Re: New Member here....

[Guest guest]

Well done for finding us PJ. You are amongst friends!

Also look at Tony Attwoods Guide to Asperger Syndrome, its got a lot of suggestions for the AS person, as well as for practitioners and partners.

Ian, my AS person, was married to a nurse for 11 years and she didnt know about AS until I ended up with Ian much later on, and I discovered it with him. He got in touch with her to explain it so she wouldnt go through life wondering what went wrong with them. She too had never heard of it.

It seems that we fight the good fight not only for the AS community, but to raise awareness in those who are in the professions to support them. Thats Ok, thats what sites like this can do.

Good luck and always post if you need support, clarification, a rant, or just plain friendship. It might be worth your while reading some previous posts, recently there have been some good ones. We have some wise souls here, including Ron and Bill, our two seers, who have a wealth of experience learning about their own AS and can support us NT's well, by giving us the insider knowledge they have.

Judy B, Scotland. Still cold enough to freeze the nose off; and so I am knitting a large all encompassing garment that I will wear until global warming takes hold. Sod being glamorous or pretty. Just pass the wool.

Subject: New Member here....To: aspires-relationships Date: Wednesday, 10 March, 2010, 13:42

Greetings Everyone,I am a new member and I wanted to tell you all a little about my situation. I married my husband 9 years ago, a second marriage for us both. He was very "different" from my ex, a bit quirky, focused, strong minded, orderly, tempermental, etc. Although we could have fun together we never seemed to get "on track" with one another. We would have several good days followed by a temper tantrum, a shutting down emotionally, a disappearance for hours on end in his shop, etc. I was always on edge wondering what was going on...what was I doing (or not doing)to make this happen. Had I made a collosal mistake in marrying him and if I did, how was I going to get out of it. His daughter (who is a Nurse Practitioner) called me two years ago and out of the blue asked me if I thought her Dad had Asperger's Syndrom. I had never heard of it before (and I'm a nurse). I started researching it on line and I just about fell out of my

chair....my husband could be the poster child for Asperger's. I have since purchased several books on the subject that are slanted towards what it is like being a partner of an Aspie (rather than ones slanted towards kids and parents). I am currently reading "Asperger's Syndrome in Long Term Relationships" and it is so good and so comforting to finally discover what is happening between us. It does not make his outbursts, stubborness, inability to communicate, etc. any easier to take and there are times I am still ready to pack my bags and say goodbye. But at least now I know what is going on and that it is not MY fault he behaves the way he does. Anyhow...thanks for letting me join and if you are interested I have LOTS of things to talk about.PJ

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your email Judy....it is cold here in Vermont too, but there are signs that spring is coming.

The past 9 years has had some very tough and difficult moments peppered in with some great ones. I started to lean heavily on wine to cope....before I knew about the AS. As we all know alcohol really inflames difficult situations rather than calms them, but when you are always anxious, aftraid, uncertain, insecure, and just waiting for the next explosion, sarcastic words, thrown cup, cold shoulder or disappearing act...you try to find a way to hold it all together. Wine did that for me....it got me away temporarily from the sad feeling of aloneness that I constantly felt. I love the man but there were times as if he would not LET me love him. All I kept thinking was that he had a brilliant mind, why couldn't he see what was happening between us. Now I know. Having been told two hears ago about AS by my stepdaughter has shown a light on what was a rather dark place in my life. I try to read as much as I can about it and I will

take your suggestion about Mr. Attwood's book. There are days that are still pretty tough but at least now I have a little bit of information to help diffuse some episodes, others cannot be helped. I have stopped blaming myself and stopped thinking that if I could only be a better person he would become the husband that I thought I had married and someone who would cut me down at the knees with his words.

Again, thanks for the welcome and I hope to continue on this journey of hope and discovery.

