Re: Thanks everybody

December 3, 2005

>

> Thank you all so much for your encouraging and supportive

> messages.

> I am so surprised at how emotionally affected I have been

> reading

> through everyone's posts. I guess it is because in everyone's

> story,

> there is always one scenario that reminds me of something

> similar

As a noobie I know how you feel. I actually have to step away and

only read on the weekends because I relate so much to what others

post here and it can get emotional.

> in my own life. For example...someone said that they were in the

> process

> of trying to figure out who they really are. That is one of the

> questions

> that has been heavily on my mind in the past few months. When

I know what you mean here. I've wanted to figure out if I am really

who I am, and it wasn't until I picked up surviving borderline

parents that I realized I'm not who I thought I was.

> my

> nada was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I felt this great sense

> of

> relief that her shadow would soon be lifted from my life. This of

> course

> got me to thinking about how her absence will affect my life, and

> what

> it will be like to live without her constant undermining, guilt

trips,

> and

> all the other baggage she tries to saddle me with. That's when I

> started

> to wonder about what I would be like now if she hadn't raised

> me.

In the book I'm working, I am just ready to touch on this subject.

There is a whole chapter on it. I'm scared to start.

> How much of my he** raising, anarchistic, punk rock attitude as

> a teenager

Punker? I am Goth myself, and love some punk. That is the real me,

not the KO me.

> was

> truly directed at her and not society in general? Who am I really?

I

> You

> know which parts of me are me, and which are my fleas? Who

> will

> I become when she is gone? I can't wait to find out.

Good luck on your journey, and I would start reading now if you have

time. I would recommend (remember I'm a n00b myself at this) you

start to learn a little about yourself, don't wait until she dies

and you have to deal with the grief of your childhood and her loss.

> Oh yeah, back to the thank you part...again I really want to thank

> everyone

> here for helping to create this haven. I know it will be a great

help

> for me in the days ahead as nada's illness progresses and I

> continue my " recovery " .

Feel free to IM me, same username as I have on this forum.

> Hugs and Blessings to all

> Tucan

>

DD

February 15, 2009

Well, congratulations to your brother and your friend! And, to you too! It's

so exciting to see people we love find the right person to be happy with. I

pray your brother and his new bride-to-be will have many, many years of

happiness together!!! And, look at you, little Miss Cupid!! You done good!!!!

Love you ! Still praying for ya!

Warm Hugs...........

Diane

http://auntdisexperimentallife.blogspot.com/

________________________________

To: livercirrhosissupport

Sent: Sunday, February 15, 2009 9:53:57 AM

Subject: Thanks everybody

Thank you Bobby. I put up an album that has some photos with her in

them. One was just in October when I turned 22 and she turned 2.

That's also our three year wedding anniversary, kinda a big month in

this house. As far as educating myself I kind of had a crash course

unwillingly when I was 14 and another overdose of knowledge when I was

19. Even though it was awful I am grateful today that I did have that

experience and exposure...most of the time anyways. One of my

brothers..he' s in the album.. he was caretaker to my mother along with

her sister for the last two years. My stepdad and uncle died a week

apart in '04 and my mom was never the same. Losing a brother to liver

failure and her hubby to heart failure. I lived in Montana at that

time doing my rebelious thing. I moved back to NY asap. Anyways... my

brother was recognizing symptoms in me that I didn't even notice. So

it's like my mother warmed us up for this ya know. She was amazing.

Her transplant was terrible, she immediately had acute rejection and

the new liver wasn't doing anything. She was status 1 and the doctors

said she had a 5% chance of making it and they didn't think she was

going to. Well, she sure proved the hell out of them wrong. After

about 30 hours of watching her eyes become highligter yellow...like

neon and saying our goodbyes to a comatose woman, her new liver

started to pour out a tiny bit of bile. She was in the hospital about

two months. I watched her pretty much die and I watched her pull

through. She lived six more years from then. Another transplant was an

option but so was hospice and that's what she chose and I respect that

decision after what she went through the first time around. It just

wasn't in her. She sure set the bar high for me ...

As far as the age difference between us all.. I am really the

oldest 22 year old you'll ever meet I have more life experiences

than I know what to do with. It is a miracle I am even typing this

right now.. I should be bed ridden from a transplant or dead. The

doctors think I'm an unlucky lucky one. I know God carried me through

all of that. My mother was an unlucky lucky one too.

Diane.. thank you, I am so glad that you are still in this

group. You seem to be able to channel strength and hope to me through

your typing skills I am glad to know you and touched by your words.

Thank you again.

Jill.. I hope things are going well with Ed. If his afp is

elevated I hope it is a false positive like I know it can be. I hope

you are doing ok too. Yesterday I heard a statement that it is so much

easier to be going through it than it is to watch someone you love go

through it. I am sorry you have to see someone you love hurt, I just

pray God will comfort you and hold you up through the storm.

On a side note... my brother and one of my closest friends

have been dating and yesterday he asked her to be his bride. Love is

in the air! She said yes. They already have a date.. July 18th. Just

had to share that.

Love you all.. thank you all

> > >

> > > Well,everyone. Ed is done with his EGD. Good news this time!! He

> > didn't band any varices. Yippee!! He found a few very small ones that

> > were not bandable. His portal hypertensive gastropathy is down to

> > mild, Now we pray the CT scan is also good news! I'll let you know.

> > >

> > > Love,Jill

> > >

> > > We don't remember days, we remember moments.

> > > Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that

> > take our breath away.

> > >

February 15, 2009

Thanks Diane.. you know i keeps it real

> > > >

> > > > Well,everyone. Ed is done with his EGD. Good news this time!! He

> > > didn't band any varices. Yippee!! He found a few very small ones

that

> > > were not bandable. His portal hypertensive gastropathy is down to

> > > mild, Now we pray the CT scan is also good news! I'll let you know.

> > > >

> > > > Love,Jill

> > > >

> > > > We don't remember days, we remember moments.

> > > > Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments

that

> > > take our breath away.

> > > >

February 15, 2009

, First of all...I need to tell everyone that Ed's AFP was 2.3, so

it's just a nodule. Yea!!! I guess we have to have these little scares...but as

I told our friends " I'm not going to worry until we have something to worry

about " . I used to worry about everything, but I think Ed's disease has taught me

not to.

Thanks for your post telling us more about yourself. You've been through alot

and have survived. You're probably right....you are an old 22 year old!! How

hard it must have been to go through that with your Mom. You have such

strength. I'm really glad you're a part of this group.

Congratulations to your brother and your dear friend.I love weddings! I

love LOVE !!

Love,Jill

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

Subject: Thanks everybody

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Sunday, February 15, 2009, 10:53 AM