freaking out slightly....more

[Guest guest]

i just got off of the antibiotics that i was on for 12 days because

i did have an infection, which was the reason the tooth came out.

terrible pain. i am on low dose macrobid, from my urologist that i

tqke a couple times a week because i catheterize. i do not have a

calm bone in my body. i have had panic disorder my whole life and i

had a program that i was doing well working on, but i can't find it.

i really think my Boyfriend( of 6 years) hid it because he likes me

dependant on him. i started 2 new therapies in the past two weeks:

occupational,which was a wonderful experience and gave me hope, then

swallowing therapy, which scares the hell out of me.my Boyfriend

made me a desk that he promised me 3 years ago and he used a really

strong stain and varnish even though i asked him not to. i really do

not have anybody here to even be my friend. i am so scared i cannot

move. i just keep hoping i die in my sleep so i don't have to deal

with any of this anymore. i want to beat this disease, but i feel

like i am fighting against everything in my life and i have never

felt so alone. my mom is afraid that she will have to take care of

me one day so she pays my boyfriend money behind my back hoping he

will deal with me. i'm sorry to write so much but i don't really

have anyone to talk to and it just comes out like this. i sincerely

wish everyone a happy holiday.

joanna