Re: Birthday present from nada - guilt tied up with a bow

[Guest guest]

my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out ! There weren't

a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute ( I wonder

what happened to me ??LOL)

Jackie

Well, my nada didn't send my baby book, but I used to hear

how " there never was a child as loved as you were " . She refusted to

come to my wedding, and therefore my dad and sister didn't go

either.

Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Oh Sylvia - - that's really sad. Do you have any relatives that may

have pictures of you as a child? I guess I am thankful that I have

the baby book, even if the purpose of giving it was malicious.

>

> my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out !

There weren't

> a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute ( I

wonder

> what happened to me ??LOL)

>

> Jackie

>

> Well, my nada didn't send my baby book, but I used to hear

> how " there never was a child as loved as you were " . She refusted

to

> come to my wedding, and therefore my dad and sister didn't go

> either.

>

> Sylvia

>

[Guest guest]

I'm the one who's baby book nada threw away when she got mad at me, and no,

no relatives have any pictures...we didn't live in the same state where my

parents families were, and she never shared pictures of me ( don't know

about siblings) with anyone...

Jackie

Oh Sylvia - - that's really sad. Do you have any relatives that may

have pictures of you as a child? I guess I am thankful that I have

the baby book, even if the purpose of giving it was malicious.

> my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out !

There weren't

> a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute ( I

wonder

> what happened to me ??LOL)

>

> Jackie

[Guest guest]

My nada also " lost " my baby book! I've always wondered if she really lost

it, or if she threw it out. If she did throw it out, I'm pretty positive

that she blacked out about it. She accused me of throwing it out because " I

hate myself " for years and years...and " why would I do that, when those

pictures were so special to her? " I think to this day she believes that I

threw it out (it was " lost " 20 years ago). It's a mystery that will never

be solved, I guess!

-Becky

>

> my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out ! There

> weren't

> a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute ( I wonder

> what happened to me ??LOL)

>

> Jackie

>

> Well, my nada didn't send my baby book, but I used to hear

> how " there never was a child as loved as you were " . She refusted to

> come to my wedding, and therefore my dad and sister didn't go

> either.

>

> Sylvia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I didn't have a baby book. 3rd child... The photos are few and far

between and the albums have been horded by whichever parent has

custody of them, with no real thought about us " kids " (all in our 40s

now...). I'm so sorry she threw yours away, makes me want to throw up...

>

> I'm the one who's baby book nada threw away when she got mad at me,

and no,

> no relatives have any pictures...we didn't live in the same state

where my

> parents families were, and she never shared pictures of me ( don't know

> about siblings) with anyone...

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Oh Sylvia - - that's really sad. Do you have any relatives that may

> have pictures of you as a child? I guess I am thankful that I have

> the baby book, even if the purpose of giving it was malicious.

>

> > my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out !

> There weren't

> > a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute ( I

> wonder

> > what happened to me ??LOL)

> >

> > Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

Cheer up I'll probalby never see mine, I've managed to keep a few pictures

(times when te parents felt like coping pictures or when my aunt borrows them

and sends them to me) otherwise I'll never see those again because I'm not going

back to that relationship the cost to get those pictures to me isn't worth the

torture.

MC

becky wrote:

My nada also " lost " my baby book! I've always wondered if she really

lost

it, or if she threw it out. If she did throw it out, I'm pretty positive

that she blacked out about it. She accused me of throwing it out because " I

hate myself " for years and years...and " why would I do that, when those

pictures were so special to her? " I think to this day she believes that I

threw it out (it was " lost " 20 years ago). It's a mystery that will never

be solved, I guess!

-Becky

>

> my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out ! There

> weren't

> a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute ( I wonder

> what happened to me ??LOL)

>

> Jackie

>

> Well, my nada didn't send my baby book, but I used to hear

> how " there never was a child as loved as you were " . She refusted to

> come to my wedding, and therefore my dad and sister didn't go

> either.

>

> Sylvia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I suspect nada threw mine out...I last saw it about 30 years ago, but always

wanted to show my husband them...I was really cute when little :-)...but it

" disappeared " before we were married, and hasn't been seen since...and I

looked...she was in the hospital when we were there 2X and I searched the

closets and nooks and crannies..come to think of it...she has everyone's

picture displayed somewhere in the house except for me...none of me

anywhere...she does have 2 pictures of dogs I owned displayed, though...

Jackie

My nada also " lost " my baby book! I've always wondered if she really lost

it, or if she threw it out. If she did throw it out, I'm pretty positive

that she blacked out about it. She accused me of throwing it out because " I

hate myself " for years and years...and " why would I do that, when those

pictures were so special to her? " I think to this day she believes that I

threw it out (it was " lost " 20 years ago). It's a mystery that will never

be solved, I guess!

-Becky

[Guest guest]

thanks...they weren't actually " baby " pictures...there were none of

that...but many pictures of my sister and I sitting on Santa's lap, with the

Easter bunny etc....the company my dad worked for sponsored these photo

shoots and employees kids got their pictures taken free...so it was from

about age 4-8 or so...

Jackie

I didn't have a baby book. 3rd child... The photos are few and far

between and the albums have been horded by whichever parent has

custody of them, with no real thought about us " kids " (all in our 40s

now...). I'm so sorry she threw yours away, makes me want to throw up...

[Guest guest]

Sorry Jackie - I looked at the bottom of the chain and mistook your

entry for Sylvia's.

