Re: KO's and Keirsey's personality types--being extra aware

[Guest guest]

Non-Bp and , both of you mention a sort of hyper-awareness of

others which I have as well. In my reading about BPD and also about

post traumatic stress, I've learned that this kind of hyperawareness

can come from abusive situations, BUT when I was re-reading my profile

for this whole " personality type " thing, one of the things listed in

it was a weird, ESP-like ability to tell when things are " off " with

people or just what people are feeling or what their motives are.

I've noticed it first hand this year when I pegged a colleague for

being completely nuts and unfit to be around kids about 6 months

before everyone else figured out what a serious threat he was.

Anyway, maybe I would have been hypervigilant even w/o a nada to look

out for.

Trish

> > >

> > > Hi everyone, I'm in the midst of researching other career options

> > and

> > > among the resources I found was the Keirsey Termperment sorter or

> > the

> > > Brigs-Meyers test. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

> > >

> > > It was kind of weird to see that some of my ways of handling things

> > > that I thought were fleas are really also typical traits of certain

> > > personailty types. Particularly what got me thinking of the

> > > KO/personality type link was when I read that people of my " type "

> > were

> > > not likely to do well in or appreciate environments with lots of

> > > criticism, too much outside control and that they would have a hard

> > > time dealing with interpersonal conflict at work. Also, my

> > personality

> > > type is suppposedly a little " spacey. "

> > >

> > > A lot of these things, I just thought were reactions to or

> > adaptations

> > > to life as a KO--it hadn't occured to me that " some people are just

> > > like that. " OR, perhaps these personality traits really are learned

> > > and are more common for KO's. Just curious to know what you all

> > > know/think about this.

> > >

> > > Trish

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Trish,

I've never met anyone who can read what the motives or feelings of

another are w/accuracy and consistency. If you say you can read when

things are not quite right, then I totally get that after growing up

in abuse myself. I do have a sixth sense of picking up the sublties

and minor paralinguistic cues that others do not notice. But can you

please explain to me how you are able to read people's motives and

feelings? I guess that line is perhaps triggering me b/c my nada

thinks she can read people's motives and feelings and most times they

are negative when she is super esp woman (and off base) and the times

when I have been like this before in my past w/people I am close to

(like dh or friends) I end up being wrong a lot and adding to the

communication breakdown.

, ESP-like ability to tell when things are " off " with

> people or just what people are feeling or what their motives are.

>

I'm not trying to be arguementative, I'm trying to clear up what you

mean by the above statement. Thanks.

Kerrie

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone, I'm in the midst of researching other career

options

> > > and

> > > > among the resources I found was the Keirsey Termperment

sorter or

> > > the

> > > > Brigs-Meyers test. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

> > > >

> > > > It was kind of weird to see that some of my ways of handling

things

> > > > that I thought were fleas are really also typical traits of

certain

> > > > personailty types. Particularly what got me thinking of the

> > > > KO/personality type link was when I read that people of

my " type "

> > > were

> > > > not likely to do well in or appreciate environments with lots

of

> > > > criticism, too much outside control and that they would have

a hard

> > > > time dealing with interpersonal conflict at work. Also, my

> > > personality

> > > > type is suppposedly a little " spacey. "

> > > >

> > > > A lot of these things, I just thought were reactions to or

> > > adaptations

> > > > to life as a KO--it hadn't occured to me that " some people

are just

> > > > like that. " OR, perhaps these personality traits really are

learned

> > > > and are more common for KO's. Just curious to know what you

all

> > > > know/think about this.

> > > >

> > > > Trish

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

[Guest guest]

Kerrie, my nada is like that too and I hate her projections onto me so

I totally know what you mean. I don't think you're argumentative,

you're giving me a chance to explain what I meant rather than just

saying, " huh, what a nut! "

It's just that as a child, I learned that sometimes I just got this

gut feeling about certain interactions, things that were said,

non-verbal cues etc. that made me want to jump to a certain conclusion

but I always ignored it for lack of tangible evidence. Later, I

realized that it was a survival trait and that I'd better listen.

