Re: nice quiet shy guy

[Guest guest]

, I've been where you're at. This is the anxiety/depression rut and it is never easy to climb out. Nothing good enough, nothing perfect, not wanting to do a thing about it because you just want it to be over. Trying harder doesn't work, beating yourself up harder doesn't work. Alcohol works for a night, but then in the morning, you're back to square one: you just don't feel good about yourself.

Advice is a tricky thing, and I'm not sure it will help right now for anyone to try to dig you out of the rut right now. But I will ask: what ACT book are you working through? How far have you gotten?

 

I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if possible.

 

 After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently. Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

 

 I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

 

sincerely

[Guest guest]

I've read Get out of your head and into your mind, The happiness trap, and Things might go horribly, terribly, wrong. I'm so tired of going to treatments, therapy and crisis homes and ending up at the same place all the time. I've tried everything and don't know what else to do.

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Thu, July 22, 2010 11:03:15 PMSubject: Re: nice quiet shy guy

, I've been where you're at. This is the anxiety/depression rut and it is never easy to climb out. Nothing good enough, nothing perfect, not wanting to do a thing about it because you just want it to be over. Trying harder doesn't work, beating yourself up harder doesn't work. Alcohol works for a night, but then in the morning, you're back to square one: you just don't feel good about yourself.Advice is a tricky thing, and I'm not sure it will help right now for anyone to try to dig you out of the rut right now. But I will ask: what ACT book are you working through? How far have you gotten?

On Thu, Jul 22, 2010 at 11:04 PM, Casey <jecasey2828@ yahoo.com> wrote:

I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if possible.

After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently. Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

sincerely

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Maybe this point in your life is a blessing in disguise. You're sick of it all - all the struggle & pain. So open your hand and let all those stories go - because that is what they are. Just stories. just words in your head that mean nothing. Those words will keep on banging at you - but hey! Let em' and then turn to face the light - the light of your life and all the things that are important to you.

Trust me - there are many on this site who have been right where you are now - still there- but we are all working and learning together. Not perfect - but slowly moving forward.

Take a deep breath - slow down -go back to one of the books and work alongside us. We are all here for you.

Life is too short not to love - and that includes yourself!

Simone

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, 23 July, 2010 4:04:37Subject: nice quiet shy guy

I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if possible.

After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently. Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

sincerely

[Guest guest]

…

I am sorry that presently you are feeling this.  I hear what you

are saying about trying everything and not having the success that you want

with the various methods tried.  The frustration of feeling good for a period

of time and then that edge starts to unravel, leaving you with the old despair and

anguish that are torturous.

In my own experience, I have felt this pain and wondered if I

would ever know what to do, to not have to repeat the cycle.  Contemplating

death was one way. In that time in my life the future was very bleak.  ACT became

for me a path to understanding that my thoughts were not necessarily helpful to

me.  It had never occurred to me that my mind, and my thoughts were anything but

truth.  I had based all of my experience, my life  on my  intuitiveness and  interputation

of thoughts and feelings that my mind told me.  I acted on those thoughts with

my feelings not really seeing that I had a choice.  After all my thoughts were

me,  who I am.  I just didn’t get that I could have thoughts that weren’t true

or helpful.   I also believed that the drugs would take all the pain away and

give me the opportunity to live without repeating the cycles of despair and anguish. 

 

ACT has helped me understand that I can have thoughts, feelings

that aren’t helpful and I am not obligated to believe and move forward on all

the thoughts/feelings I have.  The language of ACT was soothing, I did not have

to deny my negativity or disguise it with pumped up positiveness that CBT

teaches.  I learnt to understand that I will and do have all sorts of thoughts,

that these thoughts are all part of my experience.  The key is not buying into

the thoughts and acting upon them, as if they are the total truth.  Learning to

give yourself space to accept the thoughts, and not act upon them comes with practice. 

It takes time and patience.   It can be a rocky road in the beginning.  Lots to

learn and re-learn. 

I read ACT Books and began working with a Dr. who taught ACT… I

read  The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety .. a quote  “If I

continue to do what I’ve always done, then I ‘m going to get what I’ve always

got.â€Â  Strongly resonated with me.  I wrote this quote down on paper and

carried it with me for months. I read it to remind myself that I did have a

choice and that I could look differently at a situation, myself and allow the “bad

feelings†to come without stopping it, and give myself the time to accept those

feelings as part of me, accepting the feeling and letting it pass. 

