I don't know how to just 'be' with my feelings.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I am having a bit of a rough day. I knew this was going to happen and this is

why I felt like running from this romantic thing going on with me.

My 'friend' is having a really hard thing that he is going through. I can't

help him on this and he is having such a hard time that his 'being upset' is

making me feel like it is me. I can't just sit with my feelings. I went to the

park to try and think and my feelings were all about how this is never going to

work, I am too messed up to deal with this, he is too old for me. All that

kind of stuff. It makes me want to run. I do not want to run from someone that

I really care about.

I can't seem to just be with my feelings. I somehow want to fix it and if I try

to 'fix' this now, I am going to screw this up. I have messed up so many

relationships. THis is probably why when this happened I was so scared. So, I

am trying to figure out what to do when I start getting like this. I feel a

little better and I am just trying to be able to be with me when I feel like

this.

I don't know if some of you remember this summer when I was going through

something sort of similar with my daughter when she was having a hard time and

she sort of took it out on me. I made it but it took alot of time and I had a

really hard time being with my feelings. Mindfulness doesn't seem to work.

Values doesn't seem to apply. I just have this notion to call over and over to

see if I can help. I did the same thing with my daughter because I couldn't

deal with me. Thanks for listening.

Robyn

Hi,

Thanks so much for this. I think that I knew that having this happen meant I was in for a lot of 'feeling' and a chance that if it didn't work out, I would be heart broken but I had no choice. It just happened and I didn't think this is what would happen to me now. But I have tried to enjoy the moment. I have fallen hard for this person. It is getting better now that some time has passed. I am not as scared.

If this had not happened the way it did I would have let my head stop it. Because this was so strong I just had no choice but to follow it.

I have fallen really hard, but I also know that my motivation has gone way up and I am doing things that I have been avoiding for a long time. This has been good for me. The fastness of it totally took me by surprise.

I really appreciate your comments.

Robyn

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: " ozzyaaron2000 " <ozzyaarongmail>

> Happy Times I reckon

>

> I guess if you've been through ACT you could perhaps apply the values

> and mindfulness type of stuff to this relationship.

>

> By mindfulness I mean be completely mindful of the situation and just

> accept what is happening and enjoy it for what it is, falling in love

>

> By using the values I mean, you already know what you value, what you

> want in a person that you will share a life with, and potentially what

> you don't like in people. You will notice if this person hits any of

> those negative marks and also if they do not value what you value,

> essentially if they don't have what you're looking for.

>

> Which brings me back to mindfulness I guess. Right now, they seem to

> be exactly what you're looking for as you are falling for them, or

> have already. If you are mindful and aware then things that stick out

> and don't align with you as a person will become readily apparent and

> you can then think on it at that point. Is this difference between

> what I want and what this person is okay to accept?

>

> If in the future you decide to break it off, or he decides then it

> will be hard and you know this. However this is where anxiety comes

> from; the future. Accept the now and all the *real* beauty that it

> contains. There is no beauty in the future, it is only imagined.

>

> I hope that things continue to go well for you. If you keep trying to

> stay in the moment then I think you will enjoy it more. All decisions

> are made in the moment so it isn't worth worrying about a decision

> you've made or might make, because you might not. How often have you

> gone back on a decision you thought you'd made, how often have you

> been sad over a decision you couldnt' take back but wanted to?

>

> It's difficult (I know!) but I think you'll find it more enjoyable in

> the here and now.

>

> All the best!

>

>

Happy Times I reckon

I guess if you've been through ACT you could perhaps apply the values

and mindfulness type of stuff to this relationship.

By mindfulness I mean be completely mindful of the situation and just

accept what is happening and enjoy it for what it is, falling in love

By using the values I mean, you already know what you value, what you

want in a person that you will share a life with, and potentially what

you don't like in people. You will notice if this person hits any of

those negative marks and also if they do not value what you value,

essentially if they don't have what you're looking for.

Which brings me back to mindfulness I guess. Right now, they seem to

be exactly what you're looking for as you are falling for them, or

have already. If you are mindful and aware then things that stick out

and don't align with you as a person will become readily apparent and

you can then think on it at that point. Is this difference between

what I want and what this person is okay to accept?

If in the future you decide to break it off, or he decides then it

will be hard and you know this. However this is where anxiety comes

from; the future. Accept the now and all the *real* beauty that it

contains. There is no beauty in the future, it is only imagined.

I hope that things continue to go well for you. If you keep trying to

stay in the moment then I think you will enjoy it more. All decisions

are made in the moment so it isn't worth worrying about a decision

you've made or might make, because you might not. How often have you

gone back on a decision you thought you'd made, how often have you

been sad over a decision you couldnt' take back but wanted to?

It's difficult (I know!) but I think you'll find it more enjoyable in

the here and now.

All the best!

[Guest guest]

So, Robyn...

