Re: Need help with my anxious thoughts

[Guest guest]

hi

IMHO...

compassion for the little girl, in 's book Horribly Wrong, there's a

nice exercise about .... imagine there's this little girl, vulnerable, unsure,

lacking in everything you know, perhaps this developmental deficient girl,

sitting next to you, imagine she will grow up, adolescent, maybe as a teenager,

and eventually as an adult, and she may still have these developmental problems,

maybe be ridiculed by other mean teens, have social problems, etc etc... knowing

what you know about life and how tough it could be for little girls like her...

what would you say to her? or how would you react to her? or relate to her?...

knowing what you know.

and then self compassion for yourself... that you did the best you could

professionally, and then Defuse.. from your thoughts of her words, that they

came from a little girl who is from the above..

maybe next time, you see her in class, maybe all you could or should do, is ask

hey, how's it going?

Tom

>

> I posted earlier that I had begun my school year again. I have a new little

girl who is developmentally delayed. She is in a regular kindergarten class and

I pull her to work with her. Well the first day I was working with her she said

" I not like you. You go away. " Then just rolled her eyes. Well my thought

machine went to work, " There must be something wrong with you. " Truthfully it

did really hurt my feelings. I felt so defeated. My anxiety level went up. Then

I went into the " don't feel this way " mode. I am trying to accept and be

compassionate with myself for feeling that way, but I still just want it to go

away. The little girl has continued to say that and not wanted to work with me

every time I try to work with her, to the point that I dread my whole day

because I know I have to work with her. Then I beat myself up for " letting her

get to me " . I know that is not being compassionate to myself but I keep feeling

like I have got to get over it to be able to enjoy my school year. So, today the

other special ed teacher worked with her and she didn't act that way towards

her. That got my thought machine going too, saying what is wrong with me. Why

doesn't she do that to her too. The other teacher said that she would work with

her instead since we did not seem to be getting along. I asked her if she would

do that. That was a huge relief as my anxiety has continued to escalate all

week,but then my thinking machine says " you are a failure for handing her off to

another teacher. A good teacher wouldn't do that. A good teacher would not have

let a student get to her like that. " What do yall think? Am I being a " wimp " for

handing her off to another teacher, or is it okay to let her work with someone

else if they seem to have a better rapport? I can't shake the feelings and

thoughts that I " should " have stuck it out. So, I need ACT advice!!!! BIG

TIME!!!

>

[Guest guest]

- What the little girl said is not nearly as important as how you think about what the little girl said. The little girl said what she said - that is a fact. What you did with that fact is the problem. You made up (thinking self) some scenarios to explain the fact. And then you bought into those thoughts which generated more thoughts which you also bought into. I call this going down a rabbit hole. The fact presents the opportunity for a rabbit hole. Your thinking about the fact is the hole itself. I use the ACT core principle OBSERVING SELF to notice the hole entrance. Then I decide whether going down the hole is useful to living a valued life . If not I DEFUSE from the thoughts that created the hole (the fact did not create the hole. How I thought about the fact did). As I'm learning I have to be careful of how I think about the hole during DEFUSION. If I'm afraid of the hole and try to pretend it is not there that's avoidance, a bad thing. Just notice the hole, thank your thinking self for presenting the hole, and go about your business of living a valued life. The thinking self is just doing it's job of presenting every imaginable peril we might face. We must use other parts of our brain to evaluate the usefulness of crap the thinking self puts out.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 09:51:52 +0000Subject: Re: Need help with my anxious thoughts

Hi ,

Your story brings back a memory from when I was about six years old. I did not like one of the female caretakers in the children's home I was in and couldn't tell anyone why because it seemed so silly. It was because her red speckled face looked like the tomato soup they fed us, which I hated. The little girl in your story may have a similar reason for not liking you that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Perhaps you remind her of someone or something else that stirs up unpleasant emotions for her. NOTHING to do with you as a valuable human being or teacher.

