Re: Hi all, My heart is breaking

[Guest guest]

Jan

When its your Mom its one thing but when its your husband its something

else. My heart is breaking for you. It is very hard to see someone you love go

thru this.

My prayers are for you both. May God send you the wisdom and strenght you

will need now.

You have some difficult decisions coming your way. I wish I could take some

of the worry and tears from you. Tears are a comfort at times though. Cry it

out my friend.

Sending you Hugs and Love

Jacqui from So Fl

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan,

I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. I have tears streaming

down my face as I read your post. It seems so strange how fast it can happen

towards the end when it does start happening. I know right now you are

frightened and exhausted, but you will find your strength when you need it. You

are

such a strong and brave person, and are so dedicated to Jim. Your strength

WILL be there when the time comes. I will be keeping you in my heart and

saying special prayers for you and Jim. You are a very special person, and very

special to us in this group.

Much, much love,

Piper

[Guest guest]

Oh my precious, Jan. I am holding you in a big warm hug, and crying with

you. Your letter was difficult to read. This has been horrible for you. The

whole experience you told about has been a nightmare.

But, Jan, I have learned enough about you that I know when you get some

sleep you will find the strength to pull your boot straps up and hold on

another

day.

And you will continue to pray, just as you have many friends praying for

you. Then, the next day you will do the same thing. You have a lot of inner

strength. Dig into your well of strength and be strong. The whole week has been

so hard on you that you are very tired and depressed, and rightly so, but you

will handle each day.

Loosing your purse was a horrible experience in itself, not to mention the

big issue of poor Jim. I am so very sorry.

Jan, we all love you, and you are a great source of encouragement, and

teacher to us who are on your same path.

A heart full of love for you,

Imogene

In a message dated 12/9/2006 7:24:21 PM Central Standard Time,

janetcolello@... writes:

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in

his end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to

dinner and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting not

well and by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they

transfered Jim out of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack of

oxygen and they ran tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh

ome transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so, that hospital transfer

ed Jim an hour away from where I live, because the hospital that is our

provider in our area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after work and I spent

two

nights in Jim's room. I had to come home, because I slept in the same clothes

for two nights. Jim didn't even know that I left, he was so unresponsive.

The nurse said, because she gave him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so

secure with me there. Whenever the nurses came in to move Jim's position on the

bed in the wee hours of the morning. Jim would call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so

lost tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The

hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to

buy

food for me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy

Jim some Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when he was

sitll at the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry to

get to the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh, there was no

purse and I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my cart with no

purse in it and went into the grocery store and no purse was turned in, so I

raced home and canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a very

Merry Christmas compliments of me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM

card to get money while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my

gasoline card for gas, but fortunately, I had enough cash on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found

my purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and

the Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still

in it, but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I

kept the cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could use

them on the internet. I defeated myself too, because there was a wonderful

shopping mall across from the hospital that I could have done some Christmas

Shopping in while killing time, but since I had no means of any cards or money,

I sat in Jim's room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing my

shopping now. I don't know how many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be

strong,

because right now I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital

so helpless. His voice and responsiveness yesterday was far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well

enough and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets

worse. And even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard that

and

now has no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I know, if he

heard he was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die too. I am

so heart broken for him. He has lost so much weight since last week too. It's

all so unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could be

prepared for it, but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at the beginning

of

the week and be at the end stage by the end of the week. It's come so fast

within a week. The weather outside is gloomy, just like I feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts

that you have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping

you informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to

where he was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

[Guest guest]

I'm very sorry. May God bless him and you.

My Dad is 84 and still healthy, but....... who knows?

I hope you find peace soon.

