Re: Having a tough morning...

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

If you are still online you can e-mail me. It is 2AM in California and I can

not sleep. I am so concerned for Jim.

I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I don't think you

really had a chance to grieve with all that you had going on at the time with a

job change and all.

It must be very hard at this time of year. I can only imagine. My thoughts are

with you and I hope that you will find peace soon......Love, Jan

wrote:

Having a tough morning. Christmas came and went. My SO and my sister

worked hard to make it a happy time for me. Overall they were

successful since most of my weekend was happy with them. But I'm

still so sad. I had a migraine almost the whole weekend. Just

wouldn't go away. Thankfully it's gone now. I was so tired too. I

went to bed at 9 PM last night. But at 3 AM I was awake for the day.

I'm tired, but can't sleep now. My tears this AM won't stop. I fell

asleep for a bit and dreamt of my mom in that damn hospital that did

her in. That hospital that gave her the Risperidol. The dream was of

the day we went to visit her and found her all by herself on the

hallway couch. She couldn't go into her bedroom for privacy b/c of

the construction that was going on during the whole time she was

there. She was too scared of the other residents to go into the

common room. And that was the day we found the cut on her hand -- the

cut she received when assaulted by another resident -- the same cut

that when she told us and we talked to the nurses, they denied it,

and we didn't believe her at first. When she was talking the truth. I

finished reading that Mitch Albom's book " For One More Day " .

If I had one more day with my mumsie -- I would apologize (again) for

sending her to that hospital. I would ask forgiveness from her that I

didn't choose to listen to my gut and not leave her there. That was

the one thing I'll never be able to forgive myself for. I sensed it

was a bad move, but instead of listening to my gut, I chose to listen

to my surroundings and the doctors. Don't waste your breath -- I know

what you'll say b/c you've said it to me before -- but I can never

get it through my hard head that it wasn't my fault. Maybe if I heard

from my mom that she forgives me I'll stop feeling the guilt.

What else would I do if I had one more day? I would give her a BIG

hug and kiss. And tell her " I love you more than you love me. " (That

was a little ritual we would do back & forth.) I KNOW she's in a

better place now. I KNOW she's out of pain. I KNOW she's dancing

again. But I miss her so much. So much that it hurts. I feel like I'm

lost. I have my SO. I have my sister and her family. I sort of have

my brother and his wife (only via phone since he's mostly incognito

in our lives.) But my life up until the point of my mom's death was

very close and connected to my parents. We were a threesome. I was

an " oopsie daisy " - my folks had me when mom was 38 and dad was 42.

We were a team from my very beginning. From age 12 it was just the

three of us living together. Now with them both gone now, I feel like

a floater. No real ties anywhere.

Most days I'm OK. But the grief comes in waves. And I'm just having a

hard time right now. I'm so tired I want to go to bed -- but I would

feel worse if I did so, since I'm to be awake for the day in a 1/2

hour anyway. Thanks again for listening. I hope you don't mind my

venting.

I do have a couple of things happening next month. My parents started

a tradition years ago with our old church group - having an Epiphany

Celebration in their home. Once my mother had moved into a smaller

place the tradition continued at the church. They're having it again

on 1/7 and it will be in honor of my mom. The priest is requesting

that my sister & I read from some of my mother's writings (don't know

exactly what he means by this -- not sure what writings he's

referring to) so we'll do this. And I decided to have a 5-7 minute

mini-movie made about my mom - using all those photos I had burned,

home movies (we only have a few of those), etc. I'm using this

company: http://www.hindsightmedia.net/

I've already talked to the owner (he did a project for my previous

job and donated to the auction) - and we'll start this project in mid-

January. I want to show mom's legacy in that mini-movie. I could have

people interviewed for it too -- but not sure I'll go that route. I

think this mini-movie could be therapeutic for me. And in the end

have it burned for mom's siblings and my siblings.

Thanks again everybody...

; loving daughter of Maureen of Boston, MA; dx'd with LBD in

2/2006; fell victim to rapid decline from Risperidone; Was successful

on Celexa, Exelon, ALA & B1; Mom became my Guardian Angel on Sept.

30th, 2006.