I think you could view turning the little girl over to another teacher as a compassionate, selfless act since you are removing yourself from a situation that stirs up negative thoughts in the child that could impede her progress. As for feeling like an incompetent teacher and that you should have stuck it out, that may have fed your ego and made you feel better, but may have been wrong for the child. You did the RIGHT thing, IMO (I'm not particularly humble, so I skip the 'H' : )

Helena

Need help with my anxious thoughts

I posted earlier that I had begun my school year again. I have a new little girl who is developmentally delayed. She is in a regular kindergarten class and I pull her to work with her. Well the first day I was working with her she said "I not like you. You go away." Then just rolled her eyes. Well my thought machine went to work, "There must be something wrong with you." Truthfully it did really hurt my feelings. I felt so defeated. My anxiety level went up. Then I went into the "don't feel this way" mode. I am trying to accept and be compassionate with myself for feeling that way, but I still just want it to go away. The little girl has continued to say that and not wanted to work with me every time I try to work with her, to the point that I dread my whole day because I know I have to work with her. Then I beat myself up for "letting her get to me". I know that is not being compassionate to myself but I keep feeling like I have got to get over it to be able to enjoy my school year. So, today the other special ed teacher worked with her and she didn't act that way towards her. That got my thought machine going too, saying what is wrong with me. Why doesn't she do that to her too. The other teacher said that she would work with her instead since we did not seem to be getting along. I asked her if she would do that. That was a huge relief as my anxiety has continued to escalate all week,but then my thinking machine says "you are a failure for handing her off to another teacher. A good teacher wouldn't do that. A good teacher would not have let a student get to her like that." What do yall think? Am I being a "wimp" for handing her off to another teacher, or is it okay to let her work with someone else if they seem to have a better rapport? I can't shake the feelings and thoughts that I "should" have stuck it out. So, I need ACT advice!!!! BIG TIME!!!

[Guest guest]

Thanks Bill, I understand what you are saying. At the moment I am having great

trouble with application. I think once again, that my real problem is the

anxiety I get. When some child says or does something that causes anxiety, I

just go down so quickly. So, I start dreading every encounter with a child

because they might say or do something that will trigger my anxiety, which in

turn causes me to not eat, sleep etc. It is making me want to quit my job all

together. I have been at this for 25 years, so is it reasonable to think that it

is ok to want out? I feel just burned out with dealing with children with

problems, or is that just my anxiety talking, I don't know.Just knowing there is

a daily possibility of a disrespectful or defiant child has me tied up in knots.

I just know I am looking for relief and wonder if a job change or a break from a

job at all for a little while would be an okay present to give myself. My

thinking self says, no, you must not be a quitter.

>

>

> - What the little girl said is not nearly as important as how you think

about what the little girl said. The little girl said what she said - that is a

fact. What you did with that fact is the problem. You made up (thinking self)

some scenarios to explain the fact. And then you bought into those thoughts

which generated more thoughts which you also bought into. I call this going down

a rabbit hole. The fact presents the opportunity for a rabbit hole. Your

thinking about the fact is the hole itself. I use the ACT core principle

OBSERVING SELF to notice the hole entrance. Then I decide whether going down the

hole is useful to living a valued life . If not I DEFUSE from the thoughts that

created the hole (the fact did not create the hole. How I thought about the fact

did). As I'm learning I have to be careful of how I think about the hole during

DEFUSION. If I'm afraid of the hole and try to pretend it is not there that's

avoidance, a bad thing. Just notice the hole, thank your thinking self for

presenting the hole, and go about your business of living a valued life. The

thinking self is just doing it's job of presenting every imaginable peril we

might face. We must use other parts of our brain to evaluate the usefulness of

crap the thinking self puts out.

> Bill

> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> From: hbbr@...

> Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 09:51:52 +0000

> Subject: Re: Need help with my anxious thoughts

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> Hi ,

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> Your story brings back a memory from when I was about six years old. I did

not like one of the female caretakers in the children's home I was in and

couldn't tell anyone why because it seemed so silly. It was because her red

speckled face looked like the tomato soup they fed us, which I hated. The

little girl in your story may have a similar reason for not liking you that has

absolutely nothing to do with you. Perhaps you remind her of someone or

something else that stirs up unpleasant emotions for her. NOTHING to do with

you as a valuable human being or teacher.

