Re: Re: Giving up alcohol (long response)

[Guest guest]

I am working on a book right now, two actually, one for the public, one for professionals on alcoholism/addiction. I wish they were done, haring you reach out, but they are not. Both of the books suggest 12-step programs as an adjunct. I don't think they are necessary. There is a lot of mythology around AA, lots of bullshit, lots of wrong ideas, but at its core, there is a lot of ACT compatible stuff and I think there are ways to work with what is not ACT compatible. What you end up with is the only really super available support groups on the planet, and I am a real believer in community. There are alternatives, Rational Recovery, Overcomers, and a bunch of others. Some, like Overcomers is very specifically and explicitly religious. Rational Recovery is explicitly not religious. The problem with all of them is that they are just not very widespread.I have worked with a lot of people and helped them to let go of what is not useful in AA and pick up what is useful. I never, ever push clients to go. Never. But I suggest it, along with ways to understand AA in ACT friendly terms. The books will describe the use of ACT with or without 12-step as an addition. Many get sober without it. Many get sober with it. I recommend it because it has a lot of good qualities (along with bad, but hey, it is a real world, I have good and bad qualities, and so does everything else)Here is a little something from the book on the "one drink" problem Some substances make it easier to use other

substances or more of the same substance. Some substances, and alcohol is a

great example, have disinhibiting effects. This just means that when you want

to do something, but are inhibited for any reason, the drug eases some of that

inhibition. So, for example, if you are at the bar and the band starts playing,

you might be a little reluctant to step out on the dance floor. You want to,

but feel a little inhibited. You have a couple drinks and inhibition melts

away. This is not in and of itself a bad thing, if what you feel inhibited

about is asking someone to dance. But what if the thing you feel like doing,

but feel inhibited about, is having another drink or using some cocaine.

Alcohol has the same effect on those inhibitions. In AA, they sometimes say

“One drink. One drunk.” This is not strictly true, but there is some basis for

concern. Being able to accurately estimate one’s blood alcohol does not make

the person immune from disinhibition or lapses in judgement. There are good

reasons that there are laws against driving while under the influence of even a

small amount of alcohol. Many substances make people feel more competent and

confident and less anxious. There is no good reason to imagine judgments about

whether or not to drink or use are left untouched.

The big hurdle you mention is the god thing. You are way way not alone. Here are a couple ideas that might help. One of the sections in the book is called "But I hate AA!" and a subsection of that is called "I hate all the god stuff."I hate all the god stuff There

is not doubt that there is a lot of god stuff going on at AA. The good news is

that there is quite a bit of room for your own personal spiritual beliefs

within AA. The tolerance for spiritual beliefs in AA is quite old. It is

interesting that the first AA, Bill , was from New York. He called on the

second AA, Dr. Bob , while in Akron, Ohio for business. Dr. Bob had been

very involved with an organization called the Oxford Group. Bill had also been

exposed to that group but shied away from some of its more absolutistic

spiritual doctrine. In the early years of AA, had it been left entirely to the

Akron faction of AA, there would have likely been a far stricter set of

spiritual views in AA. But those darned New Yorkers were a more diverse lot and

did not much like being told what to believe or what to do. As result, the AA basic text emphasizes

again and again the idea of God as we understood him and a generic higher power. In fact, depending on

where you are in the country, you may find a lot of people disaffected with

organized religion in AA. I have interviewed people with all manner of beliefs

who have found AA useful, including people who believed in traditional

religions, but also individuals who held nature are a higher power, love as a

higher power, and fellowship as a higher power. I have even met devout atheists

who were regular AA’s.As described above, this relative openness

is by design. Here is what Bill had to say on the topic in his book AA Comes of Age:Who first suggested the actual compromise

