Guest guest Posted June 4, 2006 Report Share Posted June 4, 2006 Yes, unfortunately, it does sound right. However, as you heal, you will be able to remember, and heal from the memories as well. It is a painful process, but you become a more whole person, and for me, becoming whole, knowing and accepting who I really am, was a wonderful reward for dealing with the memories. Sylvia > > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas 2nd marriage. > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the next 14 years > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this beacuse of > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada but > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all went through > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as others grew and > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada had driven > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. My older > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than I can. Why > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to Jan, the only > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and she was > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions about what > nada always would tell me about my father and she said they were not > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much of the > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some stories > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I don't > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible than my mind > can take. Does this sound right???? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2006 Report Share Posted June 6, 2006 I had a lot of things come back as I was in therapy for PTSD. It wasn't that they weren't there, just that I didn't ever let myself think of them because I just wasn't ready to handle it. What I have noticed since then (13 years) is that I don't remember much besides the traumatic parts, though I do remember some. I think I was just so overwhelmed dealing with all the crazy stuff that my brain didn't make room for the day to day. I had a slumber party with some old chums who I had known since grade school. We were looking at their scrapbooks and a lot of the stuff is very fuzzy for me. Like I know I was in girl scouts for a couple of years, but remember very little, and the one memory that stands out is when a girls mother came up and screamed and cursed at us (2nd grade) for what seemed like forever before the adults were able to get her out of there. Definitely a nut case. I have newspaper clippings of stuff we did, but not really memories of it. I think it is normal when in a stressful environment to not remember things, either because they are traumatic memories and you aren't ready to deal with them, or because the day to day stuff is overshadowed by the tension in the home and you are just existing as best you can. At this point I think I have covered pretty much covered all the trauma, and the day to day stuff I don't remember - it probably just didn't register too much because I was dealing with everything else. Fresabird > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas 2nd marriage. > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the next 14 years > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this beacuse of > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada but > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all went through > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as others grew and > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada had driven > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. My older > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than I can. Why > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to Jan, the only > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and she was > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions about what > nada always would tell me about my father and she said they were not > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much of the > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some stories > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I don't > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible than my mind > can take. Does this sound right???? > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at > @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT > Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL > () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the > Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO > community! > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2006 Report Share Posted June 7, 2006 Fresabird, Thanks so much for sharing this idea that “I was just so overwhelmed dealing with all the crazy stuff that my brain didn't make room for the day to day. I think it is normal when in a stressful environment to not remember things . . . because the day to day stuff is overshadowed by the tension in the home and you are just existing as best you can. The day to day stuff I don't remember - it probably just didn't register too much because I was dealing with everything else.” I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’ve been harassed and ridiculed so many times by my nada and FOO about remembering the past (so that I’m not condemned to repeat it, like the saying goes). As you said, how could I remember much “day to day stuff” when “I was dealing with everything else”? This dissolves another part of the shame leftover in me, installed without my permission by my FOO. If I could charge them rent for storing that trash in my brain, I’d be rich. One Non-BP Recovering Man --- fresabird@... wrote: > I had a lot of things come back as I was in therapy for PTSD. It > wasn't that they weren't there, just that I didn't ever let myself > think of them because I just wasn't ready to handle it. What I have > noticed since then (13 years) is that I don't remember much besides the > traumatic parts, though I do remember some. I think I was just so > overwhelmed dealing with all the crazy stuff that my brain didn't make > room for the day to day. I had a slumber party with some old chums who > I had known since grade school. We were looking at their scrapbooks > and a lot of the stuff is very fuzzy for me. Like I know I was in girl > scouts for a couple of years, but remember very little, and the one > memory that stands out is when a girls mother came up and screamed and > cursed at us (2nd grade) for what seemed like forever before the adults > were able to get her out of there. Definitely a nut case. I have > newspaper clippings of stuff we did, but not really memories of it. > > I think it is normal when in a stressful environment to not remember > things, either because they are traumatic memories and you aren't ready > to deal with them, or because the day to day stuff is overshadowed by > the tension in the home and you are just existing as best you can. At > this point I think I have covered pretty much covered all the trauma, > and the day to day stuff I don't remember - it probably just didn't > register too much because I was dealing with everything else. > > Fresabird > > > > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas 2nd marriage. > > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the next 14 years > > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this beacuse of > > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada but > > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all went through > > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as others grew and > > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada had driven > > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. My older > > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than I can. Why > > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to Jan, the only > > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and she was > > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions about what > > nada always would tell me about my father and she said they were not > > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much of the > > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some stories > > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I don't > > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible than my mind > > can take. Does this sound right???? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at > > @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT > > Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL > > () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the > > Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” > > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO > > community! > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author > > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2006 Report Share Posted June 7, 2006 I'm curious... do you all find that your memory has improved, now that you're away from the craziness? I don't mean childhood memories necessarily, but even remembering things like what you ate for dinner last night, or what you did last weekend, or even holidays from recent years, that sort of thing. I have the same issues about remembering my childhood (Fresabird, I think you are absolutely right about the tension overshadowing everything else when growing up under a nada!), but my memory continues to be bad, even now. I think I've worked through a lot of my own PTSD and feel as a whole far less anxiety than before, but yet that part of my brain still has problems. I swear some days I forget how to drive home from work! Just wondering. > > > > > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas 2nd marriage. > > > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the next 14 years > > > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this beacuse of > > > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada but > > > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all went through > > > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as others grew and > > > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > > > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada had driven > > > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. My older > > > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than I can. Why > > > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to Jan, the only > > > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and she was > > > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions about what > > > nada always would tell me about my father and she said they were not > > > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much of the > > > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some stories > > > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I don't > > > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible than my mind > > > can take. Does this sound right???? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at > > > @... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT > > > Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35- SHELL > > > () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the > > > Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " > > > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO > > > community! > > > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author > > > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2006 Report Share Posted June 8, 2006 Short answer - yes. Long answer - For me it was more than just being away from the craziness, although that helped a great deal. I also had to get rid of some fleas that were still causing me a great deal of stress. I think it is the stress, whether from contact with a BP parent, or fleas, or something else that is what is interfering with memory recall. As I get healthier, I am remembering more. And I still find that when i start to get overly stressed, my memory is again affected. Sylvia Sylvia > > > > > > > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas 2nd > marriage. > > > > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the next 14 > years > > > > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this > beacuse of > > > > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada but > > > > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all went > through > > > > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as others > grew and > > > > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > > > > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada had > driven > > > > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. My > older > > > > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than I > can. Why > > > > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to Jan, > the only > > > > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and she was > > > > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions > about what > > > > nada always would tell me about my father and she said they > were not > > > > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much of > the > > > > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some > stories > > > > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I don't > > > > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible than > my mind > > > > can take. Does this sound right???? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at > > > > @ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT > > > > Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888- 35- > SHELL > > > > () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding > the > > > > Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline > Parent, " > > > > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO > > > > community! > > > > > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and > author > > > > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 In thinking more about memory loss in regards to stress... I definitely have less outright anxiety than before, but I still find that I tend to disconnect quite often when I'm faced with anything that I'm not sure I can handle. This includes any intense emotional events, whether they be positive or negative, as well as social events involving more than a few people. I guess " unplugging " is a reaction to stress, too, isn't it? That could be another reason I don't remember things, because I'm not really fully there when they happen. I know I did this a lot when I was little, and it's a hard habit to break now. I suppose that makes it a flea? Thanks, > > > > > > > > > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas 2nd > > marriage. > > > > > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the next > 14 > > years > > > > > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this > > beacuse of > > > > > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada > but > > > > > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all > went > > through > > > > > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as others > > grew and > > > > > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > > > > > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada > had > > driven > > > > > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. My > > older > > > > > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than I > > can. Why > > > > > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to Jan, > > the only > > > > > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and she > was > > > > > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions > > about what > > > > > nada always would tell me about my father and she said they > > were not > > > > > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much > of > > the > > > > > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some > > stories > > > > > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I > don't > > > > > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible than > > my mind > > > > > can take. Does this sound right???? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at > > > > > @ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT > > > > > Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > > > > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888- > 35- > > SHELL > > > > > () for your copy. We also refer > to " Understanding > > the > > > > > Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline > > Parent, " > > > > > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the > WTO > > > > > community! > > > > > > > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community > and > > author > > > > > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 I very much agree with Sylvia. In genral I remember things more clearly now. However when I look back at the emails or listen to the tapes of my parent talking and I see the things they said to me 2 or 3 or even 4 years ago it was like I blocked it out or something. Still to this day things come back a chunck at a time. It takes time to become healthy mentaly again and there is only so much you can take in at one time. I also find that I can remember where I was a month ago what I was doing a certin night where in the past it was much more difficult for me to do so. My husband has a sharp memory so for him when I do remember something he is like duh! but for me this is ground breaking stuff. Even reading books about BPD I need to read slowly to digest and help myself heal. I think because in reading it brings back memories and then I need to talk about it and think and I can only take a little at a time. Right now I am reading stop walking on eggshell out loud with my husband and I am only in chapter 3 or 4 even thought I started in the second week of May(granted we had to take a break from it) we read a page, take notes, talk. It is very healing to me. Well anyways that just helps keep my memory on its toes to read or think back to the past. Lizzy > > > > > > > > > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas 2nd > > marriage. > > > > > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the next > 14 > > years > > > > > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this > > beacuse of > > > > > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada > but > > > > > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all > went > > through > > > > > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as others > > grew and > > > > > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > > > > > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada > had > > driven > > > > > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. My > > older > > > > > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than I > > can. Why > > > > > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to Jan, > > the only > > > > > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and she > was > > > > > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions > > about what > > > > > nada always would tell me about my father and she said they > > were not > > > > > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much > of > > the > > > > > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some > > stories > > > > > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I > don't > > > > > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible than > > my mind > > > > > can take. Does this sound right???? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at > > > > > @ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT > > > > > Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > > > > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888- > 35- > > SHELL > > > > > () for your copy. We also refer > to " Understanding > > the > > > > > Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline > > Parent, " > > > > > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the > WTO > > > > > community! > > > > > > > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community > and > > author > > > > > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 Hmmm, we need a operational definition of flea. In the files, it says fleas are: Unhealthy behavioral reactions learned while living with a BP. So based on that, yes, what you are describing is a flea. One of my fleas is to avoid being happy or joyous. (How sad!). Today I purchased some scented candles for my home, and I noticed that I was really trying not to be excited about having them to burn in my living room. This is such a simple pleasure, but my nada always made fun of people who were excited and enjoying their lives. And so I learned to suppress my enjoyment. Sylvia > > > > > > > > > > > I am the youngest of 4 girls and the only child to nadas > 2nd > > > marriage. > > > > > > My oldest sister is almost 19 years older than me, the > next > > 14 > > > years > > > > > > older and the closest in age is 7 years older. I say this > > > beacuse of > > > > > > such an age differnce our expiences were similar with nada > > but > > > > > > different with nada's diffent stages of her life. We all > > went > > > through > > > > > > HELL, but I was the youngest and I was left behind as > others > > > grew and > > > > > > left. Leaving a child to fend of that evil B. That hell and > > > > > > resposiblity became mine for alot longer than theirs. Nada > > had > > > driven > > > > > > everyone awhile and I was trapped. It all got put on me. > My > > > older > > > > > > sisters can remeber so much more of their childhoods than > I > > > can. Why > > > > > > is that? Anyone else have this happen? I just talked to > Jan, > > > the only > > > > > > normal one and the only family I have contact with, and > she > > was > > > > > > telling me horrible stories of nada. I asked her questions > > > about what > > > > > > nada always would tell me about my father and she said > they > > > were not > > > > > > true. I remember my teenage years like for 11 on. Not much > > of > > > the > > > > > > childhood. A little bit here and there. after hearing some > > > stories > > > > > > from Jan tonight I am beginning to think the reason why I > > don't > > > > > > remember too much of it is because it was more horrible > than > > > my mind > > > > > > can take. Does this sound right???? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at > > > > > > @ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT > > > > > > Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > > > > > > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call > 888- > > 35- > > > SHELL > > > > > > () for your copy. We also refer > > to " Understanding > > > the > > > > > > Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline > > > Parent, " > > > > > > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the > > WTO > > > > > > community! > > > > > > > > > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community > > and > > > author > > > > > > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2006 Report Share Posted June 13, 2006 Nada is > 'practical', would toss my chimes in the trash. > >> Mine was practical too, so no pretty pajamas...only flannel. No comfortable furniture...only things she thought looked good (she's a designer) Nothing for pleasure. I recently received 2 dozen roses from my fiance and her comment was " You're never so stupid as when you're in love. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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