my situation (long)

[Guest guest]

I've gone no contact with my nada. I just moved from my city.

The straws were when she kept calling child protective services on me

telling lies. She'd never use her real name, but the things the

social workers told me about were things she only knew. A fight I'd

had with my daughter that I'd only told her about. Something about me

that I shared with no one else.

The investigations went nowhere of course, but my daughter was upset

and threatened to have to talk to social workers. They'd pull her out

of class, we'd come home and one would be waiting at the door.

I confronted her and even my child knew she was lying. She said

someone in her office heard her talking on the phone and must have

called child protective services on me.

My nada became very threatened when I mentioned moving out of town

before (she rarely comes to see me though, and is never available for

babysitting if I need help. She will see my child on her schedule

only). Nada said she wants grandparent's visitation and the rights to

control my money and not allow me to move because I'm crazy.

She was trying to take the most/only thing that matters in the world

to me, my daughter. It felt evil. I called a lawyer for advice and

they couldn't consult with me because my nada already contacted them

about me and my daughter.

Another lawyer tells me nada can take me to court for grandparent's

visitation. The lawyer tells me I have the right to leave the city

and am competent until proven crazy, but I can be taken to court.

My nada's sisters help her. Most have issues with their children.

They regard their children as the enemy, innately flawed and crazy,

and the causes for their own difficulties, at least some of the time.

My nada has always considered me flawed, as far back as I remember

she's told me that there is something wrong with me, that I'm

different from other people and not good enough to be accepted or

liked by anyone. She told me when I married and had a child, she was

floored but she knew I'd soon be divorced because I was impossible to

have a relationship with (I left him because of physical abuse).

My cousin is no contact with her nada and tells me the sisters are

relentless. They support each other in the persecution of their adult

children and won't let up. They like to use the system. Several of

my cousins have lost their kids, were embroiled in court battles or

simply packed and fled them. A tactic my aunt used with another one

of her daughter's was to lend a sympathetic ear to her problems and

offer to watch the children. Then she called child protective

services and said the mother abandoned them with her and the children

are severely abused and neglected, exaggerating what her daughter had

told her about her problems, and the children weren't allowed to

return home.

If my nada gets me in court, she will have her entire family there

testifying how crazy and awful I am.

So I left. I spent my savings moving and my daughter was upset to

leave school before the end of the year. I feel overwhelmed,

depressed and alone in this new place.

[Guest guest]

I am sorry you and your cousins have to go through court with your

mothers. But I can offer you words of comfort that you can make it.

My mom took me there to it was long, painful, and expensive. **But

in the end I have my boys**. I did strongly depend on others for

support, like the church and what little family I had left. Prozac

helps to;)lol I really think you did the right thing by moving away.

Thats to bad that your daughter is sad but kids bounce back and

hopefuly when she is older she will understand. We moved in the

middle of the school year to my son was upset but after a week or 2

he didn't even miss his old school (He is very young though). Even

if times seem at the very worst just don't give up faith you have to

believe something will come through! The judge even granted my nada

partial custody and I thought it was over. But after just 1 visit we

got most of our money back and all charges were dropped. So it

really takes faith and calm nerves. Your daughter can probly sence

when you feel razzed or on edge and I am sure it makes her scared or

upset. I know my kids sence when I am stessed and then they feel it

to and wear me down more. So truly if you ever feel you are getting

to that point just take care of yourself to! You know everybody at

this group are here for you when you need kind words. We care and we

have been there to and we can do this together. Huggs to you. Lizzy

>

> I've gone no contact with my nada. I just moved from my city.

>

> The straws were when she kept calling child protective services on

me

> telling lies. She'd never use her real name, but the things the

> social workers told me about were things she only knew. A fight

I'd

> had with my daughter that I'd only told her about. Something

about me

> that I shared with no one else.

>

> The investigations went nowhere of course, but my daughter was

upset

> and threatened to have to talk to social workers. They'd pull her

out

> of class, we'd come home and one would be waiting at the door.

>

> I confronted her and even my child knew she was lying. She said

> someone in her office heard her talking on the phone and must have

> called child protective services on me.

>

> My nada became very threatened when I mentioned moving out of town

> before (she rarely comes to see me though, and is never available

for

> babysitting if I need help. She will see my child on her schedule

> only). Nada said she wants grandparent's visitation and the

rights to

> control my money and not allow me to move because I'm crazy.

>

> She was trying to take the most/only thing that matters in the

world

> to me, my daughter. It felt evil. I called a lawyer for advice

and

> they couldn't consult with me because my nada already contacted

them

> about me and my daughter.

>

> Another lawyer tells me nada can take me to court for grandparent's

> visitation. The lawyer tells me I have the right to leave the city

> and am competent until proven crazy, but I can be taken to court.

>

> My nada's sisters help her. Most have issues with their children.

> They regard their children as the enemy, innately flawed and crazy,

> and the causes for their own difficulties, at least some of the

time.

>

> My nada has always considered me flawed, as far back as I remember

> she's told me that there is something wrong with me, that I'm

> different from other people and not good enough to be accepted or

> liked by anyone. She told me when I married and had a child, she

was

> floored but she knew I'd soon be divorced because I was impossible

to

> have a relationship with (I left him because of physical abuse).

