Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 While it's true that ACT can be and is used as a self-help resource, often to good effect, it's also true that for many the understanding and perspective of an ACT practitioner can turn a months- or years-long struggle into something approaching resolution to that struggle. I am reminded of that old saying, " The right tools in the wrong hands... " (Please note, this is not aimed specifically at you, but is a response to the meaning I perceive in reading a great many of the posts here -- and I read every one. I'm up to 1,619 posts!) Regards, and best wishes, Detlef > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > Thanks, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 What am I reading? I'm reading that book at the top of the page here, " Get out of your mind and into your life. " I've also been reading some 12 step literature, which sometimes seems compatible and sometimes doesn't. Was that what you were asking? > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > Thanks, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 If the post is not aimed at me, why didn't you start a new thread? Are you suggesting that by not trying to avoid sadness I'm doing it wrong? > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting > my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But > it really hurts. > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to > show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help > would be greatly appreciated. > > > > Thanks, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 It was VERY hard for me to get my head around the concept of " not taking my thoughts literally, " as I never considered any other way of existing. I have read the whole book, I find it fascinating. It has absolutely worked for me. If you're asking which defusion exercise works best for me, it is the " funny voice " exercise, where I say things like a cartoon character. Also I LOVE the " white queen. " I used to obsess over and over about being " right. " Now I just think, " the White Queen has decreed that you are right! So what? " It's so liberating!! > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: erikswanson99@...Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000Subject: How to be sad at work Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 You're right, perhaps I should have. It's just that I see quite a few people going it alone and seemingly floundering, often painfully, when working alongside a therapist might help them work through the knots that can and do so easily develop. Perhaps easy for me to say, as I more or less 'fell into " a therapeutic relationship thanks to a knowledgeable GP who provided the reference. Prior to my first meeting with the psychiatrist who practices ACT I'd never heard of ACT. I'm really very happy that I was the recipient of such a fortuitous happenstance, but I realize that for some here, access to a practitioner may not be easy or even possible. But to those who are able to access a practitioner, I'd say don't hesitate -- even if it's only for those occasions when neither the excellent books and other materials, nor the good people here, are able to provide the assistance needed. Stating the obvious, I suppose. Please accept my apologies if I offended anyone, Sincerely, Detlef > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting > > my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But > > it really hurts. > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to > > show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help > > would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 I think you guys are misunderstanding me. I'm not depressed. I'm sad over a specific event. I'll get over it. I feel like ACT is helping me to accept my feelings better. I think this pain is a good thing. I just don't quite know how to express it appropriately in a work setting. I feel a little weird crying in front of my computer. I find THIS useful! I find sadness useful! Shouldn't it be? > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > From: erikswanson99@... > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > Thanks, > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Pain is a friend and shouldn't be avoided...all energy is useful energy whether we see it in the moment or not... Write it down if it is an inappropriate place to express it exteriorly, or let it out on a break...crying is your internal way of releasing...ITS GREAT!!! I have been there before too...except I did cry, but thankfully I have my own office... Best, VC > > > > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > From: erikswanson99@ > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Thanks for the additional information and clarification. I'm glad you are okay. Nothing wrong with sadness or crying. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: erikswanson99@...Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 17:12:34 +0000Subject: Re: How to be sad at work I think you guys are misunderstanding me. I'm not depressed. I'm sad over a specific event. I'll get over it. I feel like ACT is helping me to accept my feelings better. I think this pain is a good thing. I just don't quite know how to express it appropriately in a work setting. I feel a little weird crying in front of my computer. I find THIS useful! I find sadness useful! Shouldn't it be? > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > From: erikswanson99@... > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > Thanks, > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 i am sorry you are sad today. yet it is good you are feeling your feelings of sadness instead of ignoring your true experience. i personally have had to get used to people in public seeing my " leaky weepers " which is what i call my eyes when i can't help but cry or have been crying. it is truly an exercise in watching my thoughts and not getting hooked by them. i tell ya, i'm still having to work hard on that one! hang in there! and congrats on Getting Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life! grasshopper > > > > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > From: erikswanson99@ > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Albert Camus said: live to the point of tears.I like it.I can hardly think of any professional activity I engage in where I have not cried.Psychotherapy, workshops, clinical supervision, undergraduate and graduate advising, grad and undergrad lectures, plenary addresses, writing. I also can hardly think of any when I have not goofed around and laughed to the point of tears.I got me some range:-(...............................:-)Seriously, most of the trouble people have with crying in public is when there is an implicit or explicit demand that other people solve that and/or where the crying starts and the work stops. I have found that the strategic placement of kleenex is not a bad plan and can assist in workflow.I was in Lyon, France about a month ago, had to ask for a kleenex from someone in the audience. Wiped my eyes and honked my running nose like a Canadian goose....and hardly missed a sentence.I have had to learn to work and cry at the same time. It comes with the territory when you are easy to tears. And, I am. People around me are probably a little stranged out by it at first, but over time, they see that the job gets done. On cloudy days and clear........pretty much.I have also been known to induce it in people who spend time with me. My grad student, Regan Slater, says I am an M & M that makes you cry....which makes me smile.peace G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com i am sorry you are sad today. yet it is good you are feeling your feelings of sadness instead of ignoring your true experience. i personally have had to get used to people in public seeing my "leaky weepers" which is what i call my eyes when i can't help but cry or have been crying. it is truly an exercise in watching my thoughts and not getting hooked by them. i tell ya, i'm still having to work hard on that one! hang in there! and congrats on Getting Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life! grasshopper > > > > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > From: erikswanson99@ > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Wow I love to hear this!  I'm such an easy crier and have always felt that I needed to " toughen up " and not be such a " wuss " .  It's great to hear how others deal with and accept this aspect of themselves.  And what a beautiful example you set to others, by showing them your own willingness to express those feelings.  Kate  Albert Camus said: live to the point of tears.I like it.I can hardly think of any professional activity I engage in where I have not cried.Psychotherapy, workshops, clinical supervision, undergraduate and graduate advising, grad and undergrad lectures, plenary addresses, writing. I also can hardly think of any when I have not goofed around and laughed to the point of tears.I got me some range:-(...............................:-) Seriously, most of the trouble people have with crying in public is when there is an implicit or explicit demand that other people solve that and/or where the crying starts and the work stops. I have found that the strategic placement of kleenex is not a bad plan and can assist in workflow. I was in Lyon, France about a month ago, had to ask for a kleenex from someone in the audience. Wiped my eyes and honked my running nose like a Canadian goose....and hardly missed a sentence. I have had to learn to work and cry at the same time. It comes with the territory when you are easy to tears. And, I am. People around me are probably a little stranged out by it at first, but over time, they see that the job gets done. On cloudy days and clear........pretty much. I have also been known to induce it in people who spend time with me. My grad student, Regan Slater, says I am an M & M that makes you cry....which makes me smile.peace  G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm also check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilson www.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com  i am sorry you are sad today. yet it is good you are feeling your feelings of sadness instead of ignoring your true experience. i personally have had to get used to people in public seeing my " leaky weepers " which is what i call my eyes when i can't help but cry or have been crying. it is truly an exercise in watching my thoughts and not getting hooked by them. i tell ya, i'm still having to work hard on that one! hang in there! and congrats on Getting Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life! grasshopper > > > > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > From: erikswanson99@ > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 I cry when I hear the National Anthem, Christmas carols, and watch Hallmark Card commercials, for a start! BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: catherine7250@...Date: Sat, 14 Aug 2010 09:10:15 +1000Subject: Re: Re: How to be sad at work Wow I love to hear this! I'm such