Visit the LBDCaregivers board on the web:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LBDcaregivers/

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Jan,

Sorry to hear Jim is having problems. I guess you are having problems. I am

convinced Mom didn't have as much problem as I did.. She had a tough last month

too. I didn't know it was her last month. I hope they keep him warm for you. It

is little to ask.

Do you work this week or is your school off for the week? At least this gives

you more flexibility.

I guess we are all up. Got to drop a note to .

Hugs,,

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in

a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.

Re: Having a tough morning...

Dear ,

If you are still online you can e-mail me. It is 2AM in California and I can

not sleep. I am so concerned for Jim.

I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I don't think you

really had a chance to grieve with all that you had going on at the time with a

job change and all.

It must be very hard at this time of year. I can only imagine. My thoughts are

with you and I hope that you will find peace soon......Love, Jan

wrote:

Having a tough morning. Christmas came and went. My SO and my sister

worked hard to make it a happy time for me. Overall they were

successful since most of my weekend was happy with them. But I'm

still so sad. I had a migraine almost the whole weekend. Just

wouldn't go away. Thankfully it's gone now. I was so tired too. I

went to bed at 9 PM last night. But at 3 AM I was awake for the day.

I'm tired, but can't sleep now. My tears this AM won't stop. I fell

asleep for a bit and dreamt of my mom in that damn hospital that did

her in. That hospital that gave her the Risperidol. The dream was of

the day we went to visit her and found her all by herself on the

hallway couch. She couldn't go into her bedroom for privacy b/c of

the construction that was going on during the whole time she was

there. She was too scared of the other residents to go into the

common room. And that was the day we found the cut on her hand -- the

cut she received when assaulted by another resident -- the same cut

that when she told us and we talked to the nurses, they denied it,

and we didn't believe her at first. When she was talking the truth. I

finished reading that Mitch Albom's book " For One More Day " .

If I had one more day with my mumsie -- I would apologize (again) for

sending her to that hospital. I would ask forgiveness from her that I

didn't choose to listen to my gut and not leave her there. That was

the one thing I'll never be able to forgive myself for. I sensed it

was a bad move, but instead of listening to my gut, I chose to listen

to my surroundings and the doctors. Don't waste your breath -- I know

what you'll say b/c you've said it to me before -- but I can never

get it through my hard head that it wasn't my fault. Maybe if I heard

from my mom that she forgives me I'll stop feeling the guilt.

What else would I do if I had one more day? I would give her a BIG

hug and kiss. And tell her " I love you more than you love me. " (That

was a little ritual we would do back & forth.) I KNOW she's in a

better place now. I KNOW she's out of pain. I KNOW she's dancing

again. But I miss her so much. So much that it hurts. I feel like I'm

lost. I have my SO. I have my sister and her family. I sort of have

my brother and his wife (only via phone since he's mostly incognito

in our lives.) But my life up until the point of my mom's death was

very close and connected to my parents. We were a threesome. I was

an " oopsie daisy " - my folks had me when mom was 38 and dad was 42.

We were a team from my very beginning. From age 12 it was just the

three of us living together. Now with them both gone now, I feel like

a floater. No real ties anywhere.

Most days I'm OK. But the grief comes in waves. And I'm just having a

hard time right now. I'm so tired I want to go to bed -- but I would

feel worse if I did so, since I'm to be awake for the day in a 1/2

hour anyway. Thanks again for listening. I hope you don't mind my

venting.

I do have a couple of things happening next month. My parents started

a tradition years ago with our old church group - having an Epiphany

Celebration in their home. Once my mother had moved into a smaller

place the tradition continued at the church. They're having it again

on 1/7 and it will be in honor of my mom. The priest is requesting

that my sister & I read from some of my mother's writings (don't know

exactly what he means by this -- not sure what writings he's

referring to) so we'll do this. And I decided to have a 5-7 minute

mini-movie made about my mom - using all those photos I had burned,

home movies (we only have a few of those), etc. I'm using this

company: http://www.hindsightmedia.net/

I've already talked to the owner (he did a project for my previous

job and donated to the auction) - and we'll start this project in mid-

January. I want to show mom's legacy in that mini-movie. I could have

people interviewed for it too -- but not sure I'll go that route. I

think this mini-movie could be therapeutic for me. And in the end

have it burned for mom's siblings and my siblings.

Thanks again everybody...

; loving daughter of Maureen of Boston, MA; dx'd with LBD in

2/2006; fell victim to rapid decline from Risperidone; Was successful

on Celexa, Exelon, ALA & B1; Mom became my Guardian Angel on Sept.

30th, 2006.

Visit the LBDCaregivers board on the web:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LBDcaregivers/

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

,

You can vent and grieve any time you want here. I know you know that. Wish I

could be there to really give you a big hug. From all you wrote about your Mom

and all you did for her, I can imagine her saying, " It's ok. " You did all you

could. And even if you suspect stuff, it is hard to know for sure. I know you

had no bad intent to your Mom and I know she knows it too. We can all only do

the best we can at the time. Can't go back and redo, none of us.

Hope the head aches go away. If you are tired, may want to get some Melatonin

for yourself. I take it when I need sleep and can't get it.

I do know the guilt. And if any of us had a better picture and could predict

the future, we might have done lots of things different. It sounds like you

were so close to her and your Dad too. And that floating feeling I know. I

didn't have any family after Mom died and now I am the oldest one in my family.

I have always had someone " bigger " than me. Not any more.

Let yourself rest as much as you can. Do good things for yourself or ask others

to make you do good things for yourself if you are having a hard time do it.

You deserve some peace, even while you grieve. Much as we want to do what we do,

we can't control another's path.

Keep well and call if you need to.

Hugs, and more hugs,

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in

a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.

Having a tough morning...

Having a tough morning. Christmas came and went. My SO and my sister

worked hard to make it a happy time for me. Overall they were

successful since most of my weekend was happy with them. But I'm

still so sad. I had a migraine almost the whole weekend. Just

wouldn't go away. Thankfully it's gone now. I was so tired too. I

went to bed at 9 PM last night. But at 3 AM I was awake for the day.

I'm tired, but can't sleep now. My tears this AM won't stop. I fell

asleep for a bit and dreamt of my mom in that damn hospital that did

her in. That hospital that gave her the Risperidol. The dream was of

the day we went to visit her and found her all by herself on the

hallway couch. She couldn't go into her bedroom for privacy b/c of

the construction that was going on during the whole time she was

there. She was too scared of the other residents to go into the

common room. And that was the day we found the cut on her hand -- the

cut she received when assaulted by another resident -- the same cut

that when she told us and we talked to the nurses, they denied it,

and we didn't believe her at first. When she was talking the truth. I

finished reading that Mitch Albom's book " For One More Day " .

If I had one more day with my mumsie -- I would apologize (again) for

sending her to that hospital. I would ask forgiveness from her that I

didn't choose to listen to my gut and not leave her there. That was

the one thing I'll never be able to forgive myself for. I sensed it

was a bad move, but instead of listening to my gut, I chose to listen

to my surroundings and the doctors. Don't waste your breath -- I know

what you'll say b/c you've said it to me before -- but I can never

get it through my hard head that it wasn't my fault. Maybe if I heard

from my mom that she forgives me I'll stop feeling the guilt.

What else would I do if I had one more day? I would give her a BIG

hug and kiss. And tell her " I love you more than you love me. " (That

was a little ritual we would do back & forth.) I KNOW she's in a

better place now. I KNOW she's out of pain. I KNOW she's dancing

again. But I miss her so much. So much that it hurts. I feel like I'm

lost. I have my SO. I have my sister and her family. I sort of have

my brother and his wife (only via phone since he's mostly incognito

in our lives.) But my life up until the point of my mom's death was

very close and connected to my parents. We were a threesome. I was

an " oopsie daisy " - my folks had me when mom was 38 and dad was 42.

We were a team from my very beginning. From age 12 it was just the

three of us living together. Now with them both gone now, I feel like

a floater. No real ties anywhere.

Most days I'm OK. But the grief comes in waves. And I'm just having a

hard time right now. I'm so tired I want to go to bed -- but I would

feel worse if I did so, since I'm to be awake for the day in a 1/2

hour anyway. Thanks again for listening. I hope you don't mind my

venting.

