Guest guest Posted October 4, 2000 Report Share Posted October 4, 2000 Perhaps the term was " four by four diaphragmatic breathing " ? In 4X4 breathing you train the patient to breath in to a count of four , hold for a count of four, breath out to a count of four and hold for a count of four. I have also heard this referred to as " square breathing " . I have often used it to help a patient improve effectiveness of deep or diaphragmatic breathing. Just a possibility- I don't know specifically what your context was! Pat Walaszek, PT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2000 Report Share Posted October 4, 2000 I believe that the term "four diaphragm breathing" is based on the 4 muscle groups used in breathing- diaphragm, abdominals, sternocleidomastoid, and intercostals. If someone is rated 4 diaphragm- it would indicate that the breathing pattern is using only the diaphragmatic muscles. A more normal breathing pattern would be considered 2 diaphragm/2 intercostal. I used this many, many years ago when I was more actively involved in working with spinal cord injured patients. Please forgive any inaccuracies- I am pulling this information from the back of my brain. Judy Mange question Hi! I teach in a PTA Program, and, while going through a SCI scenario with the students today, the term "four diaphragm breathing"was used. So far I have not been able to find out what this term means. I spoke with an SLP today, two PTs, and an OTR, and no one has ever heard the term. Does anyone know what this means? Thanks! SueVisit our EStore at www.RehabBusiness.comRehab Pro - The software solution to controlling your rehab business! Call to arrange a demo -.Rehab Management Solutions can can improve your bottom line - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2003 Report Share Posted December 13, 2003 Is painfull skin also part of Fibro? I have areas on my body that are painful to touch and sometimes just to the touch of clothing. I am sorry to say, Yes, it is. Sometimes my skin feel like it is on fire. Other times it is not that bad. I have days when I don't want to wear anything that is the least bit tight feeling. Joyce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2003 Report Share Posted December 13, 2003 oh yes, very much so... Hubby has learned that when I say "my hair hurts" or "my skin hurts" then he needs to be careful how he touches me. Surprisingly, I've found that when my skin hurts a FIRM touch is better than a gentle one -- the light touches are tickly/ouchie and more irritating. Eve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2003 Report Share Posted December 14, 2003 My skin used to only hurt when I had a fever but now I can't remember the last time it didn't hurt....sometimes less sometimes more. And I can't stand having my calves touched...especially the right one....when someone accidentally does even gently it hurts for a good while after. ~M~ > Is painfull skin also part of Fibro? I have areas on my body that > are painful to touch and sometimes just to the touch of clothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2004 Report Share Posted January 5, 2004 I am sorry to hear you are having this problem. I am not saying this is what it is for you, but I started having the same thing and eventually it grew to the point where I knew it was an anxiety attack. It was a typical one, for sometimes it would last hours at a time. The doctor tried a few different drugs and my body couldn't handle them. I am now on Lithium ( mostly to slow my mind down) and it worked. While you are waiting for answers maybe try doing something more active if you can and see if it helps. It is just a tempera solution until you have a more sure one. Wish you the best. Question The last couple of days I have noticed my heart pounding for no apparent reason. Now, I have been kind of stressed, however it seems to happen when I'm just sitting still and not doing any activity except maybe sitting at my computer. I don't have any pain, but one time it happened and I felt kind of lightheaded. Is this just an anxiety attack or should I be concerned that it is something more?Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2004 Report Share Posted January 6, 2004 I'm sorry you're having this. While it could be nothing but anxiety attacks, there is also a cardiac condition that gives the exact same symptoms. The disorder, called Super-Ventricualr Tachycardia or SVT, onsets with the heart all of a sudden starting to pound away like crazy. Do youself a favor and have it checked out. Hopefully it's just anxiety - and who wouldn't have anxiety with Fibro? ;-) Be Blessed! Kathy T. > The last couple of days I have noticed my heart pounding for no apparent reason. Now, I have been kind of stressed, however it seems to happen when I'm just sitting still and not doing any activity except maybe sitting at my computer. I don't have any pain, but one time it happened and I felt kind of lightheaded. > > Is this just an anxiety attack or should I be concerned that it is something more? > > Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2004 Report Share Posted January 6, 2004 i'VE FORTUNATELY NOT HAD THE HEART POUNDING PROBLEM. [sorry din't see I had caps on] Anxiety or 'stress' attacks can occur in so many different ways yet far too much is blamed on them. My anxiety attacks present with spasms in my lover back and travel down the back of my legs til I find my self sitting on the ground. AND I'm usually very upset when they happen. My stationary ones cause lightheadness and ear pounding....but I also had a cereberal vascular accident during one of those supposed spells too. Please let your Dr. know ehat's going on. Have you considered a food or airborn allergy? Or what your activity was prior to the attacks? Your Dr. would be the best person to check this out with. Good luck and if this is stress.....the old adage " Only you can make your self upset. " ............is for the birds. LOL k > The last couple of days I have noticed my heart pounding for no apparent reason. Now, I have been kind of stressed, however it seems to happen when I'm just sitting still and not doing any activity except maybe sitting at my computer. I don't have any pain, but one time it happened and I felt kind of lightheaded. > > Is this just an