Re: Problems seem so big a night.

[Guest guest]

Hi Lizzy, hi everyone, I'm new here and haven't formally intro'd myself. Not

much to say besides the usual " the wolves who raised me were a bit dysfunctional

which explains so much, doesn't it? " .

Lizzy, I really feel for your situation and can only ask four questions:

1) Is it possible to repaint the " taint " of getting another ticket, so you can

see an extra ticket as the way in which you and your husband can support two

sisters and each other?

2) Is there any way to contact the school, to ask about getting another

ticket? (especially since the other family's parents are divorcing -- it isn' t

unusual to require more than the minimum amount of tickets to grads here in

Canada during parental separation/divorce)

3) Is your brother-in-law so closely knit with the family that he'll suffer

tremendously if he gives you his ticket (especially knowing you're trying to get

another ticket from the school)?

4) Are you comfortable " hiding " the hurt from your husband, and are you

comfortable that he won't figure out on his own that you're hurting from the

abusive behaviour of two families?

These are my only comments:

You are demonstrating great composure and class. It's none of my business but

I wonder if your husband doesn't deserve to know your feelings so he can fully

support whatever decision you make, instead of maybe accidentally saying

something that adds to your pain. This is not a small thing. It's a big hurt.

And I'm sorry you're feeling such hurt, and I am sure you will get much better

input from others in this group.

And yes, problems always seem so big at night.

Edmonton Gal

---------------------------------

Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links.

[Guest guest]

Hi Lizzy,

I'm sorry for your difficulties. It sounds like you're being

triggered by the present, reminded of your nada's completely

senseless, hurtful, controlling work! My guess is that that's what's

bothering you the most. If you haven't been to any graduation before,

let me tell you that it's the reading of 400 names, several boring

speeches, hard benches, and boiling sun! Will there be any kind of

celebration afterwards that you could perhaps attend? That would be

much more fun, anyways.

I'm sorry you're in this predicament. I would suggest that you tell

your husband to enjoy himself, and remind him how much you love him

for being there for you and dealing with your nutty nada.

Then, I would say, plan something special for you and the kids. Do

something different. Go to a pottery painting place. Buy some

stepping stone kits, get some watercolors. I don't know their

ages/sexes, but could you have a beauty party? Do their nails and

when you do, dress up like a wacky, loud, nail salon gal. Invent a

persona. Talk to them in an accent. Okay, I probably sound weird

now! Control what you can control, by creating a special night that

your kids and you will remember for years to come!

-Deanna

>

> Hi All, I have a question, and could really use some help on this

> one. I know the situation with my mom has been pretty steady for a

> long time now and I really have been doing great but now I could

> really use some help please!!!!. My problem does and does not have

> to do with her. Nada has been emailing me non stop to go see my

> little sis at her graduation party but I just can't. I pretty much

> have been not reading the crap from nada.

>

> As many of you may or may not know, my sister is graduating this

> year. I have been dreading moments like this where the foo gathers

> and roumers fly hard. I was really hoping to be able to watch her

> get her diploma. I was never able to attend my own ceremony nada

> made sure to pick up my diploma the day before the ceremony and tell

> me how all the people I was graduating with were evil and I could

> not be there with them. So to watch my sister would mean the world

> to me. Well dh was not originally from here he is a European, so

> when he came to America he stayed with a family who pretty much

> adopted us I have known them since long before my husband ever came

> in the picture and my parents used to be best friends. We call them

> mom and dad the kids call them grandma and grandpa, and their

> children are like siblings to us. But here is the catch, we recently

> found out the mom is BPD, something we suspected for a long time. So

> anyways the BP's daughter and my sister are in the same class

> graduating together and our moms are now arch enemies! My mom is

> livid that I don't speak to her but I still talk to the other

> family. I feel bad about that but I like the other family and the

> BP mom of that family has never attacked me the way my mom has.

