Article on Lohan's smaller breasts!

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In a brave attempt to fight the breast-shriveling effects of puberty, Lohan has hired a personal trainer to help her reacquire her once famously curvy figure:

But although Lohan, 19, has always refuted the claims, she has employed a specialist trainer to help her bulk up. Exercise coach Gelband has put the ‘Herbie: Fully Loaded’ star on a special diet to restore her sexy curves and the star has purportedly gone up two dress sizes.She said: “I’m working out with a trainer and eating healthily. I want my boobs back.” also claims the teen star, famed for her love of partying, is planning to ditch her unhealthy habits for good. He said: “ is very athletic.”In the future she plans to commit herself to a healthier lifestyle.”

While we (and pretty much everyone in America) are delighted—delighted!—by the prospect of Lohan’s imminent return to form, we’re even more impressed with the continuing ingenuity of her publicity team. This preemptive strike against the inevitable rumors that her upcoming hospital stay (an injury suffered while working out is nicely set up) will involve the reinstallation of aftermarket mammaries is nothing short of inspired. It takes brass balls of considerable mass to tell the public that a vigorous exercise regimen increases breast size* and that puberty reduces it. The only thing separating this ingeniously crafted item from immediate induction into the PR Hall of Fame is its ommission of a seemingly offhanded remark about

her trainer’s quirky habit of wearing a lab coat and hanging out in the hospital.

In a completely unrelated story, scientists have discovered a new form of cocaine that actually causes weight gain in women, usually at the rate of two to three dress sizes per month.

[*Somehow we don’t think she’s going to opt for a Schwarzeneggerian pec-building plan.]

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