Rest assured, I don't think that I KNOW without a doubt and I have

been wrong before, I just take it as a warning. Usually, my policy is

to listen to the gut in a way that doesn't discriminate against the

person in question--because, hey, it can always be wrong. Think of it

as a trusted friend tells you something about a person: you might

think to yourself, " hm, that could be true, but I've never personally

seen anything to make me believe that it is for sure, I'll keep an eye

out. " Does this make any sense at all???? I don't confront people or

accuse people or act against people in any way based on these hunches,

I just watch carefully for more info.

But, it's creepy how many times I've told myself, " oh, this person

couldn't really mean that " or " oh, that couldn't really be this

person's motive. . . " only to find myself looking back to that moment

and realizing, " OMG, I was right! "

So, I stand by what I said, but maybe hearing it this way will make

you more comfortable with what I meant.

Trish

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi everyone, I'm in the midst of researching other career

> options

> > > > and

> > > > > among the resources I found was the Keirsey Termperment

> sorter or

> > > > the

> > > > > Brigs-Meyers test. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

> > > > >

> > > > > It was kind of weird to see that some of my ways of handling

> things

> > > > > that I thought were fleas are really also typical traits of

> certain

> > > > > personailty types. Particularly what got me thinking of the

> > > > > KO/personality type link was when I read that people of

> my " type "

> > > > were

> > > > > not likely to do well in or appreciate environments with lots

> of

> > > > > criticism, too much outside control and that they would have

> a hard

> > > > > time dealing with interpersonal conflict at work. Also, my

> > > > personality

> > > > > type is suppposedly a little " spacey. "

> > > > >

> > > > > A lot of these things, I just thought were reactions to or

> > > > adaptations

> > > > > to life as a KO--it hadn't occured to me that " some people

> are just

> > > > > like that. " OR, perhaps these personality traits really are

> learned

> > > > > and are more common for KO's. Just curious to know what you

> all

> > > > > know/think about this.

> > > > >

> > > > > Trish

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________________________

> > >

[Guest guest]

This is an interesting topic to me. My mother also projects her

emotions onto other people and believes she knows what others are

thinking, and it drives me insane. It's so damaging.

At the same time I've also had that happen where part of me just

knows that someone is not being honest or something like that, and

I've tossed it aside because I didn't have proof, and then kicked

myself later because I was right.

I think a lot of KOs develop an ability to read lots of non-verbal

cues because you needed to know when you were safe and when you

needed to get far away quickly. And often BPDs say things that are

very contradictory--ie screaming at me with clenched fists " Anger is

bad! You have an anger problem! " Hmmm.

I'd put this one caution on it--since we aren't BPD we can

understand that it isn't always about us. I had a terrible problem

with this early in my marriage. My husband would come home and

something would tell me he was really angry, but he'd say " no, I'm

so happy to be home with you, let's just eat dinner. " Finally we

worked it out that he was often upset about stuff that happened at

work, but was also happy to be home, and wasn't done processing the

work problems enough to talk about them. So I could take it as " ok,

I'm sensing anger, but that doesn't mean he's angry at ME. "

But I think if you get that sudden feeling you're in danger--trust

it. I mean if you get it 10 times a day, maybe go see a therapist.

But that little feeling that someone isn't right... At worst you can

take steps to protect yourself and it turns out it wasn't necessary,

but at best you might save your own life.

[Guest guest]

Trish,

How weird. I totally replied to this post earilier and I don't see

it. Oh well. Yes, I know what you're talking about. My gut instincts

keep me out of harms way too. It took a while for me to start

listening to it, but I do now days as its usually not too far off

base. My only thing is that I don't like guessing people's motives.

Half the time when my nada acts crazy it seems pretty clear that her

motives are annhiliation of me, but then after reading up on BPD, I'm

not sure. I just say she's crazy. I don't care what her motives are.

I set my boundaries, I reinforce them w/consequences. If she or any

other crazy in my life steps over them or tries to scare me or harm

me, I jump out of the way. I usually have a gut feeling though w/nada-

like I sense when she's about to pull some stuff and I'm not often

wrong. Two weeks before her fiance killed himself, dh and I were

driving back home late Sunday night after seeing a conference out of

town. I just had this really bad gut feeling something bad was coming

down the pipeline. The last time I had that feeling was last summer-

last June and July. The night before dh went to work the following

Tuesday I told him 'I don't know why but its been 4 weeks now and I

still got this strange bad feelign something's about to happen.' He

knew what was up but kind of pissed me off w/not letting me in on it=

massive layoffs that Monday and after me telling him 3 times over the

past month, he knew that my sixth sense usually isn't far off base.

He got a formal lay off that day w/a stay of execution of 60days (he

was able to stay on fortunately, but has since- of course- switched

jobs. Who stays w/a company that lays you off and then decides 0h

yeah, we do need you afterall.) Funnily enough even after the layoff

last July that caused me to miss my bestfriend's wedding (was out of

town and couldn't justify spending roughly 1000 dollars on hotels,

car rental, etc when facing a layoff), I told dh in August- 'uh, it

aint over. Still got this nawing nasty feeling in the pit of me. The

week before Katrina hit I even told him 'Man, this one is on the

level of 911 bad gut feeling' and it was bad. Actually we'd just

driven through I-10 over that July 4th weekend and spent the night in

Slidell, LA when tropical storm was coming through. My normal

reaction would be- tropical strom, shmopical storm (lived through so

many its not funny growing up in Florida), but I started freaking out

hard core going to the grocery store there and stock piling water and

batteries and such as I thought it was going to hit us here in Texas.

As it turned out I wasn't far off base- Slidell was 90% devestated

after Katrina (and well, we evacuated w/Rita though I never had a

sixth sense about that one- maybe b/c I was going around the FOO and

maybe b/c we were spared and it wasn't a bad thing afterall). But I

say people should definitely listen to their gut instincts and I

really and truly believe some people who've been abused all their

lives do have an uncanny sixth sense about danger (you don't even

want to hear my nightmares the year leading up to 9-11 or how I

walked off a plane 6 mos before and had NEVER ever, ever done

anything like that- still think to myself maybe one of those

highjackers was scoping it out on that flight and I sensed it). I am

the last person on the planet that will say ignore that feeling and

listen to logic when it is a true gut feeling and not some OCD or

neurotic anxiety thing (which happens too being a KO).

Hopefully this one will get posted. By the way, I've completely

disengaged from nada w/the paranormal. I use to sense right before

she'd call or whatever, and now I just tune it out- like I have no

connection to her on that level anymore and that's one way for me to

take back my space (and I don't try to do that w/dh anymore- like

reading his thoughts or feelings or whatnot- don't want that kind of

relationship w/him though I'm glad I still get a sixth sense when

something seriously screwed up is about to happen).

K

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi everyone, I'm in the midst of researching other career

> > options

> > > > > and

> > > > > > among the resources I found was the Keirsey Termperment

> > sorter or

> > > > > the

> > > > > > Brigs-Meyers test. Does anyone know what I'm talking

about?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > It was kind of weird to see that some of my ways of

handling

> > things

> > > > > > that I thought were fleas are really also typical traits

of

> > certain

> > > > > > personailty types. Particularly what got me thinking of

the

> > > > > > KO/personality type link was when I read that people of

> > my " type "

> > > > > were

> > > > > > not likely to do well in or appreciate environments with

lots

> > of

> > > > > > criticism, too much outside control and that they would

have

> > a hard

> > > > > > time dealing with interpersonal conflict at work. Also,

my

> > > > > personality

> > > > > > type is suppposedly a little " spacey. "

> > > > > >

> > > > > > A lot of these things, I just thought were reactions to

or

> > > > > adaptations

> > > > > > to life as a KO--it hadn't occured to me that " some

people

> > are just

> > > > > > like that. " OR, perhaps these personality traits really

are

> > learned

> > > > > > and are more common for KO's. Just curious to know what

you

> > all

> > > > > > know/think about this.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Trish

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________________________

> > > >

[Guest guest]

I have that 'sixth sense " when someone is a danger too. My major alarm

bell has gone of about 6 times and every time the person turned out to

be a pedophile or sex offender. I listen to that warning bell

immediately now.

It is amazing how many nonverbal clues people give off. I volunteered

in an oral/aural program for deaf children when I was in college. When

working on their auditory skills (most had some hearing, or cochlan

implants) we would have to be behind them and cover our mouths. If we

were in front with mouths covered, they could still see our facial

muscles. And if behind and didn't cover, they could feel the air

difference between " p " and " b " .

I think growing up in an environment where you always have to be

hypervigilant makes you more in tune to nonverbal communication as a

matter of survival. Anything you could do to get a warning that

something bad was coming gave you a chance to prepare, take cover, run,

whatever. So you naturally develop those skills more than most.

