Re: Flashbacks sort of.

[Guest guest]

Robyn,

It occured to me that even taking the time to write about your awful therapist and the damage she has inflicted may be a means of giving it power -- perhaps? I do that sometimes, too -- describe the crap I am going through and have gone through -- and then I later think that I was just giving center stage to the crazy mind chatter instead of just noticing it, letting it go, and calmly moving toward my values. Instead, I seem to get stuck in the quicksand of that "seems-so-real" chatter.

I think maybe this is what Bill meant when he suggested that my posts were part of my quicksand. I'm sure the feisty psychic will correct me if I'm wrong : )

Some (or all) of the things you mention have a common denominator:

- fear of looking crazy,

- scary mental flashbacks,

- still having so many issues around your past therapist,

- being scared that you won't get better or can't get back to who you were,

- being afraid that people will misunderstand your anxiety again,

- BAT/SAT thinking (Before Awful Therapist / Since Awful Therapist)

They are all just so much mind chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter.

They are not TRUE.

I am not skilled enough to give advice, except to suggest refreshing yourself on parts of the book(s) again.

Hope you find this helpful and not too blunt!

Cheers,

Helena

-----To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:31:01 PM GMT -05:00 US/Canada EasternSubject: Flashbacks sort of.

Hi, Been reading some great stuff on here lately and I really really like that analogy of the Wizard of Oz. I think it will help me some. My situation is a little different sometimes and I will give a small synopsis of what I am going through right now. Basically, I had anxiety and agoraphobia issues but I had a great doctor that through CBT got me to where I could do almost anything. He stopped practicing after 11 years. So, after this, I had a trauma that happened with my ex. And I went to a new therapist with him and she started focusing on me and told me that my anxiety disorder was not anxiety at all and that I had some really horrible thing wrong with me and I spent 6 years following her and got worse and worse until I realized she was the problem. Well, even though I realize she planted memories and she was messed up she caused alot of anxiety and 6 years of believing I was very messed up. My new therapist has assured me that her assessments were wrong. That everything she did including talking the hospital into admitting me even when they didn't want to, was incorrect and all I had was anxiety. I still have so many issues surrounding her. I can not get back to who I was. Everytime I go in the dark or go too far from home, I sort of have this flashback thing to being with this therapist and living the way I did for so long. I am better but I am scared that I won't get better. So, I was wondering how diffusion can work with this. I am afraid of looking crazy and having people misunderstand my anxiety again. I feel like they are flashbacks sort of. I see myself going crazy or being in that hospital. I was not suicidal I was just scared and my anxiety was constant because she made me believe there was something really wrong with me. For 20 years I believed it was just anxiety and I learned to get through that. I was very good with it. I still had it but lived my life with it and had a job, raised two great kids, and was productive. I have a much harder time now. And I really want to get better. I want to go to the mountains and she planted memories of the mountains. The hospital thing was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I didn't belong there and just talking about this with everyone here scares me but I want to get on with my values so badly. Thanks so much, Robyn

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena,

I just love it when you write my thoughts back at me.  It really helps

me see what I am thinking.  I am very afraid.  I admit it.  I have to

work through this somehow.  What she did scared me and even though my

therapist and others have told me she was wrong (my therapist even

hinted she might be a sociopath like my mother was)  my mind is not

getting it and I can't seem to make room for it.  My mind wants to fix

it and not have to live with it.  My mind does not seem to believe that

I can live with it and move on.  I feel like I need to fix it.  Yes, 

this is the quicksand I am in right now.  I just keep staying in the

'explaining myself and running from it' loop.  And not sure how to get

out of it.  I am better than I was last year at this time with it but

it is rearing it's ugly head again.  Probably because I am working at

dealing with it. 

Helena,  thanks for writing those thoughts back at me.  That is so

helpful to see where my head is at.  I don't know why I can't see it

myself sometimes. But it did occur to me that is why we have friends. 

