why can't I distinguish acceptance from likingness?

[Guest guest]

You know.. I sometimes have a problem with acceptance. The main issue

is that when I try to accept, i either feel like I just can't for

physiological reasons, or that I feel like if I accept something then

I'll start to LIKE it, and WANT it.

Does anyone else get this? I know the difference. yet subconsciously

it doesn't feel this way. I know I have to accept things as they are,

ie I can't change them.

Maybe it's the conceptual understanding I have of acceptance which in

my mind is closely tied to " compromise " or " liking " . Like-ing...

accepting - wanting it to STAY the same way?

I just...

Sometimes it's hard to just feel at one with everything. Sometimes it

feels physiologically impossible even, given the so called situation I

am in.

anyway, insight would be appreciated.

kind regards all.

[Guest guest]

Hi

To me, accepting that the thoughts are there is not the same as accepting the contents of the thoughts. Thoughts can tell us things that aren't true, that don't represent reality, that don't even reflect who we really are -- so we don't accept the untruths, we just accept that our minds are like that -- just notice the thoughts and feelings without judgment and move on. It's like the old Beatles' song "let it be, let it be..."

Someone is critical of me, and my mind reacts with the thought that I'm stupid and incompetent. Should I accept the thought that I am stupid and incompetent as reality? No. I just notice that I am having a thought about being stupid and incompetent and let that thought go in one brain cell and out the other: "Hello thought ... goodbye thought!

Perhaps if you substitute the words "notice and let go" for "accept", the concept would be easier to grasp. The word acceptance is loaded with hints of "have to", "must", etc., but in ACT, the concept of acceptance is quite different, IMO. You said "I know I have to accept things as they are," but that's not really true. You don't have to. You can rant and rave and resist like crazy rather than accept. But that wouldn't change anything and would just make you miserable. The alternative is to just notice that things are as they are, and move toward your values. If the ways things are don't mesh with your values, and you can do something about it, you can take action. If you can't do anything about it, you can "let it be."

That's kind of how I view it, for what's it worth. Of course, it takes practice and self awareness (mindfulness) to really get it, and I'm still quite a novice.

Best,

Helena

why can't I distinguish acceptance from likingness?

You know.. I sometimes have a problem with acceptance. The main issueis that when I try to accept, i either feel like I just can't forphysiological reasons, or that I feel like if I accept something thenI'll start to LIKE it, and WANT it.Does anyone else get this? I know the difference. yet subconsciouslyit doesn't feel this way. I know I have to accept things as they are,ie I can't change them.Maybe it's the conceptual understanding I have of acceptance which inmy mind is closely tied to "compromise" or "liking". Like-ing...accepting - wanting it to STAY the same way?I just...Sometimes it's hard to just feel at one with everything. Sometimes itfeels physiologically impossible even, given the so called situation Iam in.anyway, insight would be appreciated.kind regards all.