Fresabird

> This is an interesting topic to me. My mother also projects her

> emotions onto other people and believes she knows what others are

> thinking, and it drives me insane. It's so damaging.

>

> At the same time I've also had that happen where part of me just

> knows that someone is not being honest or something like that, and

> I've tossed it aside because I didn't have proof, and then kicked

> myself later because I was right.

>

> I think a lot of KOs develop an ability to read lots of non-verbal

> cues because you needed to know when you were safe and when you

> needed to get far away quickly. And often BPDs say things that are

> very contradictory--ie screaming at me with clenched fists " Anger is

> bad! You have an anger problem! " Hmmm.

>

> I'd put this one caution on it--since we aren't BPD we can

> understand that it isn't always about us. I had a terrible problem

> with this early in my marriage. My husband would come home and

> something would tell me he was really angry, but he'd say " no, I'm

> so happy to be home with you, let's just eat dinner. " Finally we

> worked it out that he was often upset about stuff that happened at

> work, but was also happy to be home, and wasn't done processing the

> work problems enough to talk about them. So I could take it as " ok,

> I'm sensing anger, but that doesn't mean he's angry at ME. "

>

> But I think if you get that sudden feeling you're in danger--trust

> it. I mean if you get it 10 times a day, maybe go see a therapist.

> But that little feeling that someone isn't right... At worst you can

> take steps to protect yourself and it turns out it wasn't necessary,

> but at best you might save your own life.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kerry, I agree that it can be exhausting to worry about people's

motives and, as far as my nada is concerned, I really could care

less--I just don't even go there. But there are times when

understanding someone's motives can really help you and them--like

when you teach high school or when you work with people in general.

I'm not just talking about bad or underhanded motives either. People

can have good and reasonable motives too. But yeah, analysing

nada-motives is sort of like developing an obsession with the dark

side. And, weirdly, I can't read her well. I know when things are

going to hit the fan and when she's " up to something " but I'm not

always good about figuring out why she's up to things. Weird. I think

she just doesn't send out normal people non-verbal cues or something.

Trish

[Guest guest]

Feasabird, YIPES, 6 pedophiles!?!?! I've never actually met one--not

knowlingly. Or at least I've never had confirmation. Not that I'd

want it!

Trish

>

> > This is an interesting topic to me. My mother also projects her

> > emotions onto other people and believes she knows what others are

> > thinking, and it drives me insane. It's so damaging.

> >

> > At the same time I've also had that happen where part of me just

> > knows that someone is not being honest or something like that, and

> > I've tossed it aside because I didn't have proof, and then kicked

> > myself later because I was right.

> >

> > I think a lot of KOs develop an ability to read lots of non-verbal

> > cues because you needed to know when you were safe and when you

> > needed to get far away quickly. And often BPDs say things that are

> > very contradictory--ie screaming at me with clenched fists " Anger is

> > bad! You have an anger problem! " Hmmm.

> >

> > I'd put this one caution on it--since we aren't BPD we can

> > understand that it isn't always about us. I had a terrible problem

> > with this early in my marriage. My husband would come home and

> > something would tell me he was really angry, but he'd say " no, I'm

> > so happy to be home with you, let's just eat dinner. " Finally we

> > worked it out that he was often upset about stuff that happened at

> > work, but was also happy to be home, and wasn't done processing the

> > work problems enough to talk about them. So I could take it as " ok,

> > I'm sensing anger, but that doesn't mean he's angry at ME. "

> >

> > But I think if you get that sudden feeling you're in danger--trust

> > it. I mean if you get it 10 times a day, maybe go see a therapist.