>

> Sorry I am windy I just wanted to give a background. So here is the

> problem, that family is going thru a divorce at the moment. When the

> husband told me about her BPD the wife found out about our email

> (she snooped) and she was pissed! I didn't say any thing that she

> could use against me but I still think she has been angry with me

> after that. Mud has been slinging over here between the two of them

> and dh and I have been in the cross fire! So now that their daughter

> is graduating they only have 6 tickets to the ceremony. They invited

> my BIL and my DH but not me. I am kind of upset about this b/c 2

> years ago when their son graduated they invited me to. Minutes

> before I was unable to attend b/c the sitter did not show u but I

> apologized back and forth and I felt very badly. So now they know I

> want to go. I openly stated I would love to go and watch their

> daughter (who is closer than a sister to me) and my sister both

> graduate. I feel very hurt that the wife only invited my husband

> and brother-in- law. I feel like she is intentionally leaving me out

> because she does not want me to be there. She knows I can not ask my

> parents for a ticket or to come with them b/c I would want to go in

> secret and I would never want to sit with them. I feel like she did

> this out of control. I am upset by this. I have to get it out before

> I go to sleep.

>

> Dh said if I have bad feelings he will not go, but I don't want to

> be that person that holds him back. I know that their daughter is

> like a sister to him just as much as me. But on the other hand it

> will crush me that he will be watching my sister and not even give a

> damn but I will, I feel like I have double reason to be there. I

> used to baby-sit many of those kids that will be graduating, I used

> to drive them around to activities, I know lots of those kids and

> this will mean so much for me to be there. I grew up in that city,

> in that neighborhood, those are my roots I lived there all my life.

> It does not seem fair that he gets to go and no me. I knew their

> daughter longer I am closer to her. I feel jealous, hurt angry. I

> don't feel like myself. Now even if they were to get an additional

> ticket I would not even want it because it would feel tainted. It

> already will be a hard night for me knowing that my sister is

> graduating, but now its like this BP mom wants to take away my big

> support and leave me alone to watch 2 kids while I try and mourn the

> facts. I feel hateful.

>

> Ultimately I should probably encourage my husband to go, because he

> would really like that. It is really my problem and I have to get

> over it or figure it out on my own. I have to suck it up. I should

> not let my husband know it hurts me but I can tell you guys can't I?

> I don't want to be like nada and ruin somebody's good time. But I

> have to say it will be hard for me to know they are all out

> celebrating and I am alone. I just don't know how to get over this.

> I think it seems worse because it is late now. But I do believe I am

> being excluded and I feel like a big cry baby. This is so hurtful. I

> just don't know what to do. I should tell my husband to go right?

>

> The thing I am worried about is I know my mom will spot him right

> away. Plus she will be looking hard core for that family or any

> sight of me. Once she sees we are not together that is just all the

> more opportunity for more lies to be spread about me and my family

> and the other family. I can hear them flying already. Damn! I am so

> frustrated. Plus I know she will approach him, " that is so sad that

> Lizzy is not even here for her own sisters graduation " she will make

> up lies that we have marriage problems, that they are controlling

> me, or that they exclude me and treat me like trash. That is not

> true, this is like the first time I have really felt excluded from

> them, granted this is the most important time. I just don't want my

> husband to see them, I don't want to see them and I feel so upset. I

> just don't know what to do. Please help any advice? Thanks so much

> for listening to my long problem, I am extra tired so it seems extra

> bad to me right now. I hope I feel better in the morning. Just

> please tell me if I m overreacting. Please tell me what I should

> tell dh when he calls I am at a loss. He wants me to tell him how I

> feel and I am not sure if I should this seems so big. Please help.

> Good night, Love Lizzy

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Lizzy,,,

I feel your dilemma, Its not easy but after reading the whole

situation, I would the one time suck it up and maybe go through your

nada. They can get you a ticket right??? If Im understanding correctly

Pluses...

1, you sound like you really want to go.