>

> I think you could view turning the little girl over to another teacher as a

compassionate, selfless act since you are removing yourself from a situation

that stirs up negative thoughts in the child that could impede her progress. As

for feeling like an incompetent teacher and that you should have stuck it out,

that may have fed your ego and made you feel better, but may have been wrong for

the child. You did the RIGHT thing, IMO (I'm not particularly humble, so I skip

the 'H' : )

>

> Helena

>

>

> Need help with my anxious thoughts

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>

> I posted earlier that I had begun my school year again. I have a new little

girl who is developmentally delayed. She is in a regular kindergarten class and

I pull her to work with her. Well the first day I was working with her she said

" I not like you. You go away. " Then just rolled her eyes. Well my thought

machine went to work, " There must be something wrong with you. " Truthfully it

did really hurt my feelings. I felt so defeated. My anxiety level went up. Then

I went into the " don't feel this way " mode. I am trying to accept and be

compassionate with myself for feeling that way, but I still just want it to go

away. The little girl has continued to say that and not wanted to work with me

every time I try to work with her, to the point that I dread my whole day

because I know I have to work with her. Then I beat myself up for " letting her

get to me " . I know that is not being compassionate to myself but I keep feeling

like I have got to get over it to be able to enjoy my school year. So, today the

other special ed teacher worked with her and she didn't act that way towards

her. That got my thought machine going too, saying what is wrong with me. Why

doesn't she do that to her too. The other teacher said that she would work with

her instead since we did not seem to be getting along. I asked her if she would

do that. That was a huge relief as my anxiety has continued to escalate all

week,but then my thinking machine says " you are a failure for handing her off to

another teacher. A good teacher wouldn't do that. A good teacher would not have

let a student get to her like that. " What do yall think? Am I being a " wimp " for

handing her off to another teacher, or is it okay to let her work with someone

else if they seem to have a better rapport? I can't shake the feelings and

thoughts that I " should " have stuck it out. So, I need ACT advice!!!! BIG

TIME!!!

>

[Guest guest]

My thoughts exactly. It may or may not be ACT consistent, and ....

We all seem to think we can read other people's minds and motivations. I know I

do it all the time. I keep trying to remember that I'm not all-knowing and am

probably wrong most of the time when I guess as someone else's reasoning.

A six year old without DD is a black and white thinker! It could be any number

of things that aren't really related to you at all! Transference is a big thing

with kiddos and their black and white world. You could look like the last

medical person who gave her a shot and it hurt. Your soap, shampoo or perfum

could bother her. Perhaps you were wearing her least favorite color. Maybe

someone resembling you stared at her in the grocery store. Maybe she thinks you

are the one who took her away from where she was last year and made her come

into a strange environment. Maybe they were about to do something fun in class

and she didn't want to be pulled out. I could keep listing possibilities for

days!

On the ACT side...

What is it you value?

The kiddo getting the help she needs, no matter who she " clicks " with?

Not wanting to give up trying to connect with her?

If it's one, " thank you mind for that thought I'm a bad person. " IF kiddo clicks

with my co-worker and my co-worker can help her that's moving toward the value

of helping the kid.

If it's another, research all the techniques recommended to create a connection

with a reluctant kid. My kid - talk to her about science, especially dinos!

A true story...

Last month my daughter was refusing to do her spelling in class. She's asked to

sit outside the classroom in the commons, teacher said no, " You have to stay in

the classroom and write the first three sentences down off the board. Then write

sentences for the rest of the spelling list. " Kendra refused, kept begging to

leave the room. Started melting down, crying, kicking chair, ended up in the

school social workers office for the rest of the day. I got called with the

usual labels, " oppositional, won't follow directions, disruptive, hostile, and

so on. "

Once I got home and talked with my now calm daughter. " Mommy I really wanted to

go into the commons. Other kids who need it quiet were there. I couldn't

concentrate. Also it was cheating. " What do you mean? " I think it's cheating

when Ms. writes sentences on the board for us to copy. It's cheating. I

should have to make up my own sentences for all the words. I don't want to be a

cheater. "

I asked, Did you tell the teacher or the social worker that. " No. " Why not? " I

donno " A whole day wasted because my daughter couldn't calmly say she wanted to

sit in the commons because the classroom was too loud and she wanted to make up

her own sentences and not copy any off the board and the teacher kept ordering

her to sit down and copy the first three sentences off the board. No one asked

Kendra why she was refusing to do her work.