>

> My cousin is no contact with her nada and tells me the sisters are

> relentless. They support each other in the persecution of their

adult

> children and won't let up. They like to use the system. Several

of

> my cousins have lost their kids, were embroiled in court battles or

> simply packed and fled them. A tactic my aunt used with another

one

> of her daughter's was to lend a sympathetic ear to her problems and

> offer to watch the children. Then she called child protective

> services and said the mother abandoned them with her and the

children

> are severely abused and neglected, exaggerating what her daughter

had

> told her about her problems, and the children weren't allowed to

> return home.

>

> If my nada gets me in court, she will have her entire family there

> testifying how crazy and awful I am.

>

> So I left. I spent my savings moving and my daughter was upset to

> leave school before the end of the year. I feel overwhelmed,

> depressed and alone in this new place.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your words of wisdom, Sylvia.

I needed to hear them. I'm pushing myself, frantic to get the house

together, feeling anxiety on the brink of panic.

Kind and gentle is a good reminder. Baby steps, baby steps!

Moonlight

> Often after we take such significant action there is a big let down.

> You have removed nada from your life, but now there is this empty

> space that she filled - even if it was with her toxic relationship.

> It is a strange feeling to have that gone, but it can be

> uncomfortable because it is still empty, and you won't be able to

> fill it with good stuff all at once.

>

> Know that you are deserving of peace and happiness. Understand that

> you are still hurting and have a great deal to heal from. Give

> yourself permission to be yourself, to experiment with doing

> different things until you feel more comfortable as yourself.

>

> Take baby steps in all the changes you try to make, little changes

> along the way will really add up eventually.

>

> Be kind and gentle to yourself,

>

>

[Guest guest]

In the 70's the concept of a " safe place " came into being. I looked for this

primarily in the workplace and came to the conclusion a safe place is a farce.

Then, early in this list, I don't remember who, someone talked about

handwriting and making their own safe place. Making their own safe place---duh,

what an idea. It's a keeper. Anyway, if you keep the thought in your mind

that you are building a safe place for you and your daughter it may go easier.

The important thing is that you have acted to protect you and your family. It

will help if you can first begin to let go of the past, only then can you fill

it with the future.

Re: my situation (long)

Thanks for your words of wisdom, Sylvia.

I needed to hear them. I'm pushing myself, frantic to get the house

together, feeling anxiety on the brink of panic.

Kind and gentle is a good reminder. Baby steps, baby steps!

Moonlight

> Often after we take such significant action there is a big let down.

> You have removed nada from your life, but now there is this empty

> space that she filled - even if it was with her toxic relationship.

> It is a strange feeling to have that gone, but it can be

> uncomfortable because it is still empty, and you won't be able to

> fill it with good stuff all at once.

>

> Know that you are deserving of peace and happiness. Understand that

> you are still hurting and have a great deal to heal from. Give

> yourself permission to be yourself, to experiment with doing

> different things until you feel more comfortable as yourself.

>

> Take baby steps in all the changes you try to make, little changes

> along the way will really add up eventually.

>

> Be kind and gentle to yourself,

>

>

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Holy smokes. I hate to say it, but your situation is my greatest fear of where

things could lead. I am so sorry! I am glad you have found the group. And I

hope everyone can be a support and encouragement during your time of need. It

sounds as if you have been very strong so far. Hang in there! Your daughter

deserves it and is worth it.

BUtifulGrace

" moonlight.tears " wrote:

I've gone no contact with my nada. I just moved from my city.

The straws were when she kept calling child protective services on me

telling lies. She'd never use her real name, but the things the

social workers told me about were things she only knew. A fight I'd

had with my daughter that I'd only told her about. Something about me

that I shared with no one else.

The investigations went nowhere of course, but my daughter was upset

and threatened to have to talk to social workers. They'd pull her out

of class, we'd come home and one would be waiting at the door.

I confronted her and even my child knew she was lying. She said

someone in her office heard her talking on the phone and must have

called child protective services on me.

My nada became very threatened when I mentioned moving out of town

before (she rarely comes to see me though, and is never available for

babysitting if I need help. She will see my child on her schedule

only). Nada said she wants grandparent's visitation and the rights to

control my money and not allow me to move because I'm crazy.

She was trying to take the most/only thing that matters in the world

to me, my daughter. It felt evil. I called a lawyer for advice and

they couldn't consult with me because my nada already contacted them

about me and my daughter.

Another lawyer tells me nada can take me to court for grandparent's

visitation. The lawyer tells me I have the right to leave the city

and am competent until proven crazy, but I can be taken to court.

My nada's sisters help her. Most have issues with their children.

They regard their children as the enemy, innately flawed and crazy,

and the causes for their own difficulties, at least some of the time.

My nada has always considered me flawed, as far back as I remember

she's told me that there is something wrong with me, that I'm

different from other people and not good enough to be accepted or

liked by anyone. She told me when I married and had a child, she was

floored but she knew I'd soon be divorced because I was impossible to

have a relationship with (I left him because of physical abuse).

My cousin is no contact with her nada and tells me the sisters are

relentless. They support each other in the persecution of their adult

children and won't let up. They like to use the system. Several of

my cousins have lost their kids, were embroiled in court battles or

simply packed and fled them. A tactic my aunt used with another one

of her daughter's was to lend a sympathetic ear to her problems and

offer to watch the children. Then she called child protective

services and said the mother abandoned them with her and the children

are severely abused and neglected, exaggerating what her daughter had

told her about her problems, and the children weren't allowed to

return home.

If my nada gets me in court, she will have her entire family there

testifying how crazy and awful I am.

So I left. I spent my savings moving and my daughter was upset to

leave school before the end of the year. I feel overwhelmed,

depressed and alone in this new place.

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline

Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.