Love,

Bob's son

In a message dated 12/9/2006 8:46:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,

ebeaudin@... writes:

From: Janet Colello

Date: 12/09/06 20:21:27

To: _LBDcaregivers@LBDcaregiverLBD_ (mailto:LBDcaregivers )

Subject: Hi all, My heart is breaking

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in

his end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to

dinner and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting

not well and by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they

transfered Jim out of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack

of oxygen and they ran tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the

nursingh ome transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so, that

hospital transfered Jim an hour away from where I live, because the hospital

that is our provider in our area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after

work and I spent two nights in Jim's room. I had to come home, because I

slept in the same clothes for two nights. Jim didn't even know that I left,

he was so unresponsive. The nurse said, because she gave him Seroquel and

that could be. He felt so secure with me there. Whenever the nurses came in

to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee hours of the morning. Jim would

call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so

lost tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The

hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to

buy food for me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to

buy Jim some Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when

he was sitll at the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a

hurry to get to the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh,

there was no purse and I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my

cart with no purse in it and went into the grocery store and no purse was

turned in, so I raced home and canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone

could have a very Merry Christmas compliments of me. So, since I canceled my

cards, I had no ATM card to get money while at the hospital visiting Jim,

nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but fortunately, I had enough cash

on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found

my purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and

the Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still

in it, but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I

kept the cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could

use them on the internet. I defeated myself too, becaus e there was a

wonderful shopping mall across from the hospital that I could have done some

Christmas Shopping in while killing time, but since I had no means of any

cards or money, I sat in Jim's room for two days. I don't even feel like

finishing my shopping now. I don't know how many of you remain so strong. I

hope I can be strong, because right now I feel so weak. It is so sad to see

Jim in the hospital so helpless. His voice and responsiveness yesterday was

far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well

enough and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets

worse. And even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard

that and now has no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I

know, if he heard he was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die

too. I am so heart broken for him. He has lost so much w eight since last

week too. It's all so unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I

could be prepared for it, but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at

the beginning of the week and be at the end stage by the end of the week. It

s come so fast within a week. The weather outside is gloomy, just like I

feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts that

you have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to

where he was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

[Guest guest]

I am crying right with you, Jan. Praying for you both. Arlene

[Guest guest]

Dearest Jan,

I don't think you are ever really ready to let go and my heart is so sad that

you have to go through this right now. I have only been on this list for a

short while but your dedication and love for Jim has been an inspiration to me.

My prayers are with you and Jim for comfort and strength. I know this was a

difficult email to write but I appreciate you taking the time to let us know

what is going on . Do you have any other family close by? I do hope you have

some other LOs around for support.

Gentle Hugs

Vallerie

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan ....I am so sorry for what your going through

wish we could be there with you....you seem so alone

and everyone needs someone at these times . will say

powerful prayers for you both ,

love to you's both .....Eileen B

-- Hi all, My heart is breaking

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in

his end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to

dinner and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting

not well and by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they

transfered Jim out of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack

of oxygen and they ran tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the

nursingh ome transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so, that

hospital transfered Jim an hour away from where I live, because the hospital

that is our provider in our area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after

work and I spent two nights in Jim's room. I had to come home, because I

slept in the same clothes for two nights. Jim didn't even know that I left,

he was so unresponsive. The nurse said, because she gave him Seroquel and

that could be. He felt so secure with me there. Whenever the nurses came in

to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee hours of the morning. Jim would

call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so

lost tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The

hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to

buy food for me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to

buy Jim some Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when

he was sitll at the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a

hurry to get to the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh,

there was no purse and I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my

cart with no purse in it and went into the grocery store and no purse was

turned in, so I raced home and canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone

could have a very Merry Christmas compliments of me. So, since I canceled my

cards, I had no ATM card to get money while at the hospital visiting Jim,

nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but fortunately, I had enough cash

on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found

my purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and

the Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still

in it, but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I

kept the cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could

use them on the internet. I defeated myself too, becaus e there was a

wonderful shopping mall across from the hospital that I could have done some

Christmas Shopping in while killing time, but since I had no means of any

cards or money, I sat in Jim's room for two days. I don't even feel like

finishing my shopping now. I don't know how many of you remain so strong. I

hope I can be strong, because right now I feel so weak. It is so sad to see

Jim in the hospital so helpless. His voice and responsiveness yesterday was

far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well

enough and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets

worse. And even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard

that and now has no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I

know, if he heard he was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die

too. I am so heart broken for him. He has lost so much w eight since last

week too. It's all so unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I

could be prepared for it, but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at

the beginning of the week and be at the end stage by the end of the week. It

s come so fast within a week. The weather outside is gloomy, just like I

feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts that

you have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to

where he was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

---------------------------------

Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and

get things done faster.