I do have a couple of things happening next month. My parents started

a tradition years ago with our old church group - having an Epiphany

Celebration in their home. Once my mother had moved into a smaller

place the tradition continued at the church. They're having it again

on 1/7 and it will be in honor of my mom. The priest is requesting

that my sister & I read from some of my mother's writings (don't know

exactly what he means by this -- not sure what writings he's

referring to) so we'll do this. And I decided to have a 5-7 minute

mini-movie made about my mom - using all those photos I had burned,

home movies (we only have a few of those), etc. I'm using this

company: http://www.hindsightmedia.net/

I've already talked to the owner (he did a project for my previous

job and donated to the auction) - and we'll start this project in mid-

January. I want to show mom's legacy in that mini-movie. I could have

people interviewed for it too -- but not sure I'll go that route. I

think this mini-movie could be therapeutic for me. And in the end

have it burned for mom's siblings and my siblings.

Thanks again everybody...

; loving daughter of Maureen of Boston, MA; dx'd with LBD in

2/2006; fell victim to rapid decline from Risperidone; Was successful

on Celexa, Exelon, ALA & B1; Mom became my Guardian Angel on Sept.

30th, 2006.

Visit the LBDCaregivers board on the web:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LBDcaregivers/

[Guest guest]

We all know what you mean about guilt feelings. If only we could go back and

correct our mistakes. But being human that is not possible.

I am glad you have your SO to hold your hand and head (I know what migraines

are) during this time.

This year I missed both my parents more than last year. We were at their

house to celebrate Christmas Eve and the laughter and joy of the kids made me

think about them. I know they were there with us in spirit if not in person.

Jan 7th would have been their 69th anniversary.

Your Mom was very talented in many ways so maybe the priest has some of her

writings. That might be what he is talking about.

The movie sounds great and should be theraputic for you.

Like you, my parents and I became a team the last 30 yrs of their lives. I

moved in next door to them and we helped each other out when needed. First they

helped me raise 6 kids then I helped them in old age. I was a lone caregiver

when they needed it. And like you I did it out of love not duty. I think

most caregivers do it out of love. As this board shows we are there because we

want to be not because we have to be.

If I could go back and change one thing it would be that she would not have

gone to the hospice unit at the end. I would have kept her at home so she

could die with her family around her. No matter how hard it would have been.

How many times have you told someone on this board not to apologize for

venting? WELLLL don't apologize now. I am glad you still feel free to vent

here.

I send you Hugs and a shoulder to cry on and maybe some tissues also,

Jacqui in So Florida

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Hope today finds you feeling better. Nothing wrong with getting

emotional (migranes we could do without).

I got the book for Christmas. He always makes me cry anyway...I

can't imagine reading it with all of the raw emotions that you

have. It's good for the soul to let them out.

Please don't blame yourself...you are a very devoted daughter and

are lucky to have had such a close relationship with both of your

parents.

I hope the sun shines on you today.

Take care,

Daughter of Bill, 91

>

> Having a tough morning. Christmas came and went. My SO and my

sister

> worked hard to make it a happy time for me. Overall they were

> successful since most of my weekend was happy with them. But I'm

> still so sad. I had a migraine almost the whole weekend. Just

> wouldn't go away. Thankfully it's gone now. I was so tired too. I

> went to bed at 9 PM last night. But at 3 AM I was awake for the

day.

> I'm tired, but can't sleep now. My tears this AM won't stop. I

fell

> asleep for a bit and dreamt of my mom in that damn hospital that

did

> her in. That hospital that gave her the Risperidol. The dream was

of

> the day we went to visit her and found her all by herself on the

> hallway couch. She couldn't go into her bedroom for privacy b/c of

> the construction that was going on during the whole time she was

> there. She was too scared of the other residents to go into the

> common room. And that was the day we found the cut on her hand --

the

> cut she received when assaulted by another resident -- the same

cut

> that when she told us and we talked to the nurses, they denied it,

> and we didn't believe her at first. When she was talking the

truth. I

> finished reading that Mitch Albom's book " For One More Day " .

>

> If I had one more day with my mumsie -- I would apologize (again)

for

> sending her to that hospital. I would ask forgiveness from her

that I

> didn't choose to listen to my gut and not leave her there. That

was

> the one thing I'll never be able to forgive myself for. I sensed

it

> was a bad move, but instead of listening to my gut, I chose to

listen

> to my surroundings and the doctors. Don't waste your breath -- I

know

> what you'll say b/c you've said it to me before -- but I can never

> get it through my hard head that it wasn't my fault. Maybe if I

heard

> from my mom that she forgives me I'll stop feeling the guilt.

