Re: The Girl of my Dreams

[Guest guest]

Oh dear.

I suppose I am the arch enemy of whom Kavy speaks.

I shared what was the truth for me. There was no venom in my words. Please feel free to find venom in the

following words:

'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are

better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all

" factors " are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the

emotional part immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as

some men do. But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so

important for women. " That's a myth.'

I am sorry if those words hurt you, but I am

at a loss as to how they could have.

I have never tried to talk people into taking

medication, but you have often tried to talk people into not taking it. I am not pro medication. I am just not anti medication.

Kavy, if you want to have a meaningful

relationship with someone you adore, start with yourself.

Helena

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of Kaivey

Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009

5:08 PM

To:

ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: The

Girl of my Dreams

I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I

have mentioned before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting

worse and I hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal

for some part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with

everyone, including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me

if I was going to go to her club again soon.

I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with some

psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful and it

offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is

always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most important

thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact, the lack of

sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have a meaningful

and loving relationship with someone I adore.

My arch enemy wrote this:

'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are

better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all

" factors " are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the

emotional part immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as

some men do. But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so

important for women. " That's a myth.'

She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with such

venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely relationship with

this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and meaningful life. But my

arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as usual.

Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed and

your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will extend

to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

Kavy

[Guest guest]

I have no comment on meds and related subjects, but on the words regarding woman and importance of SEX  I think clarity is in order.

 

It seems most appropriate to say that sex is important to Humans - both man and women. Further, that for both sexes there is a wide range of needs and wants, some humans have a high sex drive and others not so much. From my experience the foundation for a solid relationship starts with " relationship " - comman values, goals, beliefs and wants. With a strong foundation the physical connections grow and develop naturally.  Lastly, relationships that start with or have strong focus on sex are less sustained over the long term - one night stands exist but for most these exciting flings are tiring, empty and unfulfilling.

 

For what it's worht, the woman Kavy speaks of seems to be intersted in seeing him again which indicates she may be more intersted in a relationship with a human that includes sex at some point, but is not focsued on a high need for sex (or she may have pursued a one night stand rather than asking about seeing each again).

 

Not to play match-maker but if it were me, I would ask the woman for coffee or dinner to share and develop a relationship - see what happens from there

 

Oh dear.  I suppose I am the arch enemy of whom Kavy speaks. 

 

I shared what was the truth for me.  There was no venom in my words.  Please feel free to find venom in the following words:

'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors " are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do. But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for women. " That's a myth.'

 

I am sorry if those words hurt you, but I am at a loss as to how they could have.  

 

I have never tried to talk people into taking medication, but you have often tried to talk people into not taking it.  I am not pro medication.  I am just not anti medication.

 

Kavy, if you want to have a meaningful relationship with someone you adore, start with yourself.

 

Helena

 

 

 

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Kaivey

Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009 5:08 PMTo: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: The Girl of my Dreams

 

 

I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone, including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I was going to go to her club again soon.

I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact, the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

My arch enemy wrote this:'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors " are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do. But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for women. " That's a myth.'

She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as usual.

Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.Kavy

[Guest guest]

Dear Kavy, I'm a newcomer to the list, and to ACT. I don't know the ins and outs of your history or your interactions with other list members. I did read your previous post to the list. I was perturbed by your statement that sex isn't important to women, and was relieved when someone posted back that sex is important to many women. My concern about your statement was that it seemed too general, too sweeping, and designed in the first instance to console you. I entirely understand why you wrote it and in your position I would probably be thinking the same thing on occasion, especially when still working out my own issues. 

At the same time, it isn't always helpful for exchanges to take place with such black-and-white assertions. It would a fair statement that sex is an important component of many people's lives, regardless of their gender and/or relationship status. It would, I believe, also be a fair statement that sex is only one potential component of a successful, fulfilling and rewarding relationship and is not necessarily an essential one. One cannot assume it is or isn't important in general - one has to talk to the individual in question. After all, " sex " is an extremely broad category and covers a vast range of behaviours and practices and what counts as sex for one person doesn't for another. 