words I do not know, but they are words well-known throughout the length and

breadth of AA today: In Step Two we decided to describe God as a ‘Power greater

than ourselves.’ In Steps Three and Eleven we inserted the words ‘God as we

understood him.’ From Step Seven we deleted the expression ‘on our knees.’ And,

as a lead-in sentence to all the steps we wrote the words: ‘Here are the steps

we took which are suggested as a Program of Recovery.’ AA's Twelve Steps were

to be suggestions only.Such were the final concessions to those of

little or no faith; this was the great contribution of our atheists and

agnostics. They had widened our gateway so that all who suffer might pass

through, regardless of their belief or lack of belief. (Alcoholics Anonymous,

1957, p. 167) If

you go to AA and anyone tries to bully you about spiritual matters. Show them

this quotation, from one of their own books, and calmly ask them to show you

where in any of the AA texts it says that members should bully other members

about their spiritual beliefs. They will likely shut up. Folks in AA generally

have respect for the AA texts. Bill is clearly acknowledging the

contributions of people who struggle with this aspect of the program, just like

you. They made a contribution to AA and so can you. If you go online and search

AA and atheism you will get many, many hits. Some will go on a tirade about AA

being a religious cult. Some will say participation in AA is impossible if you

are an atheist. But some will say things like I have been sober in AA for 20

years and am as much an atheist as I was the day I walked in the door. Clearly,

it is possible. More challenging? Perhaps so. But if you are an atheist reading

these sentences, that challenge is something you already know about.Go to the library, get a copy of AA Comes of Age, copy the above quoted page, fold it up and put it in your wallet, and hand it to anyone who give you trouble.One thing that helps a lot of people is the addition of a single "o" - -as in the letter o. Some people say god is good. OK, so if god = good, then would you consider turning your will and your life over to the care of good, or perhaps good as you understand it. Consider it right now. Stop a moment. Let your eyes go closed. Settle into your own breath. And ask your self in the kindest, gentlest way, what it might mean to turn your life over to good as you understand it? What if your understanding of good could grow and inform you? See, by the addition of a single letter, the question becomes a matter of bringing one's life gently in alignment with a growing and developing sense of a valued pattern.They say god, you hear good.

I would absolutely not go to AA and argue about god. That is pretty much of a bootless task anywhere. And converting people to atheism is not your purpose at those meetings.Stick to your purpose--finding a safe supportive place to get sober.Here are two things I have published on ACT and 12-step. Unfortunately, they are both written for professionals, but they do say a bit about ACT principles and recovery. In the meantime, friend, I will see if I can't get this book finished up.And, really, really, you don't have to live that way anymore. You really don't and your mind does not have to agree.Just to reiterate. I am absolutely not saying people beed to go to AA to get sober. They do not. Many many people get sober elsewhere. And, you may find something useful.peace,http://dl.dropbox.com/u/9147591/%202000-Exploring%20Compatibilities%20Between%20Acceptance%20and.pdfhttp://dl.dropbox.com/u/9147591/%202004-ACT%20for%20Substance%20Abuse%20and.pdf

G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com

Thanks so much for the support, Helena. I'm touched, and your words are a huge help. And congratulations for breaking free from it yourself. That also gives me hope.

I wish I could believe in a loving god, or bodhisattvas, or whatever... I can see how religion can give people enormous strength. But I just don't see any evidence. Maybe belief in the ideal image can be almost as helpful as belief in the metaphysical reality? ( Gilbert actually suggests this).

Thanks again,

bb

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> You are not a loser. You are a winner for writing this message and getting the ball to sobriety rolling. I was in the same boat during the 90's, which had much to do with living with an alcoholic, abusive boyfriend. I had to come to the realization that alcohol was not working for me anymore. Self medicating had become self abuse. I joined an online support group for awhile, which was helpful.

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> I dislike AA also; I do not believe in a higher power since the power is within each of us. For me, the power is self love--maybe you could consider that a higher power, but not in AA terms. It's OK if others believe in a spiritual higher power--whatever works for them.Â

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> I just want to congratulate you for your courage in putting this out there. I'll look forward to hearing what others have to say. I'm sure ACT is totally appropriate and helpful when applied to any addiction or bad habit. I'm rooting for you { big hugs} .

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> Helena

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> Giving up alcohol

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> I think it's time I admitted that alcohol is a real problem for me. Surely it's not coincidence that my crash back into depression, anxiety and insomnia this week was preceded by four days of binge drinking. And I've lost count of the number of times drunkenness has made me do or say something I regretted.

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> So I'm quitting completely (or at least until the end of the year so I can see how extended sobriety feels). Problem is, I've tried giving up over and over again, only to allow myself "just the one" which ends up being ten. The very fact that giving up is so hard should clue me in that booze is a problem for me!

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> How can ACT help? Anyone got any tips? And any other ideas? I don't want to join a 12-step programme because I don't believe in a higher power.

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> Meh. I feel like such a loser.

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> thanks,

> bb

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