Newbie here

[Guest guest]

Hi my name is Jen, I'm 32 and I'm dealing with a BP (non-diagnosed)

mother. I've read a couple of books after my naturopath recognized

her by description and he gave me one (he being a child of one

himself). Reading about WHY this woman has made my life hell was so

horrifying and upsetting but also freeing...

Due to health and financial problems, my husband, toddler daughter

and I actually have been forced to live with Mommy Dearest and her

slave (my stepdad) because they are the only family member with the

room (or has offered to help). I've been on the edge of sanity for a

while now as my daughter gets older and more aware of Mommy

Dearest's crap and she suffers at her mind games now. The stress is

making my chronic illness worse (caused in part by my ignoring my

physical symptoms for years... something I learned to do as a

child). The stress is also making me a shaky parent and wife because

my patience is shot.

The other day Hubby suggested that maybe we should stay one more

year now that finances are better and he's working in order to get

more financially stable. I started to have a panic attack in the

middle of the street (we were walking because that's the only

privacy we have to talk where Mommy Dearest can't hear us). I

couldn't breathe and I told him that I'm sorry but if I have to stay

here one more year I'll either die of a heart attack or kill

myself... I felt bad but it wasn't me trying to be manipulative... I

felt like I was telling him a fact. He wants to desperately get out

of here too... he knows her true face having lived here so long too.

His big fear is moving too soon and having to come back... but I

can't live here any longer.

I don't know if there are other parents on this group with their

first child. I'm doing pretty well at not being my Mom. I hug and

kiss and try not to belittle my daughter's feelings. My Mom taunts

and teases my daughter and I have to comfort her after the fact. It

breaks my heart. I only decided to have a child IF we were not

living here but then having to come back was a nightmare. It still

is.

So, we're hoping to move within the next couple of months if we can

find something to rent. It will be at least 150 miles away if not

further... where we lived a couple years ago. Hubby doesn't have a

steady job lined up but he's well enough to work full time now (he

has the same disease as me... aren't we a pair) and is very

optimistic that once we get relocated that he will find something...

We're both scared out of our wits that we will " fail " again and have

to come back but I told him that I WILL NOT come back no matter

what. I'll live in the f'in woods if I have to. When my daughter was

a newborn she couldn't really 'get' my Mom's crap so it wasn't too

bad but now she's old enough to be affected. I can't have that.

I know this is long. Thanks for reading if you made it through. My

Mom is going insane and I swear she's taking me with her.

Jen