OFF TOPIC - The Unseen Tormentor

[Guest guest]

The Unseen Tormentor

For most of us who suffer with chronic illness, coping with the pain

is one of the greatest challenges. Nature has so created us that we

cannot remember pain past. We remember what we did and said in

response to it but cannot actually recall the pain itself. Certainly

this may be a great blessing. Who would ever have a second child if

she could actually recall the pangs of labor? But, our lack of memory

also makes suffering a lonely experience. Even those who have been

where we are and, are now freer-perhaps in remission-often look at us

blankly when we speak of our pain. Others choose not to hear for fear

that our words will call forth their own buried experiences. We

ourselves often choose to not talk about or think about pain, hoping,

perhaps, it will go away. Sometimes we are right. Business and

distractions provide temporary relief. But then, often in the dark

hours between midnight and dawn, our body reminds us of the battle

experience that is ours alone. A battle that never ends and is never

won.

If you are coping with chronic pain, I offer you a few insights

but not a solution. Your pain is its own solution. Following are

seven insights:

(1) All pain is invisible, don't expect others to understand how

you feel. Often when we desperately need soothing we resent having to

ask and direct others as to how to help, as though this negated the

care. We want them to read our minds.

(2) All pain is relative to the sufferer. His or her pain is

always most significant. To justify our pain by comparing it to

another's is absurd, and degrades both experiences. Your pain is

valid and worthy of comment simply because it is yours.

(3) Pain is more difficult to bear when we see no end to it.

Opportunities for relief can become scheduled " vacations " whether via

therapy or medication.

(4) Pain drains us. It takes a great deal of energy to cope with

pain on a day in, day out basis. It is therefore important to

schedule activities and responsibilities to accommodate our pain, not

just our disability.

(5) Pain distorts our self-image. We begin to see our bodies

differently, not as our greatest tool of self-expression but as a

hindrance, a jailer, a tormentor. Often our ability to see ourselves

accurately in the mirror is hampered. Instead of long slender fingers

we see pain; instead of sky blue eyes we see hurt. Instead of self,

we see suffering.

(6) Pain affects our perception of reality. We become more

sensitive. We often feel fragile and vulnerable. We can become more

negative in our thinking and in our expectations. We can feel unloved

and unlovable. We can become crabby and even lash out undeservedly

and unexpectedly.

(7) Pain that is ignored or fought rarely goes away. However, it

is possible to negotiate a friendly peace with our pain but the key

is honesty and intentionality. Learn to take time daily to focus on

your pain, to really feel it and absorb it. You may find it to be a

safe place where you can go and hide or a wall that protects you from

outside dangers.

Pain has a way of clearing the head so that we might choose anew

who we are and what we are going to be about. It is in this authentic

relationship between the sufferer and the pain that an inner growth

can be found.