New to this list....

[Guest guest]

I have been posting at WTO for a few weeks.... about my mother who

exibits all traits of BPD. Have read SWOES, and UTM both very

informative but not as helpful as sharing stories... and seeing that

my situation w/ mother is not unique. MY nada, as you call her here,

is: 71 years old, she is a Queen, Witch with a twist of the Waif.

Since I was a teenager I knew something was wrong with this woman.

Got married at 19 to escape the insanity. Married a man who turned

out to be an alcoholic, NP. Gee, I wonder why? Stayed married for 20

years and had two beautiful sons. Divorced him since he didn't want

to change: stop drinking and get therapy. I wanted to change...didn't

want my sons to grow up in dysfunction. Went to Al-Anon ( I still

do ), sought counseling, read books on Codependency, Spirituality,

Toxic People, BPD, etc, made life long friends to support

my " recovery. " My life had become " manageable " till I reluctantly

invited my mother back into my home in October of last year. She

needed hip surgery and since she is a US citizen, ( has full medical

coverage here) and lives in Europe ( by choice ), I took her in. My

only brother does not want to have anything to do with her. Who can

blame him! Life in the past 6 months has been a " nightmare. " This

woman, is mean spirited, impossible to please, constantly raging, full

of anger and hate. She dislikes all my friends, puts people down,

doesn't trust anyone! I'm no saint by no means, I have tried to keep

my boundaries in place but when she pushes my RED buttons, I have said

some pretty awful things (true) but still awful. I guess I recognized

that by lowering my self to her level I become like her, which gives

her " false validation " that I deserve to be verbally, emotionally

abused as always...

Since I been posting, I have re-established my boundaries with her.

Oh, she tries to engage me, but I won't allow it! I have to

constantly remind myself she is going back home ( for good this time)

in a couple of weeks. I want my life back!

I must admit I feel depressed and drained from all her abusive

behavior but she hasn't killed my " spirit. " I have decided the best

thing to do is NC with her.

Thanks for letting me vent and not feeling so unique in this madness.

Gratefully,

MJ :-)