We can't guess what's in anyone's mind - especially kids!

Sorry so long,

Barbara

> Hi ,

> > Your story brings back a memory from when I was about six years old.  I

did not like one of the female caretakers in the children's home I was in and

couldn't tell anyone why because it seemed so silly.  It was because her red

speckled face looked like the tomato soup they fed us, which I hated.  The

little girl in your story may have a similar reason for not liking you that has

absolutely nothing to do with you.  Perhaps you remind her of someone or

something else that stirs up unpleasant emotions for her.  NOTHING to do with

you as a valuable human being or teacher. 

[Guest guest]

Yes, ultimately one has to allow them to be...the energy one spends on trying to

get rid of them, does the opposite..

It is not you who is having those thoughts, or you could control them...they are

the thought machine that you are identifying as you...

The exercise to label thoughts/sensations/feelings just for what they are is

great for thoughts/emotions that have a grip over you...or correctly reframe

it...

Ex: Instead of saying " I'm depressed, " it proposes saying " I'm having the

thought that I'm depressed. "

When you feel the feeling of fear, instead of saying " Im scared " , it proposes

saying " There is a feeling of fear "

Instead of saying " Im anxious " , you would say something like " My mind is having

anxious thoughts " , or " there is the thought of so and so "

See in, all those original statements, you are identifying the thought or the

feeling as you... " Im depressed " , " Im anxious " ...this gives you some distance to

allow it just to be as it truly is, which is, a thought, a feeling...nothing

more nothing less

Best,

VC

> > >

> > >

> > > - What the little girl said is not nearly as important as how you

think about what the little girl said. The little girl said what she said - that

is a fact. What you did with that fact is the problem. You made up (thinking

self) some scenarios to explain the fact. And then you bought into those

thoughts which generated more thoughts which you also bought into. I call this

going down a rabbit hole. The fact presents the opportunity for a rabbit hole.

Your thinking about the fact is the hole itself. I use the ACT core principle

OBSERVING SELF to notice the hole entrance. Then I decide whether going down the

hole is useful to living a valued life . If not I DEFUSE from the thoughts that

created the hole (the fact did not create the hole. How I thought about the fact

did). As I'm learning I have to be careful of how I think about the hole during

DEFUSION. If I'm afraid of the hole and try to pretend it is not there that's

avoidance, a bad thing. Just notice the hole, thank your thinking self for

presenting the hole, and go about your business of living a valued life. The

thinking self is just doing it's job of presenting every imaginable peril we

might face. We must use other parts of our brain to evaluate the usefulness of

crap the thinking self puts out.

> > > Bill

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > From: hbbr@

> > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 09:51:52 +0000

> > > Subject: Re: Need help with my anxious thoughts

> > >

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> > >

> > > Hi ,

> > >

> > > Your story brings back a memory from when I was about six years old. I

did not like one of the female caretakers in the children's home I was in and

couldn't tell anyone why because it seemed so silly. It was because her red

speckled face looked like the tomato soup they fed us, which I hated. The

little girl in your story may have a similar reason for not liking you that has

absolutely nothing to do with you. Perhaps you remind her of someone or

something else that stirs up unpleasant emotions for her. NOTHING to do with

you as a valuable human being or teacher.

> > >

> > > I think you could view turning the little girl over to another teacher as

a compassionate, selfless act since you are removing yourself from a situation

that stirs up negative thoughts in the child that could impede her progress. As

for feeling like an incompetent teacher and that you should have stuck it out,

that may have fed your ego and made you feel better, but may have been wrong for

the child. You did the RIGHT thing, IMO (I'm not particularly humble, so I skip

the 'H' : )

> > >

> > > Helena

> > >

> > >

> > > Need help with my anxious thoughts

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I posted earlier that I had begun my school year again. I have a new

little girl who is developmentally delayed. She is in a regular kindergarten

class and I pull her to work with her. Well the first day I was working with her

she said " I not like you. You go away. " Then just rolled her eyes. Well my

thought machine went to work, " There must be something wrong with you. "