>

> I'm the one who's baby book nada threw away when she got mad at

me, and no,

> no relatives have any pictures...we didn't live in the same state

where my

> parents families were, and she never shared pictures of me ( don't

know

> about siblings) with anyone...

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Oh Sylvia - - that's really sad. Do you have any relatives that

may

> have pictures of you as a child? I guess I am thankful that I have

> the baby book, even if the purpose of giving it was malicious.

>

> > my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out !

> There weren't

> > a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute ( I

> wonder

> > what happened to me ??LOL)

> >

> > Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

I think this is criminal. I can't even imagine. I am sooooo sorry this

happened. I think pictures must be threatening to " them " because when I

was settling the folks' estate, I found piles (no organization

whatsoever) of papers in which large envelopes of pictures were

interspersed. These were pix of my 4 kids throughout the years (school

pix; professional pix; event pix; etc) some of which were never

opened...the envelopes were STILL sealed. Then one time while visiting

(I SF bay area...they Denver) I noticed a pix was taped with a " hinge "

of scotch tape on TOP of a framed pix. When I lifted up the top one it

revealed a wedding pix of my eldest daughter and the top pix was not

even a family member...in fact I had to ask " Who's that? "

Maybe someone knows about this phenomenon I believe is called OBJECT

CONSTANCE or something like that...wherein a BPDer is thought to be much

like babies who are fearful when they can't SEE you . Tests have been

conducted that indicate if you hide your face behind a piece of paper

the babies think you've disappeared. Maybe pix are a re-reminder of YOU

(us) and if you've been split to the bad pile, then no sense having a

constant reminder around? I know this sounds too simplistic, perhaps,

becuz we ALL have pictures surrounding us probably for much the same

reason...to be a reminder of that person, but I think the warped mind of

the BPDer is perhaps too terrified to be reminded. Am I all " wet " on

this one?

>

> I suspect nada threw mine out...I last saw it about 30 years ago, but

always

> wanted to show my husband them...I was really cute when little

:-)...but it

> " disappeared " before we were married, and hasn't been seen since...and

I

> looked...she was in the hospital when we were there 2X and I searched

the

> closets and nooks and crannies..come to think of it...she has

everyone's

> picture displayed somewhere in the house except for me...none of me

> anywhere...she does have 2 pictures of dogs I owned displayed,

though...

>

> Jackie

>

>

> My nada also " lost " my baby book! I've always wondered if she really

lost

> it, or if she threw it out. If she did throw it out, I'm pretty

positive

> that she blacked out about it. She accused me of throwing it out

because " I

> hate myself " for years and years...and " why would I do that, when

those

> pictures were so special to her? " I think to this day she believes

that I

> threw it out (it was " lost " 20 years ago). It's a mystery that will

never

> be solved, I guess!

>

> -Becky

>

[Guest guest]

It was Jackie's nada who lost her baby book. I don't know if my

nada had a baby book, but I do have an album with some baby pictures

in it.

Sylvia

> >

> > my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out !

> There weren't

> > a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute (

I

> wonder

> > what happened to me ??LOL)

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> > Well, my nada didn't send my baby book, but I used to hear

> > how " there never was a child as loved as you were " . She

refusted

> to

> > come to my wedding, and therefore my dad and sister didn't go

> > either.

> >

> > Sylvia

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm right there with you guys. Just actually sent back a birthday

gift from nada. Have been NC for 6 months now. She sent a beautiful

black necklace and earrings with a note of course. " I love you with

all my heart... " really? Do you know what love is???? Anyway, I

decided to send it back with a note that said something like... " I do

not feel comfortable accepting a gift from you when I am not a part

of your life. " Haven't had a response yet, but that's

okay.Materialistic things have always been a form of control. See how

nice I am to buy you things...I continually say...you don't need to

buy things, just be KIND.

Stay Strong,

Dawn

> >

> > I've been NC with nada since our wedding, when she declared that

> HER

> > evening was ruined because I " kept her at arms length " and didn't

> > properly acknowledge her at the reception. The hurtful and

> hateful

> > things she said to me following our wedding were almost more than

> I

> > could stand.

> >

> > Well, tonight I get home to find a birthday present from her.

> Inside,

> > is my baby book with a note that says, " this is to remind you how

> much

> > we've loved you since the moment you drew your first breath! "

Oh,

> for

> > the LOVE of God - -if you truly love and care about someone,

can't

> you

> > at least be happy for them (or pretend to be) on their wedding

> day? I

> > am filled with so much anger right now I feel like throwing up.

> >

> > Just needed to vent -

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Right there with you...It's like I'm asking for the world when I want

to take some pictures from the past. I guess I would rather not have

a baby book, than to have it thrown away. How awful, but then again,

nadas have a way of " throwing away " more than just books. Sometimes

it feels as if they " throw away " their own child.

Stay strong,

Dawn

> >

> > I'm the one who's baby book nada threw away when she got mad at

me,

> and no,

> > no relatives have any pictures...we didn't live in the same state

> where my

> > parents families were, and she never shared pictures of me (

don't know

> > about siblings) with anyone...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> > Oh Sylvia - - that's really sad. Do you have any relatives that

may

> > have pictures of you as a child? I guess I am thankful that I

have

> > the baby book, even if the purpose of giving it was malicious.

> >

> > > my nada has " lost " my baby book...she probably threw it out !

> > There weren't

> > > a whole lot of pictures of me as a kid, but I was really cute (

I

> > wonder

> > > what happened to me ??LOL)

> > >

> > > Jackie

> >

>