Love?

[Guest guest]

Thank you all again, for your kind and thoughtful responses to some

specific & personal issues I raised. I know that I need to keep my

mood as even as I can, keeping the family the boat (as fractured as it

is) as steady as possible, so that my son can have the best chance at

self-control. If I have to ask him to leave again because of out of

bounds behavior, I will make sure I will continue to do it calmly,

loving but firm. This is experience is a rigorous practice for me, but

I hope I can cultivate some important qualities as I go! I appreciate

the reminder that love is patient and “bears all things”. Not that we

go to the point of losing self-respect, but in these instances, even

beyond the usual, patience is the key.

Both my estranged husband and son work very hard, that focused

dedication many here will understand. That is both what they do and

who they are. I don’t love them because they have awards and good

grades. I love them because they want to be precise and thorough and

do things well. That’s appealing to me, as NT as I suspect I am.

With my husband leaving I have had the intense experience of Love. As

selfish as he has been, there remains an intense feeling that can only

be described that way. Part of the lack of anger at the awfulness is

that I understand him in ways that most people don’t. His intentions

are generally good, but he acts impulsively and doesn’t think thru

consequences. But I understand most of it. And on the flip side, there

are the great qualities too, some things that he shares with our son.

I always found the eagerness to be helpful endearing. There is

generally truth in the bluntness, sometimes insightful, sometimes

painful.

Love is hard to explain. Its not about this or that thing, but somehow

the whole package...the totality of who that person is. We care for

that sum.

For me though, there is also a psychological layer, with the

complications that generations of denial can provoke. I thought I

could deal with the Asperger’s, but the layers of dysfunction caused

by the inability to consider a diagnosis are insurmountable.

I have found the insight here invaluable as I try to unravel what

exactly went on in my marriage. Thank you all.

Laurie