> > But that little feeling that someone isn't right... At worst you can

> > take steps to protect yourself and it turns out it wasn't necessary,

> > but at best you might save your own life.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

One uncle, two church ministers, one church youth minister, one

suspected serial acquaintance rapist, and one creepy boyfriend of a

friend who raped her a few weeks after I met him. In the four cases I

got out of it one way or another - kicked the uncle when I woke up with

him trying to put his hand up my dress, told on one of the ministers

who was pinching all the girls tushes among other things (and was told

to " be careful " but nothing was done to him as he was about to retire),

literally ran away from the youth minister and then later told a

minister friend when he tried to corner me again, and managed to talk

my way out of my apartment with the suspected rapist who was the

maintenance man at my apartment and then filed charges. One of the

ministers was like a grandfather to me, but one time I just got this

feeling. I can't explain it. A few months later he was arrested for

molesting younger girls age 7-10 or so. He met me when I was 13. He

was convicted (I was 16 or 17 then). Some pedophiles focus on

particular ages. I think they call it a preferential pedophile. A

minister who was a friend at the time told me later that they suspect

he befriended so many older girls so that he would have character

witnesses while he was molesting the younger ones. My friends

boyfriend - there was just something wrong with him. I couldn't put my

finger on it, but he just gave me the creeps. He never did anything or

said anything to me. But my creepometer was going off and I didn't

know what to do about it. I couldn't even really put it into words

(this was in college). Then I didn't see my friend for a while, and

when we reconnected about a year later I found out what he did, and how

it sent her into a tail spin that wound through another boyfriend that

was abusive before she was able to get the help she needed and reclaim

her life.

I'm not sure what made me so strong in those situations. It was kind

of like I was so angry with what my mother had done to me that I'd be

d#$mned if anyone else was going to hurt me. But I also wonder if I

kind of gave off victim vibes or something. I talked to a former youth

minister last year - I sought her out to thank her for all she had done

for me. She had no idea what was really going on, but sensed something

was wrong in my family. She just didn't know the extent of it. So I

wonder if predators can sense that too. I've talked to other survivors

of sexual abuse who had multiple perpetrators, and most weren't able to

defend themselves the way I did. It kind of makes sense in a sick way,

that pedophiles would seek out vulnerable kids, and who is more

vulnerable than a victim who hasn't gotten any help.

As an adult I have had a decent amount of training on child abuse due

to various work and volunteer positions, as well as have a good friend

who was an investigator with special training in child abuse cases who

I've talked to a lot about it. The really scary part is that you

probably have met quite a few pedophiles in your lifetime. They just

didn't target you or your loved ones. If you ever read the various

profiles, my guess is you will have a few people come to mind. It

really is creepy.

Fresabird

> Feasabird, YIPES, 6 pedophiles!?!?! I've never actually met one--not

> knowlingly. Or at least I've never had confirmation. Not that I'd

> want it!

>

> Trish

>

>

> >

> > > This is an interesting topic to me. My mother also projects her

> > > emotions onto other people and believes she knows what others are

> > > thinking, and it drives me insane. It's so damaging.

> > >

> > > At the same time I've also had that happen where part of me just

> > > knows that someone is not being honest or something like that, and

> > > I've tossed it aside because I didn't have proof, and then kicked

> > > myself later because I was right.

> > >

> > > I think a lot of KOs develop an ability to read lots of non-verbal

> > > cues because you needed to know when you were safe and when you

> > > needed to get far away quickly. And often BPDs say things that are

> > > very contradictory--ie screaming at me with clenched fists " Anger

> is

> > > bad! You have an anger problem! " Hmmm.

> > >

> > > I'd put this one caution on it--since we aren't BPD we can

> > > understand that it isn't always about us. I had a terrible problem

> > > with this early in my marriage. My husband would come home and

> > > something would tell me he was really angry, but he'd say " no, I'm

> > > so happy to be home with you, let's just eat dinner. " Finally we

> > > worked it out that he was often upset about stuff that happened at

> > > work, but was also happy to be home, and wasn't done processing

> the

> > > work problems enough to talk about them. So I could take it as

> " ok,

> > > I'm sensing anger, but that doesn't mean he's angry at ME. "

> > >

> > > But I think if you get that sudden feeling you're in danger--trust

> > > it. I mean if you get it 10 times a day, maybe go see a therapist.

> > > But that little feeling that someone isn't right... At worst you

> can

> > > take steps to protect yourself and it turns out it wasn't

> necessary,

> > > but at best you might save your own life.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

> I'm not sure what made me so strong in those situations. It was

kind

> of like I was so angry with what my mother had done to me that I'd

be

> d#$mned if anyone else was going to hurt me. But I also wonder if I

> kind of gave off victim vibes or something.

Fresabird, I just read a very interesting article about the children

of narcissists and it described this very thing. I found it so

interesting. I will look for it and try to post it.