As a newcomer who is still getting to grips with ACT, I'd be interested to hear about the " chessboard " - people explain things in different ways and I am here to learn, reflect and hopefully share my thoughts with other list members about ACT. 

One thing I would question as an outsider is whether it is helpful to think of the person who responded as your " archenemy " . By doing so, you are blaming this person for your feelings rather than acknowledging your feelings but recognising you don't have to react defensively out of hurt. Yes, I'm sure it does hurt to have someone dispute a belief you hold that is helping you feel better about yourself, but as I understand it ACT is about taking ownership of that emotion and being able to accept it and then decide how one should respond, rather than react on the basis of that hurt. This is, I know, a vast oversimplification, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. 

Best wishes, CW2009/12/6 Kaivey

 

I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone, including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I was going to go to her club again soon.

I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact, the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

My arch enemy wrote this:

'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors " are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do. But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for women. " That's a myth.'

She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as usual.

Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

Kavy

[Guest guest]

This went to the wrong site. I am not signed up as akaivey on ACT for the public

and this post was meant for my PSSD site. I'm making lots of mistakes recently

do to stress and unhappiness. I shall now post it to the correct site, which was

the audience it was meant for, a group of people who share my suffering. I have

no intention of getting wrapped up with debate with Helena, as it is a complete

waste of everyones time. My apologies.

Kavy

>

> I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned before

here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I hope it is due

to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some part of the

evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone, including that

lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I was going to go to

her club again soon.

>

> I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with some

psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful and it

offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

>

> But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is

always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

>

> I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most important

thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact, the lack of sex

isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have a meaningful and

loving relationship with someone I adore.

>

> My arch enemy wrote this:

>

> 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are

better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors " are in

top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part immensely

without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do. But please

don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for women. " That's a

myth.'

>

> She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with

such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely relationship

with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and meaningful life. But my

arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as usual.

>

> Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed and

your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will extend

to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

>

> Kavy

>

[Guest guest]

Kavy,

It's a shame you take things so personally. I mean your post which was posted on

the wrong site reveals a fair bit.

Seeing Helena as your archenemy seems like quite a strong reaction to her

response to you.

So, is someone who does not agree with you necessarily against you??

Let me open another can of worms...

I don't like the fact that you have a girlfriend but then someone else is the

girl of your dreams and you're thinking of getting together with her? Sorry but

is that in accordance with your values?

It definitely strikes a cord with me because I find it difficult to trust men

and this is a very good example why I don't. There's always someone prettier,

sexier and better out there.

I also dislike it when people say one thing to me, in this case ACT message

board, and something different to someone else, in this case the other message

board.

But then again maybe I'm being too black and white.

> >

> > I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned

> before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I

> hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some

> part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone,

> including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I

> was going to go to her club again soon.

> >

> > I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

> imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with

> some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful

> and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

> >

> > But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is

> always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

> scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

> >

> > I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most

> important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact,

> the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have

> a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

> >

> > My arch enemy wrote this:

> >

> > 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women

> are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors "

> are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part

> immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do.

> But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for women. "

> That's a myth.'

> >

> > She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with

> such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely

> relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and

> meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as

> usual.

> >

> > Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed

> and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will

> extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

> >

> > Kavy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for being kind to me Helena.

Kavy

> >

> > I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned

> before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I

> hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some

> part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone,

> including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I

> was going to go to her club again soon.

> >

> > I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

> imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with

> some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful

> and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

> >

> > But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is

> always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

> scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

> >

> > I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most

> important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact,

> the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have

> a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

> >

> > My arch enemy wrote this:

> >

> > 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women

> are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors "

> are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part

> immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do.

> But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for women. "

> That's a myth.'

> >

> > She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with

> such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely

> relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and

> meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as

> usual.