[Guest guest]

You have been a tower of strength through all of Jim's illness, from

what I can see. I wish, so much, that you had someone close at hand to

lean on but since that doesn't seem to be the case, I hope we can

provide some support at such a very hard time.

I know you will be doing everything you can to make sure Jim is as

comfortable and well as he can possibly be. My prayers are with you both.

jacqui (in Puget Sound)

[Guest guest]

Jan: I am so sorry to hear of this. I was very

concerned when Sharon said what was going on, as it

was so very familiar to our case. You know you have

done all you could. You did your best at home with

him, and you have done everything you could at the NH,

but this disease is just too powerful for anyone. I

am concerned that sending him back to the NH if he is

not quite ready will not be a good thing.

Losing your purse at such a horrible time was awful,

too, and to lose your credit cards when you most

needed them was awful as well. My neighbor just had

the same thing happen, and she did the same as you,

cancelled everything and waited to get new cards, got

a new DL, and then found her purse. She thought it

had been stolen, but it fell behind something in her

bedroom and she just didn't see it.

My husband went so quickly, and I think that is the

nature of the disease. The infections are just too

much for their compromised immune systems, especially

if they have been using lots of antibiotics to control

the UTIs before this came on.

I know that you will get through it even though it

doesn't seem like it now. If I can help you in any

way, write me personally. I have believed all along

that our husbands were very close in the process of

the disease, as their cases were so very similar.

Lots of hugs.

June

--- Janet Colello wrote:

> Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly

> see through. Jim is in his end stage now.

> I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last

> Monday, I took him out to dinner and he ate

> everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was

> acting not well and by Wednesday, he was refusing

> all food and on Thursday, they transfered Jim out of

> the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from

> lack of oxygen and they ran tests and saw he has

> Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh ome

> transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so,

> that hospital transfered Jim an hour away from where

> I live, because the hospital that is our provider in

> our area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after

> work and I spent two nights in Jim's room. I had to

> come home, because I slept in the same clothes for

> two nights. Jim didn't even know that I left, he was

> so unresponsive. The nurse said, because she gave

> him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure

> with me there. Whenever the nurses came in to move

> Jim's position on the bed in the wee hours of the

> morning. Jim would call for me to

> make sure that I was there and that I knew what was

> going on. He will be so lost tonight without me and

> I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The

> hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also

> running out of money to buy food for me, because I

> left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy

> Jim some Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas

> for potassium when he was sitll at the nh, since

> they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry

> to get to the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I

> got to the nh, there was no purse and I had to race

> back to the grocery store. I found my cart with no

> purse in it and went into the grocery store and no

> purse was turned in, so I raced home and canceled

> all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a

> very Merry Christmas compliments of me. So, since I

> canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

> while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have

> my gasoline card for gas, but fortunately, I had

> enough cash on me

> from the week before to buy some meals to eat and

> get gas, but I had to come home, because I was

> running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person

> found my purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners

> in the same shopping center and the Cleaners called

> me to say they had my purse and I found everything

> still in it, but I had already canceled all the

> cards, so I could not use them. I kept the cards

> canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and

> could use them on the internet. I defeated myself

> too, because there was a wonderful shopping mall

> across from the hospital that I could have done some

> Christmas Shopping in while killing time, but since

> I had no means of any cards or money, I sat in Jim's

> room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing

> my shopping now. I don't know how many of you remain

> so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right

> now I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the

> hospital so helpless. His voice and responsiveness

> yesterday was far more

> better than today. One of the nurses said out loud,

> that he was going to be transfered back to the

> nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well

> enough and said, " You know, he is not going to be

> where he was, it only gets worse. And even though

> Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard

> that and now has no hope and probably just wants to

> will himself to die. I know, if he heard he was

> going straight back to the nh, he would want to die

> too. I am so heart broken for him. He has lost so

> much weight since last week too. It's all so

> unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought

> I could be prepared for it, but I didn't think he

> would look and seem ok at the beginning of the week

> and be at the end stage by the end of the week. It's

> come so fast within a week. The weather outside is

> gloomy, just like I feel.