My best friends and lovers, for that matter,  have always been able to

be completely honest and tell me what they see in me.  My mirror.  But

then always accept what I decide for myself. And I do the same for

them.   Those friends are few and far between.   

Robyn

Helena wrote:

Robyn,

 

It occured to me that even taking the time to write about your

awful therapist and the damage she has inflicted may be a

means of giving it power -- perhaps?  I do that sometimes, too --

describe the crap I am going through and have gone through -- and then

I later think that I was just giving center stage to the crazy mind

chatter instead of just noticing it, letting it go, and calmly moving

toward my values.  Instead, I seem to get stuck in the quicksand of

that "seems-so-real" chatter. 

 

I think maybe this is what Bill meant when he suggested that my

posts were part of my quicksand.  I'm sure the feisty psychic will

correct me if I'm wrong : ) 

 

Some (or all) of the things you mention have a common denominator:

 

- fear of looking

crazy,                                             

- scary mental flashbacks,

- still having so many issues around your past therapist,

- being scared that you won't get better or can't get back to who

you were,

- being afraid that people will misunderstand your anxiety again,

- BAT/SAT thinking (Before Awful Therapist / Since Awful Therapist)

 

They are all just so much mind chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter,

chatter, chatter, chatter.

 

They are not TRUE.

 

I am not skilled enough to give advice, except to

suggest refreshing yourself on parts of the book(s) again.

 

Hope you find this helpful and not too blunt!

 

Cheers,

 

Helena

 

-----

From: "Robyn" <robynabccomcast (DOT) net>

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >

Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:31:01 PM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern

Subject: Flashbacks sort of.

Hi,

Been reading some great stuff on here lately and I really really like

that analogy of the Wizard of Oz.  I think it will help me some.  My

situation is a little different sometimes and I will give a small

synopsis of what I am going through right now.  Basically,  I had

anxiety and agoraphobia issues but I had a great doctor that through

CBT got me to where I could do almost anything.  He stopped practicing

after 11 years.  So,  after this,  I had a trauma that happened with my

ex.  And I went to a new therapist with him and she started focusing on

me and told me that my anxiety disorder was not anxiety at all and that

I had some really horrible thing wrong with me and I spent 6 years

following her and got worse and worse until I realized she was the

problem.  Well,  even though I realize she planted memories and she was

messed up she caused alot of anxiety and 6 years of believing I was

very messed up.  My new therapist has assured me that her assessments

were wrong.  That everything she did including talking the hospital

into admitting me even when they didn't want to,  was incorrect and all

I had was anxiety.  I still have so many issues surrounding her.  I can

not get back to who I was.  Everytime I go in the dark or go too far

from home,  I sort of have this flashback thing to being with this

therapist and living the way I did for so long.  I am better but I am

scared that I won't get better.  So,  I was wondering how diffusion can

work with this.  I am afraid of looking crazy and having people

misunderstand my anxiety again.  I feel like they are flashbacks sort

of. I see myself going crazy or being in that hospital.  I was not

suicidal I was just scared and my anxiety was constant because she made

me believe there was something really wrong with me.   For 20 years I

believed it was just anxiety and I learned to get through that. I was

very good with it.  I still had it but lived my life with it and had a

job, raised two great kids,  and was productive.   I have a much harder

time now.  And I really want to get better.  I want to go to the

mountains and she planted memories of the mountains.  The hospital

thing was the worst thing I have ever gone through.  I didn't belong

there and just talking about this with everyone here scares me but I

want to get on with my values so badly. 

Thanks so much,

Robyn

[Guest guest]



Robyn, thanks for the feedback -- it is so much easier to spot other people's mind chatter than our own!

How does your current ACT therapist suggest you deal with your "awful therapist experience" that seems so important in your mind? I am curious because I think I could really benefit from having an ACT therapist.

Take care,

Helena

Flashbacks sort of.