>

> What else would I do if I had one more day? I would give her a BIG

> hug and kiss. And tell her " I love you more than you love me. "

(That

> was a little ritual we would do back & forth.) I KNOW she's in a

> better place now. I KNOW she's out of pain. I KNOW she's dancing

> again. But I miss her so much. So much that it hurts. I feel like

I'm

> lost. I have my SO. I have my sister and her family. I sort of

have

> my brother and his wife (only via phone since he's mostly

incognito

> in our lives.) But my life up until the point of my mom's death

was

> very close and connected to my parents. We were a threesome. I was

> an " oopsie daisy " - my folks had me when mom was 38 and dad was

42.

> We were a team from my very beginning. From age 12 it was just the

> three of us living together. Now with them both gone now, I feel

like

> a floater. No real ties anywhere.

>

> Most days I'm OK. But the grief comes in waves. And I'm just

having a

> hard time right now. I'm so tired I want to go to bed -- but I

would

> feel worse if I did so, since I'm to be awake for the day in a 1/2

> hour anyway. Thanks again for listening. I hope you don't mind my

> venting.

>

> I do have a couple of things happening next month. My parents

started

> a tradition years ago with our old church group - having an

Epiphany

> Celebration in their home. Once my mother had moved into a smaller

> place the tradition continued at the church. They're having it

again

> on 1/7 and it will be in honor of my mom. The priest is requesting

> that my sister & I read from some of my mother's writings (don't

know

> exactly what he means by this -- not sure what writings he's

> referring to) so we'll do this. And I decided to have a 5-7 minute

> mini-movie made about my mom - using all those photos I had

burned,

> home movies (we only have a few of those), etc. I'm using this

> company: http://www.hindsightmedia.net/

> I've already talked to the owner (he did a project for my previous

> job and donated to the auction) - and we'll start this project in

mid-

> January. I want to show mom's legacy in that mini-movie. I could

have

> people interviewed for it too -- but not sure I'll go that route.

I

> think this mini-movie could be therapeutic for me. And in the end

> have it burned for mom's siblings and my siblings.

>

> Thanks again everybody...

>

> ; loving daughter of Maureen of Boston, MA; dx'd with LBD

in

> 2/2006; fell victim to rapid decline from Risperidone; Was

successful

> on Celexa, Exelon, ALA & B1; Mom became my Guardian Angel on Sept.

> 30th, 2006.

>

> Visit the LBDCaregivers board on the web:

> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LBDcaregivers/

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I feel your grief. It was a difficult holiday in our home as well, having lost

Mom in the

summer, FIL in the spring and Mom's boyfriend of 15 years last winter, the

closest I had to

a dad since 1960. For my children, it was like they lost 3 grandparents since

last

Christmas. MIL was very sad but tried to hold herself together for us all.

Yes, the grief,

acknowledgement of loss hits unexpectantly and in waves. Having family near

helps, but

the nights with their dreams and memories are the worst. They had faded, but

have

returned with the season. The woulda coulda shoulda accompanies the memories,

but

none of us can go into the caregiving role with the hindsight that would help.

As long as

we know we did the best we could at the time, I am sure our los would not want

us beating

ourselves up over the very difficult decisions we must make for someone we love.

Your love for and dedication to your mother was and remains obvious to us all.

Your

tribute in January should be very meaningful.

, Oakville Ont.

Mother, age 92, died Aug. 12/06 after 13 year decline from PDD

>

> Having a tough morning. Christmas came and went. My SO and my sister

> worked hard to make it a happy time for me. Overall they were

> successful since most of my weekend was happy with them. But I'm

> still so sad. I had a migraine almost the whole weekend. Just

> wouldn't go away. Thankfully it's gone now. I was so tired too. I

> went to bed at 9 PM last night. But at 3 AM I was awake for the day.