The article said that because narcissists try to break down all self

esteem in their kids, and because the kids are hurting and the hurt

shows, the kids do give off a " I'm easy prey " vibe that is almost

irresistable to other predators. They think " here's someone I can

really hurt. "

The other part of it was that the article said that the " sane " kids of

narcissists, despite outward appearances, can become extremely

protective of their identities and boundaries. And they are used to

being " tricked " by those they love and trust. For this reason they

can be very adept at protecting themselves at times, while a very

trusting person might not realize others are *trying* to hurt them.

The sad part according to this author, was not what's been proposed

that the kids of narcissists seek out other narcissists, or that

they're any more vulnerable to the lies of narcissists than anyone

else. The tragedy is that aura that follows them, that " I'm hurt and

I'm sensitive " vibe attracts narcissists to them like a beacon. Then

unfortunately because narcissists are such adept actors and liars, the

KOs can be victimized again.

It rang so true for me and I felt so validated!

[Guest guest]

I am not sure if this is the same thing because I dont compleatly

understand this but I had a moment yesterday were my radar went up

and I was " extra aware "

I was outside yesterday with my neighbor lady and my 2 kids and her

2 kids. A man pulled up in his car on the opposite side of the st.

stayed there a few min. drove in a circle and came to us and pulled

up. He said he was metting somebody at a house but not sure which

one. He then kept his car running but got out and started to show us

a 3 ring binder of photos of little kids. This freaked me out! He

said they were his grandkids but I wasnt so sure. My neighbor lady

kept talking to him I told my kids to go in the house and hers

followed us. She stood out there for over 30 min. He wouldnt leave!

I was worried he was going to take a kid and bolt off so I made them

stay in the house. Thank goodness another neighbor came over to see

what was that guys problem and then my husband came home but this

lady didnt think anything of it she just sat there trusting him

talking to him. Not me I wasnt going to take a chance. Maybe I was

overreacting because of my past but why risk it?Lizzy

> > I'm not sure what made me so strong in those situations. It was

> kind

> > of like I was so angry with what my mother had done to me that

I'd

> be

> > d#$mned if anyone else was going to hurt me. But I also wonder

if I

> > kind of gave off victim vibes or something.

>

> Fresabird, I just read a very interesting article about the

children

> of narcissists and it described this very thing. I found it so

> interesting. I will look for it and try to post it.

>

> The article said that because narcissists try to break down all

self

> esteem in their kids, and because the kids are hurting and the

hurt

> shows, the kids do give off a " I'm easy prey " vibe that is almost

> irresistable to other predators. They think " here's someone I can

> really hurt. "

>

> The other part of it was that the article said that the " sane "

kids of

> narcissists, despite outward appearances, can become extremely

> protective of their identities and boundaries. And they are used

to

> being " tricked " by those they love and trust. For this reason

they

> can be very adept at protecting themselves at times, while a very

> trusting person might not realize others are *trying* to hurt them.

>

> The sad part according to this author, was not what's been

proposed

> that the kids of narcissists seek out other narcissists, or that

> they're any more vulnerable to the lies of narcissists than anyone

> else. The tragedy is that aura that follows them, that " I'm hurt

and

> I'm sensitive " vibe attracts narcissists to them like a beacon.

Then

> unfortunately because narcissists are such adept actors and liars,

the

> KOs can be victimized again.

>

> It rang so true for me and I felt so validated!

>

[Guest guest]

That is creepy. Honestly, I would have gotten his plate number while

she was talking to him and called the police. He sounds like a weirdo,

and it is much better to be safe than sorry. I am a firm believer in

" trust your gut " on stuff like this. We all have an internal warning

system, we just need to listen to it. And I would rather have the

police come out and find out that he is an early alzheimer's patient

that is just confused, than call them later when he does something to a

child. I've had to call the police a couple of times over the years

for stuff like that - once when I overheard a man talking to a little

girl in the park and it was obviously abusive - got his plates. And

once when I saw a teenager breaking into the house next door through

the teen girls bedroom window. Both times they told me " call us. It

is our job. " I think it is easy to doubt yourself as a KO. But at

least for me, I've learned that my gut feeling is there for a reason,

and to listen to it.