Hi, Been reading some great stuff on here lately and I really really like that analogy of the Wizard of Oz. I think it will help me some. My situation is a little different sometimes and I will give a small synopsis of what I am going through right now. Basically, I had anxiety and agoraphobia issues but I had a great doctor that through CBT got me to where I could do almost anything. He stopped practicing after 11 years. So, after this, I had a trauma that happened with my ex. And I went to a new therapist with him and she started focusing on me and told me that my anxiety disorder was not anxiety at all and that I had some really horrible thing wrong with me and I spent 6 years following her and got worse and worse until I realized she was the problem. Well, even though I realize she planted memories and she was messed up she caused alot of anxiety and 6 years of believing I was very messed up. My new therapist has assured me that her assessments were wrong. That everything she did including talking the hospital into admitting me even when they didn't want to, was incorrect and all I had was anxiety. I still have so many issues surrounding her. I can not get back to who I was. Everytime I go in the dark or go too far from home, I sort of have this flashback thing to being with this therapist and living the way I did for so long. I am better but I am scared that I won't get better. So, I was wondering how diffusion can work with this. I am afraid of looking crazy and having people misunderstand my anxiety again. I feel like they are flashbacks sort of. I see myself going crazy or being in that hospital. I was not suicidal I was just scared and my anxiety was constant because she made me believe there was something really wrong with me. For 20 years I believed it was just anxiety and I learned to get through that. I was very good with it. I still had it but lived my life with it and had a job, raised two great kids, and was productive. I have a much harder time now. And I really want to get better. I want to go to the mountains and she planted memories of the mountains. The hospital thing was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I didn't belong there and just talking about this with everyone here scares me but I want to get on with my values so badly. Thanks so much, Robyn

[Guest guest]

Hi Robyn

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and issues w us. Since I've started doing some posting myself , I found it very "therapuetic", it seems posting something here allows me to express my feelings and thoughts and at least have an opportunity to release them rather than to keep them bottled up in my mind. Thanks again.

I've been dealing w my own anxiety for years. For me I am trying to focus on some positive/powerful affirmations which i find useful. When I get into uncomfortable anxiety situations, i try to repeat these affirmations in my mind:

- I am what i am, if you don't like it then go f & *^% off.

- I WILL love myself and accept myself just the way i am, because if not me than who?

- I will forgive myself for not being perfect, afterall, we are all imperfect mortals living in an imperfect world.

- I may not be a "10" but neither am i a "1", and it's OK to be a "5".

and finally... some people will like you and accept you just the way you are, and some people will not (even your own family members) .... and that is OK.

Cheers!

Tom

Robyn,

It occured to me that even taking the time to write about your awful therapist and the damage she has inflicted may be a means of giving it power -- perhaps? I do that sometimes, too -- describe the crap I am going through and have gone through -- and then I later think that I was just giving center stage to the crazy mind chatter instead of just noticing it, letting it go, and calmly moving toward my values. Instead, I seem to get stuck in the quicksand of that "seems-so-real" chatter.

I think maybe this is what Bill meant when he suggested that my posts were part of my quicksand. I'm sure the feisty psychic will correct me if I'm wrong : )

Some (or all) of the things you mention have a common denominator:

- fear of looking crazy,

- scary mental flashbacks,

- still having so many issues around your past therapist,

- being scared that you won't get better or can't get back to who you were,

- being afraid that people will misunderstand your anxiety again,

- BAT/SAT thinking (Before Awful Therapist / Since Awful Therapist)

They are all just so much mind chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter.

They are not TRUE.

I am not skilled enough to give advice, except to suggest refreshing yourself on parts of the book(s) again.

Hope you find this helpful and not too blunt!

Cheers,

Helena

-----From: "Robyn" <robynabccomcast (DOT) net>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_ Public@yahoogrou ps.com>Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:31:01 PM GMT -05:00 US/Canada EasternSubject: [ACT_for_the_ Public] Flashbacks sort of.