> >

> > Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed

> and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will

> extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

> >

> > Kavy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The chessboard occurs in GOOMAIYL. We fight the black pieces and think the white

pieces are the good folks. We believe that only when we have won the war against

our negatives that this will be the only time we can be really free and happy. I

kept thinking I wish I felt different and then dancing would be easier, and then

I could be different and more fun. But I felt I was getting nowhere and so I saw

the power of the ACT metaphor in that the whole of the chessboard was me, and

that if I wanted to dance, then that chessboard would just have to come up onto

the dance floor with me. And so it did, and it was still painful but at least I

was dancing. And I danced with lots of lovely girls and I felt better.

Kathy's post has just come through and it is superb. Yes, I was also very

mindful all the time while dancing which seemed to bring a small amount of peace

as I wasn't struggling with the bad bits - they were just there. When I make an

effort like this it often counters some of the despair, and so I saw, in my

imagination, the beautiful beech and the sun for a moment as I looked at the

band. It was glorious and I could see there was another world, one that I had

once loved. I then had to come down to earth and get back to the dancing, which

still wasn't easy, but at the end of the evening I was quite pleased with

myself.

Kavy

> > >

> > > I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned

> > before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I

> > hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for

> some

> > part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone,

> > including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I

> > was going to go to her club again soon.

> > >

> > > I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

> > imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with

> > some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful

> > and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

> > >

> > > But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and

> is

> > always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

> > scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

> > >

> > > I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most

> > important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact,

> > the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never

> have

> > a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

> > >

> > > My arch enemy wrote this:

> > >

> > > 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women

> > are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors "

> > are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part

> > immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men

> do.

> > But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for

> women. "

> > That's a myth.'

> > >

> > > She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said

> with

> > such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely

> > relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and

> > meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as

> > usual.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed

> > and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it

> will

> > extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

> > >

> > > Kavy

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Not really sure whats going on with this thread, but this is the part that

stands out to me

" In fact, the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never

have a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore "

I can tell you as a 31 year old man, who has been with many woman intimately

(not bragging, just being honest)...the reason it's always been easy for me to

meet woman, is because I don't care either way...if i do, i do, if i don't, i

don't...your best bet, is to learn to find happiness with yourself, not

others...

vc

>

> I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned before

here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I hope it is due

to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some part of the

evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone, including that

lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I was going to go to

her club again soon.

>

> I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with some

psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful and it

offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

>

> But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is

always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

>

> I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most important

thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact, the lack of sex

isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have a meaningful and

loving relationship with someone I adore.

>

> My arch enemy wrote this:

>

> 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are

better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all " factors " are in

top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part immensely

without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do. But please

don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for women. " That's a

myth.'

>

> She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with

such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely relationship

with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and meaningful life. But my

arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as usual.

>

> Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed and

your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will extend

to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

>

> Kavy

>

[Guest guest]

PSSD stands for Post Sexual SSRI dysfunction and tends to be permanent. Stopping antidepressant drugs makes no difference, and everyone, men and women, are devastated by the condition. Some people have reduced feelings on their skin and feel numb, but we all feel numb in the genital area. Some feel their lives are just numb anyway and have lost meaning. They don't enjoy anything, which is completely different to the depression they had experienced before meds.

Most of us are single and are unable to form realtionships, which is very lonely. I have spent a lot of my time talking many of these people out of sucide, and I tell them when they get happy and relaxed, their brains can repair itself. I hope so. A few people have recovered, even after many years of being like this, and that's encouraging.

http://wapedia.mobi/en/Post-SSRI_sexual_dysfunction

Kavy

> > > >> > > > I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone, including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I was going to go to her club again soon.> > > > > > > > I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.> > > > > > > > But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.> > > > > > > > I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact, the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.> > > > > > > > My arch enemy wrote this:> > > > > > > > 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all "factors" are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men do. But please don't buy into the idea that "sex is not so important for women." That's a myth.'> > > > > > > > She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as usual.> > > > > > > > Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.> > > > > > > > Kavy> > > >> > >> >>