Job Loss

[Guest guest]

Hello all-First, I'd like to say thank you to all of you for allowing me to be a part of your group.  I've been " lurking " for maybe a year and a half now, and I really appreciate the insight I have gained from all of your experiences.  It has helped me keep my sanity more than you all could EVER imagine!  I'd like to ask a specific question about job loss. 

(Attempt at) Short background- My husband, 30, and I have been married for 5.5 years.  We married young and we have no children - just furry ones.  I am pretty thoroughly NT (well, except for Bipolar I) and as of yet, we have not gotten a formal diagnosis of Asperger's for him.  I've tried to gently introduce him to the concept of AS over the last year or so.  He feels it makes a lot of sense.  While he is frustrated because he doesn't get things that come naturally to others (social interaction, facial expressions, turns of phrase, etc.), I have always tried to emphasize that he has wonderful qualities that might not be so prominent if he DIDN'T have AS.

Yesterday, he was fired from his job.  An incident approximately 2 months ago put him on 90 day probation; he didn't properly inform his supervisor that an auditor was coming for a visit.  In communicating with the auditor, my husband assumed that she would be visiting by phone and over e-mail; he admits himself he failed to see exactly what she was saying.  Apparently this past Friday, another incident occurred where he was a bit too " aggressive " with someone.  He frequently fails to see when " enough is enough " and will push the point past all reason if he's convinced he's correct- even if it's something that won't matter even 10 minutes from now.  Because he was already on 90 day probation, the incident on Friday caused his termination.  [i told him to ask his boss to wait until Friday, so I could enjoy my birthday tomorrow, but apparently, the paperwork was already done.] Unfortunately, this is not the 1st time he's been fired (nor the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or maybe even 5th in the 7 years we have been together.)

I feel that I am finally at my wit's end.  I don't want to abandon him, but at the same time, I don't know what more I can take.  As others have mentioned they have done, I have mothered him and led him every step of the way- with everything.  I have to remind him every 2 weeks to get his hair cut.  My 62 year old father will come over and cut the grass- because my husband will not do it.  My parents help me with my bills- because he cannot keep a job.  The list goes on...

I want to be supportive and I know that he does feel (remorse? disgrace? honestly I'm not sure) that he's lost yet ANOTHER job.  In the past, I've always picked up a second job (or a third job) when he went through these periods, to make do.  I can't do that this time though.  At the same time, I don't want to make him feel any worse than he already does.

As I typed this all out, I thought I knew what I wanted to ask but it seems I don't lol.  Does anyone here have a significant other/spouse/themselves who has gone through this cycle of " doing fabulous, productive, brilliant work... but people issues cause too much conflict " ?  I really wish I had a more specific question, but like I said, I'm finding myself at a loss to really put it into words- other than WHAT DO I DO NOW???

Thank you for reading.  I tried to keep it short :/