anxiety attack or should I be concerned that it is something more? > > Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 Hi Scooter, Just for ha has you might want to do a search on the title of the book and see whether autistic persons feel that it is "a novel written from the autistic mind set." Some have some criticisms of that book and as I recall it was not written by an autistic person but rather a person who works with autistic persons as a social or occupational worker or teacher or some such. I read the book and I think I even may have enjoyed it as a work of fiction but I'm not so sure that it wasn't just that -- a work of fiction. But admittedly it's been several years and I don't remember a whole lot of what it was about. RE: what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians....all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country" the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still offensive te rm to use. so in a room full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.......dont. see the association with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and the inability to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 ,Exactly why I made mention of it here. I am uncertain of the reality of the dialogue that has taken place. I have worked with autistic kids and have not seen or experienced the freedom to which is discussed in this book. I am also searching for the truth of AS being benefitted by supported living arrange$ents or group homes. ScooterSent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by AlltelFrom: " D. Pawliczek" Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:40:28 -0400To: <aspires-relationships >Subject: Re: Question Hi Scooter,Just for ha has you might want to do a search on the title of the book and see whether autistic persons feel that it is "a novel written from the autistic mind set." Some have some criticisms of that book and as I recall it was not written by an autistic person but rather a person who works with autistic persons as a social or occupational worker or teacher or some such. I read the book and I think I even may have enjoyed it as a work of fiction but I'm not so sure that it wasn't just that -- a work of fiction. But admittedly it's been several years and I don't remember a whole lot of what it was about. RE: what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians....all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country" the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still offensive te rm to use. so in a room full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.......dont. see the association with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and the inability to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 smfisk@... wrote: > > , > Exactly why I made mention of it here. I am uncertain of the reality of > the dialogue that has taken place. " Reality " , no. 's right. But do take it as *metaphor*. It's a rather good one... > I have worked with autistic kids and > have not seen or experienced the freedom to which is discussed in this > book. ....which is *achingly* close to my own very early life. I had even more freedom, FWIW. And at least as much love and protection. > I am also searching for the truth of AS being benefitted by > supported living arrange$ents or group homes. Scooter Can't speak to that. The *best* IMO is being raised lovingly by very strong and very protective parents, as I was, in an environment as nearly free of (whatever) stress as possible. Think T. Grandin and her mother. ...And look at Temple today. BTW, autism isn't a " mindset " as you seem to think. It's a whole separate *biology*. Aid, yes. Help, guide, ...yes. " Training " , maybe. But *change* one's biological essentials? No. The damage done by trying outweighs most " benefits " . It's too costly. - Bill, 77, dx AS; ...raised right -- WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm > > Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel > > *From*: " D. Pawliczek " > *Date*: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:40:28 -0400 > *To*: <aspires-relationships > > *Subject*: Re: Question > > Hi Scooter, > Just for ha has you might want to do a search on the title of the book > and see whether autistic persons feel that it is " a novel written from > the autistic mind set. " Some have some criticisms of that book and as I > recall it was not written by an autistic person but rather a person who > works with autistic persons as a social or occupational worker or > teacher or some such. I read the book and I think I even may have > enjoyed it as a work of fiction but I'm not so sure that it wasn't just > that -- a work of fiction. But admittedly it's been several years and I > don't remember a whole lot of what it was about. > > > * [aspires-relationsh ips] Question > > I started reading a book entitled the curious incident of the dog in > the night time. It is a novel that is written from the autistic mind > set. [ snip ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 The book is fiction, and written by a non autistic author, who knew of an autistic child? Ian has read it and although he related to some small part of it, he didnt think it all rang true, rather that it was an angle for the story. Its not percieved as a book that you might use per se as a case study? Ian, of course, is a book writer with Asperger's, so he might have been more than a little ungenerous about another, NT's, attempts! Judy Subject: Re: QuestionTo: aspires-relationships Date: Tuesday, 7 July, 2009, 4:45 AM ,Exactly why I made mention of it here. I am uncertain of the reality of the dialogue that has taken place. I have worked with autistic kids and have not seen or experienced the freedom to which is discussed in this book. I am also searching for the truth of AS being benefitted by supported living arrange$ents or group homes. Scooter Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel From: " D. Pawliczek" Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:40:28 -0400To: <aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com>Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] Question Hi Scooter, Just for ha has you might want to do a search on the title of the book and see whether autistic persons feel that it is "a novel written from the autistic mind set." Some have some criticisms of that book and as I recall it was not written by an autistic person but rather a person who works with autistic persons as a social or occupational worker or teacher or some such. I read the book and I think I even may have enjoyed it as a work of fiction but I'm not so sure that it wasn't just that -- a work of fiction. But admittedly it's been several years and I don't remember a whole lot of what it was about. RE: [aspires-relationsh ips] what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians.... all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country" the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still offensive te rm to use. so in a room full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.... ...dont. see the association with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and the inability to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Scooter, The non communication from your wife may be caused by anxiety and the fear of failure and not getting it right. I can say this because my situation is characterised by this. The type of dialogue and the form it takes may be consistent between you and this may cause anxiety as there may be an expectation by her that you are trying to force her to confront things which she feels either very threatened by or does not want to cope with due to the anxiety caused. Not your fault, your intentions appear to be good but her perspective is shaped by the anxiety which can become quite overwhelming. Perhaps look at the dialogue and see how it might be changed to give her time to gain some self confidence to be herself. Depression may be another factor which needs to be adderssed before you can make any progress with her. I have tried to communicate this to my (NT) wife but she does not seem to understand this perspective. Changing the dialogue she feels is me being manipulating and controlling. Greg dx AS at 53 From: smfisk@... To: aspires-relationships Date: 07/07/2009 01:30 PM Subject: Question Sent by: aspires-relationships I started reading a book entitled the curious incident of the dog in the night time. It is a novel that is written from the autistic mind set. In spite of being an NT and having an overly depressed AS wife and her parents being unaccepting of the 'truth'. How do I respond to three days almost four days of no communication. She is coming to see the kids and myself tomorrow, yet she has not communicated with me for the last 4 days. Granted she has not talked to the girls for over a week but I am not sure the really miss her. I will admit there are many things I don't understand about AS. I know I am not alone I have this group and my family hers could care less about me and the kids. I guess I see divorce in my future and am very fearful of that reality. Scooter Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel From: david bailey Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:53:17 +0000 (GMT) To: <aspires-relationships > Subject: RE: what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians....all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country " the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still ! offensive term to use. so in a room! full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.......dont. see the association with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and the inability to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. ! i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Greg, Thank you for your perspective. It is very hard for an NT to understand why the AS person they love, seemingly has absolutely no desire to communicate even the simplest of conversations become a reason to shut down. It has not been uncommon to have no communication for days. This makes the NT go nuts! Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by AlltelFrom: Greg Greer Date: Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:19:21 +1000To: <aspires-relationships >Subject: Re: Question Scooter,The non communication from your wife may be caused by anxiety and the fear of failure and not getting it right. I can say this because my situation is characterised by this. The type of dialogue and the form it takes may be consistent between you and this may cause anxiety as there may be an expectation by her that you are trying to force her to confront things which she feels either very threatened by or does not want to cope with due to the anxiety caused. Not your fault, your intentions appear to be good but her perspective is shaped by the anxiety which can become quite overwhelming.Perhaps look at the dialogue and see how it might be changed to give her time to gain some self confidence to be herself. Depression may be another factor which needs to be adderssed before you can make any progress with her.I have tried to communicate this to my (NT) wife but she does not seem to understand this perspective. Changing the dialogue she feels is me being manipulating and controlling.Gregdx AS at 53From:smfiskTo:aspires-relationships Date:07/07/2009 01:30 PMSubject: QuestionSent by:aspires-relationships I started reading a book entitled the curious incident of the dog in the night time. It is a novel that is written from the autistic mind set. In spite of being an NT and having an overly depressed AS wife and her parents being unaccepting of the 'truth'. How do I respond to three days almost four days of no communication. She is coming to see the kids and myself tomorrow, yet she has not communicated with me for the last 4 days. Granted she has not talked to the girls for over a week but I am not sure the really miss her. I will admit there are many things I don't understand about AS. I know I am not alone I have this group and my family hers could care less about me and the kids. I guess I see divorce in my future and am very fearful of that reality. ScooterSent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by AlltelFrom: david bailey Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:53:17 +0000 (GMT) To: <aspires-relationships > Subject: RE: what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians....all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country " the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still ! offensive term to use. so in a room! full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.......dont. see the association with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and the inability to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. ! i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Scooter, Not sure if you would like to converse off list. However, from a male AS to a male NT it appears we can both gain some perspective that will help. Your situation is so similar to mine only in reverse. My wife has often said that I pretended to be someone else; which was a coping mechanism I have since realised through some counselling, adopted to to attenuate the shortcomings with being unable to connect with people. Casting the coping things aside means that we have to learn what AS really is and how it affects me and the others in my life. Learning skills to make things better and more amenable instead of being defensive and interpreting things incorrectly has to be done as well. The AS person will be challenged to do that without the support of those closest to them. All the best and I hope things begin to change for the better. Greg dx AS at 53 From: smfisk@... To: aspires-relationships Date: 10/07/2009 10:26 AM Subject: Re: Question Sent by: aspires-relationships Greg, Thank you for your perspective. It is very hard for an NT to understand why the AS person they love, seemingly has absolutely no desire to communicate even the simplest of conversations become a reason to shut down. It has not been uncommon to have no communication for days. This makes the NT go nuts! Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel From: Greg Greer Date: Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:19:21 +1000 To: <aspires-relationships > Subject: Re: Question Scooter, The non communication from your wife may be caused by anxiety and the fear of failure ! and not getting it right. I can say this because my situation is characterised by this. The type of dialogue and the form it takes may be consistent between you and this may cause anxiety as there may be an expectation by her that you are trying to force her to confront things which she feels either very threatened by or does not want to cope with due to the anxiety caused. Not your fault, your intentions appear to be good but her perspective is shaped by the anxiety which can become quite overwhelming. Perhaps look at the dialogue and see how it might be changed to give her time to gain some self confidence to be herself. Depression may be another factor which needs to be adderssed before you can make any progress with her. I have tried to communicate this to my (NT) wife but she does not seem to understand this perspective. Changing the dialogue she ! feels is me being manipulating and controlling. ! Greg dx AS at 53 From: smfisk@... To: aspires-relationships Date: 07/07/2009 01:30 PM Subject: Question Sent by: aspires-relationships I started reading a book entitled the curious incident of the dog in the night time. It is a novel that is written from the autistic mind set. In spite of being an NT and having an overly depressed AS wife and her parents being unaccepting of the 'truth'. How do I respond to three days almost four days of no communication. She is coming to see the kids and myself tomorrow, yet she has not communicated with me for the last 4 days. Granted she has not talked to the girls for over a week but I am not sure the really miss her. I will admit there are many things I don't understand about AS. I know I am not alone I have this group and my family hers could care less about me and the kids. I guess I see divorce in my future and am very fearful of that reality. Scooter Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel From: david bailey Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:53:17 +0000 (GMT) To: & l! t;aspire s-relationships > Subject: RE: what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians....all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country " the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still ! offensive term to use. so in a room! full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.......dont. see the associatio! n with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and t! he inabi lity to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. ! i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. 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Guest guest Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Hi Scooter,No communication from anyone I love to me, for days, would make me want to go nuts too- if I were married to him or her. I don't blame you at all. ASTo: aspires-relationships Sent: Thursday, July 9, 2009 8:25:17 PMSubject: Re: Question Greg, Thank you for your perspective. It is very hard for an NT to understand why the AS person they love, seemingly has absolutely no desire to communicate even the simplest of conversations become a reason to shut down. It has not been uncommon to have no communication for days. This makes the NT go nuts! Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by AlltelFrom: Greg Greer Date: Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:19:21 +1000To: <aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com>Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] Question Scooter,The non communication from your wife may be caused by anxiety and the fear of failure and not getting it right. I can say this because my situation is characterised by this. The type of dialogue and the form it takes may be consistent between you and this may cause anxiety as there may be an expectation by her that you are trying to force her to confront things which she feels either very threatened by or does not want to cope with due to the anxiety caused. Not your fault, your intentions appear to be good but her perspective is shaped by the anxiety which can become quite overwhelming.Perhaps look at the dialogue and see how it might be changed to give her time to gain some self confidence to be herself. Depression may be another factor which needs to be adderssed before you can make any progress with her.I have tried to communicate this to my (NT) wife but she does not seem to