a bit more on Self Esteem

[Guest guest]

I thought I would share a bit more with you on this topic. Here

are two brief extracts from my next book, coming out in a few months time,

which is all about confidence. (It’s called The Confidence Gap.)

Cheers,

Russ

Positive Affirmations: Do They Really Work?

While motivational speakers and self-help gurus love to

espouse the benefits of positive affirmations - and the concept certainly

appeals to common sense - there is no scientific evidence to show it works. In

fact, scientific evidence suggests the very opposite! For example, in 2009, a

team of Canadian psychologists -- Joanne V. Wood and W. Lee from the

University of Waterloo, and W.Q. Elaine Perunovic from the University of New

Brunswick -- published a groundbreaking study in Psychological Science magazine

(which is ranked among the top ten psychology journals in the world). The

study, titled ‘Positive Self-Statements: Power for some, peril for others’,

made news headlines around the world. Why? Because it showed that people with

low self-esteem actually feel worse after repeating positive

self-statements such as ‘I am a lovable person’ or ‘I will succeed’. Rather

than being helpful, these thoughts typically triggered a strong negative

reaction. For example, when the participant said to herself, ‘I am a lovable

person’, her mind would answer back, ‘No you’re not!’ and would then run

through a list of all the ways in which she was not lovable -- thereby

making her feel worse about herself than before.

The Self-esteem Myth

The self-esteem industry is worth a small fortune, and it has

done an excellent job of selling us on the importance of its products. Once a

term used only by psychologists, ‘self-esteem’ is now a household word, with

parents, teachers, therapists and coaches preaching its many benefits. But does

high self-esteem live up to its own reputation? Does it really make us happier,

healthier and more successful? Or have we all been hoodwinked by a seductive

sales pitch?

First, let’s agree on what ‘high self-esteem’ actually means,

because there is more than one interpretation. By far the most common meaning

of ‘high self-esteem’ is evaluating oneself positively; in other words, making and

believing positive self-judgements and self-appraisals. (This is often

described as prizing, appreciating, liking or approving of oneself.) Now

keeping to this popular meaning of the term, please do the following quiz.

Answer each statement true or false:

Boosting your self-esteem will improve your

performance.

People with high self-esteem are more likeable,

have better relationships, and make a better impression on others.

People with high self-esteem make better leaders.

Before I give you the answers, let’s go back in time to 2003. In

that year, the American Psychological Association commissioned a ‘Self-esteem

Task Force’ to investigate if the claims above (and many other similar ones)

were true. So a team of four psychologists from top universities – Roy Baumeister,

, Joachim Krueger, and

Kathleen Vohs – systematically ploughed through decades

of published research on self-esteem. They looked long and hard for firm

scientific evidence to either confirm or refute these popular beliefs. Then

they published their results in an influential journal called Psychological

Science in the Public Interest. And what did they find? All three of the

above statements are false!

They also found that:

•

High self-esteem correlates with egotism, narcissism and

arrogance.

•

High self-esteem correlates with prejudice and discrimination.

•

High self-esteem correlates with self-deception and

defensiveness when faced with honest feedback.

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Russ

Sent: Saturday, 17 April 2010 4:46 PM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: RE: Re: Self Esteem

Hi Kate,

Great questions.

You said: I would

really like NOT to be so at the mercy of these underlying beliefs

The ACT solution would be to act

mindfully on your values. It sounds like you value engaging and connecting with

people, and being more spontaneous in those situations. If so, then when

socialising, make room for the anxiety/fear that arises within you, and engage

mindfully in the social interaction: pay attention to the person you are

talking to; notice their body lanaguage and their facial expressions and what

they are saying; put all your focus into the here-and-now of the social

interaction rather than focusing on yourself. If you start getting caught up in

thoughts about what you are going to say next, or how you are coming across, or

what the other person thinks of you (or even, how to be more spontaneous), then

this will interfere with your ability to enage fully in the situation and

respond spontaneously. Thus you’ll need to unhook yourself from those thoughts,

and refocus on the conversation – again and again and again. Any mindfulness

exercise can help you develop this ability. In mindful breathing, you keep on

unhooking from your thoughts and returning your attention to the breath; in

mindful socialising, you keep on unhooking from your thoughts and returning

your attention to the person you are talking to. And any acceptance practice

can help you with the anxiety/fear that will naturally show up in those situations;

the trick is to let your anxiety be present, and instead of struggling with it

or focusing on it, you put your energy and attention into the social

interaction.

You asked: Is it

possible to ever change deeply conditioned beliefs and their concomitant

behaviours?

The ACT stance would be it’s much easier

to change the behaviours first, so let’s start there. It could take you many

years or decades to change deeply conditioned beliefs, and you may never change

them at all. The fact is, there is not one single empirically-supported model

in the whole of psychology that has been shown to eliminate negative core

beliefs. There are many models that help you to change your relationship with

these beliefs, so that they have less impact and influence over you – as ACT

does through defusion and acceptance -- but not one model that has been

scientifically proven to eliminate them. The great news is, you can change the

concomitant behaviours right now.

