Re: Article in Oprah: could nada's change our memories?

[Guest guest]

Hi Trish,

It is very true that things were not always as they seemed. Because of

extreme physical abuse, many years of a childhood can be suppressed and deep in

the subconscience. I know that I have whole blocks of months, sometimes years,

that seem to be " just not there " . This is when we KOs become " easy pickin's "

for the BP in our life. By this I mean I don't remember those months, so nada

can " remember it and refer to it with any made up memory. I have a situation

that my Father just decided to share about 3 years ago with me. He has always

said he didn't know " for sure " about the physical abuse, and then suddenly a

gastly memory will " pop out of his mouth. He was remembering the time that the

whole family was in the rec room and our nada was holding a knife to my oldest

brother's neck, threatening to kill him if Dad didn't do whatever it was she

wanted him to do. None of the kids remember the incident, probably too

horrible.(there are lots of others we do unfortunately remember)

No wonder my brother has been engaged about 6 times(to women all over the

world)and hasn't been able to commit. Something always happens near the time of

the wedding...big surprise! Mom's response when I tell/remind her of this

incident? " Lyn!! How could you make up something like that!! Of course, your

Father just made that up... " . My Father was one of the most straight laced

people I know.

She was very good at shaming me because I would confront her about a memory or

behavior(like the 4+ affairs she has had when she gets " holier than thou " ) Now I

don't bother because there is no direct contact. Now she whines to family and

friends that her children don't visit or help. Gee, I wonder why?

Now my only concern is that I got word that she may be drugging my Father.

Back to the Adult Protective Services and maybe, finally, jail time... If she

is out of the picture, we kids will " fight " over who gets Dad--he's a very

pleasant person to be around. So, are there memories that may be changed for

Nada's benefit? Probably, seems BPs love to substitute fiction for non-fiction

and they think we HAVE TO BELIEVE THEIR STORY--I say BUNK!!

Lyn

[Guest guest]

Funny how this came up:

" holier than thou "

That was one of Dad's comments to Yeti. " God, not your holier than thou

shit... " ... it ruined Yeti's entire weekend.

Now, oddly enough, Yeti claims that *her* mother was " holier than thou " .

She doesn't need anyone else to warp her memories...... or her reality,

which is I have to say, a bit warped.

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

I have a similar thing. I have times where I can't remember. Or

sometimes I just remember a moment before and then slipping away and

waking up in a hospital or in my mothers bed an hour later. It was

pretty much when my dad wasn't there and my mom was sexually

abusive. There were other things to,other things that I remember

that she did that really put me in danger(aside from sexual abuse)

and when I ask my dad her admits she did them. So I know it was not

my imagination. However he has no clue about her sexual abuse and

when I bring it up he likes to deny it happened. When I tell him the

undergarments she was wearing he remembers them but can't admit his

wife would have hurt me even the things he remembers he still tells

me she loves me. When I asked him why he denys it he told me that he

would have to say " he was a bad dad for not seeing it and he knows

he was a good dad " To me it sound like the trash my mom tells him to

make him feel good and keep him close to her. I know things happened

to me some I remember and some I can't. The thing that is consistant

is that all the people around me remember the same things.

>

> Hi Trish,

> It is very true that things were not always as they seemed.

Because of extreme physical abuse, many years of a childhood can be

suppressed and deep in the subconscience. I know that I have whole

blocks of months, sometimes years, that seem to be " just not

there " . This is when we KOs become " easy pickin's " for the BP in

our life. By this I mean I don't remember those months, so nada

can " remember it and refer to it with any made up memory. I have a

situation that my Father just decided to share about 3 years ago

with me. He has always said he didn't know " for sure " about the

physical abuse, and then suddenly a gastly memory will " pop out of

his mouth. He was remembering the time that the whole family was in

the rec room and our nada was holding a knife to my oldest

brother's neck, threatening to kill him if Dad didn't do whatever it

was she wanted him to do. None of the kids remember the incident,

probably too horrible.(there are lots of others we do unfortunately

remember)

> No wonder my brother has been engaged about 6 times(to women all

over the world)and hasn't been able to commit. Something always

happens near the time of the wedding...big surprise! Mom's response

when I tell/remind her of this incident? " Lyn!! How could you make

up something like that!! Of course, your Father just made that

up... " . My Father was one of the most straight laced people I know.