2, Its your sisters graduation, Its not about your nada its about her

3, You would feel worse sitting home and wishing you could have gone

4, You didnt get your own graduation

5, You know alot of the people graduating.

minuses

1, You just dont want to do what your nada wants you to do or be

around her...

ok but even if you went with other family your nada would see you

there and you would have some sort of interaction. So you really have

nothing to gain by not going through your family, You are the one who

will lose out, Think of it as not her getting her way but more of you

getting what you want which it sounds like you want to go. You just

might have to give a little on this one. Even if you get a ticket

doesnt mean you have to sit near your nada,, If I am wrong about you

being able to get a ticket from her correct me, Im going on that

assumption. I know alot of times we need to stand our ground, but

there is occasion it doesnt benefit us to be tooooo stubborn on some

things especially if you will get more positive then negative. By you

not going in a way your allowing her to win as well because she

already spoiled your own graduation dont let her do it again. Go ,

have a good time and forget about her for the night while your there.

Ok just my two cents lol...But ultimately has to be your decision only

you know whats best for you.

Hugs... let us know what you decide

>

> Hi All, I have a question, and could really use some help on this

> one. I know the situation with my mom has been pretty steady for a

> long time now and I really have been doing great but now I could

> really use some help please!!!!. My problem does and does not have

> to do with her. Nada has been emailing me non stop to go see my

> little sis at her graduation party but I just can't. I pretty much

> have been not reading the crap from nada.

>

> As many of you may or may not know, my sister is graduating this

> year. I have been dreading moments like this where the foo gathers

> and roumers fly hard. I was really hoping to be able to watch her

> get her diploma. I was never able to attend my own ceremony nada

> made sure to pick up my diploma the day before the ceremony and tell

> me how all the people I was graduating with were evil and I could

> not be there with them. So to watch my sister would mean the world

> to me. Well dh was not originally from here he is a European, so

> when he came to America he stayed with a family who pretty much

> adopted us I have known them since long before my husband ever came

> in the picture and my parents used to be best friends. We call them

> mom and dad the kids call them grandma and grandpa, and their

> children are like siblings to us. But here is the catch, we recently

> found out the mom is BPD, something we suspected for a long time. So

> anyways the BP's daughter and my sister are in the same class

> graduating together and our moms are now arch enemies! My mom is

> livid that I don't speak to her but I still talk to the other

> family. I feel bad about that but I like the other family and the

> BP mom of that family has never attacked me the way my mom has.

>

> Sorry I am windy I just wanted to give a background. So here is the

> problem, that family is going thru a divorce at the moment. When the

> husband told me about her BPD the wife found out about our email

> (she snooped) and she was pissed! I didn't say any thing that she

> could use against me but I still think she has been angry with me

> after that. Mud has been slinging over here between the two of them

> and dh and I have been in the cross fire! So now that their daughter

> is graduating they only have 6 tickets to the ceremony. They invited

> my BIL and my DH but not me. I am kind of upset about this b/c 2

> years ago when their son graduated they invited me to. Minutes

> before I was unable to attend b/c the sitter did not show u but I

> apologized back and forth and I felt very badly. So now they know I

> want to go. I openly stated I would love to go and watch their

> daughter (who is closer than a sister to me) and my sister both

> graduate. I feel very hurt that the wife only invited my husband

> and brother-in- law. I feel like she is intentionally leaving me out

> because she does not want me to be there. She knows I can not ask my

> parents for a ticket or to come with them b/c I would want to go in

> secret and I would never want to sit with them. I feel like she did

> this out of control. I am upset by this. I have to get it out before

> I go to sleep.

>

> Dh said if I have bad feelings he will not go, but I don't want to

> be that person that holds him back. I know that their daughter is

> like a sister to him just as much as me. But on the other hand it

> will crush me that he will be watching my sister and not even give a

> damn but I will, I feel like I have double reason to be there. I

> used to baby-sit many of those kids that will be graduating, I used

> to drive them around to activities, I know lots of those kids and

> this will mean so much for me to be there. I grew up in that city,

> in that neighborhood, those are my roots I lived there all my life.