You're friend is having a rough time.

It has nothing to do with you and you can't help him.

You feel like his being upset is somehow about you.

You can't sit with that.

So you think "this is never going to work."

All kinds of reasons why it won't work float into your head.

You want to run.

You don't want to run from someone you really care about.

You can't just be with your feelings.

You need to fix it.

If you try to fix it, you will screw it up.

You've screwed up other relationships.

A similar thing happened with daughter.

You had to fix it.

You couldn't.

You had a hard time accepting that.

Mindfulness didn't seem to work.

Values didn't seem to reply.

It resolved itself over time,

In spite of notions to call over and over and over.

NOW:

All of the above are mind "fragrances". Now that you've passed them, don't you feel better?

Keep sharing, Robyn. This is helpful to me in my life.

Best,

Helena

I don't know how to just 'be' with my feelings.

Hi, I am having a bit of a rough day. I knew this was going to happen and this is why I felt like running from this romantic thing going on with me. My 'friend' is having a really hard thing that he is going through. I can't help him on this and he is having such a hard time that his 'being upset' is making me feel like it is me. I can't just sit with my feelings. I went to the park to try and think and my feelings were all about how this is never going to work, I am too messed up to deal with this, he is too old for me. All that kind of stuff. It makes me want to run. I do not want to run from someone that I really care about. I can't seem to just be with my feelings. I somehow want to fix it and if I try to 'fix' this now, I am going to screw this up. I have messed up so many relationships. THis is probably why when this happened I was so scared. So, I am trying to figure out what to do when I start getting like this. I feel a little better and I am just trying to be able to be with me when I feel like this. I don't know if some of you remember this summer when I was going through something sort of similar with my daughter when she was having a hard time and she sort of took it out on me. I made it but it took alot of time and I had a really hard time being with my feelings. Mindfulness doesn't seem to work. Values doesn't seem to apply. I just have this notion to call over and over to see if I can help. I did the same thing with my daughter because I couldn't deal with me. Thanks for listening. Robyn

[Guest guest]

Helena,

OMG. I am laughing after reading this. It seems so clear when you just say it

back to me.

Thanks Helena.

--------- I don't know how to just 'be' with my feelings.

Hi, I am having a bit of a rough day. I knew this was going to happen and this is why I felt like running from this romantic thing going on with me. My 'friend' is having a really hard thing that he is going through. I can't help him on this and he is having such a hard time that his 'being upset' is making me feel like it is me. I can't just sit with my feelings. I went to the park to try and think and my feelings were all about how this is never going to work, I am too messed up to deal with this, he is too old for me. All that kind of stuff. It makes me want to run. I do not want to run from someone that I really care about. I can't seem to just be with my feelings. I somehow want to fix it and if I try to 'fix' this now, I am going to screw this up. I have messed up so many relationships. THis is probably why when this happened I was so scared. So, I am trying to figure out what to do when I start getting like this. I feel a little better and I am just trying to be able to be with me when I feel like this. I don't know if some of you remember this summer when I was going through something sort of similar with my daughter when she was having a hard time and she sort of took it out on me. I made it but it took alot of time and I had a really hard time being with my feelings. Mindfulness doesn't seem to work. Values doesn't seem to apply. I just have this notion to call over and over to see if I can help. I did the same thing with my daughter because I couldn't deal with me. Thanks for listening. Robyn

[Guest guest]

Oh, I am honored that I made you laugh! I actually spelled out your "stream of consciousness" so I could understand what you were really saying. It helped me to understand, and I am thrilled if it clarified things for you as well.

Hugs!

Helena

I don't know how to just 'be' with my feelings.> > > Hi, > > I am having a bit of a rough day. I knew this was going to happen and this is > why I felt like running from this romantic thing going on with me. > > My 'friend' is having a really hard thing that he is going through. I can't > help him on this and he is having such a hard time that his 'being upset' is > making me feel like it is me. I can't just sit with my feelings. I went to the > park to try and think and my feelings were all about how this is never going to > work, I am too messed up to deal with this, he is too old for me. All that kind > of stuff. It makes me want to run. I do not want to run from someone that I > really care about. > > I can't seem to just be with my feelings. I somehow want to fix it and if I > try to 'fix' this now, I am going to screw this up. I have messed up so many > relationships. THis is probably why when this happened I was so scared. So, I am > trying to figure out what to do when I start getting like this. I feel a little > better and I am just trying to be able to be with me when I feel like this. > > I don't know if some of you remember this summer when I was going through > something sort of similar with my daughter when she was having a hard time and > she sort of took it out on me. I made it but it took alot of time and I had a > really hard time being with my feelings. Mindfulness doesn't seem to work. > Values doesn't seem to apply. I just have this notion to call over and over to > see if I can help. I did the same thing with my daughter because I couldn't deal > with me. Thanks for listening. > > Robyn > > > >