Doing the exercise with ACT is essential.  There will be times

that you won’t want to do any of it. Just accept that and carry forward.  I

forced myself  to do something  physical in the times that my mind was feeding

me useless information – take a walk, vacuum a floor or what ever.  Learning to

be mindful ( another ACT tool) for me came by being physically active in a task

and focusing on that task noting and observing every detail. 

It has been a year and a half for me now practicing ACT and I do

know that I am better because of it.  I do have my bad times,  they are shorter

duration then before.  I can use my ACT tools to help myself carry forward. 

The people who post on this board provide much information that

is ACT related.  Reading what other people experience in their life, learning

to use the ACT Tools has also been very helpful for me in the past year and a

half. 

I know this post is long.  Thanks for reading it. 

Bre

From:

ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of Casey

Sent: Friday, July 23, 2010 1:45 AM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re: nice quiet shy guy

I've read Get out of

your head and into your mind, The happiness trap, and Things might go horribly,

terribly, wrong. I'm so tired of going to treatments, therapy and crisis homes

and ending up at the same place all the time. I've tried everything and don't

know what else to do.

From:

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Sent: Thu, July 22, 2010 11:03:15 PM

Subject: Re: nice quiet shy guy

, I've been where you're at. This is the

anxiety/depression rut and it is never easy to climb out. Nothing good enough,

nothing perfect, not wanting to do a thing about it because you just want it to

be over. Trying harder doesn't work, beating yourself up harder doesn't work.

Alcohol works for a night, but then in the morning, you're back to square one:

you just don't feel good about yourself.

Advice is a tricky thing, and I'm not sure it will help right now for anyone to

try to dig you out of the rut right now. But I will ask: what ACT book are you

working through? How far have you gotten?

On Thu, Jul 22, 2010 at 11:04 PM, Casey <jecasey2828@ yahoo.com>

wrote:

I'm

a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't even

know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand

myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others

and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if

possible.

After

a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a frickin

miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently. Holla luga

whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying different

meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy or a life

of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

I

can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

sincerely

[Guest guest]

- I've not been in your shoes but my bet is that there are many on this list that have been where you are and have been helped by ACT. I hope some will share their experiences with you about how ACT worked for them. I'm glad you made your post and I hope we can help. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: jecasey2828@...Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:04:37 -0700Subject: nice quiet shy guy

I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if possible.

After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently. Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

sincerely

[Guest guest]

Hi

Keep working at the acceptance and defusion and when you have practiced it so often that it becomes the knee jerk reaction to symptoms your health will be so much better. In any case there is deep brain stimulation which is being used for people for whom everything else has failed. Electrodes are implanted in the brain connected to a pacemaker device that emits electrical impulses which stop depression. It has to be further researched and submitted to trials to get full approval. So don't give up there is always hope. Best wishes from Francis

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: jecasey2828@...Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:04:37 -0700Subject: nice quiet shy guy

I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if possible.

After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently. Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

sincerely

[Guest guest]

,

I'm just starting with ACT, so I can't really advise what to do there. But I

can relate, and maybe this will help you.

When you were sitting in the chair getting a haircut, and you noticed your image

in the mirror, you called yourself " pathetic " . You have these problems that

seem insurmountable, but of course that doesn't make you pathetic. It doesn't

make you unique, either. The person cutting your hair? Yeah, he or she has

some stuff rattling around their brain that seems overwhelming at times. Same

with the customer in the next chair, the receptionist, and all the people you

passed by to get to the salon. Nobody is immune, everyone has their " stuff " .

This just happens to be yours. And if someone judges you because of your

" stuff " , keep that in mind - they've got theirs too, and their judgement more

often than not comes from their own insecurity about their own " stuff " . Not

sure if that helps you, but it sure helps me to know that we're all more alike

than different.

