: A question about paranoid and mean behavior

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am a new member here, and your post drew my attention. A little

summary on our family: my husband is 62 years old, (I am 60). About 2 years

ago, we thought he had severe depression, and I mean severe enough that the even

did ECT (shock treatment), for several months. That seemed to help, but there

were still some areas that just didn't make sense. They finally did a

neuropsych test and an MRI, and he was given Early Onset Dementia. He has some

damage in the frontal lobe of the white matter of his brain. There were so many

points of your letter, and those of others on this list, that I wonder if he

does have Lewy Body Dementia. Like your dad, my husband has always been the

stable, peaceful person, never swears, etc. After diagnosis, he began to show

minor signs of aggression (mild violence). He was at times like a zombee, other

times overly hyper, he saw things like spiders in his room, etc. We placed him

in a Residential Care Facility, as it was

impossible for me to continue to keep him safe, and me and our two young

children. At the first place, he had a violent episode, against my

grand-daughter, and me (no bruises, or anything, more of a floppy, weak hitting

episode. He went to the psych. unit and they took him off Namenda and Aricept.

He then went into a facility too far away, and now is in a place 5 minutes from

us. He is now, at least this month, very subdued, his past is fuzzy to

non-existant, but his short term memory is fine. He rarely talks, unless spoken

to, and doesn't expand on anything. He will sit and stear at the TV for hours.

At the new place, he does participate in activities, and he likes the place...it

is more like a home then the large, modern places. He is on Medicaid, and that

made finding a place near to impossible. I realize that if I ever took him out

of the facility for an extended time, we would never get him back into a good

one.

I don't understand. His behaviors, his knowledge, etc. is so changing.

Often a new personality will appear, and we just have learned to love this new

" daddy. " We feel blessed that he is now not aggressive, but we miss him at

home. I know he can not live with us, and that is hard. There are few people

we know that still have young children at home (actually, none in our area). I

grieve for the loss of our planned future, but I also am thankful that I have so

much joy in being mom. Sometimes, though, I think I should feel guilty for

feeling happy, then I decide that I will not feel guilty for something that is

not my fault, and I will continue to love my husband in any way I can.

You are so right, " it is a terrible journey. "

Lucille

Vallerie Edmonds wrote:

Hi Donna,

Hmm, I have been doing more research today and it does look like Parkinson's

Dementia does have the Lewy Body involvement. It is so complicated. I personally

wonder if the high doses of Siniment my mom takes is causing much of the

paranoia? We have tried to cut back but then the Parkinson symptons are

unbearable. My dad is pretty informed on Parkinson's Disease but the dementia

symptons recently have become very challenging.

We are going to try and get by with home care instead of a NH. After reading so

much online it just seems like you either spend a pile of money in a NH or you

spend a pile of money keeping them home. I do realize its very hard to get

really good in care help at home and I assume its private pay. However, if mom

ends up in a nursing home it will be private pay anyway as she does not have any

NH insurance. I know Medicare pays for a little while but I assume after that

its either private pay or Medicaid.

Its all very complicated and its taken me time to research. We just got her into

seeing a Psychiatrist that is supposedly experience in dealing with the mental

needs of the elderly. Guess only time will tell if he has any good advise on

coping with the more challenging behavior problems.

I know a NH may be in the not to distance future and it grieves me to even think

about that. However, I am not going to bring mom into my home because I know I

can not emotionally cope with the aggressive behaviors. I do not have any more

brothers or sisters having my only brother die from cancer 13 years ago. Its

just dad and me. I do have a very good husband but he travels a lot and is very

busy with his job so I try not to burden him too much. I also have two sons, one

in high school and the other in Jr high. They love grandma and its very hard for

them to watch her fad. I make sure they see her weekly but when she is angry and

aggressive I keep them away. I think if she were in her real mind she would want

that.

Its a terrible journey we are on but I do count my blessings for the group. You

all have been a weath of infomation to me.

Gentle Hugs

Vallerie