> It does not seem fair that he gets to go and no me. I knew their

> daughter longer I am closer to her. I feel jealous, hurt angry. I

> don't feel like myself. Now even if they were to get an additional

> ticket I would not even want it because it would feel tainted. It

> already will be a hard night for me knowing that my sister is

> graduating, but now its like this BP mom wants to take away my big

> support and leave me alone to watch 2 kids while I try and mourn the

> facts. I feel hateful.

>

> Ultimately I should probably encourage my husband to go, because he

> would really like that. It is really my problem and I have to get

> over it or figure it out on my own. I have to suck it up. I should

> not let my husband know it hurts me but I can tell you guys can't I?

> I don't want to be like nada and ruin somebody's good time. But I

> have to say it will be hard for me to know they are all out

> celebrating and I am alone. I just don't know how to get over this.

> I think it seems worse because it is late now. But I do believe I am

> being excluded and I feel like a big cry baby. This is so hurtful. I

> just don't know what to do. I should tell my husband to go right?

>

> The thing I am worried about is I know my mom will spot him right

> away. Plus she will be looking hard core for that family or any

> sight of me. Once she sees we are not together that is just all the

> more opportunity for more lies to be spread about me and my family

> and the other family. I can hear them flying already. Damn! I am so

> frustrated. Plus I know she will approach him, " that is so sad that

> Lizzy is not even here for her own sisters graduation " she will make

> up lies that we have marriage problems, that they are controlling

> me, or that they exclude me and treat me like trash. That is not

> true, this is like the first time I have really felt excluded from

> them, granted this is the most important time. I just don't want my

> husband to see them, I don't want to see them and I feel so upset. I

> just don't know what to do. Please help any advice? Thanks so much

> for listening to my long problem, I am extra tired so it seems extra

> bad to me right now. I hope I feel better in the morning. Just

> please tell me if I m overreacting. Please tell me what I should

> tell dh when he calls I am at a loss. He wants me to tell him how I

> feel and I am not sure if I should this seems so big. Please help.

> Good night, Love Lizzy

>

[Guest guest]

Is there any way you could talk directly to the kids who are

graduating? Your sister and the others. You could tell them that you

are unable to get a ticket, you don't have to go into the reasons.

First off it would show them how much you care, without involving the

hostile members of the family at all. Second of all, they might know

how to get extra tickets. There are often loose tix floating around

campuses, especially at the last minute.

I'm sort of in the opposite position--I fear my nada is going to try

and prevent my relatives from coming to my college graduation next

year. If she were to try, and they were to contact me directly, it

would mean the world to me, even if they couldn't actually show up. It

might be worth communicating directly if you feel like it wouldn't

hurt you or the graduates.

" I don't want to be like nada and ruin somebody's good time. But I

have to say it will be hard for me to know they are all out

celebrating and I am alone. "

Forgive me if I sound a little forceful, I know I don't know all the

ins and outs of the situation. But sometimes, the ins and outs need to

be superseded by a big event. This can be done without capitulating

inside to anyone's manipulation. I feel like you are thinking more of

balancing the situation with everybody, and less of how to actually

get what it seems like you really need. It sounds like your heart

really wants to be there, I think you should pursue every means

possible.

Is there a way to get what you need, maybe even a bit ruthlessly? Is

it worth it? I fear you will regret not going. This is less about your

husband and the family, and more about you wanting to see the

graduating kids. Take a ticket from whoever, give them the finger, sit

by yourself, and cheer your sister and her friends. To hell with

others' motivations and manipulations and BS. To hell with the strings

that may be attached. You are allowed to just let the strings dangle.

Cheering on others' real accomplishments is more important.