Thus, if you want ‘worthiness’ to be

manifested in your behaviour, you don’t have to eliminate the belief ‘I am

unworthy’ (whether that beleif is conscious or not). The ACT approach

would be to mindfully act on your values around looking after and taking care

of yourself, being compassionate to yourself, and being assertive. And ACT

would start from the assumption that you could start acting on these values

right now. (Whereas many popular self-esteem approaches would have you

start off by trying to program yourself with beliefs such as ‘I am worthy’ – on

the assumption that such beliefs are necessary before you can start acting on

the values I mentioned above.)

Hope this clarifies things,

Cheers,

Russ

www.actmadesimple.com

www.act-with-love.com

www.thehappinesstrap.com

www.actmindfully.com.au

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ]

On Behalf Of kate

Sent: Saturday, 17 April 2010 2:30 PM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re: Re: Self Esteem

Hi Russ (or anyone?)

perhaps

you could expand on this a little for me? You write: we are not our self-descriptions or self-evaluations. OK, I get

that from the point of view of looking at language and not buying into

thoughts, self descriptions etc. However, what I believe about my self is

manifested in my behaviour, whether I verbalise it or not. For instance,

sometimes when I reflect how I have behaved in a certain situation it's clear

that my underlying beliefs in myself have largely determined how I've behaved,

even though at the time I was not consciously aware of thoughts like " I'm

unworthy " people won't like me " I'll be rejected "

etc etc. These beliefs seem so deep seated that they don't need to

be consciously " thought of " to affect how I interact with people/

situations.

So let's say

I would really like NOT to be so at the mercy of these underlying beliefs? How

does one approach this? I have tried stepping back a little, pausing

before I respond to people etc, that has some success, but it makes one

extremely self conscious, and takes away the ability to be spontaneous and in

the moment, and not really conducive to relaxed relating! Is it possible

to ever change deeply conditioned beliefs and their concomitant behaviours?

Cheers

Kate

On

17/04/2010, at 11:47 AM, Russ wrote:

Hi Kaivey,

The most popular

notion of self-esteem is actually somewhat problematic, from an ACT

perspective. While there are different ideas of what self-esteem is, by far the

most common concept of self-esteem involves fusion with a conceptualised self.

Thus ‘low self-esteem’ is fusion with a negative conceptualised self (eg I am a

loser) and high self-esteem is fusion with a positive conceptualised self (eg I

am lovable). Most popular approaches to developing high self-esteem place a

major emphasis on positive self-affirmations: thinking positively about who you

are, evaluating yourself positively, and then believing those thoughts as much

as possible. In other words, they want you to fuse with positive

self-descriptions and self-evaluations.

In contrast, ACT

sees fusion with a conceptualised self as problematic, regardless of whether it

is positive or negative; we are not our self-descriptions or self-evaluations.

So ACT is all in

favour of self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-nurture, self-support, and

self-development – but ACT contradicts major elements of most popular models of

self-esteem.

(NB: there are a

tiny number of models of self-esteem out there which would be ACT consistent –

but they are a tiny minority amongst all the different models of self-esteem

currently in existence, and they focus on self-acceptance, self-compassion,

self-nurture, self-support, and self-development as opposed to encouraging

fusion with a positive conceptualised self. It would be better if such models

did not actually use the term ‘self-esteem’, as it can be a bit confusing. Thus

I don’t think you’ll find an ACT book on self-esteem any time soon; but

maybe there might be one called ‘Beyond Self-Esteem)

All the best,

Cheers,

Russ

www.actmadesimple.com

www.act-with-love.com

www.thehappinesstrap.com

www.actmindfully.com.au

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of vcferrara

Sent: Saturday, 17 April

2010 8:02 AM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject:

Re: Self Esteem

Cherry Huber would tell you to accept it, and see what happens

What is self-esteem anyways...its just a collection of thoughts about yourself

that you are believing...its not concrete

Thoughts aren't the problem...its believing them

Have you read any of Bryon 's work?

www.thework.com

>

> I have come to the conclusion that all my life I have suffered from a

serious low self esteem problem which has caused all my suffering. I don't

believe there is anything wrong with my biology/ genes etc. There has also been

times when even ACT has caused me to feel bad, but it's problably because I'm

not doing ACT properly. A For instance, I'm not very good at the self

compassion part of ACT. But when I fail to live up to my values, or go forward

with my hands and feet, I can feel a failure, shame, and even more inadequate.

>

> say's there is no need to right a book for any specific

condition because the process of ACT is the same for all distress. Like

Buddhism, the technique works for everything and is universal. That's great

news but just the same I would love an ACT book looking specifically at low

self esteeem.

>

> I hope someone has such a book in the pipeline, or is thinking about

writing one.

>

> I have a couple of low self esteem books here and sometime soon I shall

post a low self esteem quaestionare and discuss some of the symptoms. I I have

come to believe that low self esteem is the cause of most pychological

distress.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Kaivey

>