> I just need strength to get through all this. Your

> prayers and thoughts that you have been sending are

> so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

> informed.

> Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just

> want my husband back to where he was.

> Thanks everyone for all your help and for being

> here.....Hugs, Jan

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a

> more powerful email and get things done faster.

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

Jan, and (Sharon)

I am sending this to both of you so if you don't get a chance to read it, Sharon

can let you know.

I am so sorry to hear about Jim. It all sounds so familiar, as June said. It

happens so quickly and I don't think any of us are ready although we know from

the start this could happen.

I can't believe they are going to send Jim back to the NH. It appears he is in

no shape to handle the ride, much less the care he will get there for the time

he has left.

Doesn't the Hospital has a Hospice section he can be moved into. Mom was at the

Hospital Hospice and they were so good to her. I would certainly ask. If the

NH didn't help before, they aren't going to be much good now.

As I said to who is having some of the same problems with her Mom right

now, this is no time of year to have to deal with these issues.

I hope you know that we are all with you in spirit all the way. When it feels

lonely, know I am wondering around trying to do stuff that needs to get done and

you and Jim are in my thoughts all day. I will continue to pray that your

strength will get you through this. You have done all you can and now it sounds

like it is time to turn around all we learned about keeping them as well as

possible, and do the best we can to let go.

((((((Hugs)))))

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in

a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.

Hi all, My heart is breaking

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in his

end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to

dinner and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting not

well and by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they transfered

Jim out of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack of oxygen and

they ran tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh ome

transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so, that hospital transfered Jim

an hour away from where I live, because the hospital that is our provider in our

area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after work and I spent two nights in

Jim's room. I had to come home, because I slept in the same clothes for two

nights. Jim didn't even know that I left, he was so unresponsive. The nurse

said, because she gave him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure with me

there. Whenever the nurses came in to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee

hours of the morning. Jim would call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so

lost tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The

hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to buy

food for me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy Jim

some Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when he was sitll

at the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry to get to

the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh, there was no purse and

I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my cart with no purse in it and

went into the grocery store and no purse was turned in, so I raced home and

canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a very Merry Christmas

compliments of me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but

fortunately, I had enough cash on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found my

purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and the

Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still in it,

but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I kept the

cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could use them on the

internet. I defeated myself too, because there was a wonderful shopping mall

across from the hospital that I could have done some Christmas Shopping in while

killing time, but since I had no means of any cards or money, I sat in Jim's

room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing my shopping now. I don't

know how many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right

now I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital so helpless. His

voice and responsiveness yesterday was far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well enough

and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets worse. And

even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard that and now has

no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I know, if he heard he

was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die too. I am so heart

broken for him. He has lost so much weight since last week too. It's all so

unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could be prepared for it,

but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at the beginning of the week and be

at the end stage by the end of the week. It's come so fast within a week. The

weather outside is gloomy, just like I feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts that

you have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to where

he was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

---------------------------------

Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get

things done faster.

[Guest guest]

Donna, Jim is in a hospital an hour away. I don't want him that far from me. I

know I can have Hospice watch him at the nursing home, they would make sure that

Jim is getting proper care there. I have also thought that when it got to the

point where Jim was in the final stages to have him come home and have Hospice

come to the house. I have a lot to think about. Does Hospice stay at the house

or is it for a few hours or a little more and they leave and come back the next

day? I have to go to work now, would they watch Jim while I was at work or does

it work that way? Jan

Donna Mido wrote: Jan, and (Sharon)

I am sending this to both of you so if you don't get a chance to read it, Sharon

can let you know.

I am so sorry to hear about Jim. It all sounds so familiar, as June said. It

happens so quickly and I don't think any of us are ready although we know from

the start this could happen.

I can't believe they are going to send Jim back to the NH. It appears he is in

no shape to handle the ride, much less the care he will get there for the time

he has left.

Doesn't the Hospital has a Hospice section he can be moved into. Mom was at the

Hospital Hospice and they were so good to her. I would certainly ask. If the NH

didn't help before, they aren't going to be much good now.