Fresabird

> I am not sure if this is the same thing because I dont compleatly

> understand this but I had a moment yesterday were my radar went up

> and I was " extra aware "

>

> I was outside yesterday with my neighbor lady and my 2 kids and her

> 2 kids. A man pulled up in his car on the opposite side of the st.

> stayed there a few min. drove in a circle and came to us and pulled

> up. He said he was metting somebody at a house but not sure which

> one. He then kept his car running but got out and started to show us

> a 3 ring binder of photos of little kids. This freaked me out! He

> said they were his grandkids but I wasnt so sure. My neighbor lady

> kept talking to him I told my kids to go in the house and hers

> followed us. She stood out there for over 30 min. He wouldnt leave!

> I was worried he was going to take a kid and bolt off so I made them

> stay in the house. Thank goodness another neighbor came over to see

> what was that guys problem and then my husband came home but this

> lady didnt think anything of it she just sat there trusting him

> talking to him. Not me I wasnt going to take a chance. Maybe I was

> overreacting because of my past but why risk it?Lizzy

>

> > > I'm not sure what made me so strong in those situations. It was

> > kind

> > > of like I was so angry with what my mother had done to me that

> I'd

> > be

> > > d#$mned if anyone else was going to hurt me. But I also wonder

> if I

> > > kind of gave off victim vibes or something.

> >

> > Fresabird, I just read a very interesting article about the

> children

> > of narcissists and it described this very thing. I found it so

> > interesting. I will look for it and try to post it.

> >

> > The article said that because narcissists try to break down all

> self

> > esteem in their kids, and because the kids are hurting and the

> hurt

> > shows, the kids do give off a " I'm easy prey " vibe that is almost

> > irresistable to other predators. They think " here's someone I can

> > really hurt. "

> >

> > The other part of it was that the article said that the " sane "

> kids of

> > narcissists, despite outward appearances, can become extremely

> > protective of their identities and boundaries. And they are used

> to

> > being " tricked " by those they love and trust. For this reason

> they

> > can be very adept at protecting themselves at times, while a very

> > trusting person might not realize others are *trying* to hurt them.

> >

> > The sad part according to this author, was not what's been

> proposed

> > that the kids of narcissists seek out other narcissists, or that

> > they're any more vulnerable to the lies of narcissists than anyone

> > else. The tragedy is that aura that follows them, that " I'm hurt

> and

> > I'm sensitive " vibe attracts narcissists to them like a beacon.

> Then

> > unfortunately because narcissists are such adept actors and liars,

> the

> > KOs can be victimized again.

> >

> > It rang so true for me and I felt so validated!

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Fresabird, That is advice to call the police like you said

and have them check it out. I will keep myself mentaly prepaired for

the next time anything freaky could happen. It is always good to

plan what you would do in advance. Next time I will be sure not to

dout myself and just call. I know 5 years ago when I was still

living with my nada I was in an emergancy situation and couldn't

remember the # to 911 but I think I have improved in the last 4

years since going n/c. I was at least able to bring my kids away

from the danger, now I just need to think one more step ahead.

Thanks Lizzy

> > > > I'm not sure what made me so strong in those situations. It

was

> > > kind

> > > > of like I was so angry with what my mother had done to me

that

> > I'd

> > > be

> > > > d#$mned if anyone else was going to hurt me. But I also

wonder

> > if I

> > > > kind of gave off victim vibes or something.

> > >

> > > Fresabird, I just read a very interesting article about the

> > children

> > > of narcissists and it described this very thing. I found it so

> > > interesting. I will look for it and try to post it.

> > >

> > > The article said that because narcissists try to break down

all

> > self

> > > esteem in their kids, and because the kids are hurting and the

> > hurt

> > > shows, the kids do give off a " I'm easy prey " vibe that is

almost

> > > irresistable to other predators. They think " here's someone I

can

> > > really hurt. "

> > >

> > > The other part of it was that the article said that the " sane "

> > kids of

> > > narcissists, despite outward appearances, can become extremely

> > > protective of their identities and boundaries. And they are

used

> > to

> > > being " tricked " by those they love and trust. For this reason

> > they

> > > can be very adept at protecting themselves at times, while a

very

> > > trusting person might not realize others are *trying* to hurt

them.