Truthfully it did really hurt my feelings. I felt so defeated. My anxiety level

went up. Then I went into the " don't feel this way " mode. I am trying to accept

and be compassionate with myself for feeling that way, but I still just want it

to go away. The little girl has continued to say that and not wanted to work

with me every time I try to work with her, to the point that I dread my whole

day because I know I have to work with her. Then I beat myself up for " letting

her get to me " . I know that is not being compassionate to myself but I keep

feeling like I have got to get over it to be able to enjoy my school year. So,

today the other special ed teacher worked with her and she didn't act that way

towards her. That got my thought machine going too, saying what is wrong with

me. Why doesn't she do that to her too. The other teacher said that she would

work with her instead since we did not seem to be getting along. I asked her if

she would do that. That was a huge relief as my anxiety has continued to

escalate all week,but then my thinking machine says " you are a failure for

handing her off to another teacher. A good teacher wouldn't do that. A good

teacher would not have let a student get to her like that. " What do yall think?

Am I being a " wimp " for handing her off to another teacher, or is it okay to let

her work with someone else if they seem to have a better rapport? I can't shake

the feelings and thoughts that I " should " have stuck it out. So, I need ACT

advice!!!! BIG TIME!!!

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,Thank you for writing in such an honest way about your thoughts and feelings. I can really feel your struggle.As a anxiety struggler i have found help in asking myself if its a "mathproblem" i'm trying to solve or if it's a "sunset" that could be fully appreciated. Your mathproblem could be your "anxietyproblem", or "the little girlproblem". Your mind needs to solve this problem, that's what it's designed for by evolution. But just as with a sunset, you could also look at your anxiety, appreciate the different aspects of it, without judging it. And just as with a sunset, you could look at the little girl, be mindful of her behavior, her life, surroundings, and be mindful towards your own

behavior, your thoughts and feelings, and appreciate (not necessarily like ;-) the many different aspects of that experience with her. Be mindful of how your mind looks at her as a problem, and wants to solve it. A great side effect of looking at my anxiety as if it was a sunset is that i automatically become compassionate towards myself and my mind. Then there's no "thinking" that i should be more compassionate. After my mind calms down a bit I try to gently turn back towards what i value. Which for you might very well be handing the little girl over to someone she responds better to. By the way, there are plenty of times i keep struggling, but i try to look at that in an appreciative way as well.The sunset/mathproblem is one of the first distinctions makes in his book "Things might go terribly horribly wrong", which deals with anxiety. If you don't have it and you

want to know exactly what he writes about it, do a search on google books. It's easy to find. But better is to buy the book, it's great. talks about this distinction as well in his blog on Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind/200902/sunset-mode-mind.Hope this helps!Kind regards,To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, August 13, 2010 12:59:30 AMSubject: Need help with my anxious thoughts

I posted earlier that I had begun my school year again. I have a new little girl who is developmentally delayed. She is in a regular kindergarten class and I pull her to work with her. Well the first day I was working with her she said "I not like you. You go away." Then just rolled her eyes. Well my thought machine went to work, "There must be something wrong with you." Truthfully it did really hurt my feelings. I felt so defeated. My anxiety level went up. Then I went into the "don't feel this way" mode. I am trying to accept and be compassionate with myself for feeling that way, but I still just want it to go away. The little girl has continued to say that and not wanted to work with me every time I try to work with her, to the point that I dread my whole day because I know I have to work with her. Then I beat myself up for "letting her get to me". I know that is not being compassionate to myself but I keep feeling like I have got to get over

it to be able to enjoy my school year. So, today the other special ed teacher worked with her and she didn't act that way towards her. That got my thought machine going too, saying what is wrong with me. Why doesn't she do that to her too. The other teacher said that she would work with her instead since we did not seem to be getting along. I asked her if she would do that. That was a huge relief as my anxiety has continued to escalate all week,but then my thinking machine says "you are a failure for handing her off to another teacher. A good teacher wouldn't do that. A good teacher would not have let a student get to her like that." What do yall think? Am I being a "wimp" for handing her off to another teacher, or is it okay to let her work with someone else if they seem to have a better rapport? I can't shake the feelings and thoughts that I "should" have stuck it out. So, I need ACT advice!!!! BIG TIME!!!

[Guest guest]

Yes, I do see an ACT counselor, but i have only just begun.He is actually one of

's students!! How lucky is that!! 3 sessions so far, but I am

scheduled for one this week. I love your advice, Kate. It makes a lot of sense

and sounds like a good place for me to get to. I am such an emotional

perfectionist because I tend to think if I let the scary emotions in, they will

overtake me and ruin me as a person. I think I understand ACT till something

like this hits and then I feel like a failure at ACT, like I just want to crawl

in a hole and cover up my head.I am currently so consumed by this sense of panic

and fear that I am not able to dwell on anything else.I guess these feelings

feel like such a threat to my well being that I am unfortunately picking up the

chess pieces and fighting like crazy, for survival like my brain evolved to do.

That part I get. I know this is a good opportunity to practice my skills, but

the intensity of the anxiety is so strong that I feel like I can't practice

effectively. So, I start wondering if stepping back from the job just to

hopefully give my mind a break from the anxiety and stress makes sense. I am ok

at my job until some child's response to me can make me feel so rejected and

like I want to scream and run down the road and throws me into this downward

spiral. The possibility of rejection in this type job is possible on a minute by

minute basis, so long as I am doing well with a student, I am feeling good about

myself, but the minute a student disrespects me or rejects me like the little

girl did , I crumble. So, then I start viewing my whole world this way. The

sense of rejection overtakes everything, so everyday I go to school, I know that

there is a possibility of rejection. So, I tend to try to overachieve to keep

the rejection and accompanying bad feelings from happening. That then leads to

burnout and stress and inevitably another emotional crash when I fail with

another student. So ,I feel like that is a good assessment of what I do. Is

there some other career else out there that might not hold such possibility of

rejection for me and still be of value? I don't know. Am I going have to face

this no matter what? Is it okay to want to take myself away from this situation

that has caused me these problems periodically the whole time I have been a

teacher?? What does compassion towards my self look like in this situation?? I

know I am rambling and posting a lot but it is because I think all of you have

such great ACT insight that might help direct me!!! More of your insightful

opinions really are needed. THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!

>

> >

> >

> > Thanks Bill, I understand what you are saying. At the moment I am having

> > great trouble with application. I think once again, that my real problem is

> > the anxiety I get. When some child says or does something that causes

> > anxiety, I just go down so quickly. So, I start dreading every encounter

> > with a child because they might say or do something that will trigger my

> > anxiety, which in turn causes me to not eat, sleep etc. It is making me want

> > to quit my job all together. I have been at this for 25 years, so is it

> > reasonable to think that it is ok to want out? I feel just burned out with

> > dealing with children with problems, or is that just my anxiety talking, I

> > don't know.Just knowing there is a daily possibility of a disrespectful or

> > defiant child has me tied up in knots. I just know I am looking for relief

> > and wonder if a job change or a break from a job at all for a little while

> > would be an okay present to give myself. My thinking self says, no, you must

> > not be a quitter.

> >

> >

> > -

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I wonder if there isn't a perfectionist streak in you?

Let me explain. I work as a proofreader and copyeditor -- a job I am

reasonably good at. And my " payoff " comes when I finish a project and I

know I've given it all I have, and then some, and usually ahead of

schedule. Of course, every once in a while, looking at the finished

product, I'd spot something I'd missed -- usually nothing major, but

annoying nevertheless. This would throw me into a funk for days on end.

I'd feel worthless and somehow all the good ever I'd done, and the kudos

I'd received, counted for nothing. Zero. Nada. I'd be down for days on

end, and wonder if the people I worked for would ever entrust me with a

job again. This state of affairs would often last until they did,

indeed, provide me with more work. But even so, the next time I or my

employers found something I missed, the cycle would start all over

again. I would often think that " I'm only as good as my last job. "

Now that I'm learning some ACT skills, hopefully such episodes will

become less intense.

