Re: The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

[Guest guest]

wrote:

<< I looked in the back index about relationships, especially what it

said about what the attractions of AS people are. I had been wondering

what kinds of women that a guy like me with AS would be attracted to and

such. >>

You are attracted to whomever you are attracted, for whatever reasons.

The information in the book is a generalization only. In looking at the

list you provided, I suspect it will describe some Aspies yet not others.

In fact (speaking only for myself), I *know* for certain that these

preferences aren't universal.

Individual preferences will differ with each person, whether they be NT

or AS. Find someone to whom you are attracted for whatever reasons are

important to you, and don't worry about how closely your preferences map

to the content of any book.

Ultimately, we all end up with the partner who will have us anyway,

despite our ideal preferences. lol

I take it that you purchased a used book, given your comments about the

book's condition. I've had good luck with purchasing used books through

Amazon myself.

I'm also starting to sell my own used books (mostly general interest and

high-tech topics) through that vendor, although I don't expect to make a

great deal of cash doing it. Just cleaning out my living space, mostly.

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the advice, CJ. I appreciate it much.

>

>

> << I looked in the back index about relationships, especially what it

> said about what the attractions of AS people are. I had been wondering

> what kinds of women that a guy like me with AS would be attracted to and

> such. >>

>

>

> You are attracted to whomever you are attracted, for whatever reasons.

>

> The information in the book is a generalization only. In looking at the

> list you provided, I suspect it will describe some Aspies yet not others.

>

> In fact (speaking only for myself), I *know* for certain that these

> preferences aren't universal.

>

> Individual preferences will differ with each person, whether they be NT

> or AS. Find someone to whom you are attracted for whatever reasons are

> important to you, and don't worry about how closely your preferences map

> to the content of any book.

>

> Ultimately, we all end up with the partner who will have us anyway,

> despite our ideal preferences. lol

>

> I take it that you purchased a used book, given your comments about the

> book's condition. I've had good luck with purchasing used books through

> Amazon myself.

>

> I'm also starting to sell my own used books (mostly general interest and

> high-tech topics) through that vendor, although I don't expect to make a

> great deal of cash doing it. Just cleaning out my living space, mostly.

>

>

> Best,

> ~CJ

>

[Guest guest]

Well, we are all different from each other, of course.  I think what worked for my AS husband and myself (a self-diagnosed NT) is that I had my own career and supportive relationships.  Before we got married, my husband had connected with a couple of other women like me -- professional, career, independent types.  Early in our dating we discussed that neither of us felt pulled toward parenting and that has probably spared us some serious difficulties.

I have not read all the way through the book, but I have loved what I have read.  Enjoy it.Kathy S.

 

Hi all....

I just received this book in the mail today. Looks brand new, tight pages, nothing written in it. I can't wait to begin reading it. Actually I did some. I looked in the back index about relationships, especially what it said about what the attractions of AS people are. I had been wondering what kinds of women that a guy like me with AS would be attracted to and such.

- One specific physical quality

- Less concerned about partner's physique than other men

- Less concerned about age or cultural differences

- Strong moral values

- A woman who can compensate for their difficulties in life and high social IQ

(Courtesy of " The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, pages 304-306)

Sounds interesting to say the least.

[Guest guest]

Kathleen Sundmark wrote:

<< Well, we are all different from each other, of course. I think what

worked for my AS husband and myself (a self-diagnosed NT) is that I had

my own career and supportive relationships. Before we got married, my

husband had connected with a couple of other women like me --

professional, career, independent types. Early in our dating we

discussed that neither of us felt pulled toward parenting and that has

probably spared us some serious difficulties. >>

My (now late) husband and I were much the same. In fact, these were

necessary attributes to having any relationship at all.

Neither of us could see much point to investing time in building a long

term relationship with someone who eventually wanted to raise a family

and/or be a homemaker. Kids and a stay-at-home spouse were both

dealbreakers for both of us.

It also was important to us that we each have our own independent

friends and support network. Not that we couldn't have mutual friends

as well, of course.

Now that I'm widowed and thinking about future relationships, I plan to

follow the same path. Guys toting along kids from previous

relationships are off-limits. As are men whom I would be required to

financially support. And if he objects to my having independent

friends, I'll definitely take a pass. The idea is to form a

relationship with a partner who can enhance my life, not detract from it.

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy......

I am enjoying the book from what I read of it yesterday. I've got another book

I ordered (this one on relationships and AS) coming. I'm more than encouraged

from reading " Complete Guide " . Since moving to the Mid/Deep South of the USA,

I've adjusted to the area and built my own network of support. I have a couple

of new friendships with women going on right now, in addition to all the other

friendships (men and women) I have, currently.

I read where people with AS can feel isolated and lonely. The most recent

winter holidays was the first time ever where I had multiple people asking me if

I had a place to go for Xmas. That felt good, and showed I have come a long way

since 2007 (when I was officially dx'd with AS).

Both of my new women friends are as your husband described dating. I'm not at

all surprised if what the book says is true about men gravitating towards women

and such. I have my own career and like it very much. However, I don't need a

motherly type hovering me and such. Maybe other men who have AS want that sorta

thing. Not me.

I'm sure I'll enjoy the whole book. I am going to the laundromat later this

morning, so I'll be bringing the book with me. I'll be going through the book a

second time, this time highlighting.

>

> Well, we are all different from each other, of course. I think what worked

> for my AS husband and myself (a self-diagnosed NT) is that I had my own

> career and supportive relationships. Before we got married, my husband had

> connected with a couple of other women like me -- professional, career,

> independent types. Early in our dating we discussed that neither of us felt

> pulled toward parenting and that has probably spared us some serious

> difficulties.

>

> I have not read all the way through the book, but I have loved what I have

> read. Enjoy it.

>

> Kathy S.