Guest guest Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. Many thanks, Crazy Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 Hi Dawn, If you're anything like me, what stops me dead in my tracks is fusion with the thought, " I have to do this perfectly. " I've had these perfectionist tendencies all of my life, so it's a pretty hard habit to break. One thing that helps me is to repeat to myself two bits of folk wisdom that remind me of the value of action over perfection. One is, " Done...it's the most beautiful word in the English language. " The other is, " If it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly. " Both tend to snap me out of the perfectionist trance, at least for a moment. All the best, Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 Hi DawnI could have written your post verbatim! I wish I knew the answer too! Maybe that's part of the problem right there - this feeling that somewhere is this *golden* answer that will finally allow me to feel alright about myself and the world. Yes, I too feel that I need to be " cured " but I'm not even sure of what! It's very confusing. Sorry not much help - but empathy from a fellow traveller. Kate I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. Many thanks, Crazy Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 If boredom is a barrier put it on the suffering list and work on acquiringflexibility inside boredom. You may find many worthwhile thingsin boredom, but you will not know until you walk into itwith eyes open and the agenda for change put down. It is an emotion, like fear or pain, that announces " things will begin when I go away " -- but if that message carries the day then one nevergets to learn what is inside it. Then whatever controls the arising of boredom is de facto in control of your life.Too high a cost for the false ease of ignorance- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of Nevada Reno, NV 89557-0062hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join Thanks everyone for your replies, I suppose I dont know where to begin, plus the boredom factor has crept in, should i start with the hapiness trap or gooym? Due to me starting these books at the beginning so many times i feel reluctant to face the feelings of boredom again, yet i m reluctant to start anywhere else in case I miss something important Maybe I need a life coach to work with me to keep me motivated. Or maybe i,m just putting off again doing what I need to do. Sorry for moaning. Dawn > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > Many thanks, > > Crazy Dawn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Kind of like trying hard to look for people who have had courage "ACT style"--reminds me of wanting the fear to go away before you live life... that feels silly..that ignores function and only looks to form...clearly courage comes in many colors, and sometimes it looks like courage when it's really pretense...Some 'bored' folks get along just fine and some don't..look for those in your own life who admit to being bored at times yet seem to not let them stop them...look for examples in your own past when you have felt differing degrees of boredom, yet nonetheless did what mattered most..sometimes (mostly all the time) it's just a package deal and nothing to figure out or get rid of if that makes sense.Carla Thanks everyone for your replies, I suppose I dont know where to begin, plus the boredom factor has crept in, should i start with the hapiness trap or gooym? Due to me starting these books at the beginning so many times i feel reluctant to face the feelings of boredom again, yet i m reluctant to start anywhere else in case I miss something important Maybe I need a life coach to work with me to keep me motivated. Or maybe i,m just putting off again doing what I need to do. Sorry for moaning. Dawn > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to "cure" me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > Many thanks, > > Crazy Dawn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Just to clarify.. The 'silly' part is meant by a feeling of trying too hard to emulate public or popular figures who 'appear' to have no boredom or fear or whatever--not so much silly, but could lead to barking up the wrong tree..again trying to look for a new formula or rule for getting it right...hold it all lightly, so as not to diminish where you are now. Much better IMHO to look for what you intimately know--what friends or family or better yet--what examples from your own life can you observe and recall some of these " unpopular and unwanted/uncomfortable " feelings, and yet noticed they ended up more the side dish than the main course? Life marches on, with boredom and fear and all..I'm still learning this too..I tend to idealize or romanticize public/popular figures (or even bosses or folks who seem to know what they are talking about) at my own peril. I don't know too many people who are without insecurity, boredom, fear.. And yet underneath boredom, like Steve said-- may be some really neat things..but without holding it lightly and examining 'boredom' as it relates to you, as it feels and so forth.. as a scientist might..you won't know.. Thanks so much for bringing the topic of boredom up, Dawn! It's actually very interesting! :-) Carla > > > > > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > > > > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > > > > > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > > > > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > > > > > Many thanks, > > > > > > Crazy Dawn > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Maybe