Regards,

Detlef

> >

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> >

> > > > Thanks Bill, I understand what you are saying. At the moment I

am having

> >

> > > > great trouble with application. I think once again, that my real

problem is

> >

> > > > the anxiety I get. When some child says or does something that

causes

> >

> > > > anxiety, I just go down so quickly. So, I start dreading every

encounter

> >

> > > > with a child because they might say or do something that will

trigger my

> >

> > > > anxiety, which in turn causes me to not eat, sleep etc. It is

making me want

> >

> > > > to quit my job all together. I have been at this for 25 years,

so is it

> >

> > > > reasonable to think that it is ok to want out? I feel just

burned out with

> >

> > > > dealing with children with problems, or is that just my anxiety

talking, I

> >

> > > > don't know.Just knowing there is a daily possibility of a

disrespectful or

> >

> > > > defiant child has me tied up in knots. I just know I am looking

for relief

> >

> > > > and wonder if a job change or a break from a job at all for a

little while

> >

> > > > would be an okay present to give myself. My thinking self says,

no, you must

> >

> > > > not be a quitter.

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > > -

> >

> > > >

> >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You sound like my clone!!! I know that about myself,the perfectionism, but as we

learn in ACT just knowing our problem will not make it go away. I appreciated

hearing how small details can be what brings you down the hardest. That is

usually what happens to me like the child who rejected me. I then have to try to

defuse from thoughts that say I really am a loser if I let something so trivial

upset me. It is amazing and scary to me that all the good things we have done

can diminish and seem so unworthy in the face of the latest " so called " failure

or mistake. What particular pieces of ACT help you with that perfectionism,

Detlef?

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Thanks Bill, I understand what you are saying. At the moment I

> am having

> > >

> > > > > great trouble with application. I think once again, that my real

> problem is

> > >

> > > > > the anxiety I get. When some child says or does something that

> causes

> > >

> > > > > anxiety, I just go down so quickly. So, I start dreading every

> encounter

> > >

> > > > > with a child because they might say or do something that will

> trigger my

> > >

> > > > > anxiety, which in turn causes me to not eat, sleep etc. It is

> making me want

> > >

> > > > > to quit my job all together. I have been at this for 25 years,

> so is it

> > >

> > > > > reasonable to think that it is ok to want out? I feel just

> burned out with

> > >

> > > > > dealing with children with problems, or is that just my anxiety

> talking, I

> > >

> > > > > don't know.Just knowing there is a daily possibility of a

> disrespectful or

> > >

> > > > > defiant child has me tied up in knots. I just know I am looking

> for relief

> > >

> > > > > and wonder if a job change or a break from a job at all for a

> little while

> > >

> > > > > would be an okay present to give myself. My thinking self says,

> no, you must

> > >

> > > > > not be a quitter.

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > > > -

> > >

> > > > >

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

For me it's just trying to watch the thoughts, to catch myself in the

act, so to speak, instead of being so ensnared that I'm just lost in

them. It's difficult to alter habitual ways of thinking. I'm really just

at the beginning of learning ACT.

Regards,

Detlef

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > Thanks Bill, I understand what you are saying. At the moment

I

> > am having

> > > >

> > > > > > great trouble with application. I think once again, that my

real

> > problem is

> > > >

> > > > > > the anxiety I get. When some child says or does something

that

> > causes

> > > >

> > > > > > anxiety, I just go down so quickly. So, I start dreading

every

> > encounter

> > > >

> > > > > > with a child because they might say or do something that

will

> > trigger my

> > > >

> > > > > > anxiety, which in turn causes me to not eat, sleep etc. It

is

> > making me want

> > > >

> > > > > > to quit my job all together. I have been at this for 25

years,

> > so is it

> > > >

> > > > > > reasonable to think that it is ok to want out? I feel just

> > burned out with

> > > >

> > > > > > dealing with children with problems, or is that just my

anxiety

> > talking, I

> > > >

> > > > > > don't know.Just knowing there is a daily possibility of a

> > disrespectful or

> > > >

> > > > > > defiant child has me tied up in knots. I just know I am

looking

> > for relief

> > > >

> > > > > > and wonder if a job change or a break from a job at all for

a

> > little while

> > > >

> > > > > > would be an okay present to give myself. My thinking self

says,

> > no, you must

> > > >

> > > > > > not be a quitter.

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > -

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>