a boy or bc he was the baby or both (her favoritism), of if there was

something defective w/me. For me to see reality, it took my having

children of my own and helplessly witnessing how she is with my 2

children. My kids are also 22 months apart, except my son is the

oldest and daughter youngest. Nada has always favored my son, so

I've come to the conclusion it must be a boy thing in our family.

Through extensive genealogy research, I discovered this pattern goes

back at least 3 generations on her side.

I've noticed that for some reason, I can see abuse for abuse when it

is happening to someone else, (particularly easy - and painful - when

it is my own children), but while it was/is happening to me, I doubt

my own perceptions/feelings/etc., and tolerate it as well. What I

mean is I've tolerated treatment for others directed towards myself,

which I would find absolutely unnacceptable if and when it is

directed at my children. Is this a KO characteristic?

I envy those of you just starting a family of your own and getting

out prior to the mess created by having a BPD grandnada. I wish I

could've done that, for the sake of my children, and for myself.

But, at least I am learning now. I have so much anger, and I want it

to go away, but I'm beginning to believe it may never leave me.

you wrote:

It is as if they

> have the ultimate opportunity to kick us when we are down and they

> are basically incapable of acknowledging that you might also be in

> just as much pain.

Yes! or even more (pain), since we were also dependent upon them as

children. I think for me, the experience of grieving, and the type

of loss which it is (parent/father person), combined with her

behavior towards me (I feel like I don't exist if I am in her

presence for any amount of time; I've gone to LC and sometimes RC

(like recently) in response out of self-preservation - it feels like

survival you know? Her discounting of me as a person, I have no

voice, and sometimes outright denigration, became intolerable to me

following the death of my stepdad.

But, I think what intensified it all for me, was how my current grief

triggered unresolved grief from my past. Especially from my parents

divorce at age 10, which due to the way nada and fada handled it, and

my brother and I were caught in there crossfire (pawns), I was never

allowed to or helped to process my overwhelming emotions (a lot of

grief) through all of that. In fact, if I did express emotion

(particularly anger), the witch would emerge at times during high

stress.

Much like now. Only now I am an adult woman with a family of my own,

and my children and myself take priority over her. I have a choice

now (whether to have contact w/her and how much, etc.,) where as when

I was 10 I did not.

She is still the same as she was when I was 10, unfortunately.

Thank you so much for being there.

Lynn

>

> Hi Lynn

>

> I just saw a different film last night that triggered me as well -

> " Running with Scissors. " While I believe the mother was mostly

NPD,

> I also felt she had strong BPD tendencies as well. Dad definitely

> NPD alcholic that ran. Very sad. My husband could hardly watch it

> but I lived it.

>

> I also struggle with my all bad role and trying to keep it with my

> nada where it belongs. My brother is awesome but is currently the

> very all good child since I went NC. He just received $5000 toward

> their new roof - I was never that " good " even when I was being

good!

> It is hard not to be jealous. We could really use $5000.

>

> I definitely relate to your story about the cruel things your nada

> said at the time of your father's death. I went NC shortly after

my

> oldest brother died by suicide almost 3 years ago. What is it with

> nadas adding salt to the wound of grief for us! It is as if they

> have the ultimate opportunity to kick us when we are down and they

> are basically incapable of acknowledging that you might also be in

> just as much pain. It is like they use the death as their trump

card

> to do or say whatever they need to in order to make themselves feel

> better. I think for my nada, it was also a need to make emergency

> adjustments to everyone's dysfunctional roles in order to keep her

> land of oz up and running.

>

> Good luck with the anniversary of your father's death. My thoughts

> are with you.

>

> patinage

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, my nada " Loves " as well. Even my fada, who usually

shares the same taste in shows, finds that program a little

bicker-heavy...Maybe I just don't like it because I know she loves it,

but I tried to watch it once and had to leave the room. Way too close

to home!