Good luck and all the best,

Vi

[Guest guest]

Thanks everybody for the kind replies. I have to say things seem

better in the morning. At night it feels so helpless, like I can't

do anything. But after reading all the responses, I really feel like

I am not helpless and I can take action. I will write more later but

for the moment here is my plan…

I called the school and asked if they had tickets for sale, turns

out they are giving them away. All I have to do is go pick them up.

Now I really think it was out of control that this lady said she

only had 6 and could not give one to me. So I got ready and I am

going to go get a ticket for myself, in fact I think I will pick up

two, b/c then dh will not feel obligated to sit with the other

family and we can sit in neutral territory (alone!)! So I hope that

they will give me the tickets when I show up I am crossing my

fingers! If they only give them to parents I will call my dad and

ask him if I can have one or two of theirs. On my way home I am

going to stop and see my grandma. She was thrilled I am taking

action and both my grandma and aunt want to send cards with money or

my sister since they have not seen her for over 5 years either. So

that is my plan. I hope it works. I know dh will be angry b/c the

trip is pretty long about 3 hours round trip. He does not like

unnecessary driving, but sometimes I have to put my foot down and do

what is best for me. Wish me luck I will write more later. Thanks

again you guys are life savers

LOTS OF LOVE Lizzy

PS, Edmonton Gal Welcome so much to the group I will write you later

you are very kind and wise!

>

> Hi Lizzy, hi everyone, I'm new here and haven't formally intro'd

myself. Not much to say besides the usual " the wolves who raised me

were a bit dysfunctional which explains so much, doesn't it? " .

>

> Lizzy, I really feel for your situation and can only ask four

questions:

> 1) Is it possible to repaint the " taint " of getting another

ticket, so you can see an extra ticket as the way in which you and

your husband can support two sisters and each other?

> 2) Is there any way to contact the school, to ask about getting

another ticket? (especially since the other family's parents are

divorcing -- it isn' t unusual to require more than the minimum

amount of tickets to grads here in Canada during parental

separation/divorce)

> 3) Is your brother-in-law so closely knit with the family that

he'll suffer tremendously if he gives you his ticket (especially

knowing you're trying to get another ticket from the school)?

> 4) Are you comfortable " hiding " the hurt from your husband, and

are you comfortable that he won't figure out on his own that you're

hurting from the abusive behaviour of two families?

>

>

> These are my only comments:

> You are demonstrating great composure and class. It's none of my

business but I wonder if your husband doesn't deserve to know your

feelings so he can fully support whatever decision you make, instead

of maybe accidentally saying something that adds to your pain. This

is not a small thing. It's a big hurt. And I'm sorry you're feeling

such hurt, and I am sure you will get much better input from others

in this group.

>

> And yes, problems always seem so big at night.

>

> Edmonton Gal

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not

web links.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry for the way people around you are acting. I vote honesty

with your husband first, don't bury your feelings, it will not lead to

a good place. I liked the idea of going to the graduates themselves,

if you can at all. You can't control your nada, or the other, but if

you will regret not going, try the means you have to get there

somehow. The day should be about the young ladies who have worked

their tails off to graduate, and your celebration of that, the rest is

just flotsam. I wish you the best, it's a crappy situation for sure.

Hugs,

Liesl

>

> Hi Lizzy, hi everyone, I'm new here and haven't formally intro'd

myself. Not much to say besides the usual " the wolves who raised me

were a bit dysfunctional which explains so much, doesn't it? " .

>

> Lizzy, I really feel for your situation and can only ask four

questions:

> 1) Is it possible to repaint the " taint " of getting another

ticket, so you can see an extra ticket as the way in which you and

your husband can support two sisters and each other?

> 2) Is there any way to contact the school, to ask about getting

another ticket? (especially since the other family's parents are

divorcing -- it isn' t unusual to require more than the minimum amount

of tickets to grads here in Canada during parental separation/divorce)

> 3) Is your brother-in-law so closely knit with the family that

he'll suffer tremendously if he gives you his ticket (especially

knowing you're trying to get another ticket from the school)?