understand this perspective. Changing the dialogue she feels is me being manipulating and controlling.Gregdx AS at 53From:smfiskyahoo (DOT) comTo:aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comDate:07/07/2009 01:30 PMSubject:[aspires-relationsh ips] QuestionSent by:aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comI started reading a book entitled the curious incident of the dog in the night time. It is a novel that is written from the autistic mind set. In spite of being an NT and having an overly depressed AS wife and her parents being unaccepting of the 'truth'. How do I respond to three days almost four days of no communication. She is coming to see the kids and myself tomorrow, yet she has not communicated with me for the last 4 days. Granted she has not talked to the girls for over a week but I am not sure the really miss her. I will admit there are many things I don't understand about AS. I know I am not alone I have this group and my family hers could care less about me and the kids. I guess I see divorce in my future and am very fearful of that reality. ScooterSent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by AlltelFrom: david bailey Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:53:17 +0000 (GMT) To: <aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com> Subject: RE: [aspires-relationsh ips] what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians.... all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country" the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still ! offensive term to use. so in a room! full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.... ...dont. see the association with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and the inability to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. ! i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Greg,I agree with this, and have had this same experience, but it is not universal. There are plenty of people who accept me as I am, and those relationships are not draining, and I do not feel the same pressure to get things right. Do you see a counselor together? One way of dealing with this is to mention that any conflict takes give and take on both sides, and whereas you want to reach out to her, you want to feel accepted and loved- as any typical person would- and since she always needs to be in control, you do not feel this. You feel very judged. Ask what the two of you can do to resolve this- because it is one thing to correct someone in love (I like that when someone helps me that way), and it is completely different to condemn someone for making an error, point a finger, and get angry- and then act hateful, and not even delineate what was wrong. Typical people do not like being treated that way, either. I belive that any typical person who is objective will see that she is clearly in error, and no amount of her claiming CADD as an excuse is going to help that. AS is not an excuse for bad behavior- but neither is NT married to AS. I am not sure if it will work for you, or even works all the time, but I think I would try it.To: aspires-relationships Sent: Thursday, July 9, 2009 8:19:21 PMSubject: Re: Question Scooter, The non communication from your wife may be caused by anxiety and the fear of failure and not getting it right. I can say this because my situation is characterised by this. The type of dialogue and the form it takes may be consistent between you and this may cause anxiety as there may be an expectation by her that you are trying to force her to confront things which she feels either very threatened by or does not want to cope with due to the anxiety caused. Not your fault, your intentions appear to be good but her perspective is shaped by the anxiety which can become quite overwhelming. Perhaps look at the dialogue and see how it might be changed to give her time to gain some self confidence to be herself. Depression may be another factor which needs to be adderssed before you can make any progress with her. I have tried to communicate this to my (NT) wife but she does not seem to understand this perspective. Changing the dialogue she feels is me being manipulating and controlling. Greg dx AS at 53 From: smfiskyahoo (DOT) com To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com Date: 07/07/2009 01:30 PM Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] Question Sent by: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com I started reading a book entitled the curious incident of the dog in the night time. It is a novel that is written from the autistic mind set. In spite of being an NT and having an overly depressed AS wife and her parents being unaccepting of the 'truth'. How do I respond to three days almost four days of no communication. She is coming to see the kids and myself tomorrow, yet she has not communicated with me for the last 4 days. Granted she has not talked to the girls for over a week but I am not sure the really miss her. I will admit there are many things I don't understand about AS. I know I am not alone I have this group and my family hers could care less about me and the kids. I guess I see divorce in my future and am very fearful of that reality. Scooter Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel From: david bailey Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 23:53:17 +0000 (GMT) To: <aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com> Subject: RE: [aspires-relationsh ips] what's a wog? wog is in common australian parlance as a bug, a flu , a sickness , a wog. it is also a derogatory term to describe someone of southern european ethnicity. italians, greeks, croats, cyprians.... all wogs. There was a show in the 80's in ausralia called " kingswood country" the lead character a middle aged man called ted bullpit didnt like his dago-wog son in law who was italian or something similar. it is a non derrogatory but still ! offensive term to use. so in a room! full of greeks one would refer to them as greeks but amongst non greek australinas they would be reffered to as wogs. this was off course in qld in the 80's where i learned what a wog was. things may have changed. we used ot have adds on tv heralding the arrival of the pakistan cricket team....c'mon you paki's it was not offensive or racist...just australian. like most things aussie, takes a bit of getting used to. here in the uk the use of the word paki is considered very derigatory and inflammatory. for those of you who may be offended.... ...dont. see the association with the word wog....and the links it makes in my mind and the inability to modulated perceived racist comments when i hear the word. it started something that must be completed, it is the curse and burden and blessing of AS. ! i could delete, amend and attenuate to lessen the impact....then you wouldnt see how i think... gottit? 