> She was very good at shaming me because I would confront her

about a memory or behavior(like the 4+ affairs she has had when she

gets " holier than thou " ) Now I don't bother because there is no

direct contact. Now she whines to family and friends that her

children don't visit or help. Gee, I wonder why?

> Now my only concern is that I got word that she may be drugging

my Father. Back to the Adult Protective Services and maybe,

finally, jail time... If she is out of the picture, we kids

will " fight " over who gets Dad--he's a very pleasant person to be

around. So, are there memories that may be changed for Nada's

benefit? Probably, seems BPs love to substitute fiction for non-

fiction and they think we HAVE TO BELIEVE THEIR STORY--I say BUNK!!

> Lyn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Trish for an interesting thread. I don't have any direct

examples for you. But this does ring home how much nada would twist

the 'truth' and confuse me, as a child, and now she tries though

doesn't succeed as much. One major, basic thing that really gets me

is my name. My very name. She has switched the story several times

about why she named me what she did. Once she told me I was named

for one reason, which was kindof literary and cool, and I told this

to dozens of people. Then the next time I mentioned it to her, she

completely denied it, and said it was for a reason much less cool--

she just liked the sound of it or some sortof bs.

This is how nadas try to deny and manipulate our very existence,

even at the most basic level. I have no idea why I'm even named

what I am! Do you know how much that sucks? It really sucks!

One man I dated was told his entire life that his mother had been

married to his father. Then, when he was around 34, she told him

she never had married his father ... she never had even lived with

him. He had lived his whole life resolving that his Dad had

abandoned him. Then he found out his Dad was some random person who

never even HAD a relationship w/his mom. I'm not sure if that woman

was a borderline, but that sortof basic switching around, with so

little regard to the integrity of a child's existence, is quite

common among nadas.

Charlie

> >

> > Hi Trish,

> > It is very true that things were not always as they seemed.

> Because of extreme physical abuse, many years of a childhood can

be

> suppressed and deep in the subconscience. I know that I have

whole

> blocks of months, sometimes years, that seem to be " just not

> there " . This is when we KOs become " easy pickin's " for the BP in

> our life. By this I mean I don't remember those months, so nada

> can " remember it and refer to it with any made up memory. I have

a

> situation that my Father just decided to share about 3 years ago

> with me. He has always said he didn't know " for sure " about the

> physical abuse, and then suddenly a gastly memory will " pop out of

> his mouth. He was remembering the time that the whole family was

in

> the rec room and our nada was holding a knife to my oldest

> brother's neck, threatening to kill him if Dad didn't do whatever

it

> was she wanted him to do. None of the kids remember the incident,

> probably too horrible.(there are lots of others we do

unfortunately

> remember)

> > No wonder my brother has been engaged about 6 times(to women

all

> over the world)and hasn't been able to commit. Something always

> happens near the time of the wedding...big surprise! Mom's

response

> when I tell/remind her of this incident? " Lyn!! How could you

make

> up something like that!! Of course, your Father just made that

> up... " . My Father was one of the most straight laced people I

know.

> > She was very good at shaming me because I would confront her

> about a memory or behavior(like the 4+ affairs she has had when

she

> gets " holier than thou " ) Now I don't bother because there is no

> direct contact. Now she whines to family and friends that her

> children don't visit or help. Gee, I wonder why?

> > Now my only concern is that I got word that she may be

drugging

> my Father. Back to the Adult Protective Services and maybe,

> finally, jail time... If she is out of the picture, we kids

> will " fight " over who gets Dad--he's a very pleasant person to be

> around. So, are there memories that may be changed for Nada's

> benefit? Probably, seems BPs love to substitute fiction for non-

> fiction and they think we HAVE TO BELIEVE THEIR STORY--I say BUNK!!