Hi, Been reading some great stuff on here lately and I really really like that analogy of the Wizard of Oz. I think it will help me some. My situation is a little different sometimes and I will give a small synopsis of what I am going through right now. Basically, I had anxiety and agoraphobia issues but I had a great doctor that through CBT got me to where I could do almost anything. He stopped practicing after 11 years. So, after this, I had a trauma that happened with my ex. And I went to a new therapist with him and she started focusing on me and told me that my anxiety disorder was not anxiety at all and that I had some really horrible thing wrong with me and I spent 6 years following her and got worse and worse until I realized she was the problem. Well, even though I realize she planted memories and she was messed up she caused alot of anxiety and 6 years of believing I

was very messed up. My new therapist has assured me that her assessments were wrong. That everything she did including talking the hospital into admitting me even when they didn't want to, was incorrect and all I had was anxiety. I still have so many issues surrounding her. I can not get back to who I was. Everytime I go in the dark or go too far from home, I sort of have this flashback thing to being with this therapist and living the way I did for so long. I am better but I am scared that I won't get better. So, I was wondering how diffusion can work with this. I am afraid of looking crazy and having people misunderstand my anxiety again. I feel like they are flashbacks sort of. I see myself going crazy or being in that hospital. I was not suicidal I was just scared and my anxiety was constant because she made me believe there was something really wrong with me. For

20 years I believed it was just anxiety and I learned to get through that. I was very good with it. I still had it but lived my life with it and had a job, raised two great kids, and was productive. I have a much harder time now. And I really want to get better. I want to go to the mountains and she planted memories of the mountains. The hospital thing was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I didn't belong there and just talking about this with everyone here scares me but I want to get on with my values so badly. Thanks so much, Robyn

[Guest guest]

Hi Robyn,

For me, when I get caught up with " life content " like that (which is often. ACT

is simple, but not easy!), I find it's helpful to just notice my resistance to

applying ACT principles. I'll say to myself something like, " I'm having the

thought that ACT is not working for me " or, " I'm having the thought that I need

to fix this problem rather than defuse from the thought about this problem " ,

etc. I try to just notice my resistance, and if I can't do that...I try to

notice my resistance to noticing my resistance...it sounds silly but you get my

point. You're already aware...if you weren't you wouldn't be here! Being aware

that you are aware of the content and not " in " the content...there's the safe

space...

All the best,

Joe

[Guest guest]

HI Helena,

The best thing about my ACT therapist is he understands anxiety

issues.  I have this problem sometimes when my head will just go off

with a million thoughts when I am stressed about something so he has

tried to get my head to calm down and one day he said this-  He was

telling me that on Sunday mornings he feels crabby. His family cannot

deal with him and he doesn't know why he gets like that so what he does

is he just realizes he can't trust his  mind he does not know why and

does not try to figure that out.    It helped me so much because I just

knew I was in a 'mood'  and I just could not trust what I was thinking

and I ignored my thoughts and realized I just could not trust my mind

when I get like that. .  This is the kind of thing he brings to me.  He

understands the 'mind"  thing and I  am working under that

understanding so it all falls into place together.   I am very happy

with my new therapist.  It took me a couple months to really be able to

talk to him because I was afraid of therapists for a while. 

Robyn

Helena wrote:



Robyn, thanks for the feedback -- it is so much easier to spot other people's

mind chatter than our own!

 

How does your current ACT therapist

suggest you deal with your "awful therapist experience" that seems

so important in your mind?  I am curious because I think I could really

benefit from having an ACT therapist.

 

Take care,

Helena

 

-----

Original Message -----

From:

Robyn

To:

ACT_for_the_Public

Sent:

Thursday, June 18, 2009 1:16 PM

Subject:

Re: Flashbacks sort of.

Hi Helena,

I just love it when you write my thoughts back at me.  It really helps

me see what I am thinking.  I am very afraid.  I admit it.  I have to

work through this somehow.  What she did scared me and even though my

therapist and others have told me she was wrong (my therapist even

hinted she might be a sociopath like my mother was)  my mind is not

getting it and I can't seem to make room for it.  My mind wants to fix

it and not have to live with it.  My mind does not seem to believe that

I can live with it and move on.  I feel like I need to fix it.  Yes, 

this is the quicksand I am in right now.  I just keep staying in the

'explaining myself and running from it' loop.  And not sure how to get

out of it.  I am better than I was last year at this time with it but

it is rearing it's ugly head again.  Probably because I am working at

dealing with it. 

