Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress

[Guest guest]

Hey Tom,

Your words "to make room for, not expect too much, and allow" are things I think I kinda do. But my expectations are such that I make room for, expect, and allow (perhaps) way too much. But I don't 'show up' in my world, in spite of all that.

I often feel that I am living in that 4x8 space. Well, I know I am.

I sleep, eat, go to work (where I shine and am so amazingly social, accepted and valued) - then I come home to MY SPACE. When I walk through that door, I leave me behind. I sink into my recliner, watch TV, and zombie out until the next day. I instantly lose all vigor, motivation, and energy. My only task is to zone out. I am crucially alone and critically lonely.

Oh, my pets. Without them, I would surely die. They love me. I love them. So simple, so pure, so innocent. So important a reason for living.

So the phrase I use most often now, to myself, is "show up." I show up for work, I show up to shop for groceries, etc. But the minute I step inside my door, I DO NOT show up for myself. At all.

It's my depression ruling my life. No one on the outside sees it. No one has any idea of the agony. Not even those closest to me.

I want to show up. For me.

Sorry to be so melancholy. Yet so hopeful.

Helena

Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress > > Â > > > > > So the exercise (vigorous cycling) really messed me up. But there are all these other problems as well, like PSSD, and so my life feels pointless. As for getting as life, chasing women was the best bit but now that is over. > > So I'm sitting here today feeling utterly wretched, I'm putting on weight, my eysesight is failing, my looks falling apart, and it seems that it is all downhill from now on. But I realise there is nothing I can do about this as I can't stop the pain, and so I sit there and get into the guitar, but this time more mindfully. I then become absorbed for a while and the guitar takes on a life of its own. I then realise I'm experiencing pleasure and I look around the room and see sun coming through the windows and it is lovely. I'm still in pain, but what can I do about it, moaning won't make it go away? I also realise that there are lots of interesting things I still enjoy doing. And then, somehow, everything becomes neutralised - it is not what I want, but I can still get around and do things. > > I could see a glimmer of hope in all this, i.e. that I didn't need to get things right before I can experience that life is worthwhile or useful. Of course I want it to be different, but I can still live a fascinating life while I am like this. I'm optimistic about the future because with ACT, and perhaps later, Buddhism.... Well, I can't explain it, I'm just fascinated as to were I can go with this, and this is so interesting! I think one day, life might be just incredible again. > > Kaivey>

[Guest guest]

I was feeling very helpless and hopeless last evening. I feel better today, but I see I really need to do something about showing up for my life. I am stuck. My intentions are good, but I don't carry them out. Something awful, unnameable, is stopping me. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that no matter what I do, I will never find meaning in my life. Or maybe I'm afraid to do that -- it would be a huge change for me and change is always scary. I really have a major block of some kind. This feeling of being all alone is just awful. But only I can change that--what is stopping me???

I get a lot of pleasure from talking to the older people who walk (or hobble) by my door at work on their way to the rehabilitation therapy suite. I smile, say hello, chat, offer water, etc. I can really sense the loneliness in a lot of them. I can identify with it, so I try to bring them a bit of cheer. They seem to really appreciate that someone notices them and takes the time to chat. They often have long waits for the Access rides, and I feel sorry that they have to wait so long, so I often sit with them for awhile when I'm not busy. They often have multiple visits for therapy, and it is so cool when they walk in and flash a huge smile at me because they remember me.

This tells me that I really care about people and can be quite sociable and helpful. Maybe I should get a job working with older people. That would make me feel so worthwhile, and maybe I would come to believe it. My current job is a big fat zero in the satisfaction department!

Just rambling here ... sorry. I would ask for suggestions, but I think I know what I need to do: get moving! Perhaps someone can tell me if they've experienced a similar block and what they did to get past it. Other than "just do it!" -- which may be the only answer there is.

Helena

Anyway, I appreciate everyone here and feel encouraged today. Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress > > Â > > > > > So the exercise (vigorous cycling) really messed me up. But there are all these other problems as well, like PSSD, and so my life feels pointless. As for getting as life, chasing women was the best bit but now that is over. > > So I'm sitting here today feeling utterly wretched, I'm putting on weight, my eysesight is failing, my looks falling apart, and it seems that it is all downhill from now on. But I realise there is nothing I can do about this as I can't stop the pain, and so I sit there and get into the guitar, but this time more mindfully. I then become absorbed for a while and the guitar takes on a life of its own. I then realise I'm experiencing pleasure and I look around the room and see sun coming through the windows and it is lovely. I'm still in pain, but what can I do about it, moaning won't make it go away? I also realise that there are lots of interesting things I still enjoy doing. And then, somehow, everything becomes neutralised - it is not what I want, but I can still get around and do things. > > I could see a glimmer of hope in all this, i.e. that I didn't need to get things right before I can experience that life is worthwhile or useful. Of course I want it to be different, but I can still live a fascinating life while I am like this. I'm optimistic about the future because with ACT, and perhaps later, Buddhism.... Well, I can't explain it, I'm just fascinated as to were I can go with this, and this is so interesting! I think one day, life might be just incredible again. > > Kaivey>

[Guest guest]

Helena,

Sounds like you have identified an important value. That of making older people feel validated, and cheered up. I think that's a really important skill - so many older people in our society are overlooked and undervalued. I think you are on to something here. Why not try a bit of voluntary work with older people and see how you feel. Maybe these feelings of loneliness that you experience are a training for something bigger than yourself - maybe because you know how it feels you can connect in a special way. One of my favourite poets is Rumi. He talks about 'keep looking at the bandaged place' the place where you hurt most can also be the place for healing and transformation, the place that cracks open the shell of your small self to emerge into something bigger.

Maybe its time to move those feet! You and me both!

Cyberhug

Simone

To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sun, 1 August, 2010 19:07:41Subject: Re: Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress

I was feeling very helpless and hopeless last evening. I feel better today, but I see I really need to do something about showing up for my life. I am stuck. My intentions are good, but I don't carry them out. Something awful, unnameable, is stopping me. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that no matter what I do, I will never find meaning in my life. Or maybe I'm afraid to do that -- it would be a huge change for me and change is always scary. I really have a major block of some kind. This feeling of being all alone is just awful. But only I can change that--what is stopping me???

I get a lot of pleasure from talking to the older people who walk (or hobble) by my door at work on their way to the rehabilitation therapy suite. I smile, say hello, chat, offer water, etc. I can really sense the loneliness in a lot of them. I can identify with it, so I try to bring them a bit of cheer. They seem to really appreciate that someone notices them and takes the time to chat. They often have long waits for the Access rides, and I feel sorry that they have to wait so long, so I often sit with them for awhile when I'm not busy. They often have multiple visits for therapy, and it is so cool when they walk in and flash a huge smile at me because they remember me.

This tells me that I really care about people and can be quite sociable and helpful. Maybe I should get a job working with older people. That would make me feel so worthwhile, and maybe I would come to believe it. My current job is a big fat zero in the satisfaction department!

Just rambling here ... sorry. I would ask for suggestions, but I think I know what I need to do: get moving! Perhaps someone can tell me if they've experienced a similar block and what they did to get past it. Other than "just do it!" -- which may be the only answer there is.

Helena

Anyway, I appreciate everyone here and feel encouraged today. [ACT_for_the_ Public] Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress > > Â > > > > > So the exercise (vigorous cycling) really messed me up. But there are all these other problems as well, like PSSD, and so my life feels pointless. As for getting as life, chasing women was the best bit but now that is over. > > So I'm sitting here today feeling utterly wretched, I'm putting on weight, my eysesight is failing, my looks falling apart, and it seems that it is all downhill from now on. But I realise there is

nothing I can do about this as I can't stop the pain, and so I sit there and get into the guitar, but this time more mindfully. I then become absorbed for a while and the guitar takes on a life of its own. I then realise I'm experiencing pleasure and I look around the room and see sun coming through the windows and it is lovely. I'm still in pain, but what can I do about it, moaning won't make it go away? I also realise that there are lots of interesting things I still enjoy doing. And then, somehow, everything becomes neutralised - it is not what I want, but I can still get around and do things. > > I could see a glimmer of hope in all this, i.e. that I didn't need to get things right before I can experience that life is worthwhile or useful. Of course I want it to be different,

but I can still live a fascinating life while I am like this. I'm optimistic about the future because with ACT, and perhaps later, Buddhism.... Well, I can't explain it, I'm just fascinated as to were I can go with this, and this is so interesting! I think one day, life might be just incredible again. > > Kaivey>

[Guest guest]

I so agree with Simone, Helena. You sound enlivened when you talk about the

elderly people with whom you come in contact. You sound gifted in this area. I

love what the poet said, Simone. THAT IS SO TRUE!!

> >

> >

> >

> > Kaivey,

> >

> >

> >

> > Just a thought here -- You have a very engaging, lyrical way of writing that

I

> >enjoy quite a lot.  Do you keep a journal?  The kinds of things you

write here

> >could go into a journal and, eventually, would be worthy of publishing, I

think.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > And for what it's worth -- chasing women does not seem to be necessary for

> >you. You always seem to have an adoring girlfriend or two, and they

don't seem

> >to mind your issue with PSSD, from what you've said.  Why not just

believe in

> >yourself? ... apparently, you are quite successful with the ladies, and

are

> >also a talented musician and dancer, and well regarded at work. 

Also, as you

> >mature, 'chasing many' usually becomes less important than

'cherishing one',

> >so I hope you will find the right one to cherish forever one of these

days.  I

> >think that could bring you a lot of stability and happiness (if it accords

with

> >your values). 

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I think, from time to time, we all feel that our life is

pointless.  I was

> >there two days ago and, if not for my pets, I might have gone further in

making

> >plans to leave this earth.  It runs in the background of my mind

constantly. 

> >The only way out of that mindset is to move my hands and feet toward

my

> >values, which I am not consistent in doing, but I am doing the best I

can. 

> >What is it they say in AA? ...... Progress is the goal--NOT perfection.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Instead of wanting it (your life) to be different, maybe you could just want

it

> >to be exactly as it is.  I'm terribly guilty of such-y thinking, such as

after

> > " such and such " happens, then I can be " such and such " [happy, fulfilled,

free

> >of depression, etc., etc.].  So I live a life waiting for something to

happen

> >so that I can live my life.  That sounds crazy ( as in " living a life of

quiet

> >desperation " , as a famous writer once said, whose name I don't recall). 

> >Better to be fascinated with where you are right now than where you can go in

> >the future, right? 

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Cheers,

> >

> >

> >

> > Helena

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > [ACT_for_the_ Public] Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional

Distress

> >

> >

> >  

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > So the exercise (vigorous cycling) really messed me up. But there are all

these

> >other problems as well, like PSSD, and so my life feels pointless. As for

> >getting as life, chasing women was the best bit but now that is over.

> >

> >

> > So I'm sitting here today feeling utterly wretched, I'm putting on weight,

my

> >eysesight is failing, my looks falling apart, and it seems that it is all

> >downhill from now on. But I realise there is nothing I can do about this as I

> >can't stop the pain, and so I sit there and get into the guitar, but this

time

> >more mindfully. I then become absorbed for a while and the guitar takes on a

> >life of its own. I then realise I'm experiencing pleasure and I look around

the

> >room and see sun coming through the windows and it is lovely. I'm still in

pain,

> >but what can I do about it, moaning won't make it go away? I also realise

that

> >there are lots of interesting things I still enjoy doing. And then, somehow,

> >everything becomes neutralised - it is not what I want, but I can still get

> >around and do things.

> >

> >

> > I could see a glimmer of hope in all this, i.e. that I didn't need to get

> >things right before I can experience that life is worthwhile or useful. Of

> >course I want it to be different, but I can still live a fascinating life

while

> >I am like this. I'm optimistic about the future because with ACT, and perhaps

> >later, Buddhism.... Well, I can't explain it, I'm just fascinated as to were

I

> >can go with this, and this is so interesting! I think one day, life might be

> >just incredible again.

> >

> >

> > Kaivey

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My humble suggestion is to question what your motivation is...one has to be very

careful as to not use mindfulness techniques in the hopes of avoiding a

feeling...if you are looking for a way for it to go away, it will always be

lurking around the corner

What might be needed is to be present to the feeling itself...even if it is

numbness...do your best to allow your awareness to sink in to it...breathe it

in, breathe it out...just a feeling, a sensation, anything else is a judgment

You are safe

Best,

VC

>

> I would like to open up a discussion about what ACT skills can be used DURING

an acute emotional episode.

>

> Often the cognitive processes are interrupted so thinking on your feet, so to

speak, is sometimes not even an option. I liken it to walking through a door,

once you pass the threshold, the door behind you is shut and there is no memory

of what you felt like or believed before. Practical skills are needed to move

the emotions from baseline.

>

> Self-conceptualisations become a major source of distress so the knowledge the

WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS is useful in that regard. Much, much harder to practice

in those moments though.

>

> `Experientially I'm not That' in `GOOYM' is a great exercise to get yourself

present and works very well to illustrate that we function through a core unit

and connect to other things by interacting with them. (Sorry if that doesn't

make sense, I see it as pictures in my mind so it is hard to express verbally).

Again, when chronic emotional distress hits, this exercise falls short because

that core is totally without substance, empty.

>

> The other one I like, again in `GOOYM', is the `Tin Can Monster'. That is such

an effective focusing exercise, it keeps you present and expands the experience

you are having through mindfulness. To some degree it puts you in control, just

by noticing. What happens though, when the body is numb and there is nothing to

focus on, emotions are so intense it is not possible to think about how you feel

and thoughts that appear rational at the time, later turn out to be falsities?

>

> So those are some of my favourite exercises, I do many more of course, but I

have to say that in critical moments, it just hasn't been enough. So...what

other practical exercises would you guys suggest for managing moments of chronic

emotional distress?

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, . And thank you, too, Simone.

I have been thinking about trying to work with older folks for awhile now. My only fear is that I may get too attached to them and not be able to stop thinking about them when I go home. When I was 18, I entered training to become an RN, but I had to drop out because I carried the pain of my patients home with me. I nearly had a breakdown when a child died whom I had cared for. I decided to drop out of nursing; I couldn't separate myself from my patients' problems.

But I'm older now and more realistic about life's ups and down. So perhaps it is a direction I should pursue. Thanks for encouraging me. I'm going to look into opportunities with the elderly -- a total change for me, away from the computers I work with all day and am so totally bored with. It would feel so nice to be needed and appreciated by another human being. Sounds a bit ego-centric, but in a good way, I think.

I love the poet Rumi, and I love that quote. I don't think I've ever come across it before; wow, is that true!

Here's a quote from Rainer Rilke that I have posted on my wall at work: Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. Actually, I think someone on this list posted that and I thought it was so powerful.

