Re: Need some advice - is this a trap?

[Guest guest]

Hi Patinage,

I am no expert, but the following thing you wrote threw up a red flag

for me:

" Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

> background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my entire

> conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and then

> emailed me almost the entire session. "

I thought that what happens at a counseling session was supposed to be

private?

Sherri

[Guest guest]

Hey patinage --

While the counselor may be sincere, I would feel very " put on the

spot " by a request like this.

Is this the norm in the type of therapy your nada is receiving?

(Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, perhaps?) --

I've been going to therapy off and on for 15 years, and my therapist

has NEVER needed to see my family. She works with ME -- she

determines my progress by ME.

But, in all honesty, I don't know if this is indeed the practice of

other therapists. I'll be anxious to see.

My gut reaction is to stay away from getting involved in that e-mail

until you determine it's " kosher " .

-Kyla

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I should

> respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

>

> Hi _(addressed to me)___,

>

> This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

with

> your mother.

>

> I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any

progress. Do

> you

> see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms

that

> you

> had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working

more

> on?

>

> Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

>

> For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life, I

found

> out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to no

avail

> and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped

from

> joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and

now she

> is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada has

> stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

really

> understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

> background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my

entire

> conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

then

> emailed me almost the entire session.

>

> So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe

she has

> been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For

example,

> her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per

month for

> dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a

piece of

> my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

>

> Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my nada

asked

> my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their

schedule. I

> was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school.

My

> fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program

but

> not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I

feared

> they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

nada,

> her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny thing

is,

> my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada and

my

> nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the

warped

> advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was

scary!

>

> My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

been

> performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am

sure if

> his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill

an

> indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of

you

> have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think

you

> are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining

why

> you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation

b/c

> they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed their

> thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really

sucky

> for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier that

they

> would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

messed

> up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

>

> Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have

any

> words of advice for me.

>

> Thanks!

> patinage

>

[Guest guest]

One more thing: I find it odd that, after you gave all this

background, she e-mailed YOU the entire first session with your

nada. That sounds kind of like a violation of confidentiality.

-Kyla

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I

should

> > respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

> >

> > Hi _(addressed to me)___,

> >

> > This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

> with

> > your mother.

> >

> > I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any

> progress. Do

> > you

> > see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms

> that

> > you

> > had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working

> more

> > on?

> >

> > Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

> >

> > For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life,

I

> found

> > out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to

no

> avail

> > and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped

> from

> > joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and

> now she

> > is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada

has

> > stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

> really

> > understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all

the

> > background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my

> entire

> > conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

> then

> > emailed me almost the entire session.

> >

> > So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe

> she has

> > been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For

> example,

> > her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per

> month for

> > dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a

> piece of

> > my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

> >

> > Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my

nada

> asked

> > my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their

> schedule. I

> > was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school.

> My

> > fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program

> but

> > not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I

> feared

> > they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

> nada,

> > her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> > boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny

thing

> is,

> > my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada

and

> my

> > nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the

> warped

> > advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was

> scary!

> >

> > My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

> been

> > performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am

> sure if

> > his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill

> an

> > indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of

> you

> > have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think

> you

> > are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining

> why

> > you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation

> b/c

> > they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed

their

> > thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really

> sucky

> > for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier

that

> they

> > would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

> messed

> > up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

> >

> > Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have

> any

> > words of advice for me.

> >

> > Thanks!

> > patinage

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Patinage,

I've mentioned this before so please excuse my repetition. One of my mother's

therapists once contacted me because he could not make any sense of her case.

BPDs are very good at deceiving people, as we know, and can do so even to

qualified therapists. I felt very put on the spot and didn't know what to do.

My mother told me not to say anything for fear that she was going to be put away

somewhere. It was a bad situation to be in.

Instead of answering by email, you might try calling the therapist's office

and requesting a formal meeting with her alone (and definitely not involving

your mother). If the therapist cannot accomodate this simple request, then you

shouldn't get involved.

is

---------------------------------

Shape Yahoo! in your own image. Join our Network Research Panel today!

[Guest guest]

I would be really curious if your mother has authorized her counselor

to speak with you. I would think in a counseling relationship the

counselee would have to approve who a counselor would be able to talk

to about the sessions. Otherwise I would wonder about a violation of

HIPAA. Actually, I would wonder about a SERIOUS violation of HIPAA.

I'm no professional, don't take my word for it, but this sounds

really fishy.

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I should

> respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

>

> Hi _(addressed to me)___,

>

> This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

with

> your mother.

>

> I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any progress.

Do

> you

> see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms

that

> you

> had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working

more

> on?

>

> Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

>

> For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life, I

found

> out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to no

avail

> and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped

from

> joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and now

she

> is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada has

> stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

really

> understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

> background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my entire

> conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

then

> emailed me almost the entire session.

>

> So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe she

has

> been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For

example,

> her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per month

for

> dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a

piece of

> my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

>

> Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my nada

asked

> my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their

schedule. I

> was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school. My

> fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program

but

> not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I feared

> they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

nada,

> her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny thing

is,

> my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada and

my

> nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the

warped

> advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was

scary!

>

> My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

been

> performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am sure

if

> his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill an

> indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of you

> have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think

you

> are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining

why

> you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation b/c

> they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed their

> thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really

sucky

> for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier that

they

> would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

messed

> up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

>

> Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have

any

> words of advice for me.

>

> Thanks!

> patinage

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, definitely sounds like a violation of privacy laws to me, too.

I'd keep away from it like the plague. I'd also resent the therapist

trying to drag me into the situation, and probably not even respond to

the email at all.

Besides, WTF on trying to get you to do her job for her?? Sounds like

your nada's found a real winner...

Love,

Vi

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I should

> > respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

> >

> > Hi _(addressed to me)___,

> >

> > This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

> with

> > your mother.

> >

> > I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any progress.

> Do

> > you

> > see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms

> that

> > you

> > had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working

> more

> > on?

> >

> > Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

> >

> > For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life, I

> found

> > out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to no

> avail

> > and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped

> from

> > joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and now

> she

> > is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada has

> > stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

> really

> > understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

> > background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my entire

> > conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

> then

> > emailed me almost the entire session.

> >

> > So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe she

> has

> > been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For

> example,

> > her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per month

> for

> > dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a

> piece of

> > my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

> >

> > Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my nada

> asked

> > my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their

> schedule. I

> > was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school. My

> > fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program

> but

> > not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I feared

> > they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

> nada,

> > her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> > boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny thing

> is,

> > my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada and

> my

> > nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the

> warped

> > advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was

> scary!

> >

> > My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

> been

> > performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am sure

> if

> > his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill an

> > indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of you

> > have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think

> you

> > are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining

> why

> > you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation b/c

> > they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed their

> > thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really

> sucky

> > for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier that

> they

> > would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

> messed

> > up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

> >

> > Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have

> any

> > words of advice for me.

> >

> > Thanks!

> > patinage

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I think I will just ignore the

email. I have already spent far too much energy on nada by just

thinking about the email. I will not be hoovered back in!

The counselor said when I first talked with her last fall that my

nada had given her permission to talk to whomever she wanted but I

agree with bordering on confidentiality infringements.

I think you are right on Vi that nada has picked a counselor who she

can manipulate as needed which makes me wonder what exactly nada is

up to these days. Hmm - I may have to play " Try to predict the next

nada move. " That would make a heck of a board game, hugh?

Thanks!!!

patinage

> > >

> > > Hi everyone,

> > >

> > > I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I

should

> > > respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

> > >

> > > Hi _(addressed to me)___,

> > >

> > > This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

> > with

> > > your mother.

> > >

> > > I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any

progress.

> > Do

> > > you

> > > see her getting any better with being able to stick to the

terms

> > that

> > > you

> > > had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be

working

> > more

> > > on?

> > >

> > > Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

> > >

> > > For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life,

I

> > found

> > > out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to

no

> > avail

> > > and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we

hopped

> > from

> > > joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and

now

> > she

> > > is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada

has

> > > stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

> > really

> > > understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all

the

> > > background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my

entire

> > > conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

> > then

> > > emailed me almost the entire session.