> I'm tired, but can't sleep now. My tears this AM won't stop. I fell

> asleep for a bit and dreamt of my mom in that damn hospital that did

> her in. That hospital that gave her the Risperidol. The dream was of

> the day we went to visit her and found her all by herself on the

> hallway couch. She couldn't go into her bedroom for privacy b/c of

> the construction that was going on during the whole time she was

> there. She was too scared of the other residents to go into the

> common room. And that was the day we found the cut on her hand -- the

> cut she received when assaulted by another resident -- the same cut

> that when she told us and we talked to the nurses, they denied it,

> and we didn't believe her at first. When she was talking the truth. I

> finished reading that Mitch Albom's book " For One More Day " .

>

> If I had one more day with my mumsie -- I would apologize (again) for

> sending her to that hospital. I would ask forgiveness from her that I

> didn't choose to listen to my gut and not leave her there. That was

> the one thing I'll never be able to forgive myself for. I sensed it

> was a bad move, but instead of listening to my gut, I chose to listen

> to my surroundings and the doctors. Don't waste your breath -- I know

> what you'll say b/c you've said it to me before -- but I can never

> get it through my hard head that it wasn't my fault. Maybe if I heard

> from my mom that she forgives me I'll stop feeling the guilt.

>

> What else would I do if I had one more day? I would give her a BIG

> hug and kiss. And tell her " I love you more than you love me. " (That

> was a little ritual we would do back & forth.) I KNOW she's in a

> better place now. I KNOW she's out of pain. I KNOW she's dancing

> again. But I miss her so much. So much that it hurts. I feel like I'm

> lost. I have my SO. I have my sister and her family. I sort of have

> my brother and his wife (only via phone since he's mostly incognito

> in our lives.) But my life up until the point of my mom's death was

> very close and connected to my parents. We were a threesome. I was

> an " oopsie daisy " - my folks had me when mom was 38 and dad was 42.

> We were a team from my very beginning. From age 12 it was just the

> three of us living together. Now with them both gone now, I feel like

> a floater. No real ties anywhere.

>

> Most days I'm OK. But the grief comes in waves. And I'm just having a

> hard time right now. I'm so tired I want to go to bed -- but I would

> feel worse if I did so, since I'm to be awake for the day in a 1/2

> hour anyway. Thanks again for listening. I hope you don't mind my

> venting.

>

> I do have a couple of things happening next month. My parents started

> a tradition years ago with our old church group - having an Epiphany

> Celebration in their home. Once my mother had moved into a smaller

> place the tradition continued at the church. They're having it again

> on 1/7 and it will be in honor of my mom. The priest is requesting

> that my sister & I read from some of my mother's writings (don't know

> exactly what he means by this -- not sure what writings he's

> referring to) so we'll do this. And I decided to have a 5-7 minute

> mini-movie made about my mom - using all those photos I had burned,

> home movies (we only have a few of those), etc. I'm using this

> company: http://www.hindsightmedia.net/

> I've already talked to the owner (he did a project for my previous

> job and donated to the auction) - and we'll start this project in mid-

> January. I want to show mom's legacy in that mini-movie. I could have

> people interviewed for it too -- but not sure I'll go that route. I

> think this mini-movie could be therapeutic for me. And in the end

> have it burned for mom's siblings and my siblings.

>

> Thanks again everybody...

>

> ; loving daughter of Maureen of Boston, MA; dx'd with LBD in

> 2/2006; fell victim to rapid decline from Risperidone; Was successful

> on Celexa, Exelon, ALA & B1; Mom became my Guardian Angel on Sept.

> 30th, 2006.

>

> Visit the LBDCaregivers board on the web:

> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LBDcaregivers/

>

[Guest guest]

HI ,

Your email really touched my heart. You have had to go through a lot and I

really do believe that once x-mas is over we can be overwhelmed with feelings of

sadness - I think its the big build up and then nothing. Also, its

understandable that you feel like an orphan now and reading that book, I'm sure

it was good, didn't help either.

Sending you a comforting hug and strength for better days ahead.

Courage

[Guest guest]

As always, thank you! Needed to vent and you all were there again.

Thanks! And it probably has to do with the 'end of holiday blues' --

I've always been a big fan of Christmas -- and you're so right... all

the excitement and build up... then poof it's gone for another year.

And having it be the first year w/out Mumsie during the holidays was

tough, I won't lie. Even shopping this year... I kept finding 'that

perfect gift' for her. I think I'm gonna go out this coming weekend and

find some 'perfect gifts' for ME. LOL... Anyway -- thanks again. And

we all need to hang in there...