Thanks for welcome!

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your replies! I've never done the group online thing

before so it might take me a little while to work it out.

having read up on BP i can see now that it was right for my sister to

have gone NC (no contact i presume?) almost 10 years ago. it has been

a clean break but my mother just can't see why she has done it. do

BPs EVER see what it is they do and the damage they cause? my mother

sees herself as the eternal victim, everything that has gone wrong in

her life (all her relationships - 3 marriages, lots of boyfriends,

all her family - all are fractured or non existant) is everybody

else's fault.

funny thing is my sister shows traits of BP herself...

my husband, 3 children and i are almost all she has apart from a

small group of friends. this has put us under enormous pressure to be

everything, at all times, for her in terms of intimate relationships

and 'family'. its not that she doesn't love us, though most of that

love is based around what she gets out of it rather than what she can

give

anyhow she was dropping around unannounced a LOT, and staying for

hours. interrupting our domestic and social lives. after a ;long long

time of this being an issue for us we gathered our courage and

mentioned to her, in a very polite and friendly, non-threatening way,

that it would suit us better is she called before she dropped over.

well...i'm sure you can imagine the fall-out from that! a long email

follwed a day later, with accusations against my husband aloing the

lines of him trying to come between her and me and her grandchildren,

pointed remarks about our upbringings, endless paragraphs about how

much we mean to her and how she goes home glowing with love and

warmth after being with us. ugh. her lack of appropriate boundaries

is creepy!

i am so tired of being IT for her, but have wanted to maintain

contact for the sake of my children. she is a great grandmother to

them and they adore her. also being a generation removed and young

and upfront they are able to handle any small moods she may get into.

not sure where to from now, but it is wonderful to have a sense of

freedom from her and an increasing realisation that she is NOT my

responsibility!

more again soon

hope you are all dealing with your NC, BP or whatever!

raffles