As I said to who is having some of the same problems with her Mom right

now, this is no time of year to have to deal with these issues.

I hope you know that we are all with you in spirit all the way. When it feels

lonely, know I am wondering around trying to do stuff that needs to get done and

you and Jim are in my thoughts all day. I will continue to pray that your

strength will get you through this. You have done all you can and now it sounds

like it is time to turn around all we learned about keeping them as well as

possible, and do the best we can to let go.

((((((Hugs)))))

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in

a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.

Hi all, My heart is breaking

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in his

end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to dinner

and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting not well and

by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they transfered Jim out

of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack of oxygen and they ran

tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh ome transfered Jim

to is not with our provider and so, that hospital transfered Jim an hour away

from where I live, because the hospital that is our provider in our area was

booked. I rushed over Thrusday after work and I spent two nights in Jim's room.

I had to come home, because I slept in the same clothes for two nights. Jim

didn't even know that I left, he was so unresponsive. The nurse said, because

she gave him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure with me there.

Whenever the nurses came in to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee hours

of the morning. Jim would call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so lost

tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The hospital

was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to buy food for

me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy Jim some

Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when he was sitll at

the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry to get to the

nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh, there was no purse and I

had to race back to the grocery store. I found my cart with no purse in it and

went into the grocery store and no purse was turned in, so I raced home and

canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a very Merry Christmas

compliments of me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but

fortunately, I had enough cash on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found my

purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and the

Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still in it,

but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I kept the

cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could use them on the

internet. I defeated myself too, because there was a wonderful shopping mall

across from the hospital that I could have done some Christmas Shopping in while

killing time, but since I had no means of any cards or money, I sat in Jim's

room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing my shopping now. I don't

know how many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right now

I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital so helpless. His voice

and responsiveness yesterday was far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well enough

and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets worse. And

even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard that and now has

no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I know, if he heard he

was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die too. I am so heart

broken for him. He has lost so much weight since last week too. It's all so

unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could be prepared for it,

but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at the beginning of the week and be

at the end stage by the end of the week. It's come so fast within a week. The

weather outside is gloomy, just like I feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts that you

have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to where he

was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

---------------------------------

Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get

things done faster.

[Guest guest]

Piper,

It is good to hear from you also. I hope you are doing well?

Hugs,

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in

a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.

Re: Hi all, My heart is breaking

Dear Jan,

I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. I have tears streaming

down my face as I read your post. It seems so strange how fast it can happen

towards the end when it does start happening. I know right now you are

frightened and exhausted, but you will find your strength when you need it. You

are

such a strong and brave person, and are so dedicated to Jim. Your strength

WILL be there when the time comes. I will be keeping you in my heart and

saying special prayers for you and Jim. You are a very special person, and very

special to us in this group.

Much, much love,

Piper

[Guest guest]

Jan... Please know that you & Jim continues to be in my thoughts and

prayers. For your purse to be lost during all of this is terrible...

But notice how STRONG you were to continue on... I hope that you were

able to get a good night's sleep last night and I'm sure you're back to

being that STRONG WOMAN that you are.

[Guest guest]

Jan,

I didn't see your message until this morning. I hurt for you. Praying for

strength for you now.

Margee

---- Janet Colello wrote:

=============

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in his

end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to

dinner and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting not

well and by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they transfered

Jim out of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack of oxygen and

they ran tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh ome

transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so, that hospital transfered Jim

an hour away from where I live, because the hospital that is our provider in our

area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after work and I spent two nights in

Jim's room. I had to come home, because I slept in the same clothes for two

nights. Jim didn't even know that I left, he was so unresponsive. The nurse

said, because she gave him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure with me

there. Whenever the nurses came in to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee

hours of the morning. Jim would call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so

lost tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The

hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to buy

food for me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy Jim

some Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when he was sitll

at the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry to get to

the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh, there was no purse and