Vi

> > > > >

> > > > > Lynn, you said:

> > > > >

> > > > > Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me for

> > > > > > a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can

> > > take

> > > > care

> > > > > > of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY

> > > > nice to

> > > > > > me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't know all your situation, of course, but continuing NC

> > > doesn't

> > > > > sound like a bad idea. My best guess would be that nada figures

> > > you'll

> > > > > feel more emotionally vulnerable right now due to the

> > > anniversary, and

> > > > > is trying to use those emotions to seduce you back to her.

Since

> > > when

> > > > > is her being " nice " ever real, or more than temporary? SHE

might

> > > not

> > > > > want you to learn from experience, but that doesn't meen you're

> > > not

> > > > > allowed to. Leopards don't change their spots, especially

not the

> > > > > daughter-eating breed.

> > > > >

> > > > > As for movies--I am pretty much categorically unable to watch

> > > movies

> > > > > or TV shows where people are abused in any way by their

parents. I

> > > > > mean, I can't even watch " " , that's too high a level of

> > > > > emotional strife for me to witness. Button much?? I cannot take

> > > > > watching things like that, or being in the company of those who

> > > are

> > > > > detached enough to view it as entertainment. I think it

triggers

> > > the

> > > > > indifference outsiders showed to what I was going through

with my

> > > nada

> > > > > growing up.

> > > > >

> > > > > I wonder if I am just oversensitive. How do y'all deal with

> > > watching

> > > > > things like that? I simply can't. Let alone things like " The

> > > Ring " .

> > > > Gaaah!

> > > > >

> > > > > Love,

> > > > > Vi

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kyla, thank you for your loving support, I need this so badly

right now.

Yes, my stepdad was my " real " father. Since he's been gone, I've

tried repeatedly to connect with my Dad, and it is useless. He is

still a self-centered, abandoning, unavailable person. At least now

I am an adult, and I can make a choice. When I was a kid, I didn't

have one. I came out of denial about my Dad at the age of 25. I've

felt like reconnecting with him over the last year, probably bc of

the loss (of my stepdad), and he's aging (and alcoholic), and wanting

to be a good daughter, and bc my 4yo asks to see him all the time. I

am thinking about confronting him soon. I've rarely, if ever, had

the courage to do that.

I liked 'Delores Claiborne' also. I watched 'running with scissors'

last night. Annette Bening played that part very convincingly. The

scene at the end when her son leaves for NY, in the restaurant,

reminded me of my own mother somewhat. The pretending (in public),

and the way she looked at him and said " but you have no money, no

friends, etc., " and he said " it could be worse " . That scene was very

powerful for me. The look on her face, and tone in her voice was so

my Nada. It kinda cracked me up.

That's a very good suggestion about finding a way to honor my stepdad

this July. Thank you. I will try to think of something.

take care,

Lynn

>

> Lynn --

>

> So sorry about the loss of your stepdad -- From where I stand, HE'S

> your " real " father. The one who was there day in and day out and,

> as you said, was the buffer.

>

> Losing that benevolent presence must be really hard. I always

admire

> men and women who can step into the role of step parent and do it

> lovingly. So many of them are threatened by children of previous

> marriages, and can be cruel.

>

> I'll have to rent that movie Francis. Another one that was

> discussed a few months ago on this board was " Dolores Claiborne " --

> I rented that and liked it.

>

> Also, this thread makes me think of " Ordinary People " with

> Tyler . I remember when I went to see it at the movies

> (1980?), that she reminded me of my mother in a lot of ways.

> Tyler did an incredible acting job in that.

>

> Maybe you can find a nice way to honor your stepfather this July

> 17th. Even if it's just something you do by yourself.

>

> {hugs}

> Kyla

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

i dont know much about the movie but i did research the subject

online. and lobotomies at length. It's scary as if our bpd moms

secretly want to give us a lobotomy so we would be deviod of feelings

and personality and be under their control. But aye .... i have an

almost cruel thought. wouldnt giving a bpd a lobotomy be the ultimate

cure? take away thier feelings (which they expect the whole universe

to revolve around) and remove thier personality (which is inately

mean and beyond control) Problem solved.