37 m diagnosed AS gotta get it out...all or none. 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Guest guest Posted September 4, 2009 Report Share Posted September 4, 2009 I can't function on my own. I tried, but I have no drive to do anything. I ate out of the vending machines at work for three straight days. When I went to my apartment I would lay on my bed watching the mind numbing talk shows and probably wouldn't have showered if my job didn't depend on keeping up my appearance.If I didn't have my family around, I would slip right back into that mode. It happened recently when they went on vacation and I stayed home to work.I don't mind discussing it, so if you need or want more, let me know.Sent: Thursday, September 03, 2009 11:19 PMTo: aspires-relationships <aspires-relationships >Subject: question Greetings, First, i want to thank those of you who strongly reminded me of the errors of my last post. Second, I have no clue how to ask what I want to ask, but here it goes. Does anyone know anyone with AS who really cannot function on their own? Scooter Messages in this topic (69) Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic Messages | Files | Photos | Links | Database | Polls | Members | Calendar "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony. Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial. We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.[The entire original message is not included] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2009 Report Share Posted September 4, 2009 HI and ,There is a whole range of this! I am AS and would not have any trouble at all. I have AS friends who definitely would. One of my friends is great at housecleaning and hygiene, but has a terrible sense of time, and often forgets to do other important things in her life- even though they are not 'essential"- she lives on her own, but really has to work at this. One of her greatest challenges in holding the job she has is in being on time to work. All AS are different- and it really depends on where they are on this "spectrum" of being able to be independent. I do know that a life coach can help AS who are post-high-school get the patterns and routines they need to make this feasible: since my sense of time is excellent, the main thing I needed in college was to sit down and write out a detailed schedule of my classes and other activities, and acknowledge that I needed to not play as much bridge, for example. It is harder for those with weak sense of time, or weak executive function. I understand that depression really wreaks havoc with anyone's ability to function well independently (I do not have it but have many friends who do). This is true whether the person who is depressed is NS or AS.Any sort of timer can really help: computer calendars set to beep 15 minutes before an event (before it is time to start cooking dinner, or 15 minutes before it is time to start getting ready for ___, for example) are really helpful for some people.The person has to be willing, however. Otherwise,it is even harder- I have seen people who haven't got the ability to do it on their own, and are unwilling to have anyone help, or to make use of any intervention- and the combination is really terrible.To: aspires-relationships Sent: Friday, September 4, 2009 12:43:29 PMSubject: RE: question I can't function on my own. I tried, but I have no drive to do anything. I ate out of the vending machines at work for three straight days. When I went to my apartment I would lay on my bed watching the mind numbing talk shows and probably wouldn't have showered if my job didn't depend on keeping up my appearance.If I didn't have my family around, I would slip right back into that mode. It happened recently when they went on vacation and I stayed home to work.I don't mind discussing it, so if you need or want more, let me know.From: Fisk <smfiskyahoo (DOT) com>Sent: Thursday, September 03, 2009 11:19 PMTo: aspires-relationshi ps <aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com>Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] question Greetings, First, i want to thank those of you who strongly reminded me of the errors of my last post. Second, I have no clue how to ask what I want to ask, but here it goes. Does anyone know anyone with AS who really cannot function on their own? Scooter Messages in this topic (69) Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic Messages | Files | Photos | Links | Database | Polls | Members | Calendar "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony. Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial. We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.[The entire original message is not included] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2009 Report Share Posted September 4, 2009 See here is my situation, I am convinced that my wife could make it but would need a pca or a life coach. She seems to be content doing almost nothing at all and needs to be reminded to do the daily hygiene thingsSent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by AlltelFrom: Princess Date: Fri, 4 Sep 2009 11:45:10 -0700 (PDT)To: <aspires-relationships >Subject: Re: question HI and ,There is a whole range of this! I am AS and would not have any trouble at all. I have AS friends who definitely would. One of my friends is great at housecleaning and hygiene, but has a terrible sense of time, and often forgets to do other important things in her life- even though they are not 'essential"- she lives on her own, but really has to work at this. One of her greatest challenges in holding the job she has is in being on time to work. All AS are different- and it really depends on where they are on this "spectrum" of being able to be independent. I