> > >

> > > So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe

she

> > has

> > > been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For

> > example,

> > > her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per

month

> > for

> > > dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a

> > piece of

> > > my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

> > >

> > > Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my

nada

> > asked

> > > my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their

> > schedule. I

> > > was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their

school. My

> > > fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading

program

> > but

> > > not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I

feared

> > > they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

> > nada,

> > > her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> > > boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny

thing

> > is,

> > > my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada

and

> > my

> > > nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all

the

> > warped

> > > advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was

> > scary!

> > >

> > > My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

> > been

> > > performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am

sure

> > if

> > > his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to

fill an

> > > indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of

you

> > > have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they

think

> > you

> > > are in a deep depression or something as their way of

explaining

> > why

> > > you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation

b/c

> > > they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed

their

> > > thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really

> > sucky

> > > for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier

that

> > they

> > > would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

> > messed

> > > up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

> > >

> > > Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone

have

> > any

> > > words of advice for me.

> > >

> > > Thanks!

> > > patinage

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This kind of sounds like the old " I like you Do you like me? Check yes or no "

notes passed around in grade school. Are you sure it's from the counselor and

not nada? Just a thought--- -Leslye

patinage4me wrote: Hi everyone,

I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I should

respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

Hi _(addressed to me)___,

This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working with

your mother.

I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any progress. Do

you

see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms that

you

had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working more

on?

Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life, I found

out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to no avail

and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped from

joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and now she

is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada has

stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she really

understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my entire

conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and then

emailed me almost the entire session.

So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe she has

been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For example,

her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per month for

dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a piece of

my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my nada asked

my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their schedule. I

was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school. My

fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program but

not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I feared

they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my nada,

her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny thing is,

my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada and my

nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the warped

advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was scary!

My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has been

performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am sure if

his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill an

indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of you

have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think you

are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining why

you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation b/c

they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed their

thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really sucky

for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier that they

would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the messed

up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have any

words of advice for me.

Thanks!

patinage

---------------------------------

Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links.

[Guest guest]

Hi Leslye,

Yes, I have wondered about this counselor's credentials more than

once and my brother has chosen not to have any contact with this

counselor at all. I think my brother was very wise here as my nada

bulked any attempts for us to jointly work out our issues together.

She almost walked out of several sessions during her rages (when wer

were in joint counseling with a past counselor) but it was fun for

the counselor to see that. Unfortunately he really didn't even react

to it though. My nada has chosen very " weak " counselors - probably

very unintentionally intentional on her part:).

patinage

Hi everyone,

>

> I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I should

> respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

>

> Hi _(addressed to me)___,

>

> This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

with

> your mother.

>

> I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any progress.

Do

> you

> see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms

that

> you

> had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working

more

> on?

>

> Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

>

> For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life, I

found

> out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to no

avail

> and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped

from

> joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and now

she

> is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada has

> stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

really

> understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

> background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my entire

> conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

then

> emailed me almost the entire session.

>

> So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe she

has

> been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For example,

> her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per month

for

> dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a piece

of

> my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

>

> Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my nada

asked

> my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their schedule.

I

> was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school. My

> fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program

but

> not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I feared

> they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

nada,

> her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny thing

is,

> my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada and

my

> nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the

warped

> advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was scary!

>

> My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

been

> performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am sure

if

> his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill an

> indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of you

> have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think

you

> are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining

why

> you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation b/c

> they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed their

> thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really sucky

> for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier that

they

> would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

messed

> up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

>

> Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have any

> words of advice for me.

>

> Thanks!

> patinage

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not

web links.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I thought the same thing when I read that note -- I thought " I

wonder if her nada assumed an identity through yahoo or something,

and is pretending to be the counselor. Or, nada was left alone in a

room with the counselor's computer!

Unlikely, I know, but it sounds like something a desperate nada will

do.

-Kyla

Hi everyone,

>

> I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I should

> respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

>

> Hi _(addressed to me)___,

>

> This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

with

> your mother.