> > >

> > > The sad part according to this author, was not what's been

> > proposed

> > > that the kids of narcissists seek out other narcissists, or

that

> > > they're any more vulnerable to the lies of narcissists than

anyone

> > > else. The tragedy is that aura that follows them, that " I'm

hurt

> > and

> > > I'm sensitive " vibe attracts narcissists to them like a

beacon.

> > Then

> > > unfortunately because narcissists are such adept actors and

liars,

> > the

> > > KOs can be victimized again.

> > >

> > > It rang so true for me and I felt so validated!

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy,

I completely agree with Fresabird. I would IMMEDIATELY think “PEDOPHILE!”

and arrange to get his license plates, car and physical description, and

call the police. Trust your instincts. Your neighbor is lucky that SHE

wasn’t abducted.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- fresabird@... wrote:

> That is creepy. Honestly, I would have gotten his plate number while

> she was talking to him and called the police. He sounds like a weirdo,

> and it is much better to be safe than sorry. I am a firm believer in

> " trust your gut " on stuff like this. We all have an internal warning

> system, we just need to listen to it. And I would rather have the

> police come out and find out that he is an early alzheimer's patient

> that is just confused, than call them later when he does something to a

> child. I've had to call the police a couple of times over the years

> for stuff like that - once when I overheard a man talking to a little

> girl in the park and it was obviously abusive - got his plates. And

> once when I saw a teenager breaking into the house next door through

> the teen girls bedroom window. Both times they told me " call us. It

> is our job. " I think it is easy to doubt yourself as a KO. But at

> least for me, I've learned that my gut feeling is there for a reason,

> and to listen to it.

>

> Fresabird

>

>

>

> > I am not sure if this is the same thing because I dont compleatly

> > understand this but I had a moment yesterday were my radar went up

> > and I was " extra aware "

> >

> > I was outside yesterday with my neighbor lady and my 2 kids and her

> > 2 kids. A man pulled up in his car on the opposite side of the st.

> > stayed there a few min. drove in a circle and came to us and pulled

> > up. He said he was metting somebody at a house but not sure which

> > one. He then kept his car running but got out and started to show us

> > a 3 ring binder of photos of little kids. This freaked me out! He

> > said they were his grandkids but I wasnt so sure. My neighbor lady

> > kept talking to him I told my kids to go in the house and hers

> > followed us. She stood out there for over 30 min. He wouldnt leave!

> > I was worried he was going to take a kid and bolt off so I made them

> > stay in the house. Thank goodness another neighbor came over to see

> > what was that guys problem and then my husband came home but this

> > lady didnt think anything of it she just sat there trusting him

> > talking to him. Not me I wasnt going to take a chance. Maybe I was

> > overreacting because of my past but why risk it?Lizzy

> >

> > > > I'm not sure what made me so strong in those situations. It was

> > > kind

> > > > of like I was so angry with what my mother had done to me that

> > I'd

> > > be

> > > > d#$mned if anyone else was going to hurt me. But I also wonder

> > if I

> > > > kind of gave off victim vibes or something.

> > >

> > > Fresabird, I just read a very interesting article about the

> > children

> > > of narcissists and it described this very thing. I found it so

> > > interesting. I will look for it and try to post it.

> > >

> > > The article said that because narcissists try to break down all

> > self

> > > esteem in their kids, and because the kids are hurting and the

> > hurt

> > > shows, the kids do give off a " I'm easy prey " vibe that is almost

> > > irresistable to other predators. They think " here's someone I can

> > > really hurt. "

> > >

> > > The other part of it was that the article said that the " sane "

> > kids of

> > > narcissists, despite outward appearances, can become extremely

> > > protective of their identities and boundaries. And they are used

> > to

> > > being " tricked " by those they love and trust. For this reason

> > they

> > > can be very adept at protecting themselves at times, while a very

> > > trusting person might not realize others are *trying* to hurt them.

> > >

> > > The sad part according to this author, was not what's been

> > proposed

> > > that the kids of narcissists seek out other narcissists, or that

> > > they're any more vulnerable to the lies of narcissists than anyone

> > > else. The tragedy is that aura that follows them, that " I'm hurt

> > and

> > > I'm sensitive " vibe attracts narcissists to them like a beacon.

> > Then

> > > unfortunately because narcissists are such adept actors and liars,

> > the

> > > KOs can be victimized again.

> > >

> > > It rang so true for me and I felt so validated!

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>