do know that a life coach can help AS who are post-high-school get the patterns and routines they need to make this feasible: since my sense of time is excellent, the main thing I needed in college was to sit down and write out a detailed schedule of my classes and other activities, and acknowledge that I needed to not play as much bridge, for example. It is harder for those with weak sense of time, or weak executive function. I understand that depression really wreaks havoc with anyone's ability to function well independently (I do not have it but have many friends who do). This is true whether the person who is depressed is NS or AS.Any sort of timer can really help: computer calendars set to beep 15 minutes before an event (before it is time to start cooking dinner, or 15 minutes before it is time to start getting ready for ___, for example) are really helpful for some people.The person has to be willing, however. Otherwise,it is even harder- I have seen people who haven't got the ability to do it on their own, and are unwilling to have anyone help, or to make use of any intervention- and the combination is really terrible.From: phildev74 <phildev74>To: aspires-relationships Sent: Friday, September 4, 2009 12:43:29 PMSubject: RE: question I can't function on my own. I tried, but I have no drive to do anything. I ate out of the vending machines at work for three straight days. When I went to my apartment I would lay on my bed watching the mind numbing talk shows and probably wouldn't have showered if my job didn't depend on keeping up my appearance.If I didn't have my family around, I would slip right back into that mode. It happened recently when they went on vacation and I stayed home to work.I don't mind discussing it, so if you need or want more, let me know.From: Fisk <smfiskyahoo (DOT) com>Sent: Thursday, September 03, 2009 11:19 PMTo: aspires-relationshi ps <aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com>Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] question Greetings, First, i want to thank those of you who strongly reminded me of the errors of my last post. Second, I have no clue how to ask what I want to ask, but here it goes. Does anyone know anyone with AS who really cannot function on their own? Scooter Messages in this topic (69) Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic Messages | Files | Photos | Links | Database | Polls | Members | Calendar "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony. Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial. We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.[The entire original message is not included] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 5, 2009 Report Share Posted September 5, 2009 Hi , can U explain what U mean by your wife needing " to be reminded to do the daily hygiene things " ... does she bathe? brush her teeth? comb her hair? put on clean clothes? if not, when did she stop doing these things? She wasn't like that when U married her, was she??? - Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 5, 2009 Report Share Posted September 5, 2009 She does some of those things from time to time but not on a regular basis. I think I noticed shortly after we married the inconsistencies in self care.Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by AlltelFrom: "hfoisyca" Date: Sat, 05 Sep 2009 00:56:52 -0000To: <aspires-relationships >Subject: Re: question Hi , can U explain what U mean by your wife needing " to be reminded to do the daily hygiene things " ... does she bathe? brush her teeth? comb her hair? put on clean clothes? if not, when did she stop doing these things? She wasn't like that when U married her, was she??? - Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 5, 2009 Report Share Posted September 5, 2009 Hi , Okay, now I see. This seems to be a more common problem with *some* AS men, at least some of our past (and present) NT spouses have reported that grooming and hygiene are a problem for some, especially *after* they are married. The AS person may have mustered all the strength they could manage to keep up with grooming during courtship. To them, it would seem like the equivalent of one of us undertaking a 5 km run every day. But once married, the carrot is no longer before the horse, and they began relax and get out of the habit. In order to maintain that type of regimen they must make it part of a daily routine . Grooming and hygiene also a problem for my late brother (never married) who my siblings and I recognize to have been AS (though no such dx existed during his lifetime.) We observed that he had very lax joints, especially in arms and hands, didn't seem to have much strength in his fingers. He had very low energy, low muscle tone, often very tired ... also had a lot of allergies and prone to infections. He didn't seem to be able to scrub his face or his hair properly. He had psoriasis and terrible acne. One doctor said " he put himself together like an unmade bed. " Another said, " he drags his body behind him. " We (his sisters) would try to help him with washing his hair and scrubbing his face, and shaving (even when he was an adult) His teeth were thick with calculus and he had to be dragged to the dentist to clean them. We observed that he found water to be very painful on his skin and he did seem to have a lot of sensitivities to soaps and scents. So in addition to lacking the energy and strength to groom, it was also a painful experience. He was a very sweet person, he did what he could in life, we know that. We had believed at one time he was just lazy but came to understand this wasn't the case. He needed lifelong help with that. He died a slow suicide of self neglect, due to lack of self care. No two AS are a like and obviously many of us don't have this problem, but for those who do, I honestly believe that as you suggest, they will need ongoing help with this and probably 3rd party help is best as they may resent a family member keeping after them on this personal matter. - Helen > > She does some of those things from time to time but not on a regular basis. I think I noticed shortly after we married the inconsistencies in self care. > Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel > > Re: question > > > Hi , can U explain what U mean by your wife