But you'd be surprised how little people are judging you. I recently had a

client want to meet with me face to face (I have agoraphobia) and I couldn't

bring myself to do it. I made up a lame excuse that I was too busy and didn't

have time, and I could tell it turned them off. I decided that I wanted to come

clean, even if it meant losing the client, because the shame I was imposing on

myself by feeling there was a need to hide my problem was more unbearable than

losing the client. And it wasn't fair to the client either, as I had made them

feel like their meeting was less important than the other stuff I told them I

had going on. So I told them that I had an anxiety issue that made it difficult

to meet with clients face to face. Know what? He wrote me back and told me he

was on medication for a similar issue. No judgement, none of the stigma that I

had assumed he was going to lay on me - none of it was there. That's when I

remembered, everyone has their " stuff " .

What if you found out about someone else's issues? Would you, no matter what

the issues were, ever call someone a loser? Pathetic? Of course you wouldn't.

So why is it fair to call yourself those things? Is there anyone in your life

that is more deserving of your patience and understanding than yourself? Go

easy on yourself, man. You can communicate well with people, you're doing it

here. And other people are probably more understanding of you and your issues

than you might think. You may feel safe here talking to this group, but I

assure you, there are more like these wonderful, compassionate people out there.

You're probably one of them. You just need to remember to direct some of that

towards yourself now and then.

This may be way off of the ACT way of thinking, and if it is, I'm sorry for that

because I'm very new to this. But you're obviously in pain and I didn't want

you to forget how important it is to treat yourself right.

Steve

> >

> >  

> > >I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't

> >even

> >

> > >know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand

> > >myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around

others

> >

> > >and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if

> >possible.

> > > 

> > > After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham!

It's a

>

> > >frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently.

> > >Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been

trying

>

> > >different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock

therapy

> >or

> >

> > >a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

> > > 

> > > I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to

give.

> > > 

> > >sincerely

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My hairdressor tells me that no one is really happy with their hair and that

they all wish it was different. Some peolpe have lovely hair so it just goes to

show how difficult it is for people to be content with themselves.

One thing I picked up from my Schema book is that when shy, or socially anxious

people, risk getting to know people again they are surprised at how unjudging

they are. They have this damage from school and they think the world casts an

unforgiving eye on them.

Kaivey

> > >

> > >  

> > > >I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and

don't

> > >even

> > >

> > > >know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't

stand

> > > >myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around

others

> > >

> > > >and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if

> > >possible.

> > > > 

> > > > After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and

wham! It's a

> >

> > > >frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything

differently.

> > > >Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been

trying

> >

> > > >different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock

therapy

> > >or

> > >

> > > >a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

> > > > 

> > > > I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to

give.

> > > > 

> > > >sincerely

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Bre,

Thanks for taking the time to share with me, gives me more hope knowing that ACT is helping people. I've gotten so much positive feedback from this group and am very grateful to all, Bill, Francis, VC, Simone, and the whole group thanks for caring I feel better already. This group is really terrific!

I'm sober today and looking forward to getting better by practicing all I'm learning.

Have a great week-end you all

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, July 23, 2010 6:41:16 AMSubject: RE: nice quiet shy guy

…

I am sorry that presently you are feeling this. I hear what you are saying about trying everything and not having the success that you want with the various methods tried. The frustration of feeling good for a period of time and then that edge starts to unravel, leaving you with the old despair and anguish that are torturous.

In my own experience, I have felt this pain and wondered if I would ever know what to do, to not have to repeat the cycle. Contemplating death was one way. In that time in my life the future was very bleak. ACT became for me a path to understanding that my thoughts were not necessarily helpful to me. It had never occurred to me that my mind, and my thoughts were anything but truth. I had based all of my experience, my life on my intuitiveness and interputation of thoughts and feelings that my mind told me. I acted on those thoughts with my feelings not really seeing that I had a choice. After all my thoughts were me, who I am. I just didn’t get that I could have thoughts that weren’t true or helpful. I also believed that the drugs would take all the pain away and give me the opportunity to live without

repeating the cycles of despair and anguish.

ACT has helped me understand that I can have thoughts, feelings that aren’t helpful and I am not obligated to believe and move forward on all the thoughts/feelings I have. The language of ACT was soothing, I did not have to deny my negativity or disguise it with pumped up positiveness that CBT teaches. I learnt to understand that I will and do have all sorts of thoughts, that these thoughts are all part of my experience. The key is not buying into the thoughts and acting upon them, as if they are the total truth. Learning to give yourself space to accept the thoughts, and not act upon them comes with practice. It takes time and patience. It can be a rocky road in the beginning. Lots to learn and re-learn.