PJ

From: pj <pjbceryahoo (DOT) com>Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] New Member here....To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comDate: Wednesday, 10 March, 2010, 13:42

Greetings Everyone,I am a new member and I wanted to tell you all a little about my situation. I married my husband 9 years ago, a second marriage for us both. He was very "different" from my ex, a bit quirky, focused, strong minded, orderly, tempermental, etc. Although we could have fun together we never seemed to get "on track" with one another. We would have several good days followed by a temper tantrum, a shutting down emotionally, a disappearance for hours on end in his shop, etc. I was always on edge wondering what was going on...what was I doing (or not doing)to make this happen. Had I made a collosal mistake in marrying him and if I did, how was I going to get out of it. His daughter (who is a Nurse Practitioner) called me two years ago and out of the blue asked me if I thought her Dad had Asperger's Syndrom. I had never heard of it before (and I'm a nurse). I started researching it on line and I just about fell out of my

chair....my husband could be the poster child for Asperger's. I have since purchased several books on the subject that are slanted towards what it is like being a partner of an Aspie (rather than ones slanted towards kids and parents). I am currently reading "Asperger's Syndrome in Long Term Relationships" and it is so good and so comforting to finally discover what is happening between us. It does not make his outbursts, stubborness, inability to communicate, etc. any easier to take and there are times I am still ready to pack my bags and say goodbye. But at least now I know what is going on and that it is not MY fault he behaves the way he does. Anyhow...thanks for letting me join and if you are interested I have LOTS of things to talk about.PJ

[Guest guest]

Hi PJ

I'm just pasting in here a reply I sent a few days back, in case you might find it useful. Basically, my mantra is - use your friends and family for the support and empathy. Let your AS have his/her decompression time....they need it, as their obsessive thoughts build up and build a wall between you, otherwise. if you can work out support for yourselves in your own way, then you can both start the day with a good score sheet.

I hope this helps:

(Written to a new person with very similar views as yourself)

It may be a trueism that Aspergers are almost word 'deaf', in that they concentrate on things that they understand and are interested in, and everything else is filtered. Much as they dont read faces or expressions, tones of voice dont register, either.

The most frustrating thing about communication for me, as an NT living with Ian, AS, for 11 years, is that he doesnt adapt to flowing conversations or heed to my requirement to unload thoughts or feelings at will. He backs off.

I have done most of the adapting in that I dont tell him about anything except that which is of interest him. I will have to tell him if the house is on fire, but even then I would have trouble getting it through, as he would have to have flames licking at his butt to realise. He often says What??? as though he hasnt clicked to anything I have said in the past moments. He used to say 'are you STILL talking' but I've explained that he will have a poker past his head if he keeps using that one. He doesnt do listening very well, as he is always eager to have HIS say.

So, the burden of communicating effectively, is on you, but it doesnt mean you have to change your core self, just that you have to devise a method of approach for the AS in your midst; perhaps you can have your meaningful conversations with others, your friends, neighbours, family. Please seek them out, its natural you will want to let off a few angst ridden thoughts. Try not to fall into the trap of complaining to them about the AS person, others can be disloyal to you and your partner if that happens. Find yourself an agony aunt so that you have an outlet for any resentment!

When I first met Ian I couldnt work out what was wrong, he came across as gregarious and funny, and very attentive. But that was because we werent having face to face contact, he was editing a book and I was indexing it, we had a common goal and therefore he loved talking to me about a subject he was keen on, and were talking via email (where he communicated very well) and by phone (where he didnt always sound too happy). Once we decided to go out with each other, on meeting him I was both appalled by his seemingly aggressive, impatient stance, and taken aback by his clear obsession with me.

Light, ordinary chit chat didnt work. If I deviated from his line of opinion or changed a subject mid conversation - as you can with most NT's - he would put the phone down on me, or if in the same room, just stop talking and leave the room. We had some pretty tense times until, after several years, we got the diagnosis of Aspergers, It all fitted. No one was more relieved than Ian himself. He felt he had spent the whole of his life 'watching the world through perspex' and so wanted to be at ease socially, but couldnt work out why his own communication didnt work the magic he assumed it would! He used to use pre determined scripts when talking to people, in the hope that would open the door to conversation and friendship. It didnt work because the other people didnt have a copy of his script!

Ian spent a lot of his early life pretending to behave in certain ways, that he had copied from films and others. They didnt often work, because once the script was used up, he didnt know what came next. He still does it when meeting strangers, and he doesnt trust his own abilities to communicate, so asks me to keep him on track.

The hardest thing for me in terms of living with an Aspie, is the inscrutable way he can blithely not see when I am angry, sad, or desperate. I have just phoned him because at the moment we have hardly any funds, I'm having hospital treatment, and the house is falling down. I dont know why, after all these years, I expected him to be able to reply in any other way to my wail of 'I'm so miserable today', with anything other than 'Are you? Why? What do you expect me to do about it'!!!

Ian communicates well when talking about his pet subjects; and if writing rather than speaking, and if he knows beforehand what he wishes to say, on the phone.

Unexpected turns and twists of the kind of conversations we have with strangers on the bus, or with family members, or (horror of horrors) small children, not only terrify Ian but are beyond his powers.

When I get angry it shakes Ian up, for someone with typical AS meltdowns, its ironic that he cant take anger from others. His meltdowns are the gasket blowing after days or weeks of frustration or pent up obsession. Mine are due to the hell of being the responsible adult, or resentment at carrying a shedload of bad luck and hard cheese. I know that he cant deal with anger, just as he cant deal with my misery. I take my anger away (I have a remote place near here where I go and shout!). Its fair, and its not right, but its how it is.

However, thats not to let Ian off. If he has consistently acted selfishly and overwhelmed me with his own needs, I will tell him. I carefully choose the moment though.I do it without getting angry (having already gone into the woods and yelled!) and what I say is, 'I would like you to do this', or 'it would please me if you did that'. A lot of the things I used to expect of Ian, I know he physically cant face. He cant fill in forms. He cant make split second decisions. But he now asks me if I am OK. And he asks me if I agree or disagree with an action of his, which he never used to do. Negotiation.

He is able to be honest, sincere and blunt. I was being mucked about by a boss, and he told me that I had to do something about it! So he motivates me to be more ambitious, and bang my own drum more..

Many of us here in Aspires find ourselves as surrogate mums, 'nurturers', the ones who fix things. If you are used to the idea of either an equal partnership, or a partnership where the other one will be the hero and save kittens from fires, this can be a cruncher.

I have been through the phase of a) who the hell does he think he is ah, poor soul has Aspergers c) OK, so you have Aspergers, now get on with it d) lts worth us working on each of our strengths as people, to make a good relationship here.

We had several feet of snow overnight and were cut off for several days; added to which we had no power or phones for a few days. Ian and I managed very well, as without all the outside stimuli, he was calm and felt safe. He didnt like the lack of computer games or laptop, and the minute the power went on he headed for the computer, me for the cooker and hot shower!

Understanding his limitations is a good thing, although it does bring some kind of horrible resolution that this is probably as good as it can be.

Ian cant stand smells, noise, chatter around him, lights and busy places. I dont struggle to take him to restaurants and I now go with all my pals instead.

Ian needs to decompress every day, and that means long hours in the room of his choice. I am a widow all but in name. I've found though, that he is much calmer, collected and able to respond to me and my needs, when he has had his decompression time. We negotiate this. I aint his landlady or his geisha. For so many hours doing what he wants to do, I negotiate time for us together, although he usually wins there too, its something he can cope with so its certainly not going to a dance hall together.

His meltdowns, fears, and confusion are lessened when we communicate in short bursts, negotiate what to do each day, and I dont bother him with the perils of human life. I spent a lot of time reading up on Aspergers (which he didnt, oddly) and feeding him snippets. He is delighted to know that he is 'normal' for him, as he had terrible times as a child and young adult trying to fit in. He has issues about that.

I also tell him firmly what I need, and when. If he cant cut the mustard in terms of supporting me, I say to him, that wont be Ok for me, but I'll do such and such instead. So he knows, and isnt unaware of my plans.

Its a hard call, you cant get from an AS what you'd get from an NT, but there are benefits. Ian is quirky, a genius, witty, we've got that couple shorthand that comes with the years, and now he realises he doesnt have to pretend, he accepts his AS. As do I.

Take your anger to the woods, be clear and calm when you explain how you feel, dont expect that he will have a reference to your feelings, and read and discuss AS so you both know exactly how to manage it. I cant recommend the quiet decompression times enough. Avoid busy situations and sudden change.

Write him notes. He will communicate better than if you suddenly blether at him,

If you love him, its worth the adaptation. And use your family and friends to the hilt.

Best of luck

Judy B, finally seeing the snow retreat; spring yet to be sprung here in my part of Scotland

From: pj <pjbceryahoo (DOT) com>Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] New Member here....To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comDate: Wednesday, 10 March, 2010, 13:42

Greetings Everyone,I am a new member and I wanted to tell you all a little about my situation. I married my husband 9 years ago, a second marriage for us both. He was very "different" from my ex, a bit quirky, focused, strong minded, orderly, tempermental, etc. Although we could have fun together we never seemed to get "on track" with one another. We would have several good days followed by a temper tantrum, a shutting down emotionally, a disappearance for hours on end in his shop, etc. I was always on edge wondering what was going on...what was I doing (or not doing)to make this happen. Had I made a collosal mistake in marrying him and if I did, how was I going to get out of it. His daughter (who is a Nurse Practitioner) called me two years ago and out of the blue asked me if I thought her Dad had Asperger's Syndrom. I had never heard of it before (and I'm a nurse). I started researching it on line and I just about fell out of my

chair....my husband could be the poster child for Asperger's. I have since purchased several books on the subject that are slanted towards what it is like being a partner of an Aspie (rather than ones slanted towards kids and parents). I am currently reading "Asperger's Syndrome in Long Term Relationships" and it is so good and so comforting to finally discover what is happening between us. It does not make his outbursts, stubborness, inability to communicate, etc. any easier to take and there are times I am still ready to pack my bags and say goodbye. But at least now I know what is going on and that it is not MY fault he behaves the way he does. Anyhow...thanks for letting me join and if you are interested I have LOTS of things to talk about.PJ

[Guest guest]

Judy,

Again, thanks for all your insight....very much appreciated here. By the way, where in Scotland are you? My husband's family is from Alva.

I understand all you have written here and have used some of your techniques as well, like talking in bed at night when the lights are out so he doesn' t have to look in my eyes. Or trying to introduce him to AS in little snippets. He knows he is "different" and now he needs to know why. He would not be able to take an hour of discussion on AS, so we do it in one or two lines of dialogue from time to time. He does not want to be overwhelmed with anything, so I have to give it to him in bits and let him digest it as he will.

What I am learning now is to be able to break away from my husband and have a bit of a life of my own. My husband has leaned on me strongly since we began dating and I think that was because he found in me someone who had qualities he needed in his own life. He did not have any friends, so I became his best friend. And as his best friend I found that over time I gave up my life's interests so he could pursue his to the fullest. I go hunting, fishing, canoeing, camping, shooting, hiking, kayaking and snowshoeing with him...we are like "buddies". Realizing now that I have given up so much of myself, I am gradually developing my own interests again and carving out time for myself....I don't need to always be at his beck and call. Plus it was very hard to be so close to him when he wanted me to be, only to have him push me away at the times he didn't need me or wouldn't let me in.

The friends and family support thing is difficult for me. I have siblings but they live in different states many hours away from me. They are not the weekly phone call "hey, what's happening" types....they love me but they don't want to get too deep into my life and what's going on personally with me. When I married my husband, all the friends I did have seemed to fall away with time. I think that some of my husband's behavior either made them uncomfortable or they didn't know how to handle it. Remember, this was before we knew he had AS, so I had no explanations for them. I have one or two people in whom I have confided the AS issue, and they are a small support for me. That is why I am here at this site, trying to connect with others that are experiencing the same things that I am.

One comment I wanted to make and that is my husband has NEVER EVER asked me about myself, my family, my schooling, my favorite foods, favorite color, what was I like as a kid, what was my favorite book, movie, how did I feel when my father died, who was my best friend in school, why did my previous marriage fail, he asked me absolutely nothing! All he knows about me is what has come out of my own mouth when I talk about past experiences. He absorbs this information like a sponge, but he has never asked ME. If I complain of a headache, there is no empathy or offer of an aspirin. When I trip and fall he stands over me and says flatly "Gee, that must have hurt". There is no extended hand to help me up or offer to wash off my skinned knees. I used to kiddingly say to him "It's all about you, isn't it?"....not realizing how truthful that statement would become. In his mind, it IS all about him. And yet when I complained how

wrinkled my clothes were becoming because both his clothes and mine were crammed into a small closet, he refused to let me take my clothes out and hang them in the guest room....like somehow removing my clothes to another room meant that there was trouble or an abandonment on my part.

And one last thing. I read in "Asperger's Syndrome and Long Term Relationships" about some Aspies' need to feel the "body pressure" of another person and this explained what I thought was so strange about my husband's constant requests for me to lay fully on him when we were in bed together. When I asked him why (before reading about this phenomenon) he would always say that he needed to feel the pressure and enjoyed it.

The things you learn when you read.

Well, night is upon us here and I need to get some things accomplished. Thanks so much for your reply Judy...you have been very helpful and enlightening.

PJ

From: pj <pjbceryahoo (DOT) com>Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] New Member here....To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comDate: Wednesday, 10 March, 2010, 13:42

Greetings Everyone,I am a new member and I wanted to tell you all a little about my situation. I married my husband 9 years ago, a second marriage for us both. He was very "different" from my ex, a bit quirky, focused, strong minded, orderly, tempermental, etc. Although we could have fun together we never seemed to get "on track" with one another. We would have several good days followed by a temper tantrum, a shutting down emotionally, a disappearance for hours on end in his shop, etc. I was always on edge wondering what was going on...what was I doing (or not doing)to make this happen. Had I made a collosal mistake in marrying him and if I did, how was I going to get out of it. His daughter (who is a Nurse Practitioner) called me two years ago and out of the blue asked me if I thought her Dad had Asperger's Syndrom. I had never heard of it before (and I'm a nurse). I started researching it on line and I just about fell out of my

chair....my husband could be the poster child for Asperger's. I have since purchased several books on the subject that are slanted towards what it is like being a partner of an Aspie (rather than ones slanted towards kids and parents). I am currently reading "Asperger's Syndrome in Long Term Relationships" and it is so good and so comforting to finally discover what is happening between us. It does not make his outbursts, stubborness, inability to communicate, etc. any easier to take and there are times I am still ready to pack my bags and say goodbye. But at least now I know what is going on and that it is not MY fault he behaves the way he does. Anyhow...thanks for letting me join and if you are interested I have LOTS of things to talk

about.PJ

[Guest guest]

pj wrote:

> Greetings Everyone,

>

> I am a new member and I wanted to tell you all a little about my

> situation. I married my husband 9 years ago, a second marriage for

> us both.

Welcome aboard! You'll find you're among friends - many of whom, like

me, are AS. Some, like me, are married to " spectrum " people - which

allows for two different perspectives at once.

> He was very " different " from my ex, a bit quirky, focused,

> strong minded, orderly, tempermental, etc. Although we could have

> fun together we never seemed to get " on track " with one another. We

> would have several good days followed by a temper tantrum, a shutting

> down emotionally, a disappearance for hours on end in his shop, etc.

> I was always on edge wondering what was going on...what was I doing

> (or not doing)to make this happen. Had I made a collosal mistake in

> marrying him and if I did, how was I going to get out of it. His

> daughter (who is a Nurse Practitioner) called me two years ago and

> out of the blue asked me if I thought her Dad had Asperger's

> Syndrom. I had never heard of it before (and I'm a nurse). I started

> researching it on line and I just about fell out of my chair....

Exactly how I felt, a few years ago upon discovering what I am. For me,

it was indescribable *relief*, after 70-odd years of wondering why I was

so different from others.

Oh. Yes.

I'm the " Bill " in Judy's comment: " We have some wise souls here,

including Ron and Bill, our two seers, who have a wealth of experience

learning about their own AS and can support us NT's well, by giving us

the insider knowledge they have. "

Heh! Wise is, as wise does. You'll have to make your own judgments.

Ron's pretty good though; listen to him.

As to " never heard of " AS: I'm a professional geneticist, retired now

from the clinical environment in which I'd worked for over four decades,

and *I'd* not heard of AS.

> my

> husband could be the poster child for Asperger's. I have since

> purchased several books on the subject that are slanted towards what

> it is like being a partner of an Aspie (rather than ones slanted

> towards kids and parents). I am currently reading " Asperger's

> Syndrome in Long Term Relationships " and it is so good and so

> comforting to finally discover what is happening between us. It does

> not make his outbursts, stubborness, inability to communicate, etc.

> any easier to take and there are times I am still ready to pack my

> bags and say goodbye.

This is fixable ...

... IF *both* partners buy into the realities, and are *committed* to

each other. NB! He's not the problem; you both are. It *always* Takes

Two To Tango - both directions.

My wife (of 40-plus years) and me now enjoy a comfortable, easy

relationship - nearly five years and counting. It can be done.

> But at least now I know what is going on and

> that it is not MY fault he behaves the way he does.

Don't be too sure: ... " *two* to tango. " *Always!*

> Anyhow...thanks

> for letting me join and if you are interested I have LOTS of things

> to talk about.

