Almost Went Under the Knife

May 24, 2005

I had a baby last year, and that major life event changed my breasts

in ways I had heard about, but for some reason, thought wouldn't

happen to me.

Before pregnancy, I was a full and perky 36C. They were just big

enough to show off a fair amount of cleavage and small enough so as

not to be overwhelming or burdensome. When I was pregnant, my

breasts went up to a D cup. I did not breastfeed, so I thought I

would get away with a minimal toll on my breasts.

Well, a few months postpartum, I was back in my 36Cs comfortably.

But as time went on, my breasts continued to shrink. I also noticed

I had lost much of my " upper pole " fullness and volume. Frustrated

and with my self-esteem regarding this area of my body so much that

I did not want to disrobe before my husband, I began considering

breast augmentation.

I went to two cosmetic surgeons and recently booked the procedure

through the second one I saw. Well, after having had negative

experiences with supposedly safe and harmless contraception like the

Mirena IUD and Yasmin birth controls (only to find that other women

also experienced horrible side effects), I decided that there had to

be something beyond what I had been told and had read about saline

implants - something beyond the risks of capsular contracture,

possible future surgeries, scarring, loss of sensation.

And I found it. I found it through a lot of searching and found

online communities of women whose lives had been irreparably changed

because of their bout with saline breast implants. The stories of

chronic fatigue, bacteria-ridden implants, auto-immune disorders,

lupus, neurological issues, etc. really resonated with me.

For now, I have decided to cancel my surgery. I won't lie. I do not

like my breasts right now. They are a 36B. I feel like I deserve to

have " pretty boobs " because I have worked hard to get back into

shape after pregnancy and work hard every day at everything I do. I

feel less womanly with my B-cup chest and it makes me want to cry

everyday when I open a drawer full of C and D cup bras I can no

longer wear.

I don't know how to get over this hump, but for now I have canceled

my augmentation ...

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