I read ACT Books and began working with a Dr. who taught ACT… I read The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety .. a quote “If I continue to do what I’ve always done, then I ‘m going to get what I’ve always got.†Strongly resonated with me. I wrote this quote down on paper and carried it with me for months. I read it to remind myself that I did have a choice and that I could look differently at a situation, myself and allow the “bad feelings†to come without stopping it, and give myself the time to accept those feelings as part of me, accepting the feeling and letting it pass.

Doing the exercise with ACT is essential. There will be times that you won’t want to do any of it. Just accept that and carry forward. I forced myself to do something physical in the times that my mind was feeding me useless information – take a walk, vacuum a floor or what ever. Learning to be mindful ( another ACT tool) for me came by being physically active in a task and focusing on that task noting and observing every detail.

It has been a year and a half for me now practicing ACT and I do know that I am better because of it. I do have my bad times, they are shorter duration then before. I can use my ACT tools to help myself carry forward.

The people who post on this board provide much information that is ACT related. Reading what other people experience in their life, learning to use the ACT Tools has also been very helpful for me in the past year and a half.

I know this post is long. Thanks for reading it.

Bre

From: ACT_for_the_ Public@yahoogrou ps.com [mailto:ACT_ for_the_Public@ yahoogroups. com] On Behalf Of CaseySent: Friday, July 23, 2010 1:45 AMTo: ACT_for_the_ Public@yahoogrou ps.comSubject: Re: [ACT_for_the_ Public] nice quiet shy guy

I've read Get out of your head and into your mind, The happiness trap, and Things might go horribly, terribly, wrong. I'm so tired of going to treatments, therapy and crisis homes and ending up at the same place all the time. I've tried everything and don't know what else to do.

From: <pestica.rose@ gmail.com>To: ACT_for_the_ Public@yahoogrou ps.comSent: Thu, July 22, 2010 11:03:15 PMSubject: Re: [ACT_for_the_ Public] nice quiet shy guy

, I've been where you're at. This is the anxiety/depression rut and it is never easy to climb out. Nothing good enough, nothing perfect, not wanting to do a thing about it because you just want it to be over. Trying harder doesn't work, beating yourself up harder doesn't work. Alcohol works for a night, but then in the morning, you're back to square one: you just don't feel good about yourself.Advice is a tricky thing, and I'm not sure it will help right now for anyone to try to dig you out of the rut right now. But I will ask: what ACT book are you working through? How far have you gotten?

On Thu, Jul 22, 2010 at 11:04 PM, Casey <jecasey2828@ yahoo.com> wrote:

I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if possible.

After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently. Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

sincerely

[Guest guest]

You have gotten great responses from everybody. We all know your pain and at

times have all felt like we were in worse shape than anyone around us. That too

is just more content from your mind. Another bit of content from your mind that

I picked up on is your saying " I'm unable to relax and be myself around

others " . That sounds like the lack of acceptance that ACT talks about. I've said

that to myself so many times and been so discouraged thinking I had to get rid

of the anxiety to be " normal " . I tend to have a rigid idea of who " myself " is

supposed to be. I tend to think I need to be in control and on top of things to

be myself, but ACT has taught me that sometimes " myself " is anxious and insecure

and that is okay too and it is also true of everyone you are in the room with at

sometime or another, people are just not going to go around revealing that to

you on a regular basis. Life is a process, we never arrive. You sound like a

wonderful person to me and I know we will all gain something from having you as

a part of the group!!!!!

>

> I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't

even

> know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand

> myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around others

> and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if

possible.

>  

>  After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a

> frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently.

> Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been trying

> different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock therapy

or

> a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

>  

>  I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

>  

> sincerely

>

[Guest guest]

Regarding meds, I think too little is known about neurobiology for there

to be anything but a " sledgehammer " type of approach to meds for the

mind. That said, some meds can be useful in bringing someone up or down

to some sort of equilibrium for them to be amenable to therapies such as

ACT. But as far as long-term therapy is concerned, meds aren't there

yet; not even close, least not for the majority of what ails humankind.

Just my opinion, as always.

M.

>

> >

> >

> > I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and

don't

> > even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and

can't

> > stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be

myself

> > around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just

rather

> > disappear if possible.

> >

> > After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham!

It's a

> > frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything

differently.

> > Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've

been

> > trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left

is shock

> > therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to

much of

> > a wuss.

> >

> > I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something

to

> > give.

> >

> > sincerely

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You're very welcome. Like you, I've had my battles with the bottle, and by the time I was able to front up to a therapist (a psychiatrist referred to me by my GP), I was a wretch in more ways than I care to enumerate. The first thing he did after a thoroughgoing assessment was to prescribe some meds for me, on the proviso that I quit drinking. It was only after I'd reached some stability emotionally and psychologically that we were able to begin with some ACT basics. He recommended The Happiness Trap, which I began reading and, although reluctantly, began to get into the practical side of things. (I can recommend the 10 deep breaths mindfulness exercise as a ready remedy for coping with anxiety -- just being able to do that once, successfully, gave me confidence and courage to persevere with more of the book, therapy, and so on.)It's not easy, and it's sometimes two steps forward, one step back (or even two or three steps back!), but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have a long way to go, but I feel a good sight better than I have in a very long time. Reading how others are experiencing similar ups and downs and all the rest here in this forum also helps me to maintain some sort of momentum.Stick with it -- doing so will pay dividends, sometimes not in the way you might expect, but ACT has a way to surprise in what you can accomplish. There most certainly is a light at the end of the tunnel, and if it's a train, you'll learn to sidestep it with alacrity. Best wishes, and keep posting.M.> >> > >> > >> > > I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and> don't> > > even know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and> can't> > > stand myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be> myself> > > around others and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just> rather> > > disappear if possible.> > >> > > After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham!> It's a> > > frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything> differently.> > > Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've> been> > > trying different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left> is shock> > > therapy or a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to> much of> > > a wuss.> > >> > > I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something> to> > > give.> > >> > > sincerely > > >> > >> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

When I used to see Robyn Hithcock perform live I would sometimes notice how

petrified he was, and yet he thoughly enjoyed himself playing his beautiful

songs and telling us his weird and wonderful stories. I often wondered how he

seemed so accepting of his anxiety which seemed to be quite significant. And I

also wondered about actors with stage fright still love acting. It occured to me

though, that you can experience much anxiety and yet your self esteem will

remain fully intact.

Recently, a top director of my company came to see me about my experience of a

particular type of machine. I work in a building which is also the headquarterss

of my company, UK. She is very beautiful and elegant, and without realising I

stepped back a few feet as she aproached me. She laughed and said. 'Why do you

always try to run away when I approach you, I won't bite your head off'. Years

ago I would have felt so humiliated displaying such vulnerability to women as

stunning as her, but this time I didn't feel like this. I purely accepted myself

and although my self esteem dipped a very little bit, I still felt quite

loveable.

Lots of people here write about how they are more accepting of their anxiety

nowadays, but I bet their self esteem remains in much better shape now despite

these uncomfortable feelings. I couldn't put down 's book, things might go

horribly terrible wrong, when I was a reading about the universality of humam

suffering, which really struck a cord with me. This acceptance started with my

work with self help CBT I will admit, but my stigma seems to have now almost

gone. After all this time I discover that I am quite normal. And it's rather

nice.

Kaivey

> >

> > I'm a big fat phony, a real nice guy. I'm getting sick of myself and don't

even

> > know who I am anymore. I can't be myself, whoever that is, and can't stand

> > myself cause I'm such a loser! I'm unable to relax and be myself around

others

> > and am a nervous, insecure ,nobody, who would just rather disappear if

possible.

> >

> > After a couple of weeks of this I will buy a 6 pk of beer and wham! It's a

> > frickin miracle all of a sudden I can think and see everything differently.

> > Holla luga whatever I'm healed until the alcohol wheres off. I've been

trying

> > different meds for over 20 yrs with no help, all that's left is shock

therapy or

> > a life of drinking. I'll probably end it soon but I'm to much of a wuss.

> >

> > I can't tell this to anyone else and am just waiting for something to give.

> >

> > sincerely

> >

>