forgetting/denial

[Guest guest]

I am having a very hard time getting my husband to understand

and accept the fact that I want a divorce. I first told him in November

but immediately he was diagnosed with ADHD and I waited to see how the medication

would/could change things. After a few months of on and off compliance

with taking meds he is taking them consistently but there was obviously more

going on. His psychiatrist thinks Aspergers (and so did our marriage

counselor). I think this is true but maybe even more than that. I

can’t live with the behavior anymore and I don’t see any inclination

for him to try and understand his part in any of this so I am ready to

go. I have been telling him very clearly and directly that I want to get

a divorce and he says to give him some time. He wants to get used to

it. Then he disappears for the weekend or every night of the week until

after my son and I are in bed. If I try to talk to him about it he is surprised

and can’t believe I still want a divorce. He really doesn’t

seem to be running away because when he comes back he acts like everything is

fine and we are a big happy family. I would prefer to negotiate things

between us first and then have a lawyer look things over and file for us but I

am afraid that he will never be ready to sit down and discuss it. I am at

a loss. He has said that he will allow me to take my share of the equity

in our house to buy a house of my own. I am afraid that when I am ready

to make an offer he will forget that deal. Am I missing something.

Maybe it won’t be real to him until I am gone or I file? Is taking

the slow gentle road ever going to work for us? He gets mad if I try to

discuss things at night when he gets home because it causes him to stay up all

night but I can’t talk to him in the morning because he has trouble and

work.

Perhaps this is just him and nothing to do with the

aspergers. But if anyone has any ideas for me I am all ears.

Aimee W