> > Lyn

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Charlie, that's a good point about not really knowing the answers to

the most basic questions about ourselves--like why we have our names.

I've caught my nada lying about things that are pretty major like

whether or not my brother and I have learning dissabilities! She said

for all of our young lives that we didn't--vehemently and then

recently, my youngest brother was asking her, " what's that learning

dissability that Trish has? " and she said, " oh, you mean _____ " as if

it was the most natural thing and everyone knew about it. I had

wondered for so long about that. I am an educator and know that there

must have been something that would explain some of the troubles I had

when I was younger, but I was told point blank and repeatedly that

nothing was wrong with me. Wow that makes me angry.

When you find out about a lie that big and that blatant, it makes you

wonder what else you don't know about and what other parts of your

reality are actually fiction.

Trish

> > >

> > > Hi Trish,

> > > It is very true that things were not always as they seemed.

> > Because of extreme physical abuse, many years of a childhood can

> be

> > suppressed and deep in the subconscience. I know that I have

> whole

> > blocks of months, sometimes years, that seem to be " just not

> > there " . This is when we KOs become " easy pickin's " for the BP in

> > our life. By this I mean I don't remember those months, so nada

> > can " remember it and refer to it with any made up memory. I have

> a

> > situation that my Father just decided to share about 3 years ago

> > with me. He has always said he didn't know " for sure " about the

> > physical abuse, and then suddenly a gastly memory will " pop out of

> > his mouth. He was remembering the time that the whole family was

> in

> > the rec room and our nada was holding a knife to my oldest

> > brother's neck, threatening to kill him if Dad didn't do whatever

> it

> > was she wanted him to do. None of the kids remember the incident,

> > probably too horrible.(there are lots of others we do

> unfortunately

> > remember)

> > > No wonder my brother has been engaged about 6 times(to women

> all

> > over the world)and hasn't been able to commit. Something always

> > happens near the time of the wedding...big surprise! Mom's

> response

> > when I tell/remind her of this incident? " Lyn!! How could you

> make

> > up something like that!! Of course, your Father just made that

> > up... " . My Father was one of the most straight laced people I

> know.

> > > She was very good at shaming me because I would confront her

> > about a memory or behavior(like the 4+ affairs she has had when

> she

> > gets " holier than thou " ) Now I don't bother because there is no

> > direct contact. Now she whines to family and friends that her

> > children don't visit or help. Gee, I wonder why?

> > > Now my only concern is that I got word that she may be

> drugging

> > my Father. Back to the Adult Protective Services and maybe,

> > finally, jail time... If she is out of the picture, we kids

> > will " fight " over who gets Dad--he's a very pleasant person to be

> > around. So, are there memories that may be changed for Nada's

> > benefit? Probably, seems BPs love to substitute fiction for non-

> > fiction and they think we HAVE TO BELIEVE THEIR STORY--I say BUNK!!

> > > Lyn

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Lynn, thanks for your reply. That knife story sounds like just the

kind of thing I was thinking about. AND--it is interesting that this

is at least the second time you've mentioned adult protective

services. That sounds like something worth knowing about that I was

unaware of. I shall look into that in case I need it too some day.

Trish

>

> Hi Trish,

> It is very true that things were not always as they seemed.

Because of extreme physical abuse, many years of a childhood can be

suppressed and deep in the subconscience. I know that I have whole

blocks of months, sometimes years, that seem to be " just not there " .

This is when we KOs become " easy pickin's " for the BP in our life. By

this I mean I don't remember those months, so nada can " remember it

and refer to it with any made up memory. I have a situation that my

Father just decided to share about 3 years ago with me. He has always

said he didn't know " for sure " about the physical abuse, and then

suddenly a gastly memory will " pop out of his mouth. He was

remembering the time that the whole family was in the rec room and

our nada was holding a knife to my oldest brother's neck, threatening

to kill him if Dad didn't do whatever it was she wanted him to do.