just watching your boredom... " hello, boredom, please stay a while and make yourself comfortable, I see you " . I know that I turned and ran from " feeling " , and I still find that I do at times... fleeing before I can just watch; fearful of feeling alive, from noticing and making space just watch. I feel alive and thankful even when I am watching my fear! > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > Many thanks, > > Crazy Dawn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Hi , thanks for your reply. I haven,t read your book for awhile, I know I should know this, but I cant remember what a suffering list is.I have looked through your book but cant find it, what page is it on?Also wondering what you mean by with eyes open and the agenda for change put down? Even though I feel very motivated to improve my life, just trying to respond to your post makes me feel tense, a tight feeling develops in my chest, feeling anxious and I know this sounds crazy but a feeling of fireworks going off in my head, all of this put together it seems to block me from moving forward, followed by a feeling of exhaustion even though I have done nothing to exhaust myself.This is my problem I think and reason for my lack of progress.Also I am still looking for an easier way, but I know that it is stupid to look for one. Regards,Dawn > > > > > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in > > any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > > > > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with > > anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but > > deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some > > answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to > > get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never > > finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > > > > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, > > what have you done that has worked for you? > > > > > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging > > its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I > > become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > > > > > Many thanks, > > > > > > Crazy Dawn > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Hi Carla, Thanks for replying , I had never thought of thinking of fear and boredom as being so similar.I have had some success with dealing with fear by telling it to do its worst because i am still going to do what i am afraid to do and then gone ahead and done it.Thanks again. Dawn In ACT_for_the_Public , " carla35@... " wrote: > > Just to clarify.. > > The 'silly' part is meant by a feeling of trying too hard to emulate public or popular figures who 'appear' to have no boredom or fear or whatever--not so much silly, but could lead to barking up the wrong tree..again trying to look for a new formula or rule for getting it right...hold it all lightly, so as not to diminish where you are now. > Much better IMHO to look for what you intimately know--what friends or family or better yet--what examples from your own life can you observe and recall some of these " unpopular and unwanted/uncomfortable " feelings, and yet noticed they ended up more the side dish than the main course? Life marches on, with boredom and fear and all..I'm still learning this too..I tend to idealize or romanticize public/popular figures (or even bosses or folks who seem to know what they are talking about) at my own peril. I don't know too many people who are without insecurity, boredom, fear.. > > And yet underneath boredom, like Steve said-- may be some really neat things..but without holding it lightly and examining 'boredom' as it relates to you, as it feels and so forth.. as a scientist might..you won't know.. > > Thanks so much for bringing the topic of boredom up, Dawn! It's actually very interesting! :-) > > Carla > > > > > > > > > > > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > > > > > > > > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > > > > > > > > > > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > > > > > > > > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > > > > > > > > > Many thanks, > > > > > > > > > > Crazy Dawn > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Hi , I can relate to what you are saying, alomng time ago I read " feel the fear and do it anyway " , which I found very helpful.My concern is about other people noticing me being afraid, and my big fear of suddenly crying/shaking in front of others in a situation that others seem to cope with easily, eg interviews, social situations. This urge to cry is very powerful and i get anxious in case others see it and what they will think of me, all of this is going on in my head and i,m still trying to continue with a conversation.No wonder I hate going out, lol. Dawn > > > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > > > Many thanks, > > > > Crazy Dawn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Whatever others think- ' tis only a thought.' It can only hurt you if you want it to. I could start worrying now what people think of this post. I probably will but then I'm still new to ACT Love and understanding ivor Re: what is wrong with me.... Hi ,I can relate to what you are saying, alomng time ago I read "feel the fear and do it anyway", which I found very helpful.My concern is about other people noticing me being afraid, and my big fear of suddenly crying/shaking in front of others in a situation that others seem to cope with easily, eg interviews, social situations. This urge to cry is very powerful and i get anxious in case others see it and what they will think of me, all of this is going on in my head and i,m still trying to continue with a conversation.No wonder I hate going out, lol.Dawn> >> > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results.> > > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to "cure" me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once> > > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you?> > > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again.> > > > Many thanks,> > > > Crazy Dawn> >> No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.422 / Virus Database: 270.14.20/2443 - Release Date: 10/17/09 13:08:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Ivor, “Only a thought” and “It can only hurt you if you want it to” seem to undermine the emotions behind the thought and put the blame for the hurt on the person. I’m glad if that works for you … and maybe you have advanced in ACT enough to be able to say that and fully comprehend what it means … but I think people who are just learning ACT and are really struggling may not grasp that concept so readily. I am still feeling guilty about my insensitive posts yesterday and I apologize to the person to whom I responded. I don’t think you are being insensitive, as I was, but maybe you could think through what you said from a different perspective, and I hope you know I am trying to be helpful and not judgmental. Helena From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Ivor Bateman Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 6:13 AM To: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Re: what is wrong with me.... Whatever others think- ' tis only a thought.' It can only hurt you if you want it to. I could start worrying now what people think of this post. I probably will but then I'm still new to ACT Love and understanding ivor ----- Original Message ----- From: dawnaberu To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 10:13 AM Subject: Re: what is wrong with me.... Hi , I can relate to what you are saying, alomng time ago I read " feel the fear and do it anyway " , which I found very helpful.My concern is about other people noticing me being afraid, and my big fear of suddenly crying/shaking in front of others in a situation that others seem to cope with easily, eg interviews, social situations. This urge to cry is very powerful and i get anxious in case others see it and what they will think of me, all of this is going on in my head and i,m still trying to continue with a conversation.No wonder I hate going out, lol. Dawn > > > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > > > Many thanks, > > > > Crazy Dawn > > > No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.422 / Virus Database: 270.14.20/2443 - Release Date: 10/17/09 13:08:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Hi Dawn, Yeah, they're similiar in the sense that they have the potential to create a lot of suffering (sans acceptance, defusion, values). Actively seeking out role models for a person who appears to be behaving 'ACT- like' can be quite motivating and helpful (just pick up most biographies of folks who've prevailed with their pain..it's quite prevalent and a good thing to seek out for inspiration. I do this a lot..I read obituaries even and find myself amazed at how full a life a person lived, along with all their pain... And..(here I go again with a nuance and fleshing out and augmenting) ...my experience is looking to your own life (as you just did) or at those close to you, who you know--in terms of what works, what doesn't stop you from moving forward can be equally (or perhaps more) powerful as a source of direct inspiration/ information that feels real. What is more powerful than your own experience? So as you look to others, also look to your own experience..so much wisdom there I'm finding.. So, for example, you can try approaching boredom or any unwelcome emotion/thought with the same manner you do with your fear..what it sounds like you're saying is you accept the fear, make room for it and behave in ways that your better angels or values tell you to act on...that's really what ACT is all about. None of this is meant to be a formula..it's just all trial and error and keeping the faith. Best, Carla ============================================================ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Many thanks, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Crazy Dawn > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Dawn, i read through the thread, but was unsure what exactly you think is wrong with you? thanks, vc > > I keep flitting from one method to another and never really putting in any work, before I move on to something else and I am getting zero results. > > I have now ordered the Open Focus book and once again filled with anticipation, ?excitement that this might be IT, the ONE to " cure " me, but deep down I feel a sense of dread because I think ACT has really got some answers for me but I cant seem to concentrate long enough or I never seem to get around to doing the work it requires. I have 3 ACT books but have never finished reading any of them, also 2 CDs I have listened to only once > > So dare I ask how all you good ACT students have approached your studies, what have you done that has worked for you? > > Its strange but the time I feel better is when I know the book is winging its way through the post to my door, but as soon as I begin to read it I become drained of enthusiasm and despondent again. > > Many thanks, > > Crazy Dawn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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