Re: prying back in - was legal question

[Guest guest]

with your DL and SS numbers, she can do a lot of damage to you and your

credit...whose to say she'll only use them for this one thing ( if it even

is true) and not just use them to get credit cards in your name and

loans...etc...tomorrow, next year, in 5 years ?? Don't do it

Jackie

and third, she still wants copies of my driver's license and social

security card because she said she can't claim it without them. is

this true?

honestly, i think it's for a couple hundred bucks and it's not really

about that. i think this was her way of trying to have SOME sort of

correspondence with me. unfortunately, it worked. i had to write back

and refuse, once again, to do it. i'm sure the foo is super-irate with

me now. i wish all the anxiety i have in these situations would just

go away. i'm in total panic mode, even though i'm well aware that this

isn't my problem or my fault. it's just hard to shake these patterns,

i suppose.

thanks for listening and lots of love to all of you,

christine.

[Guest guest]

, I can relate. My nada took out insurance policies on me

when I was still a minor and now desperately wants me to do

something with it. I wont even get into it with her. I don't even

understand what she wants from me she is never even clear much like

your mom. But I am not taking any thing from her! And I am not

signing anything either! If she wants it so bad then just take it. I

really don't care cash it in. Like you said I don't want it

regardless of the value be it $100 or a million. I also don't want

to continue to pay on the policy I have my own, it would just be

something for her to hold over my head " look what I did for you " I

just don't want to deal with the crap. I am sick of her self pity.

And I also understand the confusions of how they have money for all

this like of thing but are always in debt. My nada has credit card

debt like mad only staying afloat because of my dad working so hard

she sure had/has him chasing his tail. And still she always used to

tell me " when I die you will be a rich b!t*$ " Right???? She acted

like we were the Kennedy or Hilton family. That was about the

farthest thing from the truth. She was always in debt. I am just

glad to end the destructive cycle.

Stick to your guns. You did the right thing by not signing. If she

is anything at all like my nada the issue may resurface time and

again but stay strong, that is all I do, I just keep standing my

ground. Don't back down, regardless of what the foo thinks of you.

If they have rotten opinions of you just over this maybe they are

messed up to. I would not take their opinions into account, it is

not their personal information and signatures on the line at the end

of the day. And next time don't even worry about giving her an

explanation or reason or answer. Sometimes your silence speaks

wonders! She will catch on when she doesn't get anything in the mail

and no papers! She will not be happy and will more than likely rage

at those around her but she will figure it out! lol You are

protecting your self and your family. That is what matters. Don't

worry about understanding them or getting an explanation we never

will. You made the right choice and did the right thing good for

you. Love Lizzy

>

> hey all, thank you for your input. today for the first time in 3

> years, nada wrote me an e-mail regarding that mysterious form that

> required my signature with no disclosed information. she said that

it

> was for some stock she purchased under " california gifts to minors

> act " and that if i didn't want them to " find it in my heart to let

her

> have the money " .

>

> firstly, she has never spoken a WORD about buying stock. frankly,

we

> were in the poorhouse most of my childhood and she ruined her

credit

> with repossessed cars, evictions and so on.

>

> secondly, she still hasn't mentioned why I need to sign it. i

suspect

> it's because she bought a small amount of something in my name and

now

> she wants it back. (to be honest, i want nothing to do with it and

> could care less if it was 100 dollars in my name or a million)

>

> and third, she still wants copies of my driver's license and social

> security card because she said she can't claim it without them. is

> this true?

>

> honestly, i think it's for a couple hundred bucks and it's not

really

> about that. i think this was her way of trying to have SOME sort of

> correspondence with me. unfortunately, it worked. i had to write

back

> and refuse, once again, to do it. i'm sure the foo is super-irate

with

> me now. i wish all the anxiety i have in these situations would

just

> go away. i'm in total panic mode, even though i'm well aware that

this

> isn't my problem or my fault. it's just hard to shake these

patterns,

> i suppose.

>

> thanks for listening and lots of love to all of you,

> christine.

>

[Guest guest]

" unfortunately, it worked. i had to write back

and refuse, once again, to do it. "

, as someone who is working on this exact type of issue, I

want to nicely ask you... Why did you have to write back? There is no

real reason, it's just how we think/feel we have to react. When enough

people recently asked me this same question and I was unable to answer

it well, I realized I don't " have " to write back at all, and even

better, I don't have to read the stuff when I know it will only make

me upset and sick and weak... It's a long journey, but keep asking

yourself why...

>

> hey all, thank you for your input. today for the first time in 3

> years, nada wrote me an e-mail regarding that mysterious form that

> required my signature with no disclosed information. she said that it

> was for some stock she purchased under " california gifts to minors

> act " and that if i didn't want them to " find it in my heart to let her

> have the money " .

>

> firstly, she has never spoken a WORD about buying stock. frankly, we

> were in the poorhouse most of my childhood and she ruined her credit

> with repossessed cars, evictions and so on.