needing " to be reminded to do the daily hygiene things " ... does she bathe? brush her teeth? comb her hair? put on clean clothes? if not, when did she stop doing these things? She wasn't like that when U married her, was she??? > - Helen > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 5, 2009 Report Share Posted September 5, 2009 as for self I to not be of completely independent but would say more so I to be of semi or partially independent. the reason for me of being of this isof because of marriage I to not be of able to work so the stress of employment is of ot part of my daily life.... they husband of me is of the worker in the family, he is of a very deicated hard worker. do because he does that hard part of supporting the financial parts of my life and world it allows me to have of energy to focus on other aspects of my life as best as can independently. I to struggle keeping up and doing other life things but can do them with supports, or prompts and things of that. Such as cooking, often cant open containers, jars, cans and things of that so can ask of the kids or another in my home to do that and if no one is of here then I to be of able to know can walk or drive to a fast food place for a meal. I can be of to do laundrry but often need of a prompt of one telling me they need of clean clothes that is of what prompts me to do the laundry. but while can function in some of my daily living skills I to not have really a true back and forth real time social life or outside of my room sort of life. I to tend to be of a strong self induced recluse LOL. I to isolate and avoid most social things unless a cue or prompt is of set for a social things I to enjoy which is of an ocassional movie, going to a half price book store, things of that with one of my kids, it is of rare for me to do it by self or to self motivate of self to spontaneously do even an enjoyed outing to the world outside of my office/sensory room at home. I can be of self motivate to do walks around my neighborhood because it is of a fast strong input to work off build up of stressors in my life. I to walk when able to around 1-3 miles a day. I to be of mostly able to self motivate for daily hygeine but can forget things in that process, like to remember to wash face or to brush of teeth or in that process a back fire happens. which is of been lately with me for my teeth brushing, I to be of know of the steps but lately a step has backfired and causes of me to do get something smessed up such as after brush of teen I to know to get water and rinse and then spit but lately I to get of the water and instead of to spit to teh sink I to spit the towel and only after I to did of the error realized I to got something wrong in the process and get of frustrated. It is like a once functional routine script is of altered for some reason within me and then reprocesses the wrong step as a new right one even though it is of still wrong and cant seem to break that wrong action to go back to the right one . that is of to cause me great frustrations. sondra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 5, 2009 Report Share Posted September 5, 2009 > Helen, there's a lot in your description reminiscent of Ehlers-Danlos > syndrome. Or Marfan syndrome; or a half-dozen mimics of either. > > Was your brother ever evaluated for either one? It would be very > important to know, for everyone in your family. Hi Bill, Don't get me started. My two sisters and I tried to get him some kind of a dx, tried to get him help, but he tumbled through every crack in the system. In our socialized health care system (think twice American cousins before you rush to adopt our system) they don't exactly turn over every stone to try to find answers. I don't know what kind of testing or interventions were tried when my brother was a child. His development was significantly delayed. Today, it would be textbook - a doctor could practically diagnose on sight. In the past, I tended to blame our parents for not being more vigilant. I tended to think they were in denial about the fact that he wasn't developing normally and that he needed help. Even as a five year old, a very AS five year old myself, it was apparent that he wasn't doing the same things my friends infant brothers could do. But if my parents were in denial, they were aided and abetted by professionals who really didn't want to look for answers either. It was easier to blame my parents - and blame my brother for not trying hard enough. His problems were thought to be psychological in nature, and thought to be a result of our parent's marriage breakdown. Even there, in retrospect, hard to say what came first, our brother's severe challenges, or the marriage problems. At the end of his life, doctors seemed to understand more, and came close to defining his real challenges, but no one had a name for it yet. I believe that first and foremost he was HFA or AS. I remember him toe walking (up on the balls of his feet) his whole life, which those with autism and sensory issues do. Some with AS do have low muscle tone and/or connective tissue disorders which could be indicative of a co-morbid condition. Maybe in the future we'll all know. I looked up Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome some year ago. I realize there can be serious implications. A friend's daughter was dx'd with it. Curiously, she does have sensory issues and she doesn't make eye contact when she talks but in other ways she seems more NT. But even more curiously her brother has many autistic symptoms (though un-dx'd) and is home schooled, and they also have a cousin who is autistic. It would be hard to track my own family history. Medical conditions are not something that is talked a lot about on either side of my family so it's not easy to know how many are affected mildly or more moderately. I am the klutz in my family family and can not run (and never could) as my ankles have a habit of collapsing right out from under me, and I have broken them frequently. I remember lots of painful falls on the pavement as a kid....and that orange stinging medicine they put on my scabs called " Mercurochrome. " YIPES!!! ... for the younger set, " Google " that, LOL. - Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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