Re: second mother to all

June 3, 2007

Katers, our situations are a lot a like in some ways. My mother

every now and then does seem to offer support, but it's always

followed with something that negates it. And you are so right that

there are pieces of mothering we can pick up from different places

and maybe that is the way it should be. Leslye, I'm so glad that

you had another mother come into your life at such a young age. What

you describe in a time of doubt returning back to the memory of being

fully loved is something I wish I had so much. Still I know you

have your challenges I read your " how do you say " thread but didn't

feel I had much to contribute - I hope you stomach can heal and your

mom can remain just that " crazy lady next door " . Dawn, the idea of

older friends makes a lot of sense to me...hmmmm. And those sound

like very significant friends indeed! , I've tried to do

some inner child work before and found it very difficult. I feel

awkward and ridiculous! I completely believe that it has been

profound for you and I wish I could get into it as well. I never

really got to be a child, just a little adult, so it is hard to tap

into. Liesl, you seem to echo 's strategy of mothering

yourself...glad it is working for you. Kerrie, good for you to find

so many sources of that mothering energy. It always backfired for

me a bit like your poor uncle because I was always so busy

being " strong and together " even as a kid! I like what you say

about all the different ways mothers can be....the crazy nada model

is not the only model. B, definitely made me smile....imagine

the personals ad looking for a new mommy! I know I did always hope

to find out I was adopted and that my real family would swoop in and

rescue me any second.

Thanks everybody it really helps to bring all this out into to the

light and talk about. Wishing you all the best!

julie

June 4, 2007

Hugs to you . As you said so well, think we all come into our own ways of

handling this, then we find another way and try it out, then another way, and so

on. It's a war zone of subterfuge and deceit and it's a shame. Life's

challenging enough without having to dodge nada/fada minefields as well. I hope

you find a path that brings relief and rest. I hope we all do. For myself, I

didn't realize that " Mama T " was a real mother to me until very recently, so

I've spent - and undoubted will continue to spend - tears and heartbreak wishing

for what my nada can never give. When I looked over nada's letters and e-mails

through the past 5 years, it's obvious how disjointed her thoughts and sentences

have become and how prevalent the BPD is becoming in her life. I'm working on

this new frame of mind - finding balance between being kind to her and killing

her - and somewhere in there doing what I have to do to survive and maybe even

to thrive. Keep searching for what

brings a moment of peace. When that stops working, search again. I don't

think there is one answer for anyone, and what brings peace today may not work

tomorrow. The important thing is to keep trying. Again, hugs to you. I can't

fix it, but I can say that you're not walking alone.

-Leslye

climberkayak wrote: