Re: Extremes-michelle

[Guest guest]

>

> >>>This was a blast from the past. I had TOTALLY forgotten

these statements, and this comment jarred me back into reality. <<<

I've always had trouble remembering my childhood - for me, these

memories started surfacing when I joined this list (a few years

ago), when other people would post similar experiences. I think it

helps in the healing process, both to remember them and to make

sense of them in a supportive place like this.

> >>For me, nada has always taken my things rather than break

them. She reworks memories to believe that gifts that were given me

as a child were actually given to her. There are items I will never

get out of her house until she passes because of this. I dont know

why she hangs onto them so strongly.<<<

>

My nada has a house full of junk. I also wonder why she can't part

with any of it. I'm guessing she's attaching self-worth to material

things?

> >>>>Again, this is the story of my life. WEIRD. And when she

came back it was as if nothing had ever happened and we went on with

life tip toeing around her. Really was bizarre.<<

>

Exactly what happened with mine, too! She could trash the entire

kitchen and run away, and I'd still be cleaning up the broken glass

when she came back and pretended like nothing had ever happened. It

all felt so surreal to me, like I was stepping in and out of someone

else's life.

> . Unchecked, it's just been getting worse and worse.

>

> >>>What do you mean by unchecked? How was she 'checked' before?

>

She's never been 'checked'. I guess what I meant by 'unchecked' is

that through the years she had a husband who enabled her - he

completely let her do anything she wanted, including her escalating

abuse towards her kids, and therapists who enabled her - she'd pick

the ones who gave her permission to be the victim and to lash out,

and kids who were too terrified of her to do anything about the

situation, and the rest of the world, who either didn't know what

was happening or didn't want to get involved.

Lately I've been wondering if anything would have made any

difference. If, for instance, my dad had stood up to her and stopped

her from being so abusive towards us. Or if a therapist had somehow

convinced her to see herself as the problem (it's possible that some

saw BPD in her but she didn't stick around long enough for them to

do anything about it). If someone, anyone, had called her on her

behavior, would that have changed anything?

I struggle with anger towards all those people who were close enough

to our family to suspect that something wasn't right, and yet didn't

do anything about it. I'm not sure what they could've done, but I

can't help feeling betrayed for some reason.

And that's what I meant by 'unchecked'... didn't mean for it to turn

into a rant!