None of the kids remember the incident, probably too horrible.(there

are lots of others we do unfortunately remember)

> No wonder my brother has been engaged about 6 times(to women all

over the world)and hasn't been able to commit. Something always

happens near the time of the wedding...big surprise! Mom's response

when I tell/remind her of this incident? " Lyn!! How could you make

up something like that!! Of course, your Father just made that

up... " . My Father was one of the most straight laced people I know.

> She was very good at shaming me because I would confront her about

a memory or behavior(like the 4+ affairs she has had when she gets

" holier than thou " ) Now I don't bother because there is no direct

contact. Now she whines to family and friends that her children don't

visit or help. Gee, I wonder why?

> Now my only concern is that I got word that she may be drugging my

Father. Back to the Adult Protective Services and maybe, finally,

jail time... If she is out of the picture, we kids will " fight " over

who gets Dad--he's a very pleasant person to be around. So, are there

memories that may be changed for Nada's benefit? Probably, seems BPs

love to substitute fiction for non-fiction and they think we HAVE TO

BELIEVE THEIR STORY--I say BUNK!!

> Lyn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, " holier than thou " is one of my nada's favorite insults. Of

course, SHE is not holier than thou--I am.

Trish

>

> Funny how this came up:

> " holier than thou "

> That was one of Dad's comments to Yeti. " God, not your holier than thou

> shit... " ... it ruined Yeti's entire weekend.

> Now, oddly enough, Yeti claims that *her* mother was " holier than thou " .

> She doesn't need anyone else to warp her memories...... or her reality,

> which is I have to say, a bit warped.

>

>

>

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy, I've heard a lot about people " forgetting " things that are too

painful to deal with as children. I remember doing that-- the actual

process of forgetting on purpose in one case. But it's weird to add

in to the mix the effect of being told over and over that these things

never took place--so it's not about whether you could deal with it at

all, but whether you were allowed to remember.

Trish

> >

> > Hi Trish,

> > It is very true that things were not always as they seemed.

> Because of extreme physical abuse, many years of a childhood can be

> suppressed and deep in the subconscience. I know that I have whole

> blocks of months, sometimes years, that seem to be " just not

> there " . This is when we KOs become " easy pickin's " for the BP in

> our life. By this I mean I don't remember those months, so nada

> can " remember it and refer to it with any made up memory. I have a

> situation that my Father just decided to share about 3 years ago

> with me. He has always said he didn't know " for sure " about the

> physical abuse, and then suddenly a gastly memory will " pop out of

> his mouth. He was remembering the time that the whole family was in

> the rec room and our nada was holding a knife to my oldest

> brother's neck, threatening to kill him if Dad didn't do whatever it

> was she wanted him to do. None of the kids remember the incident,

> probably too horrible.(there are lots of others we do unfortunately

> remember)

> > No wonder my brother has been engaged about 6 times(to women all

> over the world)and hasn't been able to commit. Something always

> happens near the time of the wedding...big surprise! Mom's response

> when I tell/remind her of this incident? " Lyn!! How could you make

> up something like that!! Of course, your Father just made that

> up... " . My Father was one of the most straight laced people I know.

> > She was very good at shaming me because I would confront her

> about a memory or behavior(like the 4+ affairs she has had when she

> gets " holier than thou " ) Now I don't bother because there is no

> direct contact. Now she whines to family and friends that her

> children don't visit or help. Gee, I wonder why?

> > Now my only concern is that I got word that she may be drugging

> my Father. Back to the Adult Protective Services and maybe,

> finally, jail time... If she is out of the picture, we kids

> will " fight " over who gets Dad--he's a very pleasant person to be

> around. So, are there memories that may be changed for Nada's

> benefit? Probably, seems BPs love to substitute fiction for non-

> fiction and they think we HAVE TO BELIEVE THEIR STORY--I say BUNK!!

> > Lyn

> >

> >

> >