> 4) Are you comfortable " hiding " the hurt from your husband, and

are you comfortable that he won't figure out on his own that you're

hurting from the abusive behaviour of two families?

>

>

> These are my only comments:

> You are demonstrating great composure and class. It's none of my

business but I wonder if your husband doesn't deserve to know your

feelings so he can fully support whatever decision you make, instead

of maybe accidentally saying something that adds to your pain. This is

not a small thing. It's a big hurt. And I'm sorry you're feeling such

hurt, and I am sure you will get much better input from others in this

group.

>

> And yes, problems always seem so big at night.

>

> Edmonton Gal

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not

web links.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Woohoo Lizzy !! So happy the school is giving them away! Hope you have

an awesome time when you go.

> > >

> > > Hi Lizzy, hi everyone, I'm new here and haven't formally intro'd

> > myself. Not much to say besides the usual " the wolves who raised me

> > were a bit dysfunctional which explains so much, doesn't it? " .

> > >

> > > Lizzy, I really feel for your situation and can only ask four

> > questions:

> > > 1) Is it possible to repaint the " taint " of getting another

> > ticket, so you can see an extra ticket as the way in which you and

> > your husband can support two sisters and each other?

> > > 2) Is there any way to contact the school, to ask about getting

> > another ticket? (especially since the other family's parents are

> > divorcing -- it isn' t unusual to require more than the minimum

> > amount of tickets to grads here in Canada during parental

> > separation/divorce)

> > > 3) Is your brother-in-law so closely knit with the family that

> > he'll suffer tremendously if he gives you his ticket (especially

> > knowing you're trying to get another ticket from the school)?

> > > 4) Are you comfortable " hiding " the hurt from your husband, and

> > are you comfortable that he won't figure out on his own that you're

> > hurting from the abusive behaviour of two families?

> > >

> > >

> > > These are my only comments:

> > > You are demonstrating great composure and class. It's none of my

> > business but I wonder if your husband doesn't deserve to know your

> > feelings so he can fully support whatever decision you make, instead

> > of maybe accidentally saying something that adds to your pain. This

> > is not a small thing. It's a big hurt. And I'm sorry you're feeling

> > such hurt, and I am sure you will get much better input from others

> > in this group.

> > >

> > > And yes, problems always seem so big at night.

> > >

> > > Edmonton Gal

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not

> > web links.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Dear Lizzy --

What a storm! Although, from here it looks like MOST of this drama

does not belong to you, so you can hold your head high and do what

you want.

Everything is so interconnected, it seems tough, but try to untangle

yourself from as much that doesn't belong to you as you can.

Good for you for hanging with it and thinking it through, trying to

do the right thing! You're strong!

{hugs}

Kyla

>

> Hi All, I have a question, and could really use some help on this

> one. I know the situation with my mom has been pretty steady for a

> long time now and I really have been doing great but now I could

> really use some help please!!!!. My problem does and does not have

> to do with her. Nada has been emailing me non stop to go see my

> little sis at her graduation party but I just can't. I pretty much

> have been not reading the crap from nada.

>

> As many of you may or may not know, my sister is graduating this

> year. I have been dreading moments like this where the foo gathers

> and roumers fly hard. I was really hoping to be able to watch her

> get her diploma. I was never able to attend my own ceremony nada

> made sure to pick up my diploma the day before the ceremony and

tell

> me how all the people I was graduating with were evil and I could

> not be there with them. So to watch my sister would mean the world

> to me. Well dh was not originally from here he is a European, so

> when he came to America he stayed with a family who pretty much

> adopted us I have known them since long before my husband ever

came

> in the picture and my parents used to be best friends. We call

them

> mom and dad the kids call them grandma and grandpa, and their

> children are like siblings to us. But here is the catch, we

recently

> found out the mom is BPD, something we suspected for a long time.