>

> secondly, she still hasn't mentioned why I need to sign it. i suspect

> it's because she bought a small amount of something in my name and now

> she wants it back. (to be honest, i want nothing to do with it and

> could care less if it was 100 dollars in my name or a million)

>

> and third, she still wants copies of my driver's license and social

> security card because she said she can't claim it without them. is

> this true?

>

> honestly, i think it's for a couple hundred bucks and it's not really

> about that. i think this was her way of trying to have SOME sort of

> correspondence with me. unfortunately, it worked. i had to write back

> and refuse, once again, to do it. i'm sure the foo is super-irate with

> me now. i wish all the anxiety i have in these situations would just

> go away. i'm in total panic mode, even though i'm well aware that this

> isn't my problem or my fault. it's just hard to shake these patterns,

> i suppose.

>

> thanks for listening and lots of love to all of you,

> christine.

>

[Guest guest]

> " unfortunately, it worked. i had to write back

and refuse, once again, to do it. "

>, as someone who is working on this exact type of issue, I

want to nicely ask you... Why did you have to write back? There is no

>real reason, it's just how we think/feel we have to react. When enough

people recently asked me this same question and I was unable to answer

>it well, I realized I don't " have " to write back at all, and even

better, I don't have to read the stuff when I know it will only make

>me upset and sick and weak... It's a long journey, but keep asking

yourself why...

exactly !!! I was going to ask the same question..., you are an

adult, you do not have to correspond with anyone you don't want to...I would

just ignore them, and not respond at all, and certsainly NOT give them my DL

and/or SS numbers !!

Jackie

[Guest guest]

to lizzy and " thunk2much " - bless you for your kind words and

thoughtful encouragement. you're right - i'm probably never going to

get a clear answer and it will make me nuts to try and figure it out.

it just brings up so much stuff for me. i was talking to my husband

last night and told him her line of " find it in my heart that she

could really use this money " is infuriating. this is the same person

who used to tell me she wanted me to die, spit in my face and force my

stepbrother to eat his own vomit. how am i supposed to help someone

like that out and accept her demand as this pitiful, genuine and

sincere request? it makes me laugh!

as far as pissing her off, that's just expected. it's the foo thing

that i'm trying to grapple with. they already see this as me taking

" revenge " on my mom, that i'm trying to hold one over her. they have

never accused me of such a thing and furthermore, i've never done

anything to imply that! at any rate, i am standing my ground and this

is one of the first times i've done it. i guess that's where i turn to

this group for support and thank god for all of you.

i truly appreciate all of you. you have no idea how much you've helped...

all my love,

christine

p.s. i know i didn't have to write back but i guess i just figured i

had to since it was a legal matter. i'm expecting a rather nasty

e-mail back, but i'm using my husband as a filter from now on. there's

really no reason for me to subject myself to psychological abuse.

---

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " lizzyboo81 "

wrote:

>

> , I can relate. My nada took out insurance policies on me

> when I was still a minor and now desperately wants me to do

> something with it. I wont even get into it with her. I don't even

> understand what she wants from me she is never even clear much like

> your mom. But I am not taking any thing from her! And I am not

> signing anything either! If she wants it so bad then just take it. I

> really don't care cash it in. Like you said I don't want it

> regardless of the value be it $100 or a million. I also don't want

> to continue to pay on the policy I have my own, it would just be

> something for her to hold over my head " look what I did for you " I

> just don't want to deal with the crap. I am sick of her self pity.

>

> And I also understand the confusions of how they have money for all

> this like of thing but are always in debt. My nada has credit card

> debt like mad only staying afloat because of my dad working so hard

> she sure had/has him chasing his tail. And still she always used to

> tell me " when I die you will be a rich b!t*$ " Right???? She acted

> like we were the Kennedy or Hilton family. That was about the

> farthest thing from the truth. She was always in debt. I am just

> glad to end the destructive cycle.

>

> Stick to your guns. You did the right thing by not signing. If she

> is anything at all like my nada the issue may resurface time and

> again but stay strong, that is all I do, I just keep standing my

> ground. Don't back down, regardless of what the foo thinks of you.

> If they have rotten opinions of you just over this maybe they are

> messed up to. I would not take their opinions into account, it is

> not their personal information and signatures on the line at the end

> of the day. And next time don't even worry about giving her an

> explanation or reason or answer. Sometimes your silence speaks

> wonders! She will catch on when she doesn't get anything in the mail

> and no papers! She will not be happy and will more than likely rage

> at those around her but she will figure it out! lol You are

> protecting your self and your family. That is what matters. Don't

> worry about understanding them or getting an explanation we never

> will. You made the right choice and did the right thing good for

> you. Love Lizzy

>

>

> >

> > hey all, thank you for your input. today for the first time in 3

> > years, nada wrote me an e-mail regarding that mysterious form that

> > required my signature with no disclosed information. she said that

> it

> > was for some stock she purchased under " california gifts to minors

> > act " and that if i didn't want them to " find it in my heart to let

> her

> > have the money " .