I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my cart with no purse in it and

went into the grocery store and no purse was turned in, so I raced home and

canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a very Merry Christmas

compliments of me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but

fortunately, I had enough cash on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found my

purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and the

Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still in it,

but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I kept the

cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could use them on the

internet. I defeated myself too, because there was a wonderful shopping mall

across from the hospital that I could have done some Christmas Shopping in while

killing time, but since I had no means of any cards or money, I sat in Jim's

room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing my shopping now. I don't

know how many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right

now I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital so helpless. His

voice and responsiveness yesterday was far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well enough

and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets worse. And

even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard that and now has

no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I know, if he heard he

was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die too. I am so heart

broken for him. He has lost so much weight since last week too. It's all so

unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could be prepared for it,

but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at the beginning of the week and be

at the end stage by the end of the week. It's come so fast within a week. The

weather outside is gloomy, just like I feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts that

you have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to where

he was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

---------------------------------

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things done faster.

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan,

Such devastating unexpected news. Jim has done so much better than my mother

all

along, even though they had been pretty much in the same timeline. She was much

older

though. I hear your pain. You are tired, pushed to the limit right now and are

allowed to

grieve. Thank you for taking the time to update us.

Wishing for you the strength you will need to get through this difficult time.

>

> Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in his

end stage now.

> I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to

dinner and he

ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting not well and by

Wednesday,

he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they transfered Jim out of the nh to a

hospital,

because he turned blue from lack of oxygen and they ran tests and saw he has

Sepsis, UTI.

The hospital the nursingh ome transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so,

that

hospital transfered Jim an hour away from where I live, because the hospital

that is our

provider in our area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after work and I spent

two nights

in Jim's room. I had to come home, because I slept in the same clothes for two

nights. Jim

didn't even know that I left, he was so unresponsive. The nurse said, because

she gave him

Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure with me there. Whenever the nurses

came in

to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee hours of the morning. Jim would

call for me

to

> make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so

lost

tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The hospital

was giving Jim

food, but not me. I was also running out of money to buy food for me, because I

left my

purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy Jim some Vitamin Water with

electrolytes and

bananas for potassium when he was sitll at the nh, since they said he was not

eating. I was

in such a hurry to get to the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the

nh, there

was no purse and I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my cart with

no purse in

it and went into the grocery store and no purse was turned in, so I raced home

and

canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a very Merry Christmas

compliments of me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

while

at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but

fortunately, I had

enough cash on me

> from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home,

because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found my purse

and turned

it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and the Cleaners called me

to say

they had my purse and I found everything still in it, but I had already canceled

all the

cards, so I could not use them. I kept the cards canceled just incase they

copied my card

numbers and could use them on the internet. I defeated myself too, because there

was a

wonderful shopping mall across from the hospital that I could have done some

Christmas

Shopping in while killing time, but since I had no means of any cards or money,

I sat in

Jim's room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing my shopping now. I

don't know

how many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right now I

feel so

weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital so helpless. His voice and

responsiveness

yesterday was far more

> better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered

back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well enough and said,

" You

know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets worse. And even though

Jim seemed

like he was sleeping he probably heard that and now has no hope and probably

just wants

to will himself to die. I know, if he heard he was going straight back to the

nh, he would

want to die too. I am so heart broken for him. He has lost so much weight since

last week

too. It's all so unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could be

prepared for

it, but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at the beginning of the week

and be at the

end stage by the end of the week. It's come so fast within a week. The weather

outside is

gloomy, just like I feel.

> I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts

that you have

been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you informed.

> Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to

where he

was.

> Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get

things

done faster.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan,

I am so very sorry to hear about Jim's decline in health. I feel your

pain and my heart breaks for you. Since joing the group you have

always been an inspiration to me in your care and love for Jim. I will

be keeping you and Jim in my prayers every day. May God grant you the

strength to get through this devastating period and keep you in his

grace.

Hugs,

Carol Incognito

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

You must be exhausted. I hope for the best for you and Jim. The

things we hope for change with time, but none the less, there is

hope. I am glad that Jim is comforted by you, he knows you love him

and are watching over him and you know you are dearly loved by him.

It is heartbreaking, there is no getting around that.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

Daughter of Bill, 91

>

> Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through.