So

> anyways the BP's daughter and my sister are in the same class

> graduating together and our moms are now arch enemies! My mom is

> livid that I don't speak to her but I still talk to the other

> family. I feel bad about that but I like the other family and the

> BP mom of that family has never attacked me the way my mom has.

>

> Sorry I am windy I just wanted to give a background. So here is

the

> problem, that family is going thru a divorce at the moment. When

the

> husband told me about her BPD the wife found out about our email

> (she snooped) and she was pissed! I didn't say any thing that she

> could use against me but I still think she has been angry with me

> after that. Mud has been slinging over here between the two of

them

> and dh and I have been in the cross fire! So now that their

daughter

> is graduating they only have 6 tickets to the ceremony. They

invited

> my BIL and my DH but not me. I am kind of upset about this b/c 2

> years ago when their son graduated they invited me to. Minutes

> before I was unable to attend b/c the sitter did not show u but I

> apologized back and forth and I felt very badly. So now they know

I

> want to go. I openly stated I would love to go and watch their

> daughter (who is closer than a sister to me) and my sister both

> graduate. I feel very hurt that the wife only invited my husband

> and brother-in- law. I feel like she is intentionally leaving me

out

> because she does not want me to be there. She knows I can not ask

my

> parents for a ticket or to come with them b/c I would want to go

in

> secret and I would never want to sit with them. I feel like she

did

> this out of control. I am upset by this. I have to get it out

before

> I go to sleep.

>

> Dh said if I have bad feelings he will not go, but I don't want to

> be that person that holds him back. I know that their daughter is

> like a sister to him just as much as me. But on the other hand it

> will crush me that he will be watching my sister and not even give

a

> damn but I will, I feel like I have double reason to be there. I

> used to baby-sit many of those kids that will be graduating, I

used

> to drive them around to activities, I know lots of those kids and

> this will mean so much for me to be there. I grew up in that city,

> in that neighborhood, those are my roots I lived there all my

life.

> It does not seem fair that he gets to go and no me. I knew their

> daughter longer I am closer to her. I feel jealous, hurt angry. I

> don't feel like myself. Now even if they were to get an additional

> ticket I would not even want it because it would feel tainted. It

> already will be a hard night for me knowing that my sister is

> graduating, but now its like this BP mom wants to take away my big

> support and leave me alone to watch 2 kids while I try and mourn

the

> facts. I feel hateful.

>

> Ultimately I should probably encourage my husband to go, because

he

> would really like that. It is really my problem and I have to get

> over it or figure it out on my own. I have to suck it up. I

should

> not let my husband know it hurts me but I can tell you guys can't

I?

> I don't want to be like nada and ruin somebody's good time. But I

> have to say it will be hard for me to know they are all out

> celebrating and I am alone. I just don't know how to get over

this.

> I think it seems worse because it is late now. But I do believe I

am

> being excluded and I feel like a big cry baby. This is so hurtful.

I

> just don't know what to do. I should tell my husband to go right?

>

> The thing I am worried about is I know my mom will spot him right

> away. Plus she will be looking hard core for that family or any

> sight of me. Once she sees we are not together that is just all

the

> more opportunity for more lies to be spread about me and my family

> and the other family. I can hear them flying already. Damn! I am

so

> frustrated. Plus I know she will approach him, " that is so sad

that

> Lizzy is not even here for her own sisters graduation " she will

make

> up lies that we have marriage problems, that they are controlling

> me, or that they exclude me and treat me like trash. That is not

> true, this is like the first time I have really felt excluded from

> them, granted this is the most important time. I just don't want

my

> husband to see them, I don't want to see them and I feel so upset.

I

> just don't know what to do. Please help any advice? Thanks so much

> for listening to my long problem, I am extra tired so it seems

extra

> bad to me right now. I hope I feel better in the morning. Just

> please tell me if I m overreacting. Please tell me what I should

> tell dh when he calls I am at a loss. He wants me to tell him how

I

> feel and I am not sure if I should this seems so big. Please help.

> Good night, Love Lizzy

>