Helena

l Message -----To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, August 1, 2010 8:17:10 PMSubject: Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress

I so agree with Simone, Helena. You sound enlivened when you talk about the elderly people with whom you come in contact. You sound gifted in this area. I love what the poet said, Simone. THAT IS SO TRUE!!> >> > > > > > Kaivey, > > > > > > > > Just a thought here -- You have a very engaging, lyrical way of writing that I > >enjoy quite a lot. Do you keep a journal? The kinds of things you write here > >could go into a journal and, eventually, would be worthy of publishing, I think. > >> > > > > > > > And for what it's worth -- chasing women does not seem to be necessary for > >you. You always seem to have an adoring girlfriend or two, and they don't seem > >to mind your issue with PSSD, from what you've said. Why not just believe in > >yourself? ... apparently, you are quite successful with the ladies, and are > >also a talented musician and dancer, and well regarded at work. Also, as you > >mature, 'chasing many' usually becomes less important than 'cherishing one', > >so I hope you will find the right one to cherish forever one of these days. I > >think that could bring you a lot of stability and happiness (if it accords with > >your values). > >> > > > > > > > I think, from time to time, we all feel that our life is pointless. I was > >there two days ago and, if not for my pets, I might have gone further in making > >plans to leave this earth. It runs in the background of my mind constantly. > >The only way out of that mindset is to move my hands and feet toward my > >values, which I am not consistent in doing, but I am doing the best I can. > >What is it they say in AA? ...... Progress is the goal--NOT perfection. > >> > > > > > > > Instead of wanting it (your life) to be different, maybe you could just want it > >to be exactly as it is. I'm terribly guilty of such-y thinking, such as after > >"such and such" happens, then I can be "such and such" [happy, fulfilled, free > >of depression, etc., etc.]. So I live a life waiting for something to happen > >so that I can live my life. That sounds crazy ( as in "living a life of quiet > >desperation" , as a famous writer once said, whose name I don't recall). > >Better to be fascinated with where you are right now than where you can go in > >the future, right? > >> > > > > > > > Cheers, > > > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [ACT_for_the_ Public] Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress > >> > > >  > > > > > > > > > > So the exercise (vigorous cycling) really messed me up. But there are all these > >other problems as well, like PSSD, and so my life feels pointless. As for > >getting as life, chasing women was the best bit but now that is over. > >> > > > So I'm sitting here today feeling utterly wretched, I'm putting on weight, my > >eysesight is failing, my looks falling apart, and it seems that it is all > >downhill from now on. But I realise there is nothing I can do about this as I > >can't stop the pain, and so I sit there and get into the guitar, but this time > >more mindfully. I then become absorbed for a while and the guitar takes on a > >life of its own. I then realise I'm experiencing pleasure and I look around the > >room and see sun coming through the windows and it is lovely. I'm still in pain, > >but what can I do about it, moaning won't make it go away? I also realise that > >there are lots of interesting things I still enjoy doing. And then, somehow, > >everything becomes neutralised - it is not what I want, but I can still get > >around and do things. > >> > > > I could see a glimmer of hope in all this, i.e. that I didn't need to get > >things right before I can experience that life is worthwhile or useful. Of > >course I want it to be different, but I can still live a fascinating life while > >I am like this. I'm optimistic about the future because with ACT, and perhaps > >later, Buddhism.... Well, I can't explain it, I'm just fascinated as to were I > >can go with this, and this is so interesting! I think one day, life might be > >just incredible again. > >> > > > Kaivey> >>

[Guest guest]

hi HelenaWorking with the elderly is a good way to go for you. You would be making a real difference to people's lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be appreciated. Everyone needs to be loved. Best wishes from FrancisTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2010 14:04:03 +0000Subject: Re: Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress

Thank you, . And thank you, too, Simone.

I have been thinking about trying to work with older folks for awhile now. My only fear is that I may get too attached to them and not be able to stop thinking about them when I go home. When I was 18, I entered training to become an RN, but I had to drop out because I carried the pain of my patients home with me. I nearly had a breakdown when a child died whom I had cared for. I decided to drop out of nursing; I couldn't separate myself from my patients' problems.

But I'm older now and more realistic about life's ups and down. So perhaps it is a direction I should pursue. Thanks for encouraging me. I'm going to look into opportunities with the elderly -- a total change for me, away from the computers I work with all day and am so totally bored with. It would feel so nice to be needed and appreciated by another human being. Sounds a bit ego-centric, but in a good way, I think.