>

> I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any

progress. Do

> you

> see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms

that

> you

> had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working

more

> on?

>

> Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

>

> For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life, I

found

> out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to no

avail

> and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped

from

> joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and

now she

> is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada has

> stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

really

> understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

> background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my entire

> conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

then

> emailed me almost the entire session.

>

> So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe she

has

> been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For

example,

> her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per

month for

> dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a

piece of

> my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

>

> Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my nada

asked

> my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their

schedule. I

> was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school. My

> fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program

but

> not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I feared

> they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

nada,

> her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny thing

is,

> my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada and

my

> nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the

warped

> advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was

scary!

>

> My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

been

> performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am sure

if

> his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill

an

> indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of you

> have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think

you

> are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining

why

> you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation b/c

> they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed their

> thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really

sucky

> for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier that

they

> would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

messed

> up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

>

> Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have any

> words of advice for me.

>

> Thanks!

> patinage

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not

web links.

>

>

[Guest guest]

lol! patinage

Hi everyone,

> >

> > I was wondering if you could help me figure out if or how I

should

> > respond to this email to me from my nada's counselor:

> >

> > Hi _(addressed to me)___,

> >

> > This is ___(my nada's counselor)________, the counselor working

> with

> > your mother.

> >

> > I'm just checking in to see if you think we're making any

> progress. Do

> > you

> > see her getting any better with being able to stick to the terms

> that

> > you

> > had stated earlier? Anything that you think we should be working

> more

> > on?

> >

> > Thanks for your feedback, __(my nada's counselor)________

> >

> > For background, the year after my oldest brother took his life, I

> found

> > out my nada was bpd and went NC. My FOO went to counseling to no

> avail

> > and I worked with a counselor on my own. B/c of nada, we hopped

> from

> > joint counseling with my counselor then my nada's counselor and

> now she

> > is working with another counselor. This current couselor nada has

> > stayed with but she is a grief counselor and I don't think she

> really

> > understands bpd. Last fall I gave this current counselor all the

> > background I could to help get her up to speed. She used my

entire

> > conversation with her as my nada's first counseling session and

> then

> > emailed me almost the entire session.

> >

> > So...I have little faith or trust in this counselor. I believe

she

> has

> > been and probably continues to be a voice for my nada. For

> example,

> > her goal for my nada was to meet me and my family 2 times per

> month for

> > dinner or some activitiy. When I found this out, I gave her a

> piece of

> > my mind as I made it clear to her that I was NC/very RC.

> >

> > Well after I spent a day at Christmas with all of my FOO, my nada

> asked

> > my kids lots of questions about school, activities, their

> schedule. I

> > was nervous that she would " happen " to show up at their school.

My

> > fada/nada volunteer with the same school systems reading program

> but

> > not at my children's school. They know lots of people and I

feared

> > they would somehow try to gain access to my kids. So I sent my

> nada,

> > her counselor and copied my brother with an email redrawing my

> > boundaries for NC with my children more specifically. Funny thing

> is,

> > my nada's counselor email me back thinking that I was my nada and

> my

> > nada had simply forwarded my email to her. I got to see all the

> warped

> > advice she is feeding into my nada version of reality. It was

> scary!

> >

> > My nada is actually following my NC request however my fada has

> been

> > performing lots of random drive bys over the last month. I am

sure

> if

> > his drive-bys are not a direct order from nada, they are to fill

> an

> > indirect need to make sure I am OK in thier mind. Like many of

you

> > have expressed, if nada/fada don't have access to you they think

> you

> > are in a deep depression or something as their way of explaining

> why

> > you don't want to see them. This is magnified in our situation

b/c

> > they thought that with my oldest brother who then confirmed their

> > thoughts by killing himself. How validating for nada - really

> sucky

> > for everyone. (side note: the thread someone wrote earlier that

> they

> > would never give nada the validation she wants that we are the

> messed

> > up one by killing yourself is so right on!)

> >

> > Anyway, sorry so long. Hope this makes sense. Does anyone have

any

> > words of advice for me.

> >

> > Thanks!

> > patinage

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not

> web links.

> >

> >