Helena,  thanks for writing those thoughts back at me.  That is so

helpful to see where my head is at.  I don't know why I can't see it

myself sometimes. But it did occur to me that is why we have friends. 

My best friends and lovers, for that matter,  have always been able to

be completely honest and tell me what they see in me.  My mirror.  But

then always accept what I decide for myself. And I do the same for

them.   Those friends are few and far between.   

Robyn

Helena wrote:

Robyn,

 

It occured to me that even taking the time to write about your

awful therapist and the damage she has inflicted may be a

means of giving it power -- perhaps?  I do that sometimes, too --

describe the crap I am going through and have gone through -- and then

I later think that I was just giving center stage to the crazy mind

chatter instead of just noticing it, letting it go, and calmly moving

toward my values.  Instead, I seem to get stuck in the quicksand of

that "seems-so-real" chatter. 

 

I think maybe this is what Bill meant when he suggested that

my posts were part of my quicksand.  I'm sure the feisty psychic will

correct me if I'm wrong : ) 

 

Some (or all) of the things you mention have a common

denominator:

 

- fear of looking

crazy,                                             

- scary mental flashbacks,

- still having so many issues around your past therapist,

- being scared that you won't get better or can't get back to

who you were,

- being afraid that people will misunderstand your anxiety

again,

- BAT/SAT thinking (Before Awful Therapist / Since Awful

Therapist)

 

They are all just so much mind chatter, chatter, chatter,

chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter.

 

They are not TRUE.

 

I am not skilled enough to give advice, except to

suggest refreshing yourself on parts of the book(s) again.

 

Hope you find this helpful and not too blunt!

 

Cheers,

 

Helena

 

-----

From: "Robyn" <robynabccomcast (DOT) net>

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >

Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:31:01 PM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern

Subject: Flashbacks sort of.

Hi,

Been reading some great stuff on here lately and I really really like

that analogy of the Wizard of Oz.  I think it will help me some.  My

situation is a little different sometimes and I will give a small

synopsis of what I am going through right now.  Basically,  I had

anxiety and agoraphobia issues but I had a great doctor that through

CBT got me to where I could do almost anything.  He stopped practicing

after 11 years.  So,  after this,  I had a trauma that happened with my

ex.  And I went to a new therapist with him and she started focusing on

me and told me that my anxiety disorder was not anxiety at all and that

I had some really horrible thing wrong with me and I spent 6 years

following her and got worse and worse until I realized she was the

problem.  Well,  even though I realize she planted memories and she was

messed up she caused alot of anxiety and 6 years of believing I was

very messed up.  My new therapist has assured me that her assessments

were wrong.  That everything she did including talking the hospital

into admitting me even when they didn't want to,  was incorrect and all

I had was anxiety.  I still have so many issues surrounding her.  I can

not get back to who I was.  Everytime I go in the dark or go too far

from home,  I sort of have this flashback thing to being with this

therapist and living the way I did for so long.  I am better but I am

scared that I won't get better.  So,  I was wondering how diffusion can

work with this.  I am afraid of looking crazy and having people

misunderstand my anxiety again.  I feel like they are flashbacks sort

of. I see myself going crazy or being in that hospital.  I was not

suicidal I was just scared and my anxiety was constant because she made

me believe there was something really wrong with me.   For 20 years I

believed it was just anxiety and I learned to get through that. I was

very good with it.  I still had it but lived my life with it and had a

job, raised two great kids,  and was productive.   I have a much harder

time now.  And I really want to get better.  I want to go to the

mountains and she planted memories of the mountains.  The hospital

thing was the worst thing I have ever gone through.  I didn't belong

there and just talking about this with everyone here scares me but I

want to get on with my values so badly. 

Thanks so much,

Robyn