Guest guest Posted December 31, 2003 Report Share Posted December 31, 2003 > I just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy New Year and may you be blessed > in 2004. For those of you seeking that perfect diet for your New Year's > Resolution, look no farther!! Enjoy!! > > Miracle Toddler Diet > ==================== > > Losing weight is the number New Year's Resolution. > The problem is, hardly anything works. > Well, I found this one diet that will absolutely shed the pounds. > > Read it and see if you don't agree, it works for my two-year-old. > > Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results!!! > > People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble > with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation > diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you > go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to > cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. > > Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. > Over the years you may have noticed that most two-year-olds are > trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in > this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before > embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him > afterwards. Good Luck !!! > > DAY ONE: > > Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. > > Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; > dump the rest on the floor. > > Take 1 bite of toast, > then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. > > Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, > and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). > > Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, > 4 sips of flat Sprite. > > Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. > > DAY TWO: > > Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. > > Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. > > Lunch: Half tube of " Pulsating Pink " lipstick and a handful of > Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. > > Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take > outside, drop in dirt. > Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. > > Then bring inside and drop on rug. > > Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up > your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; > eat with spoon. > > DAY THREE: > > Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, > eat one with fingers, rub in hair. > Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. > > After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, > lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. > > Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. > Spit several bites onto the floor. > Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. > > Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, > some red punch. > > Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. > > FINAL DAY: > > Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), > bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of > cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. > Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. > > Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. > Find that sucker and finish eating it. > > Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball > on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. > > Enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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