Re: was AS and Aimee? Internet Support

[Guest guest]

Both wise words, below.

In terms of the NT looking out for themselves, this is where an internet support group has benefited me.

The fact that it is a stream of conscious thought, and instant responses (sort of) from a group of people making considered replies, means more to me than a face to face group does. I have been to support groups - indeed I run several - but I am the sort of woman who doesnt show her petticoats in public, so I spend lots of time helping others instead of getting down to my own nitty gritty.

So, this internet support is ideal, especially if you are not used to discussing your own problems - something years of living with an AS has actually knocked out of me.

Greg, your journey and wisdom are always a revelation. Well done to you. , I sometimes wonder if I would be better off without my AS Ian, but other times there is still enough spark there to make me stay. But I fully endorse the need to save oneself from a long term, drudge-like existence.

Thanks to all the people on this site for helping me keep my relationship on, if not quite an even keel, at least one that wont capsize just yet.

Judy B, Scotland

Subject: Re: AS and AimeeTo: aspires-relationships Date: Tuesday, 18 May, 2010, 5:27

, I go to a group of AS folk run by a psychologist. The group changes as it is a bit like herding cats however it is very useful way to gain more understanding. I think what you say is right about AS people not wanting to change. AS have a comfort zone they do not like getting out of socially. There may be no compelling reason to change. My partner cannot understand why I would not want to change. From my perspective I want to understand what I need to change into. How can someone who does not like socialising suddenly want to? But I do agree that the NT partner needs to look after themselves. It cannot be always about the AS partner and that is what ends up happening too often. Greg dx AS at 53 From: " Newland" <opubendbroadband (DOT) com> To: <aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com> Date: 18/05/2010 01:34 PM Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] AS and Aimee Sent by: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com

Hi Aimee: I would stress he is a BIG boy and you are not responsible for fixing him. No one is. Only HE can change his life and he might not want to or maybe he will at some point. How lucky do you feel? How many more years are you willing to give him with the remote possibility that one day he will see the light? AS is for life and everyone expresses it differently. I was married to a self Dx. AS spouse for about 18 years and he never changed and never had any desire to change. It was never physical but it was emotional and verbal abuse. Did it matter that he had AS and maybe this was not his intent? NO, as we are all judged by our behavior. I finally got out of the marriage over 3 years ago and my

only regret was I did not leave sooner. But hey, I had a zillion excuses and he controlled the money and my family thought he walked on water as they lived in another state. lol Family dynamics play into this, but what is interesting is once the victim leaves they turn their rage else where as they have to find another outlet. Britt my 21 yr old AS daughter who lives with me told me her father was in the grocery store the other day at a check out center that is computerized. He go frustrated and had a melt down and said everyone in this company is incompetent and every one of their stores should be brunt down to the ground and then got pissed off at the reaction from the employees to his words. He does not get it. Their is good and bad in all of us and AS is no

exception. This is just my personal opinion and I do not speak for ASPIRES. I am responsible for my health, but I am also responsible if I let another human being hurt or destroy my health. Good luck to you. Is this a man you see yourself growing old with and/or is this the man you married or if he presented to you this way when he was courting you, would you have married him? A ex-moderator of ASPIRES who has AS referred a parent to me looking for a local support group and he advised, keep him away from online groups as they are not reality. He would benefit from a local physical group where he can practice social and relationship skills in person and in REAL time. No internet group can offer that. It is a false reality. Hmmm? Room for thought?? Others?

