RE: Re: The Girl of my Dreams

[Guest guest]

Kavy,

Perhaps it was not a mistake at all that you

posted to the wrong list, unless you choose to call it such.

You revealed a lot about yourself in this mis-directed

post that you don’t normally do with your posts to ACT. Sit back and take in the responses and wisdom

that comes your way. I appreciate

your raw openness.

Given the responses to this thread, I don’t

think your debate with me is a waste of time. It seems to have facilitated some

responses from the list. Are you

willing to let that happen? I

am not at all miffed that you consider me your arch enemy, although it somewhat

puzzles me. I have views and opinions

that you don’t agree with, and that makes me an enemy? My heart aches for you in your thinking that

you are not able to have the intimate relationship you want with a woman. But I think you can. You have a lot of heart to share with a

woman, and that is what matters most to both sexes.

And, by the way, I do share your

suffering. You don’t suffer

the same way I do, but we both suffer.

You don’t have a corner on it, and I am able to be there with you

and for you, even if my story is different.

Helena

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of Kaivey

Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009

5:42 PM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re:

The Girl of my Dreams

This went to the wrong site. I am not signed up as

akaivey on ACT for the public and this post was meant for my PSSD site. I'm

making lots of mistakes recently do to stress and unhappiness. I shall now post

it to the correct site, which was the audience it was meant for, a group of

people who share my suffering. I have no intention of getting wrapped up with

debate with Helena, as it is a complete waste of everyones time. My apologies.

Kavy

>

> I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned

before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I hope

it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for some part of

the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone, including that

lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I was going to go to

her club again soon.

>

> I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with some

psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful and it

offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

>

> But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication and is

always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

>

> I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most

important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact, the

lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never have a

meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

>

> My arch enemy wrote this:

>

> 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that women

are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all

" factors " are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the

emotional part immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as

some men do. But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so

important for women. " That's a myth.'

>

> She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said with

such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely relationship

with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and meaningful life. But

my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as usual.

>

> Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and relaxed

and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it will

extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

>

> Kavy

>

[Guest guest]

>Thanks for being kind to me Helena. >

That’s what arch enemies are for! Sorry, just couldn’t resist : )

I hope you can smile about this now, Kavy.

You are struggling right now and I sympathize

with that very deeply, so I can cut you a break. We all make mistakes because we are all

human. I would rather be your

friend than your enemy, however!

Any chance of that happening?

I, myself, have posted things I didn’t

intend to go where they went, and ended up quite embarrassed. However, I usually don’t say

anything behind a person’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face. That’s probably why some people find

me hard to take sometimes; I am so honest that sometimes it hurts others’

feelings. I am trying to tame that

down – find the balance between kindness and honesty.

Best regards,

Helena

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of Kaivey

Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009

11:31 PM

To:

ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re:

The Girl of my Dreams

Thanks for being kind to me Helena.

Kavy

> >

> > I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned

> before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I

> hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for

some

> part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone,

> including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I

> was going to go to her club again soon.

> >

> > I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

> imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with

> some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful

> and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

> >

> > But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication

and is

> always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

> scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

> >

> > I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most

> important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact,

> the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never

have

> a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

> >

> > My arch enemy wrote this:

> >

> > 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that

women

> are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all

" factors "

> are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part

> immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men

do.

> But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for

women. "

> That's a myth.'

> >

> > She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said

with

> such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely

> relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and

> meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as

> usual.

> >

> > Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and

relaxed

> and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it

will

> extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

> >

> > Kavy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Birgit,

It’s OK if Kavy wants to consider me his

arch enemy. He was posting to a

list (or so he though) that holds firm beliefs about the dangers of

antidepressants (SSRIs), since the list members were damaged by them, or believe

they were. I wouldn’t be

surprised if he stated his feelings about me more strongly (in a negative way)

than he really feels, for the sake of emphasis to that list. Whether he did or didn’t has no

effect on me, personally. He has to

answer to himself, not to me.

I, too, have wondered about his pursuit of

other women when he has a girlfriend he says he loves and who loves him –

unconditionally in one case, he said.

It seems the grass is always greener on the other side, but if that is

what he values, then so it is. To

me, he seems to be coming from a position of unworthiness and, in that sense,

getting the attention of new and ever more attractive women may feed his self

esteem. I can relate to that, having

come from that position much of my life, but I am much older than he is and

have outgrown that behavior and am slowly building a healthy self esteem via

ACT.

And I will always wonder what ‘taking

your entire chessboard to the dance floor with you’ means! I can speculate that it means not

forgetting that you can choose from multiple moves and are not stuck with just

one when you are dancing, socializing.

Keep all your options open and carry them with you. Sound about right?

Sorry, Kavy, to speak about you as though you

aren’t here, but I respect the fact that you said you didn’t want

to engage in further conversation about the mis-directed email. But it has opened up some issues for a

few of us.

Helena

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of Birgit

Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009

10:13 PM

To:

ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re:

The Girl of my Dreams

Kavy,

It's a shame you take things so personally. I mean your post which was posted

on the wrong site reveals a fair bit.

Seeing Helena as your archenemy seems like quite a strong reaction to her

response to you.

So, is someone who does not agree with you necessarily against you??

Let me open another can of worms...

I don't like the fact that you have a girlfriend but then someone else is the

girl of your dreams and you're thinking of getting together with her? Sorry but

is that in accordance with your values?

It definitely strikes a cord with me because I find it difficult to trust men

and this is a very good example why I don't. There's always someone prettier,

sexier and better out there.

I also dislike it when people say one thing to me, in this case ACT message board,

and something different to someone else, in this case the other message board.

But then again maybe I'm being too black and white.

> >

> > I went dancing yesterday and I saw that lovely girl I have mentioned

> before here who really likes me. My PSSD seems to be getting worse and I

> hope it is due to stress and I that can reverse it. I felt suicidal for

some

> part of the evening but I then made a big effort to dance with everyone,

> including that lovely lady, and I started to feel hope. She saked me if I

> was going to go to her club again soon.

> >

> > I used ACT therapy on myself yesterday and wrote about it in my usual

> imaginative style on my ACT site. And so it was a nice little essay with

> some psycheldelic aspects and I thought it was spot on and very meaningful

> and it offered me hope, and maybe, inspiration to others.

> >

> > But I have an arch enemy on the ACT site who is very pro medication

and is

> always trying to talk other people into taking it and she thinks I am just

> scaremongering. She is very intelligent and knows how to get me.

> >

> > I said on my ACT site how my mum told me that sex is not the most

> important thing for women and that I can still find someone nice. In fact,

> the lack of sex isn't what harms me, but the feeling that I will never

have

> a meaningful and loving relationship with someone I adore.

> >

> > My arch enemy wrote this:

> >

> > 'By the way, sex IS very important to `most' woman. It may be that

women

> are better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all

" factors "

> are in top working condition. Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part

> immensely without focusing exclusively on the physical part, as some men

do.

> But please don't buy into the idea that " sex is not so important for

women. "

> That's a myth.'

> >

> > She might be right but that really hurt me, especially as it was said

with

> such venom. I was thinking that I might be able to form a lovely

> relationship with this gorgeous woman and start live a very happy and

> meaningful life. But my arch enemy stabbed me right between the eyes as

> usual.

> >

> > Anyway, I still hold out hope for our recovery. Become happy and

relaxed

> and your brain will start to mend, so the research shows. Hopefully it

will

> extend to PSSD as well. I would love to get over this.

> >

> > Kavy

> >

>