Jim is in his end stage now.

> I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took

him out to dinner and he ate everything. He looked good and by

Tuesday, he was acting not well and by Wednesday, he was refusing

all food and on Thursday, they transfered Jim out of the nh to a

hospital, because he turned blue from lack of oxygen and they ran

tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh ome

transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so, that hospital

transfered Jim an hour away from where I live, because the hospital

that is our provider in our area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday

after work and I spent two nights in Jim's room. I had to come home,

because I slept in the same clothes for two nights. Jim didn't even

know that I left, he was so unresponsive. The nurse said, because

she gave him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure with me

there. Whenever the nurses came in to move Jim's position on the bed

in the wee hours of the morning. Jim would call for me to

> make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He

will be so lost tonight without me and I feel so horrible for

leaving him there. The hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I

was also running out of money to buy food for me, because I left my

purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy Jim some Vitamin Water

with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when he was sitll at the

nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry to get

to the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh, there

was no purse and I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my

cart with no purse in it and went into the grocery store and no

purse was turned in, so I raced home and canceled all my cards that

I carry, so noone could have a very Merry Christmas compliments of

me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my gasoline card

for gas, but fortunately, I had enough cash on me

> from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I

had to come home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very

trustful person found my purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners

in the same shopping center and the Cleaners called me to say they

had my purse and I found everything still in it, but I had already

canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I kept the cards

canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could use them

on the internet. I defeated myself too, because there was a

wonderful shopping mall across from the hospital that I could have

done some Christmas Shopping in while killing time, but since I had

no means of any cards or money, I sat in Jim's room for two days. I

don't even feel like finishing my shopping now. I don't know how

many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right

now I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital so

helpless. His voice and responsiveness yesterday was far more

> better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was

going to be transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow

if he seems well enough and said, " You know, he is not going to be

where he was, it only gets worse. And even though Jim seemed like he

was sleeping he probably heard that and now has no hope and probably

just wants to will himself to die. I know, if he heard he was going

straight back to the nh, he would want to die too. I am so heart

broken for him. He has lost so much weight since last week too. It's

all so unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could

be prepared for it, but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at

the beginning of the week and be at the end stage by the end of the

week. It's come so fast within a week. The weather outside is

gloomy, just like I feel.

> I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and

thoughts that you have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me

that she is keeping you informed.

> Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband

back to where he was.

> Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs,

Jan

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful

email and get things done faster.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan,

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. You have many people

lifting you and Jim up in prayer. I pray that you will be strengthened so that

you can get through these days and make the best decisions for Jim and yourself.

All of us who have loved ones with this disease are going to face exactly what

you are at some point. You and Jim are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and strength,

Dianne P

daughter of Bill, 83

Janet Colello wrote:

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is

in his end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to dinner

and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting not well and

by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they transfered Jim out

of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack of oxygen and they ran

tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh ome transfered Jim

to is not with our provider and so, that hospital transfered Jim an hour away

from where I live, because the hospital that is our provider in our area was

booked. I rushed over Thrusday after work and I spent two nights in Jim's room.

I had to come home, because I slept in the same clothes for two nights. Jim

didn't even know that I left, he was so unresponsive. The nurse said, because

she gave him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure with me there.

Whenever the nurses came in to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee hours

of the morning. Jim would call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so lost

tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The hospital

was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to buy food for

me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy Jim some

Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when he was sitll at

the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry to get to the

nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh, there was no purse and I

had to race back to the grocery store. I found my cart with no purse in it and

went into the grocery store and no purse was turned in, so I raced home and

canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a very Merry Christmas

compliments of me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but

fortunately, I had enough cash on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found my

purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and the

Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still in it,

but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I kept the

cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could use them on the

internet. I defeated myself too, because there was a wonderful shopping mall

across from the hospital that I could have done some Christmas Shopping in while

killing time, but since I had no means of any cards or money, I sat in Jim's

room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing my shopping now. I don't

know how many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right now

I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital so helpless. His voice

and responsiveness yesterday was far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well enough

and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets worse. And

even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard that and now has

no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I know, if he heard he

was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die too. I am so heart

broken for him. He has lost so much weight since last week too. It's all so

unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could be prepared for it,

but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at the beginning of the week and be

at the end stage by the end of the week. It's come so fast within a week. The

weather outside is gloomy, just like I feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts that you

have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to where he

was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

---------------------------------

Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get

things done faster.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

My heart is going out to you and Jim. What a scary time for you and I am praying

for you both. Sending you a big hug and sorry I didn't get your message earlier

to give you the support you need.