Ann

>

> I saw the film " Francis " the other night, and was wishing you all

> could've been there with me watching it. When I saw it before, I

was

> unaware and detached from the reality that my mother is BPD, and

the

> affect of long-term emotional/psychological abuse.

>

> The movie is about the movie star, Francis Farmer, from Seattle,

WA.

> To me, in the movie, Francis's mother was BPD and destroyed her

life.

> She reminded me in many ways of my own mother. And, her passive

but

> loving father, reminded me of my stepfather.

>

> My own father is an abandoning alcoholic with NPD, and I believe

was

> raised by a BPD nada himself (he was painted black as a child). He

has

> always been physically and emotionally unavailable to me. I grew

up

> with this longing for love and attention and approval in regards to

my

> father, who was incapable of giving me what I needed as a child,

and is

> barely capable of carrying on a relationship with me now, as an

adult.

> He is in a relationship w/a woman I believe is most likely BPD,

like my

> Mom (who he was married to for 10 years). I do not trust her, it

is a

> gut feeling, and I can't explain exactly why. My fada seems to

allow

> her to control him/take care of him. He is not trying to have a

> relatinoship with me and it hurts. My attempts to have a

relationship

> with him always end in emotional pain and feelings of abandonment.

>

> Nada has used his alcoholism as an excuse for all kinds of absurd

> behavior when I was growing up, particularly once she decided to

> divorce fada. In the long run, I now think her emotional abuse was

> more devastating to me than was his absence from my life. This

reality

> was shocking to me when I first discovered it at almost 30. It

still

> feels sometime as if I was severely brainwashed much of my life.

>

> Nada married my stepfather when I was 14. He was the most

consistent

> and loving parent I had, just by absence of overt emotional abuse

and

> his stability (always there). But, he was extremely codependent

> (raised in an alcoholic family), and although I am sure his

intentions

> were good, his inability to stand up for his stepdaughter (me)

against

> my mother's rath as a teenager (and an adult), had to have had some

> effect upon me. As I've mentioned before, his presence was a

buffer.

> Now that he is gone, I am very fearful of nada, and have gone to LC.

>

> Anyway, I am still grieving the loss of my stepdad. He became

> terminally ill just over a year ago (I remained hopeful he would

not

> die yet, until the last 3 days of his life - I was largely kept in

the

> dark by nada about the facts of his treatment and illness; until

after

> he died). I think she somehow liked all the attention she got

through

> his dying. I feel guilty even saying this. But, I gave her daily

> attention, always trying to be there for her in her grief, as a

good

> daughter is expected (although she was not their for me). I also

had

> my 3 children to be concerned for (3, 13, 15 a year ago), who were

each

> very close to their Grandpa.

>

> I had gone NC w/Nada 2 years ago, when she became abusive towards

my

> then 12 year old daughter (the most obvious of her abusive behavior

> towards me came at the same age, ages 10-13 especially; hitting

> puberty). And, within an hour of my stepdad's passing, she brought

up

> this fact, and how hurt HE was by my actions (is this what you all

call

> FOG?)!!!!! I feel her words in the hours after his passing were

very

> vindictive and hurtful and innappropriate. I tried to excuse it bc

she

> was grieving, but I can't forget it. Especially with everything

that

> has happened since then. I have once again become her scapegoat,

she

> paints me black, I am the blame for all that is wrong, and this is

why

> I went to LC and NC with her recently, she is SOOO irrational

towards

> me, incapable of treating me like an adult, and becomes emotionally

> abusive in response to my setting boundaries or taking care of

myself,

> etc .,

>

> He died July 17, 2006. Anniversary's usually emotionally affect me

for

> a year or 2 anyway, but at least I am aware of this, and can take

care

> of myself now. Maybe I should continue NC. She is being VERY nice

to

> me again all of a sudden, and I don't trust her.

>

> I think this film triggered me or jolted me or whatever. But, I

was

> wondering if any of you have seen it or had a similar response to

such

> movies?

>

> Lynn

>