Getting desperate

[Guest guest]

I have been suffering from anxiety issues for as long as I can remember. It comes and goes but has been really overwhelming for the last 4-5 months. There are two major issues for me

My mother, who is a widow and 85 years old, has had a stroke and has a heart arythmia which comes and goes, sometimes it makes her pass out. (otherwise she is really healthy for her age). The problem is that I have developed such a phobia about it that I avoid her. I live with my husband and two sons (aged 16 and 13) and my husband often travels for work. When he goes away, she comes and stays with us (we live in the same town). Today I lied to her by saying that he was coming home tonight when I know he isn't, just so that I could avoid having her here because I can't stand the anxiety that I feel. She stayed with us last night but I just couldn't face feeling that again tonight. Now I feel so guilty and awful but it is still preferable to the alternative. When she is not here, I find myself making up excuses to phone her to check that she is OK. She is a wonderful mother and grandmother and my

value would be to be loving and caring towards her and include her more in our lives.

I have a health obsession as well. At the moment I am convinced that I have lung cancer. I am a smoker and have been losing weight for no obvious reason. I googled unexplained weight loss and lung cancer came up, therefore I must have it!! I argue with myself endlessly but can't summon up the courage to do anything about this or tell anyone (even my husband).

I have been reading/practising ACT for about 18 months and have stepped up my practise lately but I am not getting anywhere.

It has taken me lots of courage to post this, so please be kind to me.

Regards

Carol