Please let us know how everything is going and know that you are both in our

thoughts.

Courage

Hi all, My heart is breaking

Hi, I am writing this with tears that I can bearly see through. Jim is in his

end stage now.

I can't believe how this happened so fast. Last Monday, I took him out to

dinner and he ate everything. He looked good and by Tuesday, he was acting not

well and by Wednesday, he was refusing all food and on Thursday, they transfered

Jim out of the nh to a hospital, because he turned blue from lack of oxygen and

they ran tests and saw he has Sepsis, UTI. The hospital the nursingh ome

transfered Jim to is not with our provider and so, that hospital transfered Jim

an hour away from where I live, because the hospital that is our provider in our

area was booked. I rushed over Thrusday after work and I spent two nights in

Jim's room. I had to come home, because I slept in the same clothes for two

nights. Jim didn't even know that I left, he was so unresponsive. The nurse

said, because she gave him Seroquel and that could be. He felt so secure with me

there. Whenever the nurses came in to move Jim's position on the bed in the wee

hours of the morning. Jim would call for me to

make sure that I was there and that I knew what was going on. He will be so

lost tonight without me and I feel so horrible for leaving him there. The

hospital was giving Jim food, but not me. I was also running out of money to buy

food for me, because I left my purse in a grocery cart when I went to buy Jim

some Vitamin Water with electrolytes and bananas for potassium when he was sitll

at the nh, since they said he was not eating. I was in such a hurry to get to

the nh, I forgot my purse and found when I got to the nh, there was no purse and

I had to race back to the grocery store. I found my cart with no purse in it and

went into the grocery store and no purse was turned in, so I raced home and

canceled all my cards that I carry, so noone could have a very Merry Christmas

compliments of me. So, since I canceled my cards, I had no ATM card to get money

while at the hospital visiting Jim, nor did I have my gasoline card for gas, but

fortunately, I had enough cash on me

from the week before to buy some meals to eat and get gas, but I had to come

home, because I was running out. Fortunately, a very trustful person found my

purse and turned it into the Dry Cleaners in the same shopping center and the

Cleaners called me to say they had my purse and I found everything still in it,

but I had already canceled all the cards, so I could not use them. I kept the

cards canceled just incase they copied my card numbers and could use them on the

internet. I defeated myself too, because there was a wonderful shopping mall

across from the hospital that I could have done some Christmas Shopping in while

killing time, but since I had no means of any cards or money, I sat in Jim's

room for two days. I don't even feel like finishing my shopping now. I don't

know how many of you remain so strong. I hope I can be strong, because right now

I feel so weak. It is so sad to see Jim in the hospital so helpless. His voice

and responsiveness yesterday was far more

better than today. One of the nurses said out loud, that he was going to be

transfered back to the nursing home, possibly tomorrow if he seems well enough

and said, " You know, he is not going to be where he was, it only gets worse. And

even though Jim seemed like he was sleeping he probably heard that and now has

no hope and probably just wants to will himself to die. I know, if he heard he

was going straight back to the nh, he would want to die too. I am so heart

broken for him. He has lost so much weight since last week too. It's all so

unbelievable. I knew this time was coming, I thought I could be prepared for it,

but I didn't think he would look and seem ok at the beginning of the week and be

at the end stage by the end of the week. It's come so fast within a week. The

weather outside is gloomy, just like I feel.

I just need strength to get through all this. Your prayers and thoughts that

you have been sending are so helpful. Sharon told me that she is keeping you

informed.

Nothing seems to matter to me right now, I just want my husband back to where

he was.

Thanks everyone for all your help and for being here.....Hugs, Jan

---------------------------------

Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get

things done faster.