>

> PJ

- Bill, dx AS; ...pushing 78; two wives, 3 kids, 6? g'kids, ...more

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

> All he knows about me is what has come out of my own mouth when I talk about

past experiences. He absorbs this information like a sponge, but he has never

asked ME. If I complain of a headache, there is no empathy or offer of an

aspirin. When I trip and fall he stands over me and says flatly " Gee, that must

have hurt " . There is no extended hand to help me up or offer to wash off my

skinned knees. I used to kiddingly say to him " It's all about you, isn't

it? " ....not realizing how truthful that statement would become. In his mind, it

IS all about him.

Hi, PJ ... I'm another new member of this list, mildly Aspie myself, married to

an undiagnosed man who is probably more Aspie than me. [We filled out trait

questionnaires and gave them to our therapist lat week -- next session we get

the results.]

I am gifted/cursed with the ability to see both sides of most disagreements. I

can see where your husband's behavior really gets to you. I remember a hike

where I nearly had to pass out from heat exhaustion before DH believed me when I

said I was overheated ...

But I can also see the other side. Does your husband understand what you expect

him to do? If you tripped and asked him for a hand up, would he give you one?

[i'm betting he would.] If you said, " I had a rough day, I could really use a

hug, would you hug me " , would he hug you or sit there and keep reading his book?

We have to train our Aspie partners. Most of them want to make us happy, if for

self-centered reasons (when we are happy, they are happy too), but they have no

clue what would make another person happy. Or in my case, DH does things for me

that would make *him* happy, not realizing those things are either neutral or

negatives to me. We have to flatly tell our partners what we want, and may have

to repeat it over and over until it becomes automatic. In my first years of

marriage, I told DH about 1,001 times I did *not* like to be tickled before he

got the message.

Yeah, we Aspies tend to be a self-centered bunch ... but the wisest of us know

that the best way to make things better for ourselves is to make sure those

around us are happy. Some of us will try to figure that out on our own, but I

think most of us need some direct help.

--Liz

[Guest guest]

>snippet<

it is not MY fault he behaves the way he does. Anyhow...thanks for letting me

join and if you are interested I have LOTS of things to talk about.

>

> PJ

Hi PJ,

Welcome to the site. I too work in the

medical profession and had never heard

of AS until about five years ago.

My husband(AS) and I (NT) have been married

24 years and it has helped me to

learn about AS as far as what some of the triggers

are.

One thing to remember that my mother told

me is that as adults we are all responsible

for our own behavior. This offers me a lot

of relief and takes the burden off my

shoulders. It does stand to reason that

another person may upset us

or we may not agree with them,

but their behavior or reaction is never

our fault or responsibility.

We can only be responsible for ourselves.

Your husband is not your ward.

I try to be as supportive as possible to

my spouse even though he may not be able to

reciprocate at times.

You may find another site supportive to your

situation.It is:

aspergersandotherhalf

Best wishes to you & your husband. I know the

challenges you face. Only you can decide if

it is worth it for you.

K D

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group, pj...

(AS + AD/HD, a wonderful combination if a person knows how to flow with

both, simultaneously)

>

> Greetings Everyone,

>

> I am a new member and I wanted to tell you all a little about my situation. I

married my husband 9 years ago, a second marriage for us both. He was very

" different " from my ex, a bit quirky, focused, strong minded, orderly,

tempermental, etc. Although we could have fun together we never seemed to get

" on track " with one another. We would have several good days followed by a

temper tantrum, a shutting down emotionally, a disappearance for hours on end in

his shop, etc. I was always on edge wondering what was going on...what was I

doing (or not doing)to make this happen. Had I made a collosal mistake in

marrying him and if I did, how was I going to get out of it. His daughter (who

is a Nurse Practitioner) called me two years ago and out of the blue asked me

if I thought her Dad had Asperger's Syndrom. I had never heard of it before (and

I'm a nurse). I started researching it on line and I just about fell out of my

chair....my husband could be the poster child for Asperger's. I have since

purchased several books on the subject that are slanted towards what it is like

being a partner of an Aspie (rather than ones slanted towards kids and parents).

I am currently reading " Asperger's Syndrome in Long Term Relationships " and it

is so good and so comforting to finally discover what is happening between us.

It does not make his outbursts, stubborness, inability to communicate, etc. any

easier to take and there are times I am still ready to pack my bags and say

goodbye. But at least now I know what is going on and that it is not MY fault he

behaves the way he does. Anyhow...thanks for letting me join and if you are

interested I have LOTS of things to talk about.

>

> PJ

>