Re: Re: How do you resolve strong feelings of hatred towards yourself

[Guest guest]

my dislike attacks seem to have some function...often it produces a cocoon or a way to separate from others.

they do pass

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sun, June 20, 2010 2:03:40 PMSubject: Fw: Re: How do you resolve strong feelings of hatred towards yourself

Self dislike is a delusion. When you start to like yourself you wonder how in the hell did I ever disliked yourself in the first place. And when you start to like yourself you will look in the mirror and you see an attractive and lovely person. I still have self dislike attacks, and feeling ugly moments, but they just surprise me nowadays. It is like, how did that happen? It's very confusing and scary, but fortunatley these moments soon pass. I'm glad to hear that you are improving Kathy. Keep up the good work because you will eventually discover that you are very a special and a truly lovely person. These feelings are innate in all of us, they just get wiped out by events in our childhood.A big cuddle....Kaivey > >> > > > > >> > > > I have been lurking for some time and really find the advice here useful. I first encountered the book "Get out of your mind..." after I had ended up in A & E twice in March this year due to full-blown panic attacks that could not resolve themselves. So I read the book and did the exercises faithfully and was astounded at how much it had helped me in overcoming my panic attacks and anxiety. I still have some social anxiety lurking around

and it flares up sometimes although not all the time when I'm out and about. At the same time that I was> >> reading that book, I was put on Citalopram but couldn't tolerate the side effects so I stopped it myself against the wishes of my GP and did not get any more panic attacks which I credit to the help the book gave me. > >> > > > > >> > > > But now that the panic attacks are manageable and almost never flare up, I have another problem. Hatred, and specifically hatred towards parents for what they've done to me in the past. > >> > > > > >> > > > My parents were very cruel and unkind to me when I was growing up. They were abusive, controlling, authoritarian and cold (never hugged me or kissed me, never shared any moments of laughter or happiness with me). I left home as soon as I could and have not seen them for over a decade now. We used to speak on

the phone very occasionally or email once a year. This is because we still don't agree on lots of issues concerning the way I live my life. Basically I still don't live the way> >> they *wanted* me to and our conversations inadvertently end on a sour note and leave me sad and bitter for days afterwards. > >> > > > > >> > > > I don't think of them that much now. I have a family of 3 children whom I spend most of my days looking after and love dearly. But whenever I get some form of contact from them again, I feel a very deep sense of dread. Its almost like I really don't want to keep contact with them anymore because I feel like every time they talk to me, it really affects me deeply and negatively. I think I still have very strong feelings of hatred for them, there is almost no way I can really think of them in any positive light. When I think of them, the feeling I get is just a really strong

feeling of hatred. If I had to draw a picture describing how I feel, it would be like a deep black dark hole that sucks all happiness out of me. > >> > > > > >> > > > But I also sadness as I realise my parents> >> and I will never get along. > >> > > > Its sad for me too because I don't have such a relationship with my children and I often wonder why they could not even have treated me with half the decency I do to my children. > >> > > > > >> > > > Someone told me that hatred is not good for me (which I agree its true). It takes a lot of effort to hate somebody, and it drains a lot out of you. I agree with it wholeheartedly, but the feelings are so strong that even when I practice acceptance, it never gets rid of them completely. But why does it never leave me? I have already built a new life for myself in a land far away from my

parents' more than a decade ago, married with children and live a busy life but I love my children dearly and they fill my life with sunshine. I have some problems with my spouse, but not to the point of divorce, just quibbling often about trivial things, and this is typical of our relationship from the start so> >> nothing really worrying about it. > >> > > > > >> > > > Its just that I feel frustrated at times when I sense the feelings of hatred returning every time I get contact from my family. I really don't wish to revisit those horrible days living under my parents' wing again but every time the hatred flares up after speaking to them, I am reminded of all those terrible incidents in the past. I am so weary of thinking of them. I severed ties with my dad and mum last year, but now recently I found myself severing ties with my sister and brother as well because they keep echoing the same words

that my parents would have (though to a lesser extent)... and everytime they talk to me in that way I start to hate them too because they remind me of my parents so much. > >> > > > > >> > > > I still don't know if I was right to sever ties with the entire family completely now. Certainly I find little acceptance and sympathy amongst people> >> if I do choose to divulge to them what I've done. That makes me question whether it was the right thing to do. I'm often told by those who disagree with what I did, that you can never choose your parents in life, and no matter how much they've hurted you, at least they have raised you and you should appreciate them for that and that alone. Which makes me feel like such an ungrateful person and that I'm such a weakling for not being able to keep my feelings of hatred in control. > >> > > > > >> > > > But can ACT

really help in this? And how can it help? I can certainly accept my feelings of hatred, I even express it quite frankly sometimes, but it seems so unacceptable to many people to hate and especially to hate one's parents. > >> > > > > >> > > > I'm really at a loss how to deal with my feelings of hatred. > >> > > > Am I doing the right thing? > >> > > > Anybody have any advice for me about this?> >> > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > TIA > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > >> >> >> >>> >> >>