> >

> > firstly, she has never spoken a WORD about buying stock. frankly,

> we

> > were in the poorhouse most of my childhood and she ruined her

> credit

> > with repossessed cars, evictions and so on.

> >

> > secondly, she still hasn't mentioned why I need to sign it. i

> suspect

> > it's because she bought a small amount of something in my name and

> now

> > she wants it back. (to be honest, i want nothing to do with it and

> > could care less if it was 100 dollars in my name or a million)

> >

> > and third, she still wants copies of my driver's license and social

> > security card because she said she can't claim it without them. is

> > this true?

> >

> > honestly, i think it's for a couple hundred bucks and it's not

> really

> > about that. i think this was her way of trying to have SOME sort of

> > correspondence with me. unfortunately, it worked. i had to write

> back

> > and refuse, once again, to do it. i'm sure the foo is super-irate

> with

> > me now. i wish all the anxiety i have in these situations would

> just

> > go away. i'm in total panic mode, even though i'm well aware that

> this

> > isn't my problem or my fault. it's just hard to shake these

> patterns,

> > i suppose.

> >

> > thanks for listening and lots of love to all of you,

> > christine.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thanks, jackie. i'm realizing now that i don't have to respond to it.

i just thought it was a legal matter and that meant i had to take care

of it. but i guess if my name isn't even on the document, then i don't

have to worry about it. off to my therapist's office today - thank you

for being a continued lend of support. all of you!

love,

christine.

>

> > " unfortunately, it worked. i had to write back

> and refuse, once again, to do it. "

>

> >, as someone who is working on this exact type of issue, I

> want to nicely ask you... Why did you have to write back? There is no

> >real reason, it's just how we think/feel we have to react. When enough

> people recently asked me this same question and I was unable to answer

> >it well, I realized I don't " have " to write back at all, and even

> better, I don't have to read the stuff when I know it will only make

> >me upset and sick and weak... It's a long journey, but keep asking

> yourself why...

>

>

> exactly !!! I was going to ask the same question..., you

are an

> adult, you do not have to correspond with anyone you don't want

to...I would

> just ignore them, and not respond at all, and certsainly NOT give

them my DL

> and/or SS numbers !!

>

> Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

nope, it's not a legal document until they PUT your name DL and SS number on

it..then YOU are responsible for whatever it is

Jackie

thanks, jackie. i'm realizing now that i don't have to respond to it.

i just thought it was a legal matter and that meant i had to take care

of it. but i guess if my name isn't even on the document, then i don't

have to worry about it. off to my therapist's office today - thank you

for being a continued lend of support. all of you!

love,

christine.

[Guest guest]

Totally, if it's a legal document that you actually have to be

concerned with, it will come from a lawyer, or a judge, or some such

authorized party. It doesn't matter how they dress it up, it's still crap.

No judge in the land will penalize you for not signing a document you

were not allowed to read.

Delta

>

> nope, it's not a legal document until they PUT your name DL and SS

number on

> it..then YOU are responsible for whatever it is

>

> Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

Something like 85-90% of identity theft happens to victims by someone

they know- a relative, a friend, an old co-worker, an x-

boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, etc.

I definitely wouldn't give a blank document to someone whose got a

mental illness disorder w/my SS, DL and signature on it. Its kind of

like standing out in the middle of the road and saying 'gosh, I hope

no one runs me over.'

You're FOO doesn't have your best interest at heart and that is

perhaps the most difficult thing to face. They only care about making

their own pain minimal inlight of the mental illness- not really

caring if the mentally ill or others get healthy. And so in time it

is often best to detach from them as well so that they don't lead you

or to feel so obligated to engage.

I like what others have said. You are now an adult. You can make

decisions as to whose in and whose out of your life. People's actions

often times makes those decisions easier, but in the end, its you're

life to lead as best as you see fit.

Best wishes.

Kerrie

> >

> > > " unfortunately, it worked. i had to write back

> > and refuse, once again, to do it. "

> >

> > >, as someone who is working on this exact type of

issue, I

> > want to nicely ask you... Why did you have to write back? There

is no

> > >real reason, it's just how we think/feel we have to react. When

enough

> > people recently asked me this same question and I was unable to

answer

> > >it well, I realized I don't " have " to write back at all, and even

> > better, I don't have to read the stuff when I know it will only

make

> > >me upset and sick and weak... It's a long journey, but keep

asking

> > yourself why...

> >

> >

> > exactly !!! I was going to ask the same question..., you

> are an

> > adult, you do not have to correspond with anyone you don't want

> to...I would

> > just ignore them, and not respond at all, and certsainly NOT give

> them my DL

> > and/or SS numbers !!

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>