[attachment "garden.jpg" deleted by Greg Greer/Australia/ IBM]

[Guest guest]

Something that I have come to realise isthe different life expectations we sometimes have.My partner often says that socialisingand mixing with people is how she wants to live and have fun while I havemy obsessive interests that I find really enjoyable that do not need otherpeople involved.What for her is a drudge like existence,for me is interesting and full of discovery. This is one of the keyissues living together brings into very sharp relief. I have tried talking about this butthe frame of reference is so skewed that we never line up and understandthings from our partners point of view. Just me thinking out loudGreg dx AS at 53To: aspires-relationships Date: 18/05/2010 06:19 PMSubject: Re: was AS and Aimee? Internet SupportSent by: aspires-relationships Both wise words, below. In terms of the NT looking out for themselves, this iswhere an internet support group has benefited me. The fact that it is a stream of conscious thought, andinstant responses (sort of) from a group of people making considered replies,means more to me than a face to face group does. I have been to supportgroups - indeed I run several - but I am the sort of woman who doesnt showher petticoats in public, so I spend lots of time helping others insteadof getting down to my own nitty gritty. So, this internet support is ideal, especially if youare not used to discussing your own problems - something years of livingwith an AS has actually knocked out of me. Greg, your journey and wisdom are always a revelation.Well done to you. , I sometimes wonder if I would be betteroff without my AS Ian, but other times there is still enough spark thereto make me stay. But I fully endorse the need to save oneself from a longterm, drudge-like existence. Thanks to all the people on this site for helping me keepmy relationship on, if not quite an even keel, at least one that wont capsizejust yet. Judy B, ScotlandSubject: Re: AS and AimeeTo: aspires-relationships Date: Tuesday, 18 May, 2010, 5:27 , I go to a group of AS folk run by a psychologist. The group changesas it is a bit like herding cats however it is very useful way to gainmore understanding. I think what you say is right about AS people not wanting to change. AShave a comfort zone they do not like getting out of socially. Theremay be no compelling reason to change. My partner cannot understandwhy I would not want to change. From my perspective I want to understandwhat I need to change into. How can someone who does not like socialisingsuddenly want to? But I do agree that the NT partner needs to look after themselves. Itcannot be always about the AS partner and that is what ends up happeningtoo often. Greg dx AS at 53 From: " Newland " <opubendbroadband (DOT) com> To: <aspires-relationshipsyahoogroups (DOT) com> Date: 18/05/201001:34 PM Subject: AS and Aimee Sent by: aspires-relationshipsyahoogroups (DOT) com Hi Aimee: I would stress he is a BIG boy and you are not responsible for fixing him. No one is. Only HE can change his life and he might not wantto or maybe he will at some point. How lucky do you feel? Howmany more years are you willing to give him with the remote possibilitythat one day he will see the light? AS is for life and everyone expressesit differently. I was married to a self Dx. AS spouse for about 18 years and he never changedand never had any desire to change. It was never physical but it was emotional and verbal abuse. Didit matter that he had AS and maybe this was not his intent? NO, aswe are all judged by our behavior. I finally got out of the marriage over 3 years ago and my only regret wasI did not leave sooner. But hey, I had a zillion excuses and he controlledthe money and my family thought he walked on water as they lived in anotherstate. lol Family dynamics play into this, but what is interesting is once the victimleaves they turn their rage else where as they have to find another outlet. Britt my 21 yr old AS daughter who lives with me told me her father wasin the grocery store the other day at a check out center that is computerized. He go frustrated and had a melt down and said everyone in this companyis incompetent and every one of their stores should be brunt down to theground and then got pissed off at the reaction from the employees to hiswords. He does not get it. Their is good and bad in all of us and AS is no exception. This isjust my personal opinion and I do not speak for ASPIRES. I am responsiblefor my health, but I am also responsible if I let another human being hurtor destroy my health. Good luck to you. Is this a man you seeyourself growing old with and/or is this the man you married or if he presentedto you this way when he was courting you, would you have married him? A ex-moderator of ASPIRES who has AS referred a parent to me looking fora local support group and he advised, keep him away from online groupsas they are not reality. He would benefit from a local physical groupwhere he can practice social and relationship skills in person and in REALtime. No internet group can offer that. It is a false reality. Hmmm? Room for thought?? Others? [attachment " garden.jpg " deletedby Greg Greer/Australia/ IBM]