I love the poet Rumi, and I love that quote. I don't think I've ever come across it before; wow, is that true!

Here's a quote from Rainer Rilke that I have posted on my wall at work: Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. Actually, I think someone on this list posted that and I thought it was so powerful.

Helena

l Message -----From: " Vanbuskirk" <leslie.vanbuskirk>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, August 1, 2010 8:17:10 PMSubject: Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress

I so agree with Simone, Helena. You sound enlivened when you talk about the elderly people with whom you come in contact. You sound gifted in this area. I love what the poet said, Simone. THAT IS SO TRUE!!> >> > > > > > Kaivey, > > > > > > > > Just a thought here -- You have a very engaging, lyrical way of writing that I > >enjoy quite a lot. Do you keep a journal? The kinds of things you write here > >could go into a journal and, eventually, would be worthy of publishing, I think. > >> > > > > > > > And for what it's worth -- chasing women does not seem to be necessary for > >you. You always seem to have an adoring girlfriend or two, and they don't seem > >to mind your issue with PSSD, from what you've said. Why not just believe in > >yourself? ... apparently, you are quite successful with the ladies, and are > >also a talented musician and dancer, and well regarded at work. Also, as you > >mature, 'chasing many' usually becomes less important than 'cherishing one', > >so I hope you will find the right one to cherish forever one of these days. I > >think that could bring you a lot of stability and happiness (if it accords with > >your values). > >> > > > > > > > I think, from time to time, we all feel that our life is pointless. I was > >there two days ago and, if not for my pets, I might have gone further in making > >plans to leave this earth. It runs in the background of my mind constantly. > >The only way out of that mindset is to move my hands and feet toward my > >values, which I am not consistent in doing, but I am doing the best I can. > >What is it they say in AA? ...... Progress is the goal--NOT perfection. > >> > > > > > > > Instead of wanting it (your life) to be different, maybe you could just want it > >to be exactly as it is. I'm terribly guilty of such-y thinking, such as after > >"such and such" happens, then I can be "such and such" [happy, fulfilled, free > >of depression, etc., etc.]. So I live a life waiting for something to happen > >so that I can live my life. That sounds crazy ( as in "living a life of quiet > >desperation" , as a famous writer once said, whose name I don't recall). > >Better to be fascinated with where you are right now than where you can go in > >the future, right? > >> > > > > > > > Cheers, > > > > > > > > Helena > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [ACT_for_the_ Public] Re: Practical ACT for Chronic Emotional Distress > >> > > >  > > > > > > > > > > So the exercise (vigorous cycling) really messed me up. But there are all these > >other problems as well, like PSSD, and so my life feels pointless. As for > >getting as life, chasing women was the best bit but now that is over. > >> > > > So I'm sitting here today feeling utterly wretched, I'm putting on weight, my > >eysesight is failing, my looks falling apart, and it seems that it is all > >downhill from now on. But I realise there is nothing I can do about this as I > >can't stop the pain, and so I sit there and get into the guitar, but this time > >more mindfully. I then become absorbed for a while and the guitar takes on a > >life of its own. I then realise I'm experiencing pleasure and I look around the > >room and see sun coming through the windows and it is lovely. I'm still in pain, > >but what can I do about it, moaning won't make it go away? I also realise that > >there are lots of interesting things I still enjoy doing. And then, somehow, > >everything becomes neutralised - it is not what I want, but I can still get > >around and do things. > >> > > > I could see a glimmer of hope in all this, i.e. that I didn't need to get > >things right before I can experience that life is worthwhile or useful. Of > >course I want it to be different, but I can still live a fascinating life while > >I am like this. I'm optimistic about the future because with ACT, and perhaps > >later, Buddhism.... Well, I can't explain it, I'm just fascinated as to were I > >can go with this, and this is so interesting! I think one day, life might be > >just incredible again. > >> > > > Kaivey> >>