Guest guest Posted January 25, 2009 Report Share Posted January 25, 2009 You said this so well. But you always seem so knowledgable that the idea of you on Red Alert never ever crossed my mind. I'm not trying to be flip....I really mean this. You seem so collected and know just where to go for info and pass it along to the forum. Forgive me for saying this....but now you seem so much more human. Knowing that you have the same fears makes me feel closer to you. Thank you so much for sharing your private thoughts with us. As I said......you said what I know I'm feeling very well. You're really something!! Love,Jill We don't remember days, we remember moments. Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away. From: abijann <no_reply > Subject: Feeling of Urgency To: livercirrhosissupport Date: Sunday, January 25, 2009, 4:51 PM I don't know for certain how other caregivers feel about this. This may be because my husband has many other things wrong with him besides just the one. The feeling of urgency, the feeling on being on RED ALERT, has never left me. The feeling of never being sure whether it is an emergency or not, even when they tell you the signs and symptoms of what to watch for... is still with me. My husband is about 5 years post transplant and in these 5 years have had a number of emergencies still. Dealing with the insurance and bills being paid has not stopped since he was sick. I told someone once, that I wanted to spend time with my husband who might not be with me much longer, than on the phone all day long, everyday, with strangers trying to get them to pay for things that was listed as covered with our insurance, but they refused to pay for; or feeling out forms to prove he is disabled when they know all that he has gone through and have it there, written, in front of them and the doctors has given me the forms, which they have, where it says he cannot work. I become numb at times...like walking around in a fog, waiting for a bomb to go off. When this happens, then I try to step back away from everything and really take a good look at what is going on around me and what I can do to try to remedy the situation. If I cannot remedy anything...then I try to see how important in life it is or if I have to handle it all right now or can put it off. I sort of go to the place of, " If I did lose my husband...would all of this matter to me, anyhow, " and usually the answer is no. There will always be these problems whether he is with me or not...so why worry. Other problems keep sticking their ugly heads out as soon as we get one solved. They say some people never worry about anything at all, that there are only certain types that tend to dwell on them... I beg to differ....When you stop feeling or noticing what is going on around you, that is when you are no longer living. Trying to numb your mind with medications or anything else is just trying to run away and really there is no place to go. You have to deal the hand that has been given you...the best way you can. I've handed that hand over to my Father of us all to help me through it. Death is our enemy and we all try to avoid it, we want to survive as long as we can. The unknowns are hard to face, but if you keep worrying about what is ahead, then you are forgetting to enjoy and live in the here and now. You are then already not living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2009 Report Share Posted January 25, 2009 I agree. I wish that I could write my feelings and thoughts better..... Lyncia In life family and friends take us on all kinds of adventures, God helps us choose our path....Enjoy your journey! From: abijann <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com> Subject: Feeling of Urgency To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com Date: Sunday, January 25, 2009, 4:51 PM I don't know for certain how other caregivers feel about this. This may be because my husband has many other things wrong with him besides just the one. The feeling of urgency, the feeling on being on RED ALERT, has never left me. The feeling of never being sure whether it is an emergency or not, even when they tell you the signs and symptoms of what to watch for... is still with me. My husband is about 5 years post transplant and in these 5 years have had a number of emergencies still. Dealing with the insurance and bills being paid has not stopped since he was sick. I told someone once, that I wanted to spend time with my husband who might not be with me much longer, than on the phone all day long, everyday, with strangers trying to get them to pay for things that was listed as covered with our insurance, but they refused to pay for; or feeling out forms to prove he is disabled when they know all that he has gone through and have it there, written, in front of them and the doctors has given me the forms, which they have, where it says he cannot work. I become numb at times...like walking around in a fog, waiting for a bomb to go off. When this happens, then I try to step back away from everything and really take a good look at what is going on around me and what I can do to try to remedy the situation. If I cannot remedy anything...then I try to see how important in life it is or if I have to handle it all right now or can put it off. I sort of go to the place of, " If I did lose my husband...would all of this matter to me, anyhow, " and usually the answer is no. There will always be these problems whether he is with me or not...so why worry. Other problems keep sticking their ugly heads out as soon as we get one solved. They say some people never worry about anything at all, that there are only certain types that tend to dwell on them... I beg to differ....When you stop feeling or noticing what is going on around you, that is when you are no longer living. Trying to numb your mind with medications or anything else is just trying to run away and really there is no place to go. You have to deal the hand that has been given you...the best way you can. I've handed that hand over to my Father of us all to help me through it. Death is our enemy and we all try to avoid it, we want to survive as long as we can. The unknowns are hard to face, but if you keep worrying about what is ahead, then you are forgetting to enjoy and live in the here and now. You are then already not living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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