Re: Hi all--long time, no post

[Guest guest]

A brave decision, Sharon, and you are an inspiration in the way you are

supporting your Aspie boys, after having a difficult time with your Aspie

husband. Sometimes, people turn against AS per se, because they have met someone

with AS who has upset them. As we say here often, if you have met one Asperger,

you have met one Asperger......

As for moving on, you can only do what is possible for you, and it sounds like

the journey for your husband is not yet complete, and you've given him children

and a lot of yourself, if that is all used up, you do either of you no favours

by keeping up appearances.

 

Is there any support for brain injured people in your area? Over here in the UK

we have Headway and other charities who support people with acquired

neurological disorders. I hope that there is something similar where you live?

You are so right about the boys, helping them to get a footing in the NT world,

and perhaps overcome that embitterment that older AS folks sometimes feel,

having had the brunt of misundertanding and prejudice that comes with not

knowing about Asperger Syndrome. Hopefully, for the future there will be more

leeway for both AS and NT to overcome the kind of difficulties you faced. In the

end, a person is unique despite their neurological make up, and its not just

about your husband's Aspieness, its about him as a person. And about the choices

you both make.

Wishing you well

Judy B, Scotland

Subject: Hi all--long time, no post

To: aspires-relationships

Date: Monday, 29 November, 2010, 0:20

 

Hey Aspires friends,

Glad to recognize some of you here at this time...

After long years of agony, I am filing for divorce from my AS hubby of 20 yrs.

The wake-up calls for me:

1. He was able to engage in other female relationships online--stroking his

ego/meeting their emotional needs while claiming to be unable to

address mine. This was an emotional/relational choice, NOT asperger's!

2. Refusal to get a real job even as we are losing our home, our kids are facing

hunger and homelessness. He previously held jobs, could do so now if chosen.

3. His apparent commitment to acting emotionally interested in me when HE felt

like it, and to ignore me when I felt like *I* needed some attention. Again, not

AS but chosen behavior based on his likes and preferences...

Anyway, many of you held my hand here in years past, when I wanted so badly to

keep the marriage intact, regardless of what it cost me. Now, I get

it-- I can only do my part. The rest was up to him...sigh.

Positive thoughts and prayers are welcome in this time. I sustained a brain

injury 13 months ago. Now, employment options are a challenge during this

difficult time of transition. Hubby will NOT support me and our kids.

Faith is definitely what has kept me through this season-- I am stronger and

know myself better! I can make it and give a better example to my aspie boys

about working and learning to coexist in an NT world!

Thanks to all here who have helped me in my growth--

Sharon/enkerem77

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

thinking of you and sending prayers and cyber hugs your way!

- Helen

>

> Hey Aspires friends,

> Glad to recognize some of you here at this time...

>

> After long years of agony, I am filing for divorce from my AS hubby of 20 yrs.

>

> The wake-up calls for me:

>

> 1. He was able to engage in other female relationships online--stroking his

ego/meeting their emotional needs while claiming to be unable to

> address mine. This was an emotional/relational choice, NOT asperger's!

>

> 2. Refusal to get a real job even as we are losing our home, our kids are

facing hunger and homelessness. He previously held jobs, could do so now if

chosen.

>

> 3. His apparent commitment to acting emotionally interested in me when HE felt

like it, and to ignore me when I felt like *I* needed some attention. Again, not

AS but chosen behavior based on his likes and preferences...

>

> Anyway, many of you held my hand here in years past, when I wanted so badly to

keep the marriage intact, regardless of what it cost me. Now, I get it-- I can

only do my part. The rest was up to him...sigh.

>

> Positive thoughts and prayers are welcome in this time. I sustained a brain

injury 13 months ago. Now, employment options are a challenge during this

difficult time of transition. Hubby will NOT support me and our kids.

>

> Faith is definitely what has kept me through this season-- I am stronger and

know myself better! I can make it and give a better example to my aspie boys

about working and learning to coexist in an NT world!

>

> Thanks to all here who have helped me in my growth--

>

> Sharon/enkerem77

>