an easy crier and have always felt that I needed to "toughen up" and not be such a "wuss". It's great to hear how others deal with and accept this aspect of themselves. And what a beautiful example you set to others, by showing them your own willingness to express those feelings. Kate Albert Camus said: live to the point of tears.I like it.I can hardly think of any professional activity I engage in where I have not cried.Psychotherapy, workshops, clinical supervision, undergraduate and graduate advising, grad and undergrad lectures, plenary addresses, writing. I also can hardly think of any when I have not goofed around and laughed to the point of tears.I got me some range:-(...............................:-) Seriously, most of the trouble people have with crying in public is when there is an implicit or explicit demand that other people solve that and/or where the crying starts and the work stops. I have found that the strategic placement of kleenex is not a bad plan and can assist in workflow. I was in Lyon, France about a month ago, had to ask for a kleenex from someone in the audience. Wiped my eyes and honked my running nose like a Canadian goose....and hardly missed a sentence. I have had to learn to work and cry at the same time. It comes with the territory when you are easy to tears. And, I am. People around me are probably a little stranged out by it at first, but over time, they see that the job gets done. On cloudy days and clear........pretty much. I have also been known to induce it in people who spend time with me. My grad student, Regan Slater, says I am an M & M that makes you cry....which makes me smile.peace G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm also check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilson www.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com i am sorry you are sad today. yet it is good you are feeling your feelings of sadness instead of ignoring your true experience. i personally have had to get used to people in public seeing my "leaky weepers" which is what i call my eyes when i can't help but cry or have been crying. it is truly an exercise in watching my thoughts and not getting hooked by them. i tell ya, i'm still having to work hard on that one! hang in there! and congrats on Getting Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life! grasshopper > > > > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > From: erikswanson99@ > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 I cry when I watch sad films but I read in one of my ACT books (I think) that it doesn't mean anything. It tends to get me going though, I think this is because it triggers my own innate sadness not that I feel all that depressed nowadays. Kaivey > > > > > > > > > > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > > > > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > From: erikswanson99@ > > > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > > > > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 This might be true for the classic therapies such as interpersonal psychology, DR Sarno's brief pyschoanalysis, etc, but this is not the case for CBT. Dr Burns has conducted research on this and if a person has a good CBT book then self help turns out to be as effective. I'm sure this is the same for ACT too which is much simpler than CBT as there are no daily mood logs, and all that boring stuff, etc. ACT can be tricky, though, and sometimes this forum has been unable to answer my questions adequatally. So seeimg a therapist might be useful every now and again because every person's situation is unique. I reckon for getting started in ACT seeing a therapist would be very beneficial as well. Kaivey > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting > my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But > it really hurts. > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to > show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help > would be greatly appreciated. > > > > Thanks, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 Be sure to see an ACT therapist if possible. If you are trying to learn ACT skills I wonder if seeing a CBT therapist might not be worse than seeing no therapist at all?? Truly a question. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: akaivey@...Date: Sat, 14 Aug 2010 15:22:21 +0000Subject: Re: How to be sad at work This might be true for the classic therapies such as interpersonal psychology, DR Sarno's brief pyschoanalysis, etc, but this is not the case for CBT. Dr Burns has conducted research on this and if a person has a good CBT book then self help turns out to be as effective. I'm sure this is the same for ACT too which is much simpler than CBT as there are no daily mood logs, and all that boring stuff, etc. ACT can be tricky, though, and sometimes this forum has been unable to answer my questions adequatally. So seeimg a therapist might be useful every now and again because every person's situation is unique. I reckon for getting started in ACT seeing a therapist would be very beneficial as well. Kaivey > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting > my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But > it really hurts. > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to > show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help > would be greatly appreciated. > > > > Thanks, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I believe that for problems such as mine, no therapist would be better than CBT. (life long depression, anxiety over my lack of perfection, poor interpersonal skills, Type AAA personality) Over and over again I was told by a variety of CBT therapists that I needed to " think positive " to get over my depression. Then there's the Ellis school which told me to " think logically " to deal with anxiety. Hmm there was the one who told me that my anxiety about caring for my mother, who had/has increasing dementia, was my choice. That I didn't have to help my mom, I wasn't responsible for her and could just abandon her. Oh - yeah and the key to dealing with rumination and monkey brain was to just stop thinking about those things. My 2 cents Barbara S. > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting > > > my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But > > > it really hurts. > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to > > > show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help > > > would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 20, 2010 Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 Sorry for the delayed response on this issue, but I feel compelled to add that context can make a big difference when we're talking about expressing sadness in the work-place. The last ACT training I participated in, I found myself crying so hard to the point I couldn't even speak with the person who was kind enough to sit with me for a few moments during a break. I hadn't expected that. My nose was running and I really wish I had a tissue. I was slightly embarrassed, but just a tad (mostly about my nose running!). Over-all, I felt very accepted and it was clear there was a lot of space to just have what I was having. It was lovely. I wish it could be that way everywhere, and it's obviously not. is very fortunate. I imagine he is surrounded by experiences like this. He is also an esteemed professor who works in a field where he encourages and mentors students and seminarians to be present and allow their feelings. He's even known by most to be easily prone to tear up, so others are used to it by now, maybe even inspired by it. So forgive me, , but I think you are speaking from a bit of bubble here. I think sometimes, the struggle can be in part just what we project, our own lack of self-acceptance and embarassment. And yet as said, it's also about how others hold it. And I'd add the work setting in particular can often be one of those places where bosses and/or colleagues are experientially avoidant and/or fused with the notion that sadness is a sign of weakness and incompetency. Public expressions sadness (as in crying) still carries much stigma, stereotyping and discrimination depending on the culture or context. Clinton was lambasted for simply tearing up just a tad once or twice as she ran for the Presidency. Some argue it cost her the nomination altogether. I know from experience that not reading the context can prove self-destructive. I've run into trouble with being naive, not accepting this reality. In some settings, there is a 'range' of tolerance'. At my last work-place, it seemed O.K. to talk briefly about sadness as an observer, in an intellectual way, i.e., " Oh, that seemed rather sad " . But to reveal that I personally was feeling really sad and (god forbid) to tear up was really not looked upon kindly. One person even recommend I go to the company counselor after 9/11 as I was very emotional that week and suggested we all have a moment of silence at noon for those lost. Wow.. talk about difficulty with accepting sadness! Gee, I kinda wanted to tell them they might need a counselor for not getting just how healthy/appropriate my feelings were. As far as what works for me in these contexts that I observe are not wise to openly express my sadness? Here's just a partial list: Acceptance and Defusion! Deep breaths as I accept and defuse. Reminding myself it will pass. You can do this quietly, privately as you continue to work... e.g., " I'm feeling sad now, having a pit in my stomach, that was a horrible tragic thing I just heard/saw/remembered. " And: " There goes feeling of tremendous sorrow/regret " . Excusing myself and going to the rest-room for a good cry. Taking a break, leave the premises, go for a walk or sit in my car and have a good cry. While in the car, write a quick bit about what just happened, what came up. Make a promise to myself that I will allow myself to have the sadness arise later in the day, at home. Calling a friend/loved one and crying with them or whatever later in the day. Hope that helps some. Terry ========================================================= > > > > > > > > > > > > - You have started helping yourself by posting your message and by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Now you need to take the next step - use other ACT tools. I wish I could help you right this minute but ............ Have you read any ACT books. Have you found anything useful? Bill > > > > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > From: erikswanson99@ > > > > Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 15:48:23 +0000 > > > > Subject: How to be sad at work > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, group. My name is , and I've been trying this whole accepting my feelings thing. It feels good to feel pain, if that makes sense. But it really hurts. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I'm at work right now. I'm very sad. In the past, I've tried not to show it, or simply pushed those feelings away to